LookAtThisPOst Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 ...you're compatible with agnostics or atheists in every way with the exception of the belief system? I seem to be running into a lot of this. Mostly through sci-fi conventions and other geek related activities. There seems to be a good amount of these types that run in these circles and it can be disappointing when you have these great, flowing intellectual conversations with these people, you are just about to ask them out, then you find out they are an atheist. In fact, I knew of a woman that had to kind of refuse away insistent Christian men on OK Cupid that really desired a date with her regardless of what they believed. They just simply were attracted, liked her intellect, and personality. She just said, "Find yourself a nice Christian girl, I'm sure you'll be better off." Anyhow, not sure if there's a REAL question here, but it's just a "Don't you hate it when..." type of question.
Timshel Posted September 3, 2015 Posted September 3, 2015 The word 'hate' is offensive to me. Beyond that, I am not sure if you are calling yourself a Christian or not......it is a Christian's 'duty' and spiritual obligation to be and to set an example. Are you saying that a woman who is not a "Christian" is not worthy of a date or the completion of conversation?
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 The word 'hate' is offensive to me. Beyond that, I am not sure if you are calling yourself a Christian or not......it is a Christian's 'duty' and spiritual obligation to be and to set an example. Are you saying that a woman who is not a "Christian" is not worthy of a date or the completion of conversation? If you want to split hairs, the word "worthy" is offensive to me, so no...it would have nothing to do with being worthy of a date. It's simply a deal breaker to a Christian for obvious reasons.
taiko Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 It is part of taking the walk that you will be tempted. So most of the world will be unavailable because of incompatible faiths or a prior marriage. Someone who doesn't share your core beliefs will also make a cost/benefit assessment is it worth spending time to try to come to a compromise. That the geek nation with its emphasis on the scientific method and proof statements may be a harder row then someone with merely a different theology or worship style preference. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 No I don't hate it because I find it easy to be accepting of belief systems that are different than mine. 3
Keenly Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 It sucks. I'd be willing to try to work it out but in my third party experience, it seems that one side always wants to push a little too hard on the other side. Like if one wants to go to church, and the other doesn't,the church go-er could start resenting their partner for that, especially with what everyone will be feeding her mind when they find out he doesn't go with her. Or you could have the opposite where the religious one keeps to them self but the non religious belittles their views to them in a judgmental way.
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted September 7, 2015 Author Posted September 7, 2015 No I don't hate it because I find it easy to be accepting of belief systems that are different than mine. So you're definition of being "accepting" of different belief systems is to be involved romantically of someone with such different beliefs. It doesn't work like that. I mean, I can be a friend to someone like that, but not date them. I actually knew of an atheist woman that would have Christian men hound her still to date them. She had to tell them no.
BC1980 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I think marrying someone of a different faith could cause issues with children and family. I dated a Jewish guy, and he said there was no way he would marry a non-Jew. He said his family wound never accept it unless I converted. On the other hand, I know several couples who intermarried, and it was no big deal. I think that maybe the couple themselves can work it out, but family issues could cause problems down the road.
clam Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Quit hanging out at sci-fi conventions and other geek related activities. Problem solved.
GemmaUK Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I am an Atheist and I would only date a Christian if I had got to know him very well beforehand.
kylle Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I think the problem starts when one part tries to push another too hard/too often. I know a couple that used to be "the perfect couple" until marriage knocked on the door. The girl was Christian, the guy was an atheist. Basically, she wanted to marry on the Church, he didn't, and she refused point blankly to let the idea of 'religious marriage' out. Needless to say they broke up. Of course stuff like this should be discussed in the very beginning of the relationship, but we all know that there will be that somebody who will say "I'm okay with your religious views, I don't mind not marrying on the Church", but deep inside is hoping that when he/she brings up this issue, the other part will have changed his/her mind and agree.
central Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I found it disappointing when I met a compatible and attractive believer, but in most cases it would have been a mistake to build a relationship. As there are still far more believers than atheists and agnostics, they will have an easier time finding someone compatible who shares their beliefs.
autumnnight Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 I think the problem starts when one part tries to push another too hard/too often. I know a couple that used to be "the perfect couple" until marriage knocked on the door. The girl was Christian, the guy was an atheist. Basically, she wanted to marry on the Church, he didn't, and she refused point blankly to let the idea of 'religious marriage' out. Needless to say they broke up. Of course stuff like this should be discussed in the very beginning of the relationship, but we all know that there will be that somebody who will say "I'm okay with your religious views, I don't mind not marrying on the Church", but deep inside is hoping that when he/she brings up this issue, the other part will have changed his/her mind and agree. Or, we could view this from a different perspective: He knew it was important to her, he doesn't believe it anyway so who is it going to hurt, and HE refused to do something that was important to her.....
