adarling Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Hi all, I recently feel like I've been a victim of love fraud. I'm not totally sure, but I can't seem to move past it. Here it is: Meet a guy. Things are great. Month two asks me to be his girlfriend. Month three tells me he is in love with me. Normal boyfriend girlfriend stuff ensues. Start to notice guarding of the phone. Month four snoop. Find he has an ongoing relationship with another girl he met at the same time as me. She left for China before he and I got serious. He kept her around after we got serious. They text almost every day. He tells her he is falling for her too, she is the only one, he will wait for her. I confront him. He is ready to end it. I want to fight about it. He tells me she is married. I confirm this on FB. He says he was just messing around with her, after he found out she was married he inteded to end it. Whatever. Says he wasn't man enough to end it, regrets he continued to chat with her. I stick around. He reveals he has cheated before, it's a problem. He likes manipulating women, but only on the side. If he is in a real realtionship he doesn't do that. Whatever. I try to somehow rebuild trust in this impossible situation. Week she is suppose to come back from China, I find a long black hair in the shower. He has also "thrown away" his condoms, says he doesn't need them anymore and it was a gesture to show me he was serious. Probably scared I was counting them. Then he says he is going to go to bed early, super tired, turning phone on low. I say call me in the morning. Doesn't call. I go to house. He not there. I call his phone like 20 times. Rings. No answer. I freak out and trash his house, kind of. And post mean stuff on FB. He zips home after FB post. Says he was at work. Phone was dead. I say no. He says oh, it was on silent, then died. I had also called her. He asks if I called her. I say no. He says, "did you?" like he knows. Hmm. I say no. He holds fast that he was at work. We breakup. It's a mess. I go to his house a week later, we had continued to talk because I kept trying to get the truth from him. When I show up he is surprised. I say, can you do me one last favor and show me your phone and prove you are not in contact with her. Wont do it. He turns it on me and says he is mad I jsut came over which is why he wont show phone. Now. I am really mad. But I can't prove anything. But it seems all to messed up. I want to text, email her, and tell her he told me he was just manipulating her and lying to her, I have email to prove he says this. And I want to tell her husband, because first he deserves to know, second he is in this guys industry and this guy would be negatively affected career wise by this info leak. DO I DO IT? Go!
ExpatInItaly Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 No. Do nothing but walk away and keep your dignity. You chose to stay after knowing you weren't the only woman in his life. Then you participated in the madness. That's not love fraud. You knew what he was up to but you continued on anyway. When you say you trashed his house, what did you do? You're lucky that didn't come back to bite you. Just leave it and walk away. I know you're angry, but I really don't think taking "revenge" is going to benefit you in any way. I don't think she'd care much that he's manipulating her, given that she's married. She probably wouldn't believe you anyway, as I'm sure he'd find a way to spin that email and make himself out to be innocent. He did it to you, he'll continue doing it to her too. As for telling the husband, if you have no proof, it won't go anywhere. Who's to say he doesn't already know? Out of curiosity, why did you stay after finding out about his other girlfriend?
PegNosePete Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I've been a victim of love fraud You've been cheated on for sure, which sucks. But you've been the cause of most of the drama in your story. Find he has an ongoing relationship with another girl he met at the same time as me. She left for China before he and I got serious. He kept her around after we got serious. They text almost every day. He tells her he is falling for her too, she is the only one, he will wait for her. I confront him. He is ready to end it. I want to fight about it. This is the point you should have said GOODBYE and never spoken to him again. The rest of your timeline would have never happened. You're exhibiting some quite worrying and dangerous behaviour. Trashing someone's house is not acceptable. You need to leave him be. He is a cheating douchebag and you know it. There's no need to carry on talking to him, it will only cause additional drama. Work on your self esteem and anger issues if you want your next relationship to be better.
Author adarling Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 I know. I know. I stayed because I thought he would change, and as he was only chatting with her and not physically sleeping with her, I justified it. He started going to therapy and seemed like he really wanted to be a good man, and make it work. I egged his bed. Is what I did. I allowed the situation to get the best of me. I know I have to walk away. It's just so hurtful.
Toodaloo Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Oh my days... NO! Just STOP! Do you realize that you are acting like a psychotic weirdo? Do you enjoy all of this drama? No revenge, no phoning wives, girlfriends, stalking, smashing up houses etc etc. adarling - if you want to live up to your user name you need to stop this behavior, take some time out to learn how to avoid dating bad men, then slowly and quietly try again. I would be running for the damned hills if my other half behaved like this... He knows you called her because she rang to complain about it. Please stop the crazy and quit doing this. This is not normal behavior at all. Just walk away.
Author adarling Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 Toodaloo, Shame on you for bashing me when you should surely be bashing him.
