Meridien Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I have started dating years after a painful divorce and I think I made the biggest mistake ever going out for the first time in awhile with the worst guy for me, and maybe for anyone! I have a lot going for me and I chose so badly that I think I may have problems. I think he was either a borderline, player or creep or both. He texted me and swooned and charmed, always had the right things to say but would ALWAYS throw in inappropriate sexual comments, way too soon. He first led me to believe his wife cheated on him so he left her but then come to find out that he had also been cheating on her for a long time and stopped having sex with his wife. They divorced and he took up with the OW in a three year up and down relationship filled with drama and break ups. He would gaze in your eyes, grab your hands, get close on the first date like he had known me for years. He had texted 100s of texts. He said he thought I may be the one...so much BS. We had attraction when we met and he texted first had a great time. Then the fade...I did question...he then ASKED ME for a second chance and it sounded so sincere but then texted me the next day after I said yes to second chance 2 things...not interested then take care of yourself. I allowed myself to be used by a loser!!! My first new interaction into the dating world. I am not sorry for it ending but am so ashamed that I did this to myself. Has anyone ever crossed paths with anyone like this?
losangelena Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 It's inevitable, OP, that people will have an experience like this. Don't beat yourself up too much over it. Learn from it and move on. It's not an indication of some character defect on your part. In the future, avoid men like this, ones who get too sexual too soon or who lay heavy on the charm offensive. Recognize it for what it is, and move on before you get involved.
Author Meridien Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 It's inevitable, OP, that people will have an experience like this. Don't beat yourself up too much over it. Learn from it and move on. It's not an indication of some character defect on your part. In the future, avoid men like this, ones who get too sexual too soon or who lay heavy on the charm offensive. Recognize it for what it is, and move on before you get involved. Is it inevitable they experience it or do many reject the experience. There were so many red flags and I ignored all of them because he seemed like so much fun. I had the intuition and ignored it. I feel like I need therapy after 1 dating experience. Yes and thank you I will never get involved with someone like this again. I feel so icky.
losangelena Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Is it inevitable they experience it or do many reject the experience. There were so many red flags and I ignored all of them because he seemed like so much fun. I had the intuition and ignored it. I feel like I need therapy after 1 dating experience. Yes and thank you I will never get involved with someone like this again. I feel so icky. It's not a bad thing to feel icky. You're experiencing the consequences of a poor decision—that's your body's way of getting you to not do that again. Trust your intuition and listen to it next time. Don't get hung up on this one experience. Most of us have been there, it's OK, it won't take you down.
Vintage79 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 OP - to answer your main question - it doesn't matter if he is, or is not, a bit crazy. That said, you're absolutely on the crazy side for giving into him, following him around, giving him more chances, etc. He gave you all of the signals - early sexual innuendo, tons of texts, but you still went for it - which makes you the crazy one. He may have simply been someone after sex, so he played the game...the only people that cave to that kind of game are crazies, those with low self-esteem, naive, etc. I'd say learn from it and figure out how to better control your personal/romantic life, otherwise this will continue to happen to you... That said, this happens - so definitely don't beat yourself up over it...
smackie9 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Just chalk it up as a lack of experience and the desire to find something real. You live your learn you move on. After this you will be able to spot the douche bags. What to watch out for? Guys that bomb you with complements, texts and BS.
Author Meridien Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 OP - to answer your main question - it doesn't matter if he is, or is not, a bit crazy. That said, you're absolutely on the crazy side for giving into him, following him around, giving him more chances, etc. He gave you all of the signals - early sexual innuendo, tons of texts, but you still went for it - which makes you the crazy one. He may have simply been someone after sex, so he played the game...the only people that cave to that kind of game are crazies, those with low self-esteem, naive, etc. I'd say learn from it and figure out how to better control your personal/romantic life, otherwise this will continue to happen to you... That said, this happens - so definitely don't beat yourself up over it... I might need therapy if I am crazy. I even skipped the red flag when he texted me that he had to apologize to another business owner (he too is one) because in a conference call over negotiations he went off on him when the guy criticized in negotiation so he told him he was going to drive down there and tear his effing head off!
Author Meridien Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 Just chalk it up as a lack of experience and the desire to find something real. You live your learn you move on. After this you will be able to spot the douche bags. What to watch out for? Guys that bomb you with complements, texts and BS. He did exactly that, we had over a thousand texts in a week. What is normal with texting and guys? I was married and not dating when texting became the new big lines of communication.
losangelena Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Pro-tip: therapy is not for crazy people. There's no shame in going to therapy. It's not for people who can't figure things out on their own. It's a very useful tool for sorting out how learned behaviors from our past affect our current patterns. I recommend everyone go to therapy at least once in their lives. I'm already on my second round.
Redhead14 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I have started dating years after a painful divorce and I think I made the biggest mistake ever going out for the first time in awhile with the worst guy for me, and maybe for anyone! I have a lot going for me and I chose so badly that I think I may have problems. I think he was either a borderline, player or creep or both. He texted me and swooned and charmed, always had the right things to say but would ALWAYS throw in inappropriate sexual comments, way too soon. He first led me to believe his wife cheated on him so he left her but then come to find out that he had also been cheating on her for a long time and stopped having sex with his wife. They divorced and he took up with the OW in a three year up and down relationship filled with drama and break ups. He would gaze in your eyes, grab your hands, get close on the first date like he had known me for years. He had texted 100s of texts. He said he thought I may be the one...so much BS. We had attraction when we met and he texted first had a great time. Then the fade...I did question...he then ASKED ME for a second chance and it sounded so sincere but then texted me the next day after I said yes to second chance 2 things...not interested then take care of yourself. I allowed myself to be used by a loser!!! My first new interaction into the dating world. I am not sorry for it ending but am so ashamed that I did this to myself. Has anyone ever crossed paths with anyone like this? Tons of inexperienced women have done this and there's nothing to be ashamed of. You had sex with a man, because YOU wanted to. That's OK. And, you may have sex with another man early. Whenever you do that, you should assume at the time it will be a one-night stand until he calls you again and asks for another date and continues to date you properly. Nine times out of 10, if a man comes on hard and fast and sexual in the beginning, he will burn out as quickly as he came on especially after sex. And, It's not you, it's them
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