Remaining active online during non exclusitivity rules the same for both sexes?

[Meridien]

I am curious to understand if there are different set of expectations between the sexes when it comes to dating someone non exclusively for awhile but keeping and checking an active profile. I have read that it is okay and everyone is free to do what they like during this time, but it was worded toward men doing this. I feel that as a woman if I have been on many dates with someone and we are becoming closer it would be looked at as worse for my actively remaining and looking than it would be for a man.

[losangelena]

I personally see nothing wrong in doing this for either men or women. A gender-biased doubled standard would be ridiculous. If you're casually dating and not exclusive with anyone, you're under no obligation to close down your dating profile or to stop dating others. As far as expectations are concerned, those are for you and your partners to discuss on an individual basis.

[Meridien]

I agree with you but as a woman you too know that there are different expectations placed on us. Like he is just being a man. That is what men do. I think more of what I am questioning is if a guy really likes you and you have been on several or more dates, might him seeing you on Match one day for a time period, make him think you are not really into him, ESPECIALLY in the unsure too soon to speak about exclusivity but you are doing well on your way there.

[pteromom]

Until there is an agreement for exclusivity, you should stay active online. This is true for men and women.

 

I would say that it is MORE true for women, actually.

 

Because it gives a guy motivation to lock it down and get you off the market, if that is what he wants to do.

[angel.eyes]

Are there double standard in dating? Yes. Is this one of them? Absolutely not. I am a free agent in OLD until we discuss exclusivity. If he feels he can do better, great! I'm exploring my options too. I paid the same OLD fee he did. Why would I ever let that go to waste while he plays indecisive and hedges his bets hoping to do better?

 

Besides, it's never too soon to discuss exclusivity or discuss the whole BF/GF deal. It's only here that I've seen guys take their time. With OLD, I get whiplash from how quickly they want to start focusing and turn things into a relationship. That was the biggest adjustment for me when I first tried it.

[losangelena]

Are you speaking in hypotheticals, or has this happened/is this happening to you?

 

As in, have you been called out for this?

 

Look, there is only one way to know if someone still has their profile up and is active—and that's to have a profile up and be active. So for a man to know that you're still on Match would require him to still be on Match.

 

Do a search for this topic on this site. Many, many threads have been started by people who were confused about the intentions of the person they were dating because they were still active online. I think it can cause confusion in both men and women.

 

"Just being a man?" "This is what men do?" No—I don't agree that men should expect women to act any differently about this than they do. Both my BF and I had our profiles up for several months into dating. Neither one of us were actually seeing anyone else, nor were we looking, but we hadn't discussed exclusivity yet. It didn't "mean" anything.

[Meridien]

Until there is an agreement for exclusivity, you should stay active online. This is true for men and women.

 

I would say that it is MORE true for women, actually.

 

Because it gives a guy motivation to lock it down and get you off the market, if that is what he wants to do.

 

 

I agree and thank you for the reply. It would motivate them. I am not sure how well I will do with this online stuff 1000s and 1000s of emails is difficult to go through and then sorting out if their is any attraction and chemistry. I also cannot stand the picture comments and all the hots and stuff. Do they not know some men do not keep it classy?

[pteromom]

I agree and thank you for the reply. It would motivate them. I am not sure how well I will do with this online stuff 1000s and 1000s of emails is difficult to go through and then sorting out if their is any attraction and chemistry. I also cannot stand the picture comments and all the hots and stuff. Do they not know some men do not keep it classy?

 

It's a lot of work.

 

Sorting through to find the good ones is hard.

 

Going on dates with guys you think are good ones, only to find they are scumbags or simply not compatible, is hard.

 

Don't only focus on attraction and chemistry though. Pay more attention to what they are sharing about their goals and values. Some very good guys take crappy photos and some guys are just clueless about putting up photos women would like.

[Meridien]

It's a lot of work.

 

Sorting through to find the good ones is hard.

 

Going on dates with guys you think are good ones, only to find they are scumbags or simply not compatible, is hard.

 

Don't only focus on attraction and chemistry though. Pay more attention to what they are sharing about their goals and values. Some very good guys take crappy photos and some guys are just clueless about putting up photos women would like.

 

Good advice.