BlueIris Posted September 8, 2015 Posted September 8, 2015 (edited) ...you're compatible with agnostics or atheists in every way with the exception of the belief system? I seem to be running into a lot of this. Mostly through sci-fi conventions and other geek related activities. There seems to be a good amount of these types that run in these circles and it can be disappointing when you have these great, flowing intellectual conversations with these people, you are just about to ask them out, then you find out they are an atheist. In fact, I knew of a woman that had to kind of refuse away insistent Christian men on OK Cupid that really desired a date with her regardless of what they believed. They just simply were attracted, liked her intellect, and personality. She just said, "Find yourself a nice Christian girl, I'm sure you'll be better off." Anyhow, not sure if there's a REAL question here, but it's just a "Don't you hate it when..." type of question. No, I don't hate it. There are many points of compatibility or lack of compatibility to figure out while dating so I wait to find out over time. So you're definition of being "accepting" of different belief systems is to be involved romantically of someone with such different beliefs. It doesn't work like that. I mean, I can be a friend to someone like that, but not date them. I actually knew of an atheist woman that would have Christian men hound her still to date them. She had to tell them no. Its good that you realize that you personally couldn't date someone with different beliefs. In the case of the atheist woman you describe, the problem is the "hounding." People shouldn't hound someone else about anything. Edited September 8, 2015 by BlueIris
Tayla Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 I think what makes it challenging is that the very difference is what makes the person. If "Intolerance" is that much of a problem, then yes, no matter the spiritual belief system or not, the relationship will not work. Sadly I carry a dislike for a particular faith that maintains arrogance for its chosen attitude. I admire the persons faith, yet have no reason to be in a relationship that is excluding ...that just doesn't seem very loving.
GemmaUK Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Or, we could view this from a different perspective: He knew it was important to her, he doesn't believe it anyway so who is it going to hurt, and HE refused to do something that was important to her..... I think the two should have communicated much earlier and obviously much more clearly early on. Instead each made assumptions. However, being an Atheist doesn't mean that it doesn't matter. It was obviously just as important to him as her Christianity was to her.
Timshel Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 If you want to split hairs, the word "worthy" is offensive to me, so no...it would have nothing to do with being worthy of a date. It's simply a deal breaker to a Christian for obvious reasons. My dad, deceased, was a Christian. His grandfather was an Orthodox Russian Catholic priest. At some point, he turned away from Catholicism and we were raised Methodist. My mom was always and remains today an atheist. They had an exemplary marriage. They were best friends/partners/parents.....I remember seeing them hug, kiss and my dad playfully slapping my mom's butt walking past even until my dad became terminally ill. Almost 50 yrs. of marriage. It probably was not easy at times because my dad took his beliefs very seriously.....so did my mom. I guess the were able to compromise and find a middle ground; not only in their marriage but also in how we were raised. I think it came down to humility in each of them and a tremendous amount of respect for each other. Probably would be difficult for most people but I know that it is not impossible. 1
basil67 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 My ex husband was Christian and I'm athiest. While the marriage didn't work out, our different belief systems were never an issue. When dating someone from a different belief system, it can work out if both respect the other person's beliefs and don't try to push their ideas. Though it's important to figure out the role which the Christian person sees their church having in their lives and families. If one wants a church wedding and children Christened, it could lead to problems for the athiest.
basil67 Posted September 9, 2015 Posted September 9, 2015 Or, we could view this from a different perspective: He knew it was important to her, he doesn't believe it anyway so who is it going to hurt, and HE refused to do something that was important to her..... But if she knew the religious vows meant nothing to him, wouldn't the church wedding lose it's value? Giving rote vows which hold no personal value is a very fake way to start a marriage. In a similar vein, I haven't married again. This time around I'm defacto (for 23 years). If a man really wanted marriage, I could do it to keep him happy. But where is the merit in going through the motions of a thing which I don't believe in? I don't think pretense is a great way to start a marriage.
