Rexxy Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I'm only 21 and was wondering what advice you would give yourself relating to dating and relationships if you were 21 again? What would you of changed, or done differently? This is more for the experienced and older crowd on loveshack. I'm interested to see what comes out of this. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Wait. Enjoy life and being single and dating just to have fun. Don't worry about getting serious until your late 20s AT LEAST. Travel. Explore. Breathe. Relax. Everything will come and there is no reason to fret or worry about it AT ALL at that age. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Under The Radar Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I'm 41 years old and here are some things I'd say to my younger self: Always try to lead with honesty and kindness when interacting with other people. Happiness comes from within. You are not always to blame for other people's moods, arguments, or bad feelings. Hurt people, hurt people. NC is a powerful and necessary tool for healing when a relationship comes to an end. It's better to be alone than in a toxic and dysfunctional relationship. Despite having a broken heart you will love again. I can be lonely at times, but I'm never alone. It's more important how beautiful someone is on the inside than on the outside. Communication is a two way street and something one must always cultivate in a healthy relationship. Establishing boundaries and enforcing them is critical for your health and happiness. I cannot control other people, but I always have control over how I react to other people. We teach people how to treat us. I must always love myself first and foremost or any relationship I enter is doomed from the start. Google "LoveShack" and make and account ASAP 10 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Get out of the house as much as you can, tall to everyone, old or young, regardless of how they look, take improve classes, if it feels unfair, then you are right, it is not fair because it is not meant to be fair 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Wait. Enjoy life and being single and dating just to have fun. Don't worry about getting serious until your late 20s AT LEAST. Travel. Explore. Breathe. Relax. Everything will come and there is no reason to fret or worry about it AT ALL at that age. This is pretty much exactly what I would say. Plus look after yourself and you won't feel much older at twice your age. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I have a story for you: Today I was driving around my small town with my 10 year daughter. I saw a girl - maybe 15 or 16 walking down the street. I pointed her out to my daughter and said, "you know what I love about our town? 15 year old girls look like 15 year old girls." We proceeded to talk about how 15 year old girls in cities often dress and act like they are MUCH older. After some reflection, my daughter said, "I don't understand it. Why would they want to dress and act older? They'll never have the chance to dress and act like a 15 year old girl again." Be 21. Act 21. Do 21 stuff. Embrace. There is plenty of time to do older more mature things like get serious, get married, have kids. Be 21. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Go get 'em!! It's not as scary and daunting as you might think. There are lots of men who will want to go out with you, men that you are interested in. You are worthy, you are beautiful and a half decent person. Sex is actually good, forget the stupid stories you keep hearing about the first time. There's actually nothing wrong with you. But most of all, just go out and live life and don't fret about this. If you stay single forever, that's fine because there are so many amazing aspects to life. You have a brilliant growing family that loves you, so spend as much time with them as you can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I would be a closeted quieter version of Miley Cyrus .. good times 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rexxy Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 So at 21 I'm a personal trainer and put close to 40 hours of work a week from Mon to Saturday, Sundays off. I feel as if I'm ahead of most people at my age career wise but lack the social life of partying, etc My sex life is very active as I've been told I should experiment with sex as much as possible while I'm young. At this point I've slept with 26 girls and learnt a lot about what I like and what I don't. I wonder if I focus to much on making money rather than travelling, and living a bit more for someone my age. Sorry if that's too much detail but I thought I might as well share my life with everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I'm less than a decade past 21, but I'll chime in all the same... Honestly, I'd do the same thing all over again. Yes, the person I was with then was wrong for me. Yes, the R was a mistake. But we only learn from our mistakes. Had I not been in that R, I would not have learnt about the things I need and want from a R, and the things I did wrong. And consequently I would not have been able to apply them to my future R. I don't think you NEED to party if you don't want to. Unless you really want casual sex (in which case lack of partying is probably going to hold you back), you can meet people elsewhere. IMO 26 is a very high number at your age - not judging, there is nothing wrong with a high number (or a low one), just stating so. Making money vs traveling is always going to be a dilemma and you just have to choose the option that is best for you regardless of your age. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 So at 21 I'm a personal trainer and put close to 40 hours of work a week from Mon to Saturday, Sundays off. I feel as if I'm ahead of most people at my age career wise but lack the social life of partying, etc My sex life is very active as I've been told I should experiment with sex as much as possible while I'm young. At this point I've slept with 26 girls and learnt a lot about what I like and what I don't. I wonder if I focus to much on making money rather than travelling, and living a bit more for someone my age. Sorry if that's too much detail but I thought I might as well share my life with everyone. man, you have been great at pulling girls most of your life, like since your teens Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rexxy Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 man, you have been great at pulling girls most of your life, like since your teens Well it was mainly from when I used to go out clubbing all the time, the majority of them were one-night stands and pretty worthless because they hold no value in my opinion. Only lately I've dated girls I'm interested in before having sex with them, a lot more rewarding than a pointless one-night stand that only adds to the ego of bragging with mates, useless.... Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Well it was mainly from when I used to go out clubbing all the time, the majority of them were one-night stands and pretty worthless because they hold no value in my opinion. Only lately I've dated girls I'm interested in before having sex with them, a lot more rewarding than a pointless one-night stand that only adds to the ego of bragging with mates, useless.... Well approaching girls seems to be natural, common sense for you Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 If I was 21 again, a serious relationship wouldn't be an option. Instead, I'd try and have that balance of enjoying myself and concentrating on a career. At around 30 when I'm older and wiser, I may then look for something serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 OMG: I am 49. At 21 I was married and a mother. When my daughter got at the age of dating I told her: * DATE all your little heart want * Don't marry the first man to give you attention * Travel * Take risks * Experiment * Push your limits * Think outside the box * Don't try to fit in a mold - be yourself And she did exactly that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Based on observation, experience, and statistics about relationships, my pragmatic advice is as follows (you may not like all of it, but I urge you to at least think and investigate these issues): Don't get married. Cohabitate, commit, create legal agreements and documents, but stop short of marriage. You are then at the mercy of the state and the courts if things go wrong, and you have little flexibility. If you do marry: - get a prenup, protect any existing assets, etc. - marry someone with a comparably paying career - do not get into a SAHM situation - love is not enough - behavior is key to real feelings - major transgressions are cause for divorce - working things out seldom actually works in the long run - be slow to marry, but quick to divorce if necessary - keep improving yourself - stay focused on building the relationship, married or not - expect the same from your spouse My first marriage was a long, costly, and unhappy mistake. My second is everything I could have hoped for, and much more. Unfortunately, few people find this kind of marriage, as you can see from this site and many others. Read about the issues people have, now and then to keep aware of the problems - and occasional solutions. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 OK, I'm the weird one. IF I went back and told my 21 year old self something it would be this: Yes. Marry him, and tell everyone who doesn't like it to go to hell. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Avoid damaged people. Cut cheaters out of your life immediately. Learn what NC is & means. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 OK, I'm the weird one. IF I went back and told my 21 year old self something it would be this: Yes. Marry him, and tell everyone who doesn't like it to go to hell. Really? You think you should have married at 21? Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I'm 28, but I would tell you to get rejected. No, seriously, go hit on women, ask them out, and get rejected. Getting used to flirting, getting rejected, and eventually getting success is just going out and doing it. It sucks, but it's better to be used to it in your early 20s than late 20s. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 I would tell any younger person this....Find something you love doing and cultivate it....my hobbies and careers add a lot to my life. Relationships mean more than anything else...people who you love and love you are important...always make time for them. Become the type of person you would want to be in a relationship with....cultivate integrity, honor, loyalty, kindness, humor and intelligence. Never forget forgiveness doesn't mean accepting people's bad behavior, it just means coming to terms with it and letting it go while sometime letting them go. Find out what spirituality means to you and explore it on your own without being pressured or coerced. Your spirit is your soul, your beliefs and your principles.....make sure they are independent of outside influence...make sure they are all yours. Good post, Grumps 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Don't get married before age 28. Focus on getting your life together before you worry about finding love. Get your degree and career before you worry about the rest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 In the world we live in now, I would say as a man you should have as many crazy sexual experiences as possible, because your future wife is out there screwing around with other guys and doing stuff that will appall you later when you hear about it. By engaging in wild sex now you will detach yourself and create a buffer so that later it won't be so damaging when you find out your wife was going on a different tinder-date every other night. Don't get hooked on drugs. It's a good time to experiment and have fun, but it's easy to get hooked and ruin your life. Take financial risks and bet on yourself. Don't get in debt. When you find the right girl, you will know it immediately. Don't settle for less or you could miss out on the right girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rexxy Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 In the world we live in now, I would say as a man you should have as many crazy sexual experiences as possible, because your future wife is out there screwing around with other guys and doing stuff that will appall you later when you hear about it. By engaging in wild sex now you will detach yourself and create a buffer so that later it won't be so damaging when you find out your wife was going on a different tinder-date every other night. Don't get hooked on drugs. It's a good time to experiment and have fun, but it's easy to get hooked and ruin your life. Take financial risks and bet on yourself. Don't get in debt. When you find the right girl, you will know it immediately. Don't settle for less or you could miss out on the right girl. So talking about experimenting with sex, the girl I met at the gym invited me over last night and her best friend came over and we ended up having a threesome. Now that was fun! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 28, 2015 Share Posted August 28, 2015 Alan Arkin as Grandpa - . Link to post Share on other sites
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