Maria92 Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Hi. I posted a while ago on here about my partner of around 6 months. I broke it off last Saturday after a lot of very bad treatment from him. I walked out of his place after stupidly going to see him when I knew our relationship was making me very unhappy. I can do loads better, I am a pretty girl and am intelligent and decent. I recognise that I have played a part in my own pain by accepting his awful treatment for so long. I'm glad I walked out though as I was lied to and cheated on and used and I just wasn't prepared to take it anymore. I think he has serious issues. The short of it is that I looked at his phone, confirmed my fears that he was texting women sexually suggestive/flirtatious things behind my back.. and I thought about how it was just not acceptable as I know he has already been obsessing over a girl on FB and flirting with her for a long time, plus he lies to me about everything and is totally secretive. He said he hadn't slept with anyone else, but really now it doesn't matter, he may have done, he may have not. He hardly wanted to see me, he never did anything nice to me and prioritised anything and everything over me. He also used me for sex and strung me along - I think he was trying his hardest to drag me down with him. When I broke up with him I was quite angry. He texted me that he was sorry and goodbye. I texted him back later that day and told him that I wanted to be friends, don't ask me why. He didn't text me back - but then 4 days later I get an apology text from him saying he was a terrible person and I deserve better, which is true. Then he asked if we could be friends? I asked him did he even want that as I'm not really prepared to put the effort in if I'm just going to be hurt again... I don't really know why I said that either as he has been no sort of friend to me.. I will just sort of miss the idea of him and I find it hard to let go of my projections. I'm confused as to whether him saying "Do you think we could be friends?" was said as a genuine question as part of his apology (sort of like grovelling) .. or was he questioning whether it would be possible to friends... in which case I feel stupid as I am definitely not going to grovel. I have good friends and good people in my life and I don't need him, but I feel a need to cling on. I'm not texting him/calling him and I don't have social media that is linked with him by the way. I'm just getting on with my own thing but I'd like to hear opinions as to how to proceed and what his possible response may be? That is, if he responds at all. In which case I won't be chasing him. I'm sorry for the length of this... I know people will say I need to respect myself (I think I have in physically calling it off and walking away) but I'd like some encouragement on this.
Grumpybutfun Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 No, you can't be friends with a duplicitous cheating douchebag....no! Look, you sound like a nice person, but you hung onto an idea of what you wanted him to be like rather than what he was really like. You stayed because you desperately wanted him to not be texting or sexting or possibly having sexual interactions with others. Now, you will learn from this that two red flags develop a pattern of bad behavior so that is the true time to bounce. You don't wait or waste your time or try to change them...you accept what they really are and find someone decent and better. I encourage you to believe in yourself a little more, to not be afraid to want more from men, to be kinder to yourself than you have been and to believe you deserve a great relationship with NO drama. Good luck, Grumps 2
Chronotrgr Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Why would you want a friend who treats you like that?, my ex was never there for me when I needed her, she just wasn't interested, so I'm not interested in her friendship, you've got more of a case to have this guy as your enemy, much less your friend, don't let him walk all over you, don't let him do as he likes and have his way as well.
mightycpa Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Imagine that this was not about love, but let's say some other relationship that relies on mutual trust and respect. Maybe your banker or your doctor or lawyer or someone like that. And maybe they didn't steal money from you, or give you something to kill you, or give away confidential information to put you in jail, but they did conspire with others to work against your best interests. Maybe the banker put you in an investment where he'd get a big commission. Or the doctor prescribed you certain medicines so he could get a gift from the pharma company. Or the lawyer was busy trying to set up deals with your competitors. And you find out. So you fire that person, and you walk away. A few days later, they call you up, and they say, well, I understand you don't want to work with me any more, but I wonder if you'd like to get together for lunch or drinks every once in a while, and we can talk about anything but our old client relationship. I want to be your friend! Are you really going to do that? This isn't much different in my eyes.
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