noodlemonster Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I have been dating my boyfriend who is a sous chef for around 7 months, it is still a new relationship but it feels hard and I'm not sure how to handle it. I work Monday to Friday 9 hour days.He works long 12 hour days and only has Monday off right now. He used to get Monday and Tuesday off but because it's slow at work he has to work on Tuesday. He usually spends time on Monday with his friends or sometimes he lets me hang out with his friends as well but most of the time I hang out with him after he gets off work when he's tired and exhausted. Recently he told me he doesn't know if he likes me because he's fallen in love with girls after two weeks of dating them before, so he's not sure if he's taking it slow because he's moved too fast in past or because he just doesn't feel anything with me. It's hard for our relationship to get to a deep level since we barely see each other and when we do he's super exhausted and I have work early the next day. I have met his family and he has asked me if I wanted to meet his relatives. His entire family is aware that he is dating someone new and want to meet me. I try not to think of him wanting me to meet his relatives as a sign that he's falling in love with me because I don't want to get my hopes up. We text but he's not that good at texting since he's always busy at work plus he's not much of a texter. We also talk on the phone now on his way back home which has helped I think but how am I supposed to make this relationship work with these odd hours and when he's always so tired when we meet up? Should I be worried that he doesn't now if he loves me yet?
La.Primavera Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Should I be worried that he doesn't now if he loves me yet? Yes I think you should be worried after what he said. Recently he told me he doesn't know if he likes me because he's fallen in love with girls after two weeks of dating them before, so he's not sure if he's taking it slow because he's moved too fast in past or because he just doesn't feel anything with me. I'm sorry but the fact that he told you this is a bad sign. This relationship sounds like a lot of effort with little reward. I think you need to weigh up whether it is worth your time and emotions in the long run.
Zippy2000 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Similar to me. I like this girl who works a 48 hour week. The only day iff for her is Sunday. We text but when she is off work sees her friends instead of seeing me. I dont bother her and let he be. She knows where I am if she wants to be with be but whats worrying is he said he doesnt yet know if he likes you. You either know or dont not doesnt "yet" know. Give him space if he needs to. Its only been 7 months and things still need to work and settle in place.
scooby-philly Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Dating someone with a drastically different schedule is hard. Particularly for someone who works a typical 9-5 kind of job. He's allowed - and it's a good sign - to express that he's fallen too fast. I've been there & done that. He's aware of past issues and that's healthy. However, he may not be ready to allow himself to feel. Meaning, the feeling may be there but he's afraid of being hurt again. Working long hours in today's culture makes us very protective of our free time. However, i would say that if was really interested in you or was interested and was really ready to move on and find someone he'd make it work. We prove what's important to us, what we want, etc through our efforts. He's trying to make an effort but he may just be a wreck at this point. The question is...are you ready to wait? At this point - 7 months - he should know what he feels. It's obviously tearing at you so either you need to talk it all out with him or you need to be true to your feelings and move on.
Author noodlemonster Posted August 28, 2015 Author Posted August 28, 2015 I meant to say that he doesn't know if he loves me. He tells me he likes me a lot enough to want to be with me but he doesn't know if he loves me. But his definition of love is marriage and wife material.
mystikmind2005 Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Chef's are not permitted to have their own life, didn't you know? Right now the human rights commission are deliberating that chef's don't even qualify as human, their whole purpose for existing is to be in the kitchen. (slight exaggeration based on how employers think of their chef's)
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