CharlesV Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Yep, I'm doomed. A year ago my 3 year long relationship with my girlfriend ended, she was my first love and she broke it off because she said we were incompatible and she needed time (the usual BS excuse offcourse, many of that was because I was acting like a wussy and a doormat the latest year of the relationship). 5 months after the breakup I got a new GF, which didn't work out eventually so we broke up. Then my first love came around the corner again, haven't heard from her a year long. She wanted to bring my stuff back to my place (I still had some shirts @ her place). She did, some things happened and eventually had sex all night long + she slept over. We had a fun night. We hooked up more times this last month after she brought her stuff back and I even slept a couple of times @ her place. When having sex she once said: I like that we're being f*ckbuddies. She even says she loves me. We have sex like all the time we see each other. I let her do 100% of the texting and I make a date whenever she reaches out to me. But here comes the bad news, I think I'm developing some new feelings for my first love, but I think she isn't. I still want her to be in a relationship with me eventually but I'm not pushing relationship labels offcourse, that would be needy and a turnoff. If I want her back as a girlfriend, should I continue with all this Friends with benefits thing until she develops feelings and bonds with me? Or should I just stop having sex with her because she doesn't deserve it being not my girlfriend? What would cause her to want me more as a BF? I want her to be mine. Please help people, I need your help!!.
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Yep. You're doomed. Back off completely. Be honest with her. Tell her you're glad she likes the F**kbuddies status, but it's not working for you because you want her back. Then drop off her radar. One of two things will happen:- She will pursue you... ...Or... ...Not. Either way, you'll then know where you stand. In with a chance or out with the trash. 1
scooby-philly Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I agree with Tara Maiden2 You obviously broke the no contact rule. You're now in a physical relationship that you're hoping turns into something more. At this point you may fool yourself thinking every little thing she does is a sign that she wants you, has feelings for you. Honestly she might. She may also just like having sex with someone who makes you feel safe and possibly knows how to make her feel good. To Tara's point - back off. Don't be rude. Try not to make it obvious. But I've learned that in love, work, school, etc. people make it clear what they want. It's not a question of being a tool, a jerk, or even a question of not doing something cause you're a nice guy. Stop that. If she wants you she has to make it clear. You're making it impossible for her to show what she really wants. you may be letting her do all the texting but read your post. She broke up with you. She ended the relationship and regardless of that she has to prove she really wants it. Look - she may feel bad that she ended it and had your stuff. It was nice of her to drop it back off. but at this point she needs to figure out if she really likes you or if she is still stuck in guilt mode. I'd say ignore her for a while - again politely - respond sporadically. If she wants to set something up say I can't....how about 1 week later...then when you do meet up go someplace other than your place or hers, and then end it without sex. See what happens.
Author CharlesV Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 (edited) So the best thing is to not respond to her texts and back-off to see how much she wants me? Edited August 27, 2015 by CharlesV
losangelena Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 So the best thing is to not respond to her texts and back-off to see how much she wants me? Not quite. You missed the first part, wherein you TELL HER that you have feelings for her and that you don't want to just be FBs. THEN back off. Dropping off without saying anything will just add more confusion to the mix. 1
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