Sparkstef Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Hi, I have been in a relationship now for nearly 6 months, we started practically living together from the first week as I was living alone and he came to stay with me. Everything was going nice and smooth in the beginning until the last month. He works as a barman in one of the bar/clubs in town and in the beginning he was only working there on a Friday and Saturday which was ok for me because we could then spend time together during the week. The bar he is working at works until about 3.00am and then usually all the staff go across the road to another club which is open until 5.00am so every Friday and Saturday he would be coming home at about 5.30am. Now, he has also started working there on a Wednesday and Sunday but the hours he comes home are become later and later. He is turning up at home at like 7-8 in the morning, why would someone need to stay out soo late ? I mean as soon as the club closes go home, why to stay out longer ? Its very upsetting for me as im finding myself sleeping alone every night and as I worry, Im waking up like every hour to check the time and if he is home. Its a horrible feeling as I never know whats happening.. I have spoken to him a couple of times about it but he always has the excuse that it is his job and after he has to show his face around.. and ive told him that in my eyes he is totally disrespecting me but he doesn't see it like this. Also, you can imagine when he comes home he is completely drunk and then sleeps the rest of the day and we have hardly anytime to spend together as I am also working. Is this a relationship that I should continue ? or will things just get worse ? I really love him and it would break my heart to let him go but at the same time, it is not fair. I feel that our home is like a hotel for him, he goes to work, parties and comes home to sleep, eat, take and shower and again the same thing.. He is 30 and I am 22. I don't want to have a go at him too much all the time as he is older but sometimes, I feel that I am more mature than him.
SSJROMANCE Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Sounds to me like he is using you. I don't know you but many young woman turn the blind eye to love. Some are naive like my wife was when she was young thinking there was a treasure at the end of the rainbow so she allowed guys to use and abuse her. Many older guys target younger low self-esteem girls as easy prey. Again I'm not saying you are anyone of these but I read so many stories about how women thought they knew what was going on and later in life as they grow regret so many things they allowed to happen. I would just be honest with yourself and ask yourself what this guy brings to the table. He is certainly in the profession where cheating on you would be VERY easy for him. If this is the case what is MORE concerning is your risk of STD's. My wife contracted herpies and the guy knew he had it and didn't care if she got it or not. One of many scenarios where she was ignorant and naive. If I were you I would start poking around and see what you can uncover. Don't be taken by a user.
elaine567 Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Throw him out, he is an alcoholic and he is just using you. He is 30, his drinking is out of hand, he is coming home daily dead drunk and he is sleeping all day. At this rate he will be dead by 40. He is NOT your problem, please get rid. He brings nothing to your party, and is only standing in the way of you finding a good man. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 It's the bar business. I behaved the same way when I was working as a bartender. I'll explain it to you the same way I explained it to my parents. In a "regular" job you get off work at 5 pm. You have an hour commute home so it's 6 p.m. You go out for 2-3 hours after work you get home at 8 - 9 p.m. When the bar closes at 3 a.m. you have about an hour worth of restocking / cleaning to do so it's 4 a.m. when you are walking out the door. Granted you were probably cleaning with a drink in your hand. At 4 a.m. you go out for 2-3 post work hours it's 6 - 7 a.m. If you go out for breakfast in there it's 8 -9. That's how his day shakes out. The business is about partying. If that is not a lifestyle you want to deal with, don't date somebody in the business. You are never going to get him to chose you over having all that fun. At some point usually well before 30 most people come up with a different life plan. Since he didn't and because he's dating you, somebody in their early 20s, he may have a bit of a Peter Pan syndrome. Proceed with caution. 1
elaine567 Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 He is also an abuser. #1 - Physical abuse after drinking.. He started hitting me on my arm in the car while I was driving and then when we got home, he slapped me once around my face and then banged my head against the wall about 5 times.
Gaeta Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 He is also an abuser. #1 - Physical abuse after drinking.. Gosh, reading these stories always infuriates me. OP: Kick his sorry @ss out. He's using you and abusing you. Do we really need to explain why you should end this ASAP? You loving him has nothing to do in this story. Your well being is in jeopardy. He's a 30 yo loser-drunk abusing a 22 yo. You think a 30 yo woman would endure this? He's using your youth and lack of experience. 2
Vercetti Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 So blows tip money worked for all night going after hours. He should be smarter then the idiots pockets he picks all night, but
anika99 Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Since he slaps you around and bangs your head into walls, on his next late night out, you should get a restraining order, change the locks, toss all of his stuff outside and never ever have any contact with him ever again. 2
Recommended Posts