No_Go Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 People are people. The people that you meet at work or via family/friends likely have OLD profiles, and people that are at OLD can be your coworkers, friend's friends etc. It is the same after the first date. Is it true what they say about online dating and it being filled with crazy people? I have heard a lot of different things from people, saying that the internet is filled with crazy people, while others say you will find someone at your workplace to others saying they found someone through family or friends. Which of these ways do you think is the right way to find that special someone?
losangelena Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I also had good luck doing OLD. I had not dated a whole lot before I tried it, and men really did not approach me IRL. I thought I'd get crickets online as well, so sure it was a confidence boost when I saw that I actually could attract men. Did I do it just for that reason? No, of course not. There's a difference between having confidence and getting ones ego stroked. Plus, I didn't just wait around for men to reach out to me; if I saw a guy's profile that I liked, I had no qualms about sending him a message. I will say that, for whatever reason, OLD seems to be easier for women than men. But to generalize and say that ALL women on there are crazy, or NONE of them want to meet in person, or that ALL the guys on there are looking to hook up, is false. I was on there to get dates, period. And unless I found the guy creepy, skeezy, or completely unattractive, I said yes. Some just wanted to get laid, and some were relationship-minded—just like in real life. I ended up going on dates with about 40 men over the course of 10 months before I met my now BF. Yes it was exhausting, but would I have been able to meet that many men if I had not done OLD? No way. Out of those 40, I only had a "real life" connection with one of them (and we're still friends), so in my case, OLD did what it was supposed to do, which is open up your dating pool and make it possible to meet people who you would have to wait a lifetime to meet if you just left it up to chance. Toodaloo said it—OLD is a tool to meet people. If you wield it well, you can get some positive outcomes. 1
carhill Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Is it true what they say about online dating and it being filled with crazy people? IME, pretty much the same percentage as in the real world, since it's a meeting place for real world people. I have heard a lot of different things from people, saying that the internet is filled with crazy people, while others say you will find someone at your workplace to others saying they found someone through family or friends. The internet is a communication venue for real world people and there are billions of them and, yup, some of them are crazy. You can find a similar mix of people anywhere you might meet people. Which of these ways do you think is the right way to find that special someone? IMO, I'd view OLD as a tool for meeting people, like joining a club, volunteering, socializing, etc. In my case, three of my four long-term relationships resulted from meeting the ladies online and one, the last one, resulted in a marriage. If not for the then new regime of online dating, the lady who became my wife (we're now divorced many years later) and I would never have met as we lived 60 miles apart. During our divorce, with the internet being a much more mature and widespread entity, I met and dated two other ladies via OLD. They were just normal folks, both mothers with jobs and lives, and not crazy. Nothing worked out but that's how life goes. Good luck!
Moy Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Yet, women who claim to be "athletic" or "curvy" post deceptive pics and then stick to the story on the phone. Then in person it's always the same speech. "I'm still the same person and it's really my personality that matters." So it's always fun when the person who deceives tries to make you feel like the a-$-$-hole. Yet they were probably only (or at least initially) attracted to you on account of you being an in shape fitness-trainer. Dem double standards!
SawtoothMars Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 That's why I've always culled them out early...a couple of emails, to establish a *connection*, then a couple of phone calls; if all goes well from there, it's a face-to-face meet-and-greet to see if the connection online translates into the real-world. If not, it's "Next..." Even at my age, "Ain't got no time for that..." I met my wife in person... and she didn't really want to date at first, so we chatted online for almost 3 months before we went on a date. I just don't think people should be in such a rush. First impressions are almost never accurate. I believe that is why so many people struggle with dating today. They don't bother to take the time to get to know anyone and reject people over insignificant details. They rush into emotional things that are supposed to take time to develop. Perhaps it's an issue of having too many options available. 1
bcnguy Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 (edited) You can choose to be a Luddite, but that won't necessarily keep your private life private. One of countless examples: TargetLuddite? I'm sorry if I came across as an impertinent or if I offended you in any way. Regarding to privacy, I think security is being massively overlooked by the general population. That's why I wanted to make the point. It is very dangerous believing that if everybody can be hacked, then learning and taking measures is useless. I mean, in the example you gave for instance, it simply doesn't apply to my use of information technologies. Some basic things can make a huge difference... neither be reckless nor paranoid about it. Ok sorry, I'm well aware it's off topic terrain. Edited August 27, 2015 by bcnguy