Author adarling Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 and to that end Toodaloo you don't sound like you have anything figured out. Probably best you refrain from attempting to advise anyone. I don't know why I even put myself out there to get crapped on on sites like this. My therapist is a much better resource. So I don't need this. He completely understands the world of betrayal and how it can make relatively normal people act abnormally. I entertain the thought of revenge because it makes me feel better. Because the pain is so fierce that I want to do anything to make it go away. Will I really do it? Probably not. Did I egg his bed? Yes. Did I call her? Yes. I didn't leave a message. And who the hell cares if I called her? This isn't crazy behavior this is actually to be expected from most people who deal with betrayal. Perhaps you don't relate to the passion and intensity of my actions, perhaps you can't understand at all. But guess what, he actually did. He saw how hard it was for me, and his ex wife cheated on him and he did a lot of the same stuff he said. It's funny how people act in these situations, it is. But I reject you're whole mean spirited reply.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I know. I know. I stayed because I thought he would change, and as he was only chatting with her and not physically sleeping with her, I justified it. He started going to therapy and seemed like he really wanted to be a good man, and make it work. I egged his bed. Is what I did. I allowed the situation to get the best of me. I know I have to walk away. It's just so hurtful. It's hurtful, of course. But I imagine you learned a lot too - when you discover a man has other women in his orbit, never go back for more. Also, I would take everything he says about his relationship with her with a gigantic rock of salt. I doubt it never got physical. Guys like him don't stick around for "chatting" relationships. Anyway, you're better off to wash your hands of this entirely and close that chapter. He isn't worth the mental anguish.
Redhead14 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Hi all, I recently feel like I've been a victim of love fraud. I'm not totally sure, but I can't seem to move past it. Here it is: Meet a guy. Things are great. Month two asks me to be his girlfriend. Month three tells me he is in love with me. Normal boyfriend girlfriend stuff ensues. Start to notice guarding of the phone. Month four snoop. Find he has an ongoing relationship with another girl he met at the same time as me. She left for China before he and I got serious. He kept her around after we got serious. They text almost every day. He tells her he is falling for her too, she is the only one, he will wait for her. I confront him. He is ready to end it. I want to fight about it. He tells me she is married. I confirm this on FB. He says he was just messing around with her, after he found out she was married he inteded to end it. Whatever. Says he wasn't man enough to end it, regrets he continued to chat with her. I stick around. He reveals he has cheated before, it's a problem. He likes manipulating women, but only on the side. If he is in a real realtionship he doesn't do that. Whatever. I try to somehow rebuild trust in this impossible situation. Week she is suppose to come back from China, I find a long black hair in the shower. He has also "thrown away" his condoms, says he doesn't need them anymore and it was a gesture to show me he was serious. Probably scared I was counting them. Then he says he is going to go to bed early, super tired, turning phone on low. I say call me in the morning. Doesn't call. I go to house. He not there. I call his phone like 20 times. Rings. No answer. I freak out and trash his house, kind of. And post mean stuff on FB. He zips home after FB post. Says he was at work. Phone was dead. I say no. He says oh, it was on silent, then died. I had also called her. He asks if I called her. I say no. He says, "did you?" like he knows. Hmm. I say no. He holds fast that he was at work. We breakup. It's a mess. I go to his house a week later, we had continued to talk because I kept trying to get the truth from him. When I show up he is surprised. I say, can you do me one last favor and show me your phone and prove you are not in contact with her. Wont do it. He turns it on me and says he is mad I jsut came over which is why he wont show phone. Now. I am really mad. But I can't prove anything. But it seems all to messed up. I want to text, email her, and tell her he told me he was just manipulating her and lying to her, I have email to prove he says this. And I want to tell her husband, because first he deserves to know, second he is in this guys industry and this guy would be negatively affected career wise by this info leak. DO I DO IT? Go! Walk away. You will be sinking to his level if you attempt revenge and really end up becoming one of the crazy "exes". Block his number and never unblock it.
Keenly Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 How are you ever going to learn if you don't accept the responsibility of the part you played in this situation. Shouldn't have left, shouldn't have built the he will change fantasy in your mind, and you shouldn't have touched his stuff. That last part was petty and unnecessary.
Strahatmak Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Oh wow, how old are you? If you want some dramatic comments, you wont get any here. A revenge site is your better option. Those people will probably teach you how to take down his house. LEARN FROM IT. Learn to protect yourself from now. Don't be that navie that everyone you meet will be a good, honest person. You dont need to give a sh..t to people who make you unhappy, got it? Sorry to hear that, we got your pain, but we will also tell you how not to get hurt again, and that's more important to you.
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