adiamond Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Hi, I was wondering if I start dating again and men offer to pay for me. When should I accept and when shouldn't I accept. I don't want to like feel obligated to give them anything. I have interest in meeting them but I don't want to hurt anyone or make anyone feel used if I don't like them at the end of the day.
CalvinM Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 If the guy asks you out for a first date, he should offer to pay. If you like him, offer to split the bill. It'll show you respect him. 1
Zippy2000 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 If the guy asks you out for a first date, he should offer to pay. If you like him, offer to split the bill. It'll show you respect him. You know that doesnt always happen. A man CAN if he wishes ask to pay but I also think its right for the woman to offer to pay half. There is NOTHING more off putting for me to always pay as being a man. I usually offer first but I can guage the interest on a woman when she says I ll pay half. If I like her enough I ll reply by saying. I ll get this one. There was a girl I dated a few years abck and after the second date of pying I felt like I was being taken for a ride so I didnt take it any further with her. Its 2015 and not 1915! The woman can pay as well. What happened to equality and th ascent of woman? lol
Buddhist Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Hi, I was wondering if I start dating again and men offer to pay for me. When should I accept and when shouldn't I accept. I don't want to like feel obligated to give them anything. I have interest in meeting them but I don't want to hurt anyone or make anyone feel used if I don't like them at the end of the day. On a first meeting I usually ensure I have cash, close enough to the exact amount for what I order. At the end I simply place my cash in the bill book or at the register etc. I sometimes get a raised eyebrow, but it's generally appreciated and I like the feeling of not being obligated. If we meet again I'll let him pay if he offers, then I'll pay for the next outing. I like to keep things fairly balanced, that way everyone's free to walk away if they want and not feel used or obligated. I'm not entertainment to be bought. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Well, I'm in the over 50 group and men in my age group don't seem to want women to pay. Whenever I've offered, I've always been turned down. Always. Some of the guys were horribly offended and asked me not to ever bring it up again. Seriously. One time when I went to a local pub with a guy (second date I think it was) I gave the barmaid my credit card to run a tab and at the end of the night, she returned my card to me with no receipt to sign and I asked what the charge was. She told me nothing - my date had paid and she was returning my credit card to me. Hey - I tried. Being an excellent cook, I've always reciprocated and cooked them a fabulous dinner and dessert and they always got a doggie bag to go on top of it. That's pretty much always been my experience in my age group.
smackie9 Posted October 3, 2015 Posted October 3, 2015 Who pays gets established as you go along. My husband and I alternate. It's been this way since we first started dating. When I was dating 25 years ago, if I asked a guy out I paid, if they asked me out they paid, if it was casual we split the bill. If it went further than a second date, then it would settle into the ol' I pay, then you pay. If I wasn't working or making much money then yes like Lois said I reciprocated with home cooked meals, but I took it further with cleaning their place, washed their laundry. I never expected a free ride. I do get that 50+ generation are old skool, but I would be out of place if I was single today because I have always been more modern/independent minded. I liked taking men out and spoiling them. 1
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 A completely opposite post to one from before, how would you approach a situation where a man payed for your coffee once but never payed for you again on multiple dates you went on after. Also to add never holding doors open or anything like that
GunslingerRoland Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I think that says a lot about the person and their beliefs. Sounds very self focused. 1
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I think that says a lot about the person and their beliefs. Sounds very self focused. Ya I think it would be nice if I guy payed the first or second time or even held the door open once
Jinx01 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I would say. "I'm sorry but I like gentlemen who at least think dates should be paid for 50/50... You won't be seeing anymore of me."
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I would say. "I'm sorry but I like gentlemen who at least think dates should be paid for 50/50... You won't be seeing anymore of me." NO it has been 50/50 he has just never treated me and payed the whOle thing
Shining One Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 A completely opposite post to one from before, how would you approach a situation where a man payed for your coffee once but never payed for you again on multiple dates you went on after. Also to add never holding doors open or anything like thatThe door holding seems odd to me. Wherever I go, the person that gets to the door first holds the door. Can you describe how this goes for you? Does he let a door slam in your face or do you get to the door first? As for the money situation, that's a tough one to determine. He could be withholding generosity until things get more serious, this could be how he always is, or he could just be not into you and not want to make an investment. 2
losangelena Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Can you give us more details? Is this one of these guys you're not attracted to? What have you done for dates? How expensive are they? Is he initiating? How many times have you gone out? 1
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Can you give us more details? Is this one of these guys you're not attracted to? What have you done for dates? How expensive are they? Is he initiating? How many times have you gone out? Very attracted to him. But wayr he just wants to hook up as he pushed hard to come over to my house on 2nd and forth date. Went for coffee, food, hiking and biking and dinner. Just payed for coffee everything else was 50/50
cessna Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Very attracted to him. But wayr he just wants to hook up as he pushed hard to come over to my house on 2nd and forth date. Went for coffee, food, hiking and biking and dinner. Just payed for coffee everything else was 50/50 Wait, so he has paid more than his fair share and you're still annoyed? He's paid more than 50% over the course of your dates, but I guess you feel entitled to him paying 100% eh...
