mitchapalooza Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Back story. We have had a very passionate and crazy relationship. I'm sure its the same for most of you when I say, when we were on.... it was amazing. But there was always something not quite right. We would both drink together. When he drank with his friends, he would pick a fight with me all the time. One time we drank together and started punching holes in his walls. I thought that was insane but everyone does dumb things when they drink. He text me (i left) at 4am and asked me where I was and he was so sorry that happened. This was about 3 weeks after we became "official" After the relationship began - he notified me his ex cheated on him and he found out his kid was not his after raising her for 2 years. I should have followed my instinct and ran. But I expressed my hesitation in the situation and told him I do not want to get involved if he is not over it. He assured me he was completely over it and said he sent his ex a text informing her of our relationship. Again, should have ran. Why is it her business of our relationship? He was not over it, DUH. He told me they have not been together for a year. I spent the next year dealing with his emotions over it all. At first I thought the problem was me. He would always drink and get mad at me. I knew he wanted a relationship with the daughter. I tried to be supportive. But he did not set boundaries with the ex regarding the child. She would text him and say, ok you can see her. Then cancel It was painful to watch. Then he would get drunk and go off on me about whatever it was bothering him about me at the time. Soon I realized I was an unwelcome distraction and broke it off the day after Christmas when he ditched me to hang out with the daughter. Before you criticize me for the previous statement..... I would never even care if he wanted to hang out with her on Christmas! It would have made him happy and have an awesome day. It was the way he chillingly me an email saying, well my daughter is coming over..... hope you have a good Xmas. Later (after we began talking again), he told me he saw how insensitive he was about that. He told me he was sorry he should have definitely made a day when we could have celebrated our own Xmas another time. I used to watch him cry about the situation and it broke my heart for the dude. Until I saw a text message between him and the cheating ex. It was not a conversation only about the kid like he always stated. He told me he was sorry he tried to give the past a chance but didn't like her and wanted to be with me (this was 3 months after Christmas after we got back together). I realized from then until just last week it will never stop because the dummy was showing me something on his phone and a message from her blasted up "Good night sweetheart". And he said I was bi-polar because I was upset after I saw the text. He said our relationship is toxic anyways so good luck to me. Today, I broke the NC with a "closure" text. REALLY!!! I sent a text stating I accepted the fact that we should not associate anymore. That I understand that the way I carried myself in this situation is not ok(in my eyes because I should have just ran in the beginning) and that I would learn to forgive myself for that. I will also learn to forgive him for using me - not for his sake but for mine. Then I thanked him for the good times we did have. I ended it with the hope that one day he can let his past go and move forward being the good man I know he can be. Was it dumb? YES. Can I take it back? NO. Did he respond? No. I am really hoping he blocked me and will never see it. He will most likely come back with a snide comment like "I'm sorry you feel that way, have a good day". I am sharing this story and answering my own question of going back to NC. Thank you for reading I hope someone has some encouraging positive thoughts for me. And also remind me why I need to just stop hurting over it.
Samuel_22 Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Back story. We have had a very passionate and crazy relationship. I'm sure its the same for most of you when I say, when we were on.... it was amazing. But there was always something not quite right. We would both drink together. When he drank with his friends, he would pick a fight with me all the time. One time we drank together and started punching holes in his walls. I thought that was insane but everyone does dumb things when they drink. He text me (i left) at 4am and asked me where I was and he was so sorry that happened. This was about 3 weeks after we became "official" After the relationship began - he notified me his ex cheated on him and he found out his kid was not his after raising her for 2 years. I should have followed my instinct and ran. But I expressed my hesitation in the situation and told him I do not want to get involved if he is not over it. He assured me he was completely over it and said he sent his ex a text informing her of our relationship. Again, should have ran. Why is it her business of our relationship? He was not over it, DUH. He told me they have not been together for a year. I spent the next year dealing with his emotions over it all. At first I thought the problem was me. He would always drink and get mad at me. I knew he wanted a relationship with the daughter. I tried to be supportive. But he did not set boundaries with the ex regarding the child. She would text him and say, ok you can see her. Then cancel It was painful to watch. Then he would get drunk and go off on me about whatever it was bothering him about me at the time. Soon I realized I was an unwelcome distraction and broke it off the day after Christmas when he ditched me to hang out with the daughter. Before you criticize me for the previous statement..... I would never even care if he wanted to hang out with her on Christmas! It would have made him happy and have an awesome day. It was the way he chillingly me an email saying, well my daughter is coming over..... hope you have a good Xmas. Later (after we began talking again), he told me he saw how insensitive he was about that. He told me he was sorry he should have definitely made a day when we could have celebrated our own Xmas another time. I used to watch him cry about the situation and it broke my heart for the dude. Until I saw a text message between him and the cheating ex. It was not a conversation only about the kid like he always stated. He told me he was sorry he tried to give the past a chance but didn't like her and wanted to be with me (this was 3 months after Christmas after we got back together). I realized from then until just last week it will never stop because the dummy was showing me something on his phone and a message from her blasted up "Good night sweetheart". And he said I was bi-polar because I was upset after I saw the text. He said our relationship is toxic anyways so good luck to me. Today, I broke the NC with a "closure" text. REALLY!!! I sent a text stating I accepted the fact that we should not associate anymore. That I understand that the way I carried myself in this situation is not ok(in my eyes because I should have just ran in the beginning) and that I would learn