Second date saudade

[doeblin]

I need the wise people of Loveshack to chime in on this.

 

 

 

So I met this girl at a bar, I thought she was pretty, chatted her up, got her number.

 

The first date was alright. She was nervous, but it was fine. There were some implied red flags however: she half-jokingly said she became kind of an alcoholic in the months after her breakup (she didn't drink on the dates though)... Or her daddy issues. I felt that this girl could become clingy fast, if unchecked.

 

Still, the date was good enough that I've asked her out on a second one.

 

 

Between the dates we texted some, but I've tried to keep it low. A day before the second date she texted me this: "I am sooo stressed out about <work related stuff>!"

Now, I replied with a nice & supportive text, but I thought: Why are you telling me this? I am not your boyfriend yet! Am I going to be your on-call therapist after the 3rd date or what?

 

 

On the second date my immediate impression was: Why aren't you prettier? Aren't you trying to impress me?

I mean, she dressed like she was going to get some groceries. Barely any makeup.

 

 

(Now please understand that I respect her, she's a genuine person. I am writing down my feelings and impressions. They are what they are.)

 

 

After this, I just couldn't unsee her flaws. Her nose is cartoonish. Her ass is small.

 

But more importantly, we barely had any similar interests. Granted, we both have some really specific stuff we're into, but even the more general stuff didn't overlap, like music... I mean who hasn't even heard of <one of the biggest rockstars ever>?! It's general knowledge, really.

These little things add up.

 

 

After coffee we made out in the park. She said no sex on the 2nd date (smart girl).

 

 

I think she's really into me.

My friends told me she's pretty.

And it was not a bad date.

 

 

For the whole date I had small gnawing thoughts in the back of my head: "She would be a downgrade on my ex."

 

Shouldn't you feel the spark on the second date? Shouldn't the hormones overwhelm you at this point to be blind to the negative stuff?

Or this is so rare that we should just go with it? There are so many single people who wait for THE ONE... It's nonsense.

 

 

 

 

 

In the end I felt soo alone and I miss my ex more than ever. I almost want to break No Contact. She was always pretty, funny etc. Ah.

We broke up because of geography.

 

 

 

 

Should I go on a third date with this girl? Am I being unreasonable?

Edited August 29, 2015 by doeblin

[Qboro90]

If you're not wow'd by her then what's the point? Only way I'd say to go on another date with her is if you're just either bored, tryna get laid, or want to see if she amps up the presentation of herself on another date and perhaps the grocery look was just an anomaly. If you don't give a **** about any of those then why waste the time on someone you know you don't see a future with.

 

As far as comparisons to your ex.... That will happen until you meet the next girl who is prettier or challenges you more. Just because you haven't met her yet, doesn't mean your ex was the best you're ever gonna get. She was just the best up until that point. What if next summer you're dating a smokeshow who makes your ex look like Bob Barker? U never kno

[doeblin]

Yeah, Qboro, I'm with you.

I'm being unfair on her. Grocery-look was an exaggeration. She was just a bit bland for me.

 

I'm more annoyed about the discrepancy in my perception.

And that the date not only didn't help me forget my ex, but made her seem unique.

 

I see so many single people waiting around for a movie romance. It's silly. But you do need that rush of dopamine on the date, otherwise why bother?

 

 

She seems really into me, so this is gonna be awkward.

I have an excellent excuse to fade out though (going abroad)... but perhaps it would be better to be blunt.

[elaine567]

Truth is you are just not into her, you do not need to analyse it to death, the attraction is just not there.

 

Tell her you are now going abroad and that you cannot see any future for the relationship.

Do not fade, that is the coward's way out.

Waiting, hoping for a week or so, and then facing realisation and disappointment over a fade, is no fun for anyone.

Tell her straight.

[doeblin]

You're right. I would have told the same to someone else.

 

I guess I just needed this place to vent and collect my thoughts.

 

 

 

Cheers!