Maggie4 Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 I think there's a lot of assumptions here about his character. How do you know he hasn't looked? Well, you know him. I just mention it, because I have these funny situations, where people worry for me needlessly. After something works out for me, like I knew it would, I'd hear comments like, "I guess you didn't worry cos you're like a cat, you always land on your feet" or "you're like a duck swimming, you go places but people don't see your legs move." I am local, too. How about Manhattan Beach? Just on the other side of the airport from PDR? I find the commute time is not so much distance, but the area and the route. So why not the two of you check out some neighborhoods together, try a new restaurant for lunch, try out the commute route on a weekday, enjoy it as an outing. And keep your eyes open for rent signs!!!
Versacehottie Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 Love Manhattan Beach. Probably same price as playa though and limited inventory but of course worth a try. Commute would be good and better still OP would find it a more fun place to hang out with him together
katiegrl Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 losangelina, have you checked out craiglist? I just did, and found a ton of affordable apts (under $1,500 per month) ...all over LA. Eastern, western, Redondo, all over. Many were around $1,100-$1,400. Would that work for him?
Author losangelena Posted August 30, 2015 Author Posted August 30, 2015 Hey thanks, everyone. He's already said Manhattan Beach is too far for me, because I live in Silver Lake, so the South Bay is generally out. Besides, inland Redondo is probably more in his budget, but is like *crickets* boring (no offense if anyone live in that part of town). I know he hasn't looked because he's told me he hasn't. I also don't necessarily think it's a mark against his character, it's just something I've observed. I completely, completely understand the urge to push off what we don't want to do. I'm doing it right now in fact with calling my student loan people and renewing a lower payment. I don't like dealing with my student loans, so even something that's beneficial, like getting a lower payment, is something I wait until the last minute to do. So I understand. I've noticed at this point that when he wants to do something, he has no trouble getting it done. He just finished a week-long bike ride from SF to Santa Barbara, that he planned all on his own (which was actually very attractive), so I know he can be proactive. I can't help thinking what this apartment hunt would look like if we were looking at places to live together. You'd bet we'd have already been scoping out places like crazy. What's happening is very typical. I just want to be as helpful and respectful as I can. HA, I supposed I could ask him if there's anything I can do. Novel idea.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 In my opinion, the way to be supportive is to trust him to take care of this on his own. If he waits till the last minute and finds himself in a bind, there will be a lesson in that for him. It's really not something that you need to spend another moment worrying about. 3
No_Go Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 Hey LA, People procrastinate usually when they feel uneasy (yet if they couldn't accomplish the task they can "blame" the short time that they invested, not themselves). So I think you can help your BF by offering to make the process more comfortable for him, e.g. offer help for the packing, express that you'd be excited for the move because he'll live (potentially) closer to you etc. I wouldn't go so far as looking actively for him, unless of course you see an offer that you think shouldn't be missed. Did your BF get his Green card / visa situation sorted? From personal experience, when I was still hanging on my immigration documents, I didn't want to sign a lease... (that's why I'm in my current house - suboptimal, but I was happy to move in with a tenant-at-will, not a lease, agreement). And in worse case scenario, he'd just stay in his current apartment and pay more, or it will be out of his budget? Me and my BF have similar conundrum - as I complained here my roommate is sometimes hard to handle (violating privacy too much), and also now she warned me with a significant rent increase to come soon. I'm not sure I want to to move out though, the alternative is getting to know another stranger-roommate (I also am in the end of my job contract so I'm not willing to risk paying a place on my own). My BF has tried to help me by pointing out places, but for the aforementioned reasons I was almost annoyed at this... Now, his housing situation also went south, so it may make sense to move in together ... but it is probably precarious move and subject for another thread... Guys, I'd like a little advice, please. My BF put in notice at his apartment complex because they're raising his rent at the end of September. He has to be out by the 22nd. Thing is, he's got like three weeks, and he has barely started LOOKING for places. I know he dreads it. He dreads moving, a potentially longer commute, packing, the uncertainty of a new place, etc. He's pessimistic about it, feels like he's not going to find anything he likes that's nearby and in his budget. Rents in this part of town are going sky high because of so-called "Silicon Beach." That's all totally understandable. But what concerns me is that he's not doing anything about it. My fear is that he's going to end up living somewhere that's too expensive or that he doesn't like because he didn't do the work now, no matter how uncomfortable. So my question is, is there anything I can do? SIDE NOTE: don't bother asking about us moving in together. This thread is not headed in that direction. I am pretty firmly against the notion of moving in with a BF unless properly engaged, and that's not on the table here. I don't want to be mothery. I don't want to look for him. I don't want to nag. I did ask in a totally non-judgey way yesterday if he wanted help looking, but didn't really get a clear answer. Is there a way to be encouraging and to actually get him to be proactive without being bossy or overbearing or just doing it myself? I want to respect his process, however last-minute it is, it just concerns me. I can already bet that most of you will say there isn't anything I can do. But I'm just curious. Thanks.
