Do you think there's a difference between these two post-breakup friendships?

[NCgirl155]

I was reading around about whether or not it's actually possible to stay friends with an ex and I came across something interesting: apparently it depends highly on the cause of your breakup. One article I read explained that if your breakup was due to long distance and the complications that come from it, you're more likely to stay friends with your ex eventually opposed to a couple who lives close by and broke up because of differences they have. And I guess it makes a bit of sense, because if your breakup is because of distance and not because of fights/personality differences, then you hold less animosity towards eachother? And say the two people in long distance still love eachother and hope to rekindle later on when circumstances are different, what do they do then? Stay friends? Not talk? I'm in a situation (not exactly like the one I described, but slightly similar I guess) where I've been trying to decide whether or not I'll eventually be friends with my ex but I'm being very careful with my decision.

 

So, who agrees with that? Who disagrees? Does the cause of a breakup actually affect the chances of a post-breakup friendship? I don't know where I stand on that one myself so I'm curious to hear other's opinions.

Edited August 27, 2015 by NCgirl155

[ScotchBeef]

every relationship is different, as are the circumstances around every breakup. I think you just need to lok at your own situation and figure out what is best.

 

I have had three long term relationships all with similar breakups, and while i'm still good friends with one and friendly with the other, i haven't spoken to the most recent since the split. That's not to say we couldn't be friends, we just haven't yet.

 

That being said, there was nothing malicious or disrespectful about any of the breakups, just sort of "falling out of love" I suppose. I can imagine plenty of situations where it would be a bad idea to remain friends....if violence or infidelity took place, for example.

[Gus Grimly]

Personally, doesn't matter how close we were, once that ship sails I'm never looking back. To me, that's holding onto the past. Hey, I'm sure it works for other but for me? Nope.

 

I see it differently. Think of relationships like a garage. My car has been parking in that spot for ages. Suddenly I'm not allowed to park there anymore, someone else has my spot. My car is far too precious for me to park on the street where it could get damaged by the unforeseen. I'd rather not chance it and find a new garage to call home.

[NCgirl155]

every relationship is different, as are the circumstances around every breakup. I think you just need to lok at your own situation and figure out what is best.

 

I have had three long term relationships all with similar breakups, and while i'm still good friends with one and friendly with the other, i haven't spoken to the most recent since the split. That's not to say we couldn't be friends, we just haven't yet.

 

That being said, there was nothing malicious or disrespectful about any of the breakups, just sort of "falling out of love" I suppose. I can imagine plenty of situations where it would be a bad idea to remain friends....if violence or infidelity took place, for example.

 

Yeah I totally agree with you, I don't even think there would be an ounce of consideration to be friends in my head if anything malicious went on throughout the relationship or during the breakup. It's nice to hear that it isn't impossible to stay friends though!

[NCgirl155]

Personally, doesn't matter how close we were, once that ship sails I'm never looking back. To me, that's holding onto the past. Hey, I'm sure it works for other but for me? Nope.

 

I see it differently. Think of relationships like a garage. My car has been parking in that spot for ages. Suddenly I'm not allowed to park there anymore, someone else has my spot. My car is far too precious for me to park on the street where it could get damaged by the unforeseen. I'd rather not chance it and find a new garage to call home.

 

 

 

That's an interesting way to think about it, and it definitely does make sense!

[ScotchBeef]

It can be a little tought at times. I've noticed if im with a new girl then my exes, no matter how close we normally are, will keep their distance. Whether thats out of respect for the new partner, or because seeing me with a new girl will bring a sting of jealousy, or maybe a bit of both im not sure.

 

But yeah, some people find it much easier to completely cut that person out, and friendship would never work or even be an option.

[kidm]

From your previous posts, looks like you already contacted him and agreed to a friendship but he wasn't communicating as often as you would have liked. You really need to let this friendship thing go. I hate to say this but you sound obsessed with it. People offer friendship during a breakup but very few actually remain friends. It's up to the two people involved. In your case, it sounds like he didn't want to maintain the text/skype relationship u two had going so I doubt he is going to put any effort into staying friends (at least not the way you want).

[Liono84]

I can relate since I was in a recent LDR too. I understand where you're coming from in regards to staying friends may make more sense if the cause of the breakup was solely due to the distance aspect and nothing else. However, I still wouldn't advise you doing so. You have to keep in mind that although distance was the reason your ex broke up with you, the fact is, at the end of the day, she/he still broke up with you. If someone truly was the one for you, they would be strong and stay in the relationship, esp if both of you had a mutual agreement of relocating. For all you know, she/he can just be saying that. You don't know nor will you ever know their true reasons. It's better to go NC. If she wants to reconcile she still can by contacting you. Staying friends is a bad idea.