6 months on...

[bsmanchester]

Hello all!

 

I'm hoping someone can help me here with what I'm dealing with and the amount of stress it's giving me.

 

I broke up with my partner around 6 months ago, he left me basically saying that he felt he was too young to settle down and he wanted to be alone. I met him when he was 17 and I was 26, I can understand now he was young but when you meet someone who is just on your wave length it just happened, we were together for 3 years and in the last year we lived together. He was attending uni and also worked throughout the last year and he's met plenty of friends in the mean time and now lives with a close mate that he works with over summer until he goes back to uni.

 

When he originally told me he wanted to end it, he gave us no chance at all to even attempt to salvage our relationship and just wanted out, we were living together at this point and he would spend days ignoring me and spending time away from me and leaving me to deal with things alone, down the line around 6 weeks later when he came to move out his emotions finally cropped up on him and he had a break down on me. We continued to talk and keep in contact for a while and I went away with a friend on holiday. When I came back he sat me down and decided to tell me that he had done stuff with the lad he is living with and he felt bad and upset and it shouldn't of happened, my head completely was spinning at this point as I didn't know why he felt the need to tell me this when we were single?

 

A few weeks later I then came to move out and he helped me and I am now in a house share and he is still living with his mate.

 

We kept in contact with each other and text now and again but I am really starting to suffer with the fact that I can't get closure with this lad.

 

A few weeks into moving out a decided I would hide his tweets and his Facebook statuses from my wall as I thought it would do me good, but looking back now it's killing me as I'm manually searching for him and looking at what he's up to, it seems like he's doing the same to me as well as he tweeted a comment made for me when I chose to deactivate my Twitter and he thought I had blocked him.

 

Last week would have been our anniversary and I chose to send him a nice friendship text and I got a lovely text back off him telling me that he cared for me more then I think, but then he starts giving me mixed signals and ignoring me. Over the weekend his brother had been in hospital and I texted my ex to ask how he is and he ignores me all the time. Yesterday I saw that he had been on a road trip with this lad and I text him to see how he was and he got back to me, I simply said that I was concerned about him and why did he have to ignore me when he saw I was trying to help over the weekend and what I got back was just shouting text saying that I need to back off and leave him alone I shouldn't look out for him any more he can look out for in self I understand that he's upset and stressed and I know for a fact that he doesn't normally send me texts like that so I left him to it.

 

I rang him in the evening and had a chat and I can tell he's so stressed out he told me that he didn't care for me in the same way he used to and only as a friend, he's got so much on at the moment and doesn't need me hassling him all the time, I agreed that I would leave him alone but this is where my issue lies, I'm simply annoyed at the fact that he's the one who left me and he's having it easy it seems, he's enjoying life and taking his mind off everything and I've just been thrown to one side and I'm no good any more when I got him to where he is now.

 

For all I know he could be going through what I'm going and I can't see it, I get the sense and other people have told me this as well that he knows he has messed up and thrown something big away and he's trying to deal with it.

 

He means a lot to me and I still care for him even though I shouldn't do, I understand he is still young and confused and he doesn't know what he's doing but it's now starting to effect everything in my life and I just can't get my mind off it.

[La.Primavera]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with the breakup. It can be very difficult to detach yourself from someone you were so involved with. You are right though, he is young. It is a shame you didn't meet him a few years later when he was more ready to settle down like you are.

 

Trying to maintain a friendship when you have a romantic history can be extremely difficult because the dynamics are different. Your feelings are still invested while his have changed as he learns to be independent on his own terms and learns more about himself. I guess that is why so many people decide to go no contact, to allow themselves time and space to detach themselves from the other person and move on.

 

If you think it is getting too much for you to handle, perhaps you could consider that option of no contact. You need to do what is best for you in the long run.

 

Take care.