afraid_never Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 I have been dating my girlfriend for 10 months now and we have not had sex yet. I am afraid that I will lose my initial passion for her and never be able to look at her the same way. It almost feels like opening Pandora's Box. I want to be on her side, care for her and always protect her. She is 2 years younger than me (I'm 20, she's 18) and she 'almost' feels like a younger sibling that I need to love and take care of (not literally, but that's sort of the feeling I have). We have slept in the same bed and all, but I have not felt any sexual urges yet. I just want to cuddle, hug her and kiss her. I never went past that. I don't think she has a big problem with it considering she never complained about it, or attempted to initiate anything sexual, so I have been keeping it this way. I just want to keep our innocence and mysteries untouched. Is this not normal? Is sex a definite necessity for a relationship?
organizedchaos Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Not normal. But if you're both happy, whatever floats your boat.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 It's unusual. You feeling like you have to protect and coddle her sounds more like a friend-type dynamic than a romantic one. For me, that would not work. Mind you, you'r both still quite young but even at that age, I still considered sex part of relationship. I don't totally understand why you feel you need that level of innocence in a girlfriend, but if you're both okay with it, then proceed. Are you both virgins, OP?
Author afraid_never Posted August 28, 2015 Author Posted August 28, 2015 It's unusual. You feeling like you have to protect and coddle her sounds more like a friend-type dynamic than a romantic one. For me, that would not work. Mind you, you'r both still quite young but even at that age, I still considered sex part of relationship. I don't totally understand why you feel you need that level of innocence in a girlfriend, but if you're both okay with it, then proceed. Are you both virgins, OP? She's a virgin but I am not. I think this might be one of the small factors too. I think I may have been corrupted by the idea of sex being a 'bad' and 'unpure' thing. I do not want to touch her innocence.
LoverOfDance Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Then don't. I'm sure it's mostly men that will tell you that it's not normal that you haven't slept with your gf yet. I think it's sweet and it shows that you care about her a lot. If you don't want to touch her innocence then don't touch it. Sex is NOT a requirement in a relationship. People have sex because they want to have sex. If they don't want to, there's no law that says they have to, or that they have to do it in order to prove that they have romantic feelings for each other. I think the way you show your love for her is sweet and I wish I could find a man like that. If she loves the way you love her, then you're fine. All the best :-)
katiegrl Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 (edited) She's a virgin but I am not. I think this might be one of the small factors too. ***I think I may have been corrupted by the idea of sex being a 'bad' and 'unpure' thing.*** I do not want to touch her innocence. Hmmm...so you believe sex is *bad* and *unpure.* Interesting. And as such, do you only feel sexual desire for those women you consider bad and unpure as well? And feel no sexual desire for women (your girlfriend) who you view as innocent and pure? Or do you not feel any sexual desire at all, for anyone? At 20 you are at your sexual peak. So to not feel any sexual desire at all for anyone (not talking about your girlfriend as I know you believe she is too pure and innocent to have sex with)....is VERY unusual, and not *normal*. Just out of curiosity, do you masturbate, watch porn, fantasize about sex with *dirty* and *unpure* women? If so, research "madonna/whore* complex. Edited August 28, 2015 by katiegrl
smackie9 Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Dude instead of having this "her innocence" ideology whirling around in your head, making assumptions, TALK to her about sex. If you hold off too long, it's possible she's gonna be swept away by someone who isn't afraid of taking her "innocence". You are acting like her cuddle bi tch, which in time is going to send you into the friends zone. Relationships need to progress, and sex is the next step. Sex creates a stronger bond and intimacy, not the opposite.
Vintage79 Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Then don't. I'm sure it's mostly men that will tell you that it's not normal that you haven't slept with your gf yet. I think it's sweet and it shows that you care about her a lot. If you don't want to touch her innocence then don't touch it. Sex is NOT a requirement in a relationship. People have sex because they want to have sex. If they don't want to, there's no law that says they have to, or that they have to do it in order to prove that they have romantic feelings for each other. I think the way you show your love for her is sweet and I wish I could find a man like that. If she loves the way you love her, then you're fine. All the best :-) True, sex is not a requirement, but there are numerous large scale studies that illustrate that relationships with sex are much better than those without - and that those without tend to fail at a substantially higher rate. So no, not a requirement, but it's probably going to be harder for the relationship to survive without it. To me, it sounds like the OP's relationship is platonic, but he's struggling to come to terms with that - I mean, seriously, after 10 months, he has no sexual interest in the person he's been dating...that sounds like friendzone all day long... 1
katiegrl Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Dude instead of having this "her innocence" ideology whirling around in your head, making assumptions, TALK to her about sex. If you hold off too long, it's possible she's gonna be swept away by someone who isn't afraid of taking her "innocence". You are acting like her cuddle bi tch, which in time is going to send you into the friends zone. Relationships need to progress, and sex is the next step. Sex creates a stronger bond and intimacy, not the opposite. >>You are acting like her *cuddle b*tch.* smackie, you are so right on with this.....and YES, eventually she WILL find a man who finds her *sexually* desirable, and won't be able to resist him. Just because the OP has issues w/sex (thinking it's bad and unpure) does not mean she does. 1
Recommended Posts