Forza.Taki Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Hi loveshack! My first post here. I'm 19 years old and broke up with my ex about 7 months ago. We've dated for 3 years and she was my first and only girlfriend. She told me her feelings aren't the same anymore and is with another guy at the moment. After months of bitterness and sleepless nights, I've decided to move on and find other girls. Here comes the problem. I went on several dates with different girls and I always end up comparing them to my ex. Such as, "she is not as attractive as her...", "she doesn't have my ex's style..." or "she is not as laid back as her..." (Just in my head. I never say that to the girls.) It's not really the matter of having "high standards", but it's more like I'm looking for someone similar to my ex-girlfriend. My dates were very pretty and sweet, but it's just that they weren't like my ex. I suddenly lose interest and motivation once this comparison thing happens. I fear the possibility that if I someday end up in another relationship, I will still somewhat miss my ex-girlfriend. She was too perfect for me. What is wrong with me? Am I still not over her after 7 months? Will this change once I actually get to know a girl better and start a relationship? Could it be the fact that I still text my ex once in a while (once a week, as friends) and still see her Facebook posts/photos? What should I do?
DatingDirection Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 You're not ready to date yet, you need time to heal from your past relationship. Understand, that sure, there are qualities that you liked about your ex, and those qualities are important to you in other people. You will find them, but no body will ever be 100% like your ex, they may just be better. But until then, you will never know, because you're seeing through the eyes of your heart, which is still with your ex. Youre still very young, you have at least 15 year of dating ahead of you. 1
CarrieT Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 You are only 19. The fact that you are still obsessed with your Ex means that you are not over her. Give it more time. Seriously, I was in a 2 1/2-year relationship that took me a full two years to get over. Everyone heals differently and there is nothing wrong with still hurting at 7 months. 2
ScotchBeef Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 There isnt much you can do, i'm afraid. I dont see the harm in it though, it's natural to compare traits about your partner with ex partners; as long as it stays in your head, it should be all good. That being said, its only been 7 months. Your vivid memories will just get more vague over time. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just try not to let it ruin anything. It doesn't matter who you are dating, there will always be -something- that your ex done better. Instead try to think of the things she done worse. 1
Qboro90 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Here's what you need to remind yourself. You broke up 7 months ago and despite what your head might think, it's just unrealistic to expect to have found someone that excites and challenges you to take your mind off your ex in that period of time.....the "why am I not over her?" And "I compare girls to her" thoughts are normal. What if next summer you meet a girl who you're absolutely bat**** crazy about and becomes so much better than what you had with your ex? You have no idea. Expecting to find "that girl" within 7 months just isn't logical. Continue dating, continue meeting new people and I guarantee that you'll come across someone who blows your ex outta the water. Then you'll never worry about comparisons again..... Until you and that girl break up and the cycle starts all over lol. Just keep telling yourself that it took time to meet your ex and have that relationship flourish therefore it's gonna take longer than 7 months to find the next girl that sparks your interest like she did. It WILL happen trust me... We just think that it won't in the post break up months when going through a dry spell but it'll end. 2
Ami1uwant Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 As others said you likely aren't ready. Is it reasonable to do comparisons with someone you previously dated snd the wy slithers you liked...yes. You have to realize each person is unique. Each has their own qualities. Some of these font emerge on a 1st date. 1
Author Forza.Taki Posted August 28, 2015 Author Posted August 28, 2015 Here's what you need to remind yourself. You broke up 7 months ago and despite what your head might think, it's just unrealistic to expect to have found someone that excites and challenges you to take your mind off your ex in that period of time.....the "why am I not over her?" And "I compare girls to her" thoughts are normal. What if next summer you meet a girl who you're absolutely bat**** crazy about and becomes so much better than what you had with your ex? You have no idea. Expecting to find "that girl" within 7 months just isn't logical. Continue dating, continue meeting new people and I guarantee that you'll come across someone who blows your ex outta the water. Then you'll never worry about comparisons again..... Until you and that girl break up and the cycle starts all over lol. Just keep telling yourself that it took time to meet your ex and have that relationship flourish therefore it's gonna take longer than 7 months to find the next girl that sparks your interest like she did. It WILL happen trust me... We just think that it won't in the post break up months when going through a dry spell but it'll end. Hey thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it and it really took a lot off of my head. I think I am really bad at letting things go. I've had problems forgetting bad memories from 5~6 year ago :s
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