to forgive myself for that. I will also learn to forgive him for using me - not for his sake but for mine. Then I thanked him for the good times we did have. I ended it with the hope that one day he can let his past go and move forward being the good man I know he can be. Was it dumb? YES. Can I take it back? NO. Did he respond? No. I am really hoping he blocked me and will never see it. He will most likely come back with a snide comment like "I'm sorry you feel that way, have a good day". I am sharing this story and answering my own question of going back to NC. Thank you for reading I hope someone has some encouraging positive thoughts for me. And also remind me why I need to just stop hurting over it. Well, congratulations! I am happy, you are finally out of this relationship (madness), believe me you deserve much better than this, to me this guy was emotionally unstable, don't want to blame him or judge him, we do not know what he has been through, sometimes life changes you, sometimes life can push you to the edge, and there, you do all stupid stuff... about that closure text! I am not against it, my ex dumped me almost 3 weeks ago, I did the same thing! if he ever came crawling back, promise you wouldn't take him back! see there a lot of men who are dying to be with you, and would love to make anything they can to make you really happy... just move on, stay NC, change your cell phone number, block him everywhere you can and start a brand new beginning
Author mitchapalooza Posted August 29, 2015 Author Posted August 29, 2015 Thanks Samuel. I am trying my hardest. The sad part was that I let my self become emotionally unstable by staying in it too long. He thinks I'm crazy too now because instead of calmly talking about the last stupid text I saw. I held it in and text him later when I bothered me. He said "I don't do bi-polar". I kind of laugh at myself about because I'm thinking YES YES I am becoming bi-polar over it. I let this situation turn me to another person. I can't wait to be completely past it so I can be my wonderful self again! What irritates is that he needs to find away to get over his situation or he will put someone else through it too. But that's not my problem anymore. Thank you for your encouraging words. I hope you are right about finding someone eventually in the distant future. You sound like a positive person so I know you will too 1
aloneinaz Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Hun, We've all bought the same ground you have in staying in toxic, dysfunctional R/S's far longer than we should have. There is a silver lining though. We know we've bought that ground already and won't repeat it again!! When my last R/S ended w/a toxic, emotionally unstable woman, it was painful. When I started dating again, I knew I've have zero tolerance for any similar BS from someone new. As I was dating, I met a gal who within a week or two started showing her emotionally unstable BS. I stopped dating her immediately. A few dates w/diff women and I dated another gal a few times and she also had suit cases full of baggage. Again, I stopped dating her to. I kept dating and then met my now 2 year GF who's been nothing but awesome w/great emotional health. My point? I learned to not repeat my mistakes of the past. Now, with you... DON'T contact him again!! There's no value and it will only make you feel weak and your self esteem will suffer from it. If he happens to reply, ignore him. Don't engage with him if he contacts you in the future either. You know he's now a good fit and you need the time away and out of sight, out of mind to get you moving on. 1
Samuel_22 Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Thanks Samuel. I am trying my hardest. The sad part was that I let my self become emotionally unstable by staying in it too long. He thinks I'm crazy too now because instead of calmly talking about the last stupid text I saw. I held it in and text him later when I bothered me. He said "I don't do bi-polar". I kind of laugh at myself about because I'm thinking YES YES I am becoming bi-polar over it. I let this situation turn me to another person. I can't wait to be completely past it so I can be my wonderful self again! What irritates is that he needs to find away to get over his situation or he will put someone else through it too. But that's not my problem anymore. Thank you for your encouraging words. I hope you are right about finding someone eventually in the distant future. You sound like a positive person so I know you will too Not your concern at all! I love it when I see, a girl is this strong! you are a symbol of strength, you may not see it, but this great feeling I am getting from you, from this distance, just shows how strong you are! just listen to aloneinaz, stick to no contact, you will get your wonderful you back in no time, 2 weeks a go my girlfriend, the one I loved dumped me! I thought I would never see my wonderful me, guess what I am SUPER HAPPY right now! hell I can say I am even better than when I was with her! the only thing I did was to listen to these people! aloneinaz taught me another lesson today, I cut the last attachment, which was taking revenge .... I am FREEEEEEE now! wow such a good feeling it is!!!!!
Author mitchapalooza Posted August 30, 2015 Author Posted August 30, 2015 Thank you aloneinaz. You are right!! How long have you been NC? Update for you guys. I have not heard back from him. He must have blocked me. I used to bartend and my old bar had an anniversary party last night. I worked the party for a bit and then hung around with our old friends. I had fun and no one really asked about him. But somewhere inside, I was hoping he would walk in the door. I hate that feeling! It seems I'm the only one out of my girlfriends who is alone. So of course I came home and cried myself to sleep. Positive side, it was the first time I cried since we ended it on Tuesday. There must be some good about that because it felt good to do it. Samuel I'm so very happy for you! I cannot wait to be in your shoes. I hope it is soon because I want to do the crazy begging today. LOL. Sundays were our Netflix and cuddle days. UGH.
Author mitchapalooza Posted August 30, 2015 Author Posted August 30, 2015 HAHA aloneinaz I meant how long ago was your break up. Do you ever talk to the toxic ex?
aloneinaz Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 HAHA aloneinaz I meant how long ago was your break up. Do you ever talk to the toxic ex? We broke up 2.5 years ago. She came back after me about 5-6 months after she ended it. She stopped by my place. I was napping. Then texted me the next night, apologizing for her behavior, blah, blah. Then, she sent me a LLOONNGG email 2 weeks later. She said she screwed up, didn't realize what she had, missed me terribly, wanted another chance. I continued to ignore her. Finally, my GF asked me to reply to the email that I was in a new R/S that I was very happy in and good luck. She still emailed me for another couple of months, off/on. I ignored her. She told me she didn't want me in her life when she dumped me. I gave her what she requested. I'd never date her again. I'm sure she has BPD.
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