Ever share mutual friends with your ex and couldn't avoid them?

[mrwigand]

Firstly, just a little update... I'm doing really well. I have a new job that I love, and I'm enjoying spending time with family and friends.

 

I have VERY little contact with my ex, and most of that contact is regarding money she owes from when I bailed her out of jail. As far as that is concerned, I'm actually very close to getting all of the money paid back, and the last couple of times I've interacted with my ex about this have gone smoothly.

 

I've been thinking more and more about what's next. My ex and I are on good terms, and I'm grateful for that, but the idea of being really "cool" with her is still completely foreign to me. And I don't mean to say that I'm still angry at her, etc.--indeed, I really hope she's doing well--but I still have a lot of confused, conflicted, and painful emotions associated with her and the relationship (my ex is diagnosed borderline personality disorder, and over the course of the relationship I felt like I was pulled into a toxic triangle with her and her unstable ex boyfriend.

 

And yet it's inevitable I'm going to have to interact with her more concretely than I might like. We have a few close mutual friends, and it's unrealistic that we will never see each other again. Far from it... Up until this point, I've specifically avoided parties and occasions I knew she would be present at because I didn't feel I was ready to be in that situation with her.

 

I don't regret those decisions. I chose to protect myself emotionally, but I don't want to continue making that choice either. So, I'm sure it's going to happen.

 

And I imagine she won't be fazed by this. She's always assumed I've gotten over things between us, and when I've had to reiterate in our interactions that I still need space for myself, it's always taken her by surprise. I on the other hand still have very mixed emotions about the idea of seeing her in person and hanging out as if everything is cool between us. And again, I don't mean that to say that I still harbor resentments, only that I personally still have some painful emotions left over from our time together, even as I've made a lot of progress in detaching from them.

 

The idea of seeing her in person is a little painful itself. I almost ran into her and her current boyfriend at my neighborhood bar and my heart stopped for just a second. Just a second. I'm not saying any of this is going to set me back considerably or anything like that, but I can't deny it's something I think I would dread to a certain extent. I think I would meet it with dread and sadness. And obviously, it goes without saying all of this would be amplified if I saw her with her current boyfriend, etc.

 

I don't know. I was wondering if anyone else was in this kind of situation? How did you deal with it? Like I said, I'm not going crazy considering this, but it is something that is increasingly on my mind.

[YellowPetal]

My ex and I have a lot of friends in common and are in the same grad program. Our friends are actually on my side since he cheated on me. A lot of them stopped talking to him/deleted his phone number and facebook. So that gave me a bit of satisfaction. I haven't seen him since June. I'll probably see him in September. I plan to ignore him completely and act as though he doesn't exist. I think that's the best thing to do in my situation because I can't stand the guy. I don't owe him any kind of respect after the way he treated me.