cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Yeah same problem with money. Everything about him is perfect except that he never offered to pay a full bill once. Not sure if your being sarcastic ? The money thing doesn't bother me I was just curious what people thought. What bothers me is how he always asks to come over and gets angry when I tell him.no
newmoon Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 it just shows bad manners, and that is something someone needs to work hard at changing
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I'm old school so if a guy ask me out on a date he pays the bill. If we split the bill he either becomes a friend or I don't see him again. In this guys case I wouldn't see him again. He sounds rather rude. Why is he trying to come over to your place so soon? Again I'm old fashioned. If I'm trying to form a relationship with a man I don't jump in to bed with him. However, I know a lot of the kids are in to that these days. Ya what bothers me is how he always wants to come over and gets mad and tells me I'm making excuses when I say no
seekingluck Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 +1 on the door thing. I always thought that was odd. I mean, "ladies first" when getting up from a table or something usually has her walking ahead of her date, so when she reaches the exit door, I would assume she'd open it (using her womanly muscles!) and hold it open for him, or vice versa if he happened to be walking in front. I just don't get it. I am in my 30s. The door opening thing used to not be a deal breaker for me, but now it almost is. Here is the deal! I love when men open the doors for me. And you can recognize a "gentleman" by this whole door thing. There is a very subtle dance, when a guy is into a girl, and one of these gentleman types, he makes an effort to get to the door first. All the time. His lady will never be at the door first. And on the off chance she is, he grabs it and lets her go first. I prefer the guy to pay over the first few dates. But the older I get, the more I realize I can't compromise on the door thing. Usually I find I get along better with the door openers, and we have similar expectations on roles in relationships.
losangelena Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Not sure if your being sarcastic ? The money thing doesn't bother me I was just curious what people thought. What bothers me is how he always asks to come over and gets angry when I tell him.no OK, well OP this is a bigger deal than him paying, not paying, doors, whatever. You are stating a boundary and he is getting angry. That's not cool and it's not behavior you should need to put up with. 3
Shining One Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 OP, I think he knows how much you're attracted to him and he doesn't feel nearly as attracted to you. I get the impression that he thinks he can get you into bed without too much more effort, so he has decided not to put much effort into you.
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 OP, I think he knows how much you're attracted to him and he doesn't feel nearly as attracted to you. I get the impression that he thinks he can get you into bed without too much more effort, so he has decided not to put much effort into you. So it's probably best just to cut him.out?
SammySammy Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I'm old school so if a guy ask me out on a date he pays the bill. If we split the bill he either becomes a friend or I don't see him again. In this guys case I wouldn't see him again. He sounds rather rude. Why is he trying to come over to your place so soon? Again I'm old fashioned. If I'm trying to form a relationship with a man I don't jump in to bed with him. However, I know a lot of the kids are in to that these days. Serious question: Is it possible to get to know a woman like you without dating? What if a man didn't want to "date". What if all a man wanted to do was to get to know you? Who are you? What are your interests? What makes you smile? What annoys you? What if there was something you were both interested in close by? Something as simple as a walk in a park, antique shopping on the weekend, or some local festival. Would it be possible to go there together and get to know each other without all the pressures and rules of "dating" - who pays, who calls first, and all of that? Just two interesting human beings getting to know each other ....
Shining One Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 So it's probably best just to cut him.out?Unless you're looking for a FWB, then yes. He's being rude and inconsiderate of your boundaries. He wants to pressure you into giving you what he wants. Has he even shown interest in the things you want? Even if he had paid 100% of your dates, my advice would be the same. No one should be pressured into violating their boundaries. 2
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Serious question: Is it possible to get to know a woman like you without dating? What if a man didn't want to "date". What if all a man wanted to do was to get to know you? Who are you? What are your interests? What makes you smile? What annoys you? What if there was something you were both interested in close by? Something as simple as a walk in a park, antique shopping on the weekend, or some local festival. Would it be possible to go there together and get to know each other without all the pressures and rules of "dating" - who pays, who calls first, and all of that? Just two interesting human beings getting to know each other .... I know this wasn't directed towards me but I would love this. I feel however that this guy has no interest in what annoys me or makes me smile and just wants to push my boundries
h57zf Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Paying has always been one of those things that's never said. In my limited relationship experience, we usually go dutch the first few dates. After that I usually pay, unless it's a special occasion like my birthday (well, I've only had one birthday with a date). For the record, I'd say it's extremely rude to NEVER pay for anything, even if you were just friends with no romantic interest. If I'm going drinking with the guys, we take turns buying rounds. I'd say this guy is looking for free dinners.
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Unless you're looking for a FWB, then yes. He's being rude and inconsiderate of your boundaries. He wants to pressure you into giving you what he wants. Has he even shown interest in the things you want? Even if he had paid 100% of your dates, my advice would be the same. No one should be pressured into violating their boundaries. No he hasn't shown interest in what I want or much about me
seekingluck Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I agree. The door is not an issue for me. It doesn't mean that I'm being chivalrous toward a woman. When someone is close behind me, I hold the door for them. It doesn't matter who it is - man, woman, boy, girl, old, young ... it doesn't matter. That's just common courtesy. Holding the door is very different than opening the door. If you don't hold the door, you are definitely rude. Opening the door for me is a way to make me feel special, and appreciate I that. More so than just holding the door, which is a basic requirement.
seekingluck Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 No he hasn't shown interest in what I want or much about me Ditch him. It sounds like he wants easy sex. 1
Shining One Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Opening the door for me is a way to make me feel special, and appreciate I that. More so than just holding the door, which is a basic requirement.What are your thoughts on this? Most of my dates before my current girlfriend wore heels all of the time. On date nights at popular places, parking can be pretty far. I normally drop my dates off right in front of the venue so they don't have to walk as far in their heels. Would you be appreciative of this gesture or would you prefer your date to be there to open the door for you?