Timshel Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 My dad, deceased, was a Christian. His grandfather was an Orthodox Russian Catholic priest. At some point, he turned away from Catholicism and we were raised Methodist. My mom was always and remains today an atheist. They had an exemplary marriage. They were best friends/partners/parents.....I remember seeing them hug, kiss and my dad playfully slapping my mom's butt walking past even until my dad became terminally ill. Almost 50 yrs. of marriage. It probably was not easy at times because my dad took his beliefs very seriously.....so did my mom. I guess the were able to compromise and find a middle ground; not only in their marriage but also in how we were raised. I think it came down to humility in each of them and a tremendous amount of respect for each other. Probably would be difficult for most people but I know that it is not impossible. I stand corrected (by mom.) Russian Orthodox/not Catholic. Erie Canal.....Marianna, PA coal mines. It's not relevant I guess but I asked my mom why my dad left the Catholic church and she told me Russian Orthodox and Catholic were never the same thing. She told me more stories about why dad's granddad came here...they were traded, essentially to dig the Erie Canal and then lot's of Russians ended up in coal mines. 1
xxoo Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I stand corrected (by mom.) Russian Orthodox/not Catholic. Erie Canal.....Marianna, PA coal mines. It's not relevant I guess but I asked my mom why my dad left the Catholic church and she told me Russian Orthodox and Catholic were never the same thing. She told me more stories about why dad's granddad came here...they were traded, essentially to dig the Erie Canal and then lot's of Russians ended up in coal mines. I come from PA russian orthodox coal miner roots, as well My mom is Christian and my dad is not. It's been nearly 50 years of love and marriage for them. It really isn't a big issue for everyone. 1
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted September 10, 2015 Author Posted September 10, 2015 (edited) My dad, deceased, was a Christian. His grandfather was an Orthodox Russian Catholic priest. At some point, he turned away from Catholicism and we were raised Methodist. My mom was always and remains today an atheist. They had an exemplary marriage. They were best friends/partners/parents.....I remember seeing them hug, kiss and my dad playfully slapping my mom's butt walking past even until my dad became terminally ill. Almost 50 yrs. of marriage. It probably was not easy at times because my dad took his beliefs very seriously.....so did my mom. I guess the were able to compromise and find a middle ground; not only in their marriage but also in how we were raised. I think it came down to humility in each of them and a tremendous amount of respect for each other. Probably would be difficult for most people but I know that it is not impossible. Well, they were both Christians regardless. We're talking about atheists being involved with Christians. We're talking about believers in God being involved with people who believe God is a fairy tale synonymous with the tooth fairy. Your parents don't fall in the same wheelhouse. Even atheists know better not to get involved with believers in God. Edited September 10, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst
Timshel Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 I come from PA russian orthodox coal miner roots, as well My mom is Christian and my dad is not. It's been nearly 50 years of love and marriage for them. It really isn't a big issue for everyone. I adore you! So glad for your parents, well of course they are fine. Strong people. Loretta Lynn....
Timshel Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Well, they were both Christians regardless. We're talking about atheists being involved with Christians. We're talking about believers in God being involved with people who believe God is a fairy tale synonymous with the tooth fairy. Your parents don't fall in the same wheelhouse. Even atheists know better not to get involved with believers in God. ........................
Timshel Posted September 10, 2015 Posted September 10, 2015 Look Lookatthis, I was set straight by my mom on another point, which is she is not an atheist but an agnostic. Agnostic. The reason I love God is because I love. It feels like a well that never dries up and on my crappiest days, I still see and feel God. All over the place and everywhere I look. It's a wonderful thing. There is so much love that I'm not worried about some agnostic, atheist, homosexual, black, brown, yellow, blue, Catholic, Muslim, tofu eating or 500 pound individual stealing it away. I'd go so far to say that I've got some to spare and am happy to give it and share it and maybe let someone else be inspired by it kind of love. XO Lookatthispost
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