MightyPen Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 The door holding seems odd to me. Wherever I go, the person that gets to the door first holds the door. Can you describe how this goes for you? Does he let a door slam in your face or do you get to the door first? As for the money situation, that's a tough one to determine. He could be withholding generosity until things get more serious, this could be how he always is, or he could just be not into you and not want to make an investment. +1 on the door thing. I always thought that was odd. I mean, "ladies first" when getting up from a table or something usually has her walking ahead of her date, so when she reaches the exit door, I would assume she'd open it (using her womanly muscles!) and hold it open for him, or vice versa if he happened to be walking in front. I just don't get it. 1
losangelena Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 OK, I guess I'm not quite sure as to what you're asking. I don't think it's abnormal to split the cost of dates, but as we've been reading lately, everyone seems to have a different take on this. True, sincere "interest" is almost impossible to extrapolate based on someone's payment behavior. Do you have fun with him? Is he thoughtful and gentlemanly? What kind of vibe does he throw off—is he considerate of you? Does he ask you questions and seem sincerely interested in getting to know you? Did you let him come over on dates two and four? Have y'all gotten physical? Furthermore, how does it make you feel that he hasn't fully paid for anything yet? There's no right or wrong answer to that. It would make me feel kinda unspecial if I was out with a guy who never did that. Bottom line, dating is about finding someone who does make you feel special (among other things).
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Wait, so he has paid more than his fair share and you're still annoyed? He's paid more than 50% over the course of your dates, but I guess you feel entitled to him paying 100% eh... Sorry I don't understand what you mean? He payed for my coffee once, everything else was 50/50. I'm not saying he should of payed for me again I'm just asking for people's opinions on this. I want to know what people think of a guy who splits everything 50/50 and always asks to come over. Like just opinions is what I am seeing
cookiemonster26 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 OK, I guess I'm not quite sure as to what you're asking. I don't think it's abnormal to split the cost of dates, but as we've been reading lately, everyone seems to have a different take on this. True, sincere "interest" is almost impossible to extrapolate based on someone's payment behavior. Do you have fun with him? Is he thoughtful and gentlemanly? What kind of vibe does he throw off—is he considerate of you? Does he ask you questions and seem sincerely interested in getting to know you? Did you let him come over on dates two and four? Have y'all gotten physical? Furthermore, how does it make you feel that he hasn't fully paid for anything yet? There's no right or wrong answer to that. It would make me feel kinda unspecial if I was out with a guy who never did that. Bottom line, dating is about finding someone who does make you feel special (among other things). Ive made out with him but I haven't let him come over. I get the vibe that he just wants to hook up. Define thoughtful and gentlemanly fot me. I don't except him to pay but I do feel a bit unspecial that he hasn't. As for the the door. I guess if I get there first I will hold it open. If he gets there first he just enters the place doesn't really consider where I am. I wouldn't really say he slams it in my face but also doesn't hold it open. Just goes in the room and that's it
cessna Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 (edited) Sorry I don't understand what you mean? He payed for my coffee once, everything else was 50/50. I'm not saying he should of payed for me again I'm just asking for people's opinions on this. I want to know what people think of a guy who splits everything 50/50 and always asks to come over. Like just opinions is what I am seeing Yeah, if he paid for you once and then everything after was split 50/50 then he has paid more than 50% over the course of your dates. It's not difficult to understand is it. Edited October 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Shining One Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 As for the the door. I guess if I get there first I will hold it open. If he gets there first he just enters the place doesn't really consider where I am. I wouldn't really say he slams it in my face but also doesn't hold it open. Just goes in the room and that's itThat behavior is a bit rude, regardless of whether or not you're on a date. When you open a door, you look behind you. If someone is close, you hold it for them. 2
SammySammy Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 That behavior is a bit rude, regardless of whether or not you're on a date. When you open a door, you look behind you. If someone is close, you hold it for them. I agree. The door is not an issue for me. It doesn't mean that I'm being chivalrous toward a woman. When someone is close behind me, I hold the door for them. It doesn't matter who it is - man, woman, boy, girl, old, young ... it doesn't matter. That's just common courtesy. 2
MightyPen Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 That behavior is a bit rude, regardless of whether or not you're on a date. When you open a door, you look behind you. If someone is close, you hold it for them. Yeah that would be rude if he was out with his mother, or his kiddos or even his drinking buddies. I mean, it's common courtesy to make sure the door doesn't smack the next person in the face. He if literally just strides in places with absolutely no concern for those physically around him, that strikes me as a bit "@ssholeish."
pcs13 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Yeah same problem with money. Everything about him is perfect except that he never offered to pay a full bill once.
juicygirl Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I'm old school so if a guy ask me out on a date he pays the bill. If we split the bill he either becomes a friend or I don't see him again. In this guys case I wouldn't see him again. He sounds rather rude. Why is he trying to come over to your place so soon? Again I'm old fashioned. If I'm trying to form a relationship with a man I don't jump in to bed with him. However, I know a lot of the kids are in to that these days.
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