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Posted

Hi everyone, in the last week, my father lost his job, I faced extreme stress at work (as an army officer), and to make everything great, a cursory scan revealed a high chance of multiple brain lesions.

 

Now I didn't want to tell my parents about the brain lesions just yet until they're confirmed, since they're still dealing with the loss of job thing. But at the same time I was seriously terrified, and I could really only trust one person to hear this, my ex from a 3 year relationship with whom I have been 1 month NC.

 

Of course being distressed and confused I screwed that up, and now I think I shall call her to explain it calmly and rationally. Of course I absolutely want her back, but at the same time, there's nobody else I trust more in the world. She's gradually beginning to treat me like a stranger, so it really hurts a lot.

Posted

Why would you do that?

 

After my ex of 6 years, cheated and dumped me for another guy, I was diagnosed with a rare blood disease. I was absolutely terrified, as well, since my mother died of Leukemia 10 years ago.

 

I didn't want to tell my dad about it. Not then, because he was going through something of his own. So, I told my ex about it and she thought it was a dirty manipulative tactic from me to re-kindle things.

 

More often than not, it's best to just stick with NC, however hard it might be right now. In the long run, you will be a lot better off.

  • Like 2
Posted

I wouldn't get in contact over this from my experience. know exactly where you're coming from. Shortly after my break-up of a 4 year relationship I was diagnosed with a neuro disease and my cousin was killed. I did get in contact with my ex. He listened to me cry said it would be ok and then he got back to living his life. I felt a hundred times worse and felt rejected and broken all over again.

 

You're in the midst of complex grief and I know you want someone to share wih but your ex isn't that person. Talk to a therapist first. That's what I wish I did.

Hope the scans are wrong. Sending positive vibes your way!

Posted

She doesn't want to hear from you.

 

She will respond but I can guarantee you 100% that this "cry for help" won't get her back. I'm sorry.

 

My sympathies.

  • Like 1
Posted

I broke NC as well. She was my fiance and we had been through a pretty rough situation. She gave me an odd reason for the BU, it sounded reasonable at the time. After two weeks, I realized it was BS and needed answers. Not only did I get them, but she placed all the blame for the failed relationship squarely at my feet. She fired an assault of blame and insults at my heart, which was completely uncalled for.

 

Nothing I said could change her mind. She even told me this straight up. The mountain of reasons she concocted for the breakup had obviously been swirling and building up in her mind for some period of time. I was trying to defend against a German blitzkrieg with a pellet gun. I gave it my all, my best and in the end it wasn't enough, it wasn't even close. What I didn't realize is that the battle was over, I lost, I just wasn't aware of it.

 

The only way I could have won was to use the only weapon available to me. That weapon is NO CONTACT. It's powerful, more powerful than I realized at the time. Hindsight is 20/20, I wish I could have had the strength to not pick up that phone.

Posted

I broke no contact this morning too. I've never prayed so badly that he has blocked me. Next time I feel like being a huge dummy, I will post it on here so you lovely people can talk me out of it :) Everything will be ok. Maybe forces above put this in front of you for some weird reason to make you stronger. I don't even have advise for you since I can't seem to control myself. When she texts you back, would it be better to ignore? Or just a brief "sorry just a weak moment. I'll handle this"? I don't know. Maybe if you answer that question it will help :)

Posted

First and foremost, let's hope your health scare is just that, a scare and it's nothing serious.

 

 

While we get why you wanted to reach out to her, you have to tell yourself that she's no longer a part of your life and is not your support system any longer. In most cases, both sides want no contact so they can heal, move on and find happiness.

 

 

My mother passed a couple of months after my last ex and I ended. I didn't break NC to inform her. There was no point. She wasn't a part of my life any longer. In my mind, it would be like calling you last boss who fired you to tell him.

 

 

Wishing you good luck with your health and hope you find the strength to not desperately try and reach out to her again. Her having sympathy for you will not make her want to come back.

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