SammySammy Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Holding the door is very different than opening the door. If you don't hold the door, you are definitely rude. Opening the door for me is a way to make me feel special, and appreciate I that. More so than just holding the door, which is a basic requirement. Hmmm. That's interesting. I make no distinction between holding a door and opening a door. I open doors for men, women and children also. Let them go through ahead of me. It's still nothing more than common courtesy to me and not done to make anyone feel special. There seems to be too many arbitrary rules to dating. Things people give meaning to that don't really have a meaning. 2
TunaCat Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I don't see an issue with you guys always splitting the bill for things. But, if it bothers you, you need to say something. I actually would like it if I was splitting the bill every time. I would feel like an equal. That's important to me. As for the always wanting to come over part, he sounds like he's focused on getting sex. He wants to get sex & he's not shy about it at all. If he's not showing any interest in what you want or anything about you, that further confirms my statement above that he's focused on sex.
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 No he hasn't shown interest in what I want or much about me This says it all. Why on earth do you continue to see this guy?!? You act like you don't already know this guy just wants to get into your pants and that's it. He gets pissed when you deny him an invitation back to your house which should have been all you needed to kick his ass to the curb As for chivalry, unless he was raised by wolves there is no excuse for not having common sense manners. Opening and holding doors is Chivalry 101. Translation? He doesn't care enough about you. NEXT! 3
Jinx01 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Okay on the paying thing, if he never pays then it's not a good sign, guys normally want to pay at least some times of they are really into you because they want to impress you or show you that they care. If he pays for nothing and then gets upset when you won't let him come over then he's bad. Getting upset at anyone over them not wanting to do something on a date is a huge red flag as abusive. Stop seeing this guy it probably won't end well. 1
smackie9 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I think I have already said this but, date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. if you don't like the way they are treating you, you stop seeing them, not try to fix them. 4
seekingluck Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 What are your thoughts on this? Most of my dates before my current girlfriend wore heels all of the time. On date nights at popular places, parking can be pretty far. I normally drop my dates off right in front of the venue so they don't have to walk as far in their heels. Would you be appreciative of this gesture or would you prefer your date to be there to open the door for you? The keeping me from suffering while walking in heels trumps opening the door. As does getting the car when it is raining vs walking forever. Door opening should happen when practical. There are cases where it makes no sense obviously. If there are double doors, of course I'll grab the second one and hold it for you. Car doors? I don't care. Not in a car that often. The basic rule for me is let the woman go first when it makes sense. I am not tripping out about being on the side of the street with cars on it, but I appreciate the gesture. Basically show you care and treat me special compared to a random stranger.
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Okay on the paying thing, if he never pays then it's not a good sign, guys normally want to pay at least some times of they are really into you because they want to impress you or show you that they care. If he pays for nothing and then gets upset when you won't let him come over then he's bad. Getting upset at anyone over them not wanting to do something on a date is a huge red flag as abusive. Stop seeing this guy it probably won't end well. My friend keeps telling me it's normal for a guy to want sex after 4 dates but this makes me feel super uncomfortable and I don't want to have sex until we are in a relationship and now I am just anxious about what to do
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 This says it all. Why on earth do you continue to see this guy?!? You act like you don't already know this guy just wants to get into your pants and that's it. He gets pissed when you deny him an invitation back to your house which should have been all you needed to kick his ass to the curb As for chivalry, unless he was raised by wolves there is no excuse for not having common sense manners. Opening and holding doors is Chivalry 101. Translation? He doesn't care enough about you. NEXT! So what's the best way to end this
Shining One Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 My friend keeps telling me it's normal for a guy to want sex after 4 dates but this makes me feel super uncomfortable and I don't want to have sex until we are in a relationship and now I am just anxious about what to doYes, it's normal for a guy to want sex early. It's not normal for a guy to get angry when you tell him no. You should always move at a pace that's comfortable for you. Sex happens when both people are ready.
losangelena Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 My friend keeps telling me it's normal for a guy to want sex after 4 dates but this makes me feel super uncomfortable and I don't want to have sex until we are in a relationship and now I am just anxious about what to do These friends of yours. smh They're full of *wonderful* notions. /sarcasm It IS normal for a guy to want to have sex. It's normal for PEOPLE to want to have sex. What is not normal or OK is the fact that this guy is not only pressuring you to let him come over to your place, but when you say "no," he gets upset and accuses you of making excuses. That is WHOLEY NOT OK. You want a man who, despite the fact that he wants sex, is RESPECTFUL of your boundaries and is willing to wait a while. If you were fine with jumping into bed right away, that's fine, but you say you're not. If you've explained this to him and he's still being a d*uchenozzle about it, that's when you dump is *ss onto the curb. 1
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