Author losangelena Posted September 4, 2015 Author Posted September 4, 2015 Update: BF had originally been paying $1650, and they were raising the rent to $1900. He counter-offered at $1765, but never got an answer, so that's when he gave his notice. He told me yesterday that they came back and HAVE accepted his counter offer. So, he's staying put (for now). I asked him if he's happy about it, and he said yes and that he thinks it's better than having to find a new place. That took care of that! 6
smackie9 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Update: BF had originally been paying $1650, and they were raising the rent to $1900. He counter-offered at $1765, but never got an answer, so that's when he gave his notice. He told me yesterday that they came back and HAVE accepted his counter offer. So, he's staying put (for now). I asked him if he's happy about it, and he said yes and that he thinks it's better than having to find a new place. That took care of that! Ye must have more faith in him......you worry for not. 1
Versacehottie Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Update: BF had originally been paying $1650, and they were raising the rent to $1900. He counter-offered at $1765, but never got an answer, so that's when he gave his notice. He told me yesterday that they came back and HAVE accepted his counter offer. So, he's staying put (for now). I asked him if he's happy about it, and he said yes and that he thinks it's better than having to find a new place. That took care of that! So he did have that stroke of luck. Good for him (and for you!) 1
Els Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Honestly, if you're not going to live together, I don't really see how you could do or say anything about this without it coming across as intrusive and naggy. Just let him do it at his own pace. If he ends up having to stay at a backpackers due to not having found an apartment earlier, he'll just have to live with it and learn from it. It's certainly your prerogative to choose not to move in with him, and it's good that you're sticking to your guns about it, but that does mean that you don't really have any say in his choice of accommodation and when or how he looks for it. Edit: whoops, just saw your last update. Glad it worked out! 1
smackie9 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 I agree still that since this really didn't involve you because you don't live together, that this is his worry and his alone. I totally get that sometimes us women like to micro manage things, but there are times it's best to just make space, and let them handle it.
Author losangelena Posted September 5, 2015 Author Posted September 5, 2015 I agree still that since this really didn't involve you because you don't live together, that this is his worry and his alone. I totally get that sometimes us women like to micro manage things, but there are times it's best to just make space, and let them handle it. I agree. Which is what I was doing. I come here to worry; I don't do it in front of him. I wrote this thread in order to know how I could be supportive without being a micromanager. But yes, "worry too much" could be my life mantra, lol. 1
ChicagoSparty Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Have him look into a van down by the river. 1
Redhead14 Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Guys, I'd like a little advice, please. My BF put in notice at his apartment complex because they're raising his rent at the end of September. He has to be out by the 22nd. Thing is, he's got like three weeks, and he has barely started LOOKING for places. I know he dreads it. He dreads moving, a potentially longer commute, packing, the uncertainty of a new place, etc. He's pessimistic about it, feels like he's not going to find anything he likes that's nearby and in his budget. Rents in this part of town are going sky high because of so-called "Silicon Beach." That's all totally understandable. But what concerns me is that he's not doing anything about it. My fear is that he's going to end up living somewhere that's too expensive or that he doesn't like because he didn't do the work now, no matter how uncomfortable. So my question is, is there anything I can do? SIDE NOTE: don't bother asking about us moving in together. This thread is not headed in that direction. I am pretty firmly against the notion of moving with a BF unless properly engaged, and that's not on the table here. I don't want to be mothery. I don't want to look for him. I don't want to nag. I did ask in a totally non-judgey way yesterday if he wanted help looking, but didn't really get a clear answer. Is there a way to be encouraging and to actually get him to be proactive without being bossy or overbearing or just doing it myself? I want to respect his process, however last-minute it is, it just concerns me I can already bet that most of you will say there isn't anything I can do. But I'm just curious. Thanks. You offered to help. Thats all you can and should do. He is an adult. He should handle his own living situation. If his procrastination causes his options to be limited, he will have to live with those consequences for a year at least or whatever lease agreement he enters. Some apartment complexes/owners offer month to month. So if he is "forced" to take one thats expensive, he can take it and continue to search. You are not engaged its his problem.
Author losangelena Posted September 5, 2015 Author Posted September 5, 2015 You offered to help. Thats all you can and should do. He is an adult. He should handle his own living situation. If his procrastination causes his options to be limited, he will have to live with those consequences for a year at least or whatever lease agreement he enters. Some apartment complexes/owners offer month to month. So if he is "forced" to take one thats expensive, he can take it and continue to search. You are not engaged its his problem. Red, I take it you didn't read my update. Scroll up a little. 1
Art_Critic Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 I can already bet that most of you will say there isn't anything I can do. But I'm just curious. Thanks. It isn't that there isn't anything you can do but rather there is nothing you should do, my gosh he is a living breathing adult and if he can't figure this out on his own then maybe it should become a red flag.. My advice is to not say a word, you are not his Mother...
Art_Critic Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Red, I take it you didn't read my update. Scroll up a little. They aren't the only one, thanks... looks like it all worked out and he was in control the entire time...
Recommended Posts