wendydarling Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Hello, LoveShack! So today I am on...um, I think it's actually day 42 of NC? Somewhere around there. Anyway, on Tuesday I went to check my phone and saw that I had a missed call and a voicemail from my ex's mom. I listened to it, and it was this really nice, sweet message about how she has been thinking about me and wanting to check in with me. She said that it's "weird" not seeing me around their house anymore and that she loves me and wants me to know that she still thinks of me, and to call her back if I want to talk. So I called her back later that night. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, I don't know, but I felt like it was something that had to be done. I had actually told my own mom just a few days ago that I really missed his mom but I didn't want to reach out to her because I didn't want to cross any boundaries. Her calling me was probably crossing a boundary, too, but I at least felt somewhat better that it was coming from her and not from me. I didn't want to just ignore her call; she is seriously the sweetest woman and was always like a second mother to me. So we talked for a bit and she asked what I was up to, and how my family is doing; I asked about various members of her family (but absolutely did not ONCE ever ask her anything at all about my ex). Then came the really mindboggling part. So, when he decided he didn't want a relationship 42 days ago, I told him I couldn't talk to him anymore, and I haven't. Yet, his mom even mentioned not wanting to step on any toes when she called me, so she asked him about it and he apparently said that she SHOULD call me. That doesn't make any sense? This whole situation is just weird because like, I ran into his dad while grabbing some food a few weeks ago, and then all of the sudden his mom is calling me out of the blue. I can't get away from this family!
Grumpybutfun Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Parents can sometimes get attached to our kid's partners. In fact, if my daughter divorced my SIL, I would be devastated as he has become like a second son to me and my wife. With that said, if it hurts you or confuses you in any way to talk to them, ask them to please not contact you as it hurts too much. This is about your boundaries and helping you with closure. As far as your ex, I don't think it means much except that he accepts his mother is independently still missing you and wanted to seek some closure. Keep NC and try to find closure where you can, moving on to find someone who wants to be with you more than anything. Good luck, Grumps 3
jphcbpa Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Are you asking a question here ? You can get away from him and his family by taking care of you and not talking with them and avoiding places they might be. You do not need to worry about her feelings. You can kindly state you need a period of no contact to work on you and at this point you ask she not contact you. She is a big girl and knows this is not personal. You having contact with her only sets you back.
Author wendydarling Posted August 28, 2015 Author Posted August 28, 2015 It wasn't a question, just more of an update. I wasn't actively seeking out his dad...I've never seen him there in all of the years that my family has been going there. It was super random and I wasn't going to be rude and just avoid him when he saw me and waved to me when I was going in.
CarrieT Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 I went through something similar - except that the guy I was with and I had JUST started living together when the Northridge earthquake happened and we had to move in with his family because our home was destroyed. It was obvious the relationship wasn't working so I left but his mother reached out to me. She and I had a lovely farewell lunch and she completely understood and was sorry it didn't work out, but had great fondness for me. She and I parted better than her son and I did... 2
frigginlost Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 If it does not affect you in any way in moving forward with your life, then I don't see any issues with it at all. I am still close with my ex's mom and dad. They reached out 6 months after the breakup and it has not and did not set me back at all. Good people are good people, and having them remain part of your life in some way is not a bad thing... 1
d0nnivain Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 You were part of the mom's life too. When you saw the dad, he probably told his wife he saw you. She missed you so she called. Sometimes it hard on the collateral people. After I ended a 12 year relationship, even though it's been about 15 years now, I still miss my EX's niece & nephew. Him I could so without but it's a loss in my life that I didn't get to see them grow up since I was so involved in their early childhoods.
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