patchie Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Dear J, Was any of it real to you, or were you simply using me for sex? I know that unfollowing you and unfriending you out of the blue was rash and immature, I just couldn't find the words to tell you that your silence had hurt me. What's more is that every time I saw a picture you posted of the girl with these beautiful captions describing her, it felt like I was nothing to you and you had moved on so quickly. What I should have done instead was to tell you that I liked you and missed you enough to want to try to make us official, sure maybe, the long distance thing would have blown up in our faces, but I honestly thought that maybe it was worth fighting for the something special we shared. I know that there are guys who will say whatever and do whatever it takes until they get what they want. But for some reason I have a hard time believing you would be that guy. Call me naive, but I honestly thought you weren't an *******. Was you telling me that you "really liked me", listening to me, and crying as I left to board the train all an act? You gave me many reasons to expect that I was worth the fight to be in a real relationship with you, so even though I was the one who was looking for a rebound, I thought, hey, maybe he could be more. Was I wrong? So, please, answer me this - did you ever like me or was it all a lie? And if you did, when did you lose interest and move on? Why did you tell me from the beginning that you were looking for a serious relationship if it was the "right girl", then proceeded to make me feel like I was that girl, only to just forget about me the second I left New York? Finally, why didn't you just tell me that you didn't like me in that way? Instead, you had to wait until I realized you didn't care and told you I didn't want to be in this position anymore. Because for me, all of this was real. Regardless, I am sorry, I don't want my last words to you to be swear words. Best, A
ExpatInItaly Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Don't send it. You did the right thing by posting it here and venting, but don't bother sending it. Letters and emails won't bring closure. That comes from inside you. 5
Gus Grimly Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 No, you shouldn't send it. I sent mine with kind and loving words, encouragement of the future and regret of the past. I received a stoic and hurtful response. None of us who've sent these letters gain the closure we think we'll receive. That can only come from within. You unfollowing and defriending was NOT immature. You're making excuses for your Ex, giving them power over you. Boosting their Ego. Blocking your Ex on social media, phone, e-mail etc is not immature it's to help you heal. Who cares about their feelings? I'm sure your Ex is not losing any sleep over you. No, the best thing you can do is cut your Ex out of your life and move on. Your silence will speak louder than any letter you could write or anything you could say. Your silence will be deafening. It will bother your Ex as time passes. 7
Satu Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Don't send it. Go NC instead. That's what's ultimately better for your healing. 2
ImmortalDracula Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Swear words are allowed – they always should be, and why not invent some new ones. Oh closure email. Hmm, best to end them with an insane incoherent ramble they will never understand – you may have to guzzle a cheap bottle of chardonnay (best make it two eh!) for the full gravitas that will haunt their logics sprockets for the rest of their life. You are apologising for yourself so do not send it. *Smiles
drseuss Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Don't do it , you will look back and feel silly for sending it , the most posative thing about it was writing it , a good way to get some emotion out but leave it at that
Xiomn Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 I sent my ex a letter and it made things worse, just made her really angry and call for a restraining order (she never actually done it though..which is no bloody surprise since one of the lessons I learned from her was actions speak louder than words and she never lived up to what she said most of the time throughout the relationship.) You know what else is stupid? She replied to me saying leave me alone and all this and said "you clearly don't have closure if you keep feeling the need to contact me" then proceeded to say this in the NEXT sentence: "if you knew why I broke up with you then you would feel like an idiot" Stupid or what? If you wanted me to stop contacting you then why didn't you give me closure in the first place instead of saying "if you knew" ? Dumb people I tell ya'. 1
aloneinaz Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Here's what his thoughts will be IF you send that letter after he reads it- * OMG, she's so desperate and pathetic! * Does she not have any pride or self respect? * Good God, I hope she doesn't start to stalk me..! * She needs to get a life, quickly. * He'd then call all his buddies and laugh like crazy while reading your letter to them. Hun, as the others have stated, there's NO value to sending this desperate plea for attention from him. He's moved on. There's no answers he can provide that would make you feel better or change the outcome. Focus on your future. Stay NC. Keep him block on social media. 3
rngrl12 Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Don't send it. Stay NC. When you need to vent come on here. Just focus on yourself and try to push your ex out of your head as much as possible.
thejabberwocky Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 DO NOT send this. Closure is unfortunately not a real thing. It's an excuse to talk to him again and you will not feel any better sending something like this. The fact that you had to write this or that you feel this way at all shows that he is a scumbag and nothing you say will change that. The only thing that will help you is NC and time. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 Print it. Read it again 3 more times. Light it on fire, drop it in the toilet, flush and think nothing more of it ever again. Let that be your closure!!! 2
Qboro90 Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 Oh my freaking goodness, please please please DO NOT EVERRRRR send that email to him!! That would make you look awfullll and nothing good could possibly come from him reading that. Take it from a guys perspective. If I read that from my ex or a girl I just stopped hooking up with/seeing I would lose all respect for her and feel a huge sigh of relief because I dodged a bullet by ending things. That email is basically saying "I thought you were different, but you really were just an asshold like everyone else weren't you?" A guy like him isn't going to care one bit reading that. The way you write it, you're asking him things and then asking for explanations that would force him to answer by calling himself a scumbag and yes you are naive for thinking anyone would do that. "Was I just sex to you?" .... What the heck do you expect someone to reply to that. If he says "yea" then he's a dickhead and you're gonna reply telling him that... And if he says "no" then you're gonna get back into it with "well then why did you say this to me, and why did you act like you cared?" .... Trust me, no guy is ever gonna get into it like that with you. I'm not trying to be mean or rude to you either. I don't know you so this is just the blunt truth because I used to be the kind of guy that this guy you liked is. To be blunt, you come off as desperate, bitter, and insecure, not to mention excessively hung up on what the two of you had. Saying that you should've told him you really wanted more and could've made the distance work is the desperate and holding out for hope part. Writing that when you see his pictures and comments on other girls pics it tears you up inside is just admitting to being stalkerish and creeping on his life post break up. And then to top it all off you end it with "I didn't want my last words to you to be swear words" after you literally just filled an entire email with accusations and guilt tripping him into feeling like he treated you like an *******. Like I said... Do Not Ever send this. 2
BriNyc82 Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 Absolutely. Not. Take it from all of us. Sending my closure email just made it ten times worse. Delete it.
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