angel.eyes Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 (edited) Not you specifically. I should have been clearer. While I was responding directly to the thoughts in your post, I meant "you" as a general you...In other words, even if someone were to avoid all internet-related activity, you still aren't invisible. Sorry if that was misunderstood. By the way, the example cited highlights that you don't have to be active online. My point is, even if you choose to have no online presence or activity (and some people don't), marketers, commercial enterprises, political organizations, and others have come up with ways to figure out private details of your life so that they can sell to you. In this case, Target was sending coupons for baby products to a 14-year old girl who was hiding the fact that she was pregnant. They have since learned the fine art of camouflaging how much they actually know as they...wait for it, still try to sell you what they know you secretly might need or might be open to buying. That's true of almost every aspect of our lives whether we choose to participate on the interwebz or not. Even before the internet, there were a couple of companies that aggregated this data and sold it to retailers, political organizations, etc. They are still alive and well. Edited August 27, 2015 by angel.eyes 1
bcnguy Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Not you specifically. I should have been clearer. While I was responding directly to the thoughts in your post, I meant "you" as a general you...In other words, even if someone were to avoid all internet-related activity, you still aren't invisible. Sorry if that was misunderstood. By the way, the example cited highlights that you don't have to be active online. My point is, even if you choose to have no online presence or activity (and some people don't), marketers, commercial enterprises, political organizations, and others have come up with ways to figure out private details of your life so that they can sell to you. In this case, Target was sending coupons for baby products to a 14-year old girl who was hiding the fact that she was pregnant. They have since learned the fine art of camouflaging how much they actually know as they...wait for it, still try to sell you what they know you secretly might need or might be open to buying. That's true of almost every aspect of our lives whether we choose to participate on the interwebz or not. Even before the internet, there were a couple of companies that aggregated this data and sold it to retailers, political organizations, etc. They are still alive and well.Oh Ok, I think we are on the same page, then...I do not advocate being a hermit. I use the internet -isn't it obvious?- but I do not use it recklessly..as I take care IRL too. Besides, as I stated before, privacy is not the only reason for me not using OLD. I am happy right now and don't think it would make things any better for me. cheers
angel.eyes Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Yes, I think we are saying many of the same things. I'm very careful online too. But regardless of how careful I am, I realize that the info is out there. Where it benefits me, I will use it (e.g. OLD). I simply try to use common sense and take appropriate precautions. I don't post from a work laptop. I don't use my company's Wi-Fi for my personal electronics. The concept of using a work email for a dating site? Definitely not. The company owns everything on their servers, including my emails. 1
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Although I only did it 10 years ago & for a short time, I never got the hang of OL dating. I can't get the measure of person via the internet / e-mail / text etc. I had two OLD dates. Had I meet these guys IRL I never would have agreed to date them. One was awesome "on paper" but dreadful in person. The other was a sweet guy but he really didn't get my motor running. I was naive back then & tried to give him the benefit of the doubt when we didn't have a picture posted & was reluctant to give me one before we met. I was only able to extract one by saying I wouldn't meet him if I didn't have picture because I wanted to be safe & know it was him approaching me. The photo he sent has his face shadowed & obscured by a hat. He was very socially awkward & the whole date was just . . . difficult. In person it's much easier to sum somebody up, at least for me.
edgygirl Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 (edited) OLD is almost the same as real life... There are worthy people and crazy people with issues. The thing is in real life it's easier to tell when they're nutsos because you probably have some sort of connection to them through friends or acquaintances. Also, it seems the nutsos go online and stay there forever as things never work out... so the number of people with issues you end up interacting tends to be bigger online. Often people seem to think the options are limitless online and so don't make the effort to get to know someone and go on and on dating endlessly... until they almost can't feel anymore as people become something similar to "fast food", To be honest, it's extremely rare to have anything come up in real life in the area I live... it's all online now. I don't even know how to flirt in real life anymore. Edited August 27, 2015 by edgygirl
katiegrl Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 (edited) What I have always wondered is....even IF you meet in the real world...how do you know whether or not said person has an on-line dating profile as well? You think because you met in real life, he/she is not searching for or dating others, but the person may be skulking the dating site(s) every night as well...and you'll never know. At least with on line dating...you can determine how serious someone is by whether or not they still have an active profile up and are still searching...without having to ask....even though at some point, you should probably discuss the status of your RL anyway. But since joining this board, with all the discussion about on line dating and how the guys (in particular) still have active profiles running when dating their partners for months, I wonder if my own boyfriend (who I met in the real world) had an active profile running when we first started dating. He said he did not and in fact proposed we date one-on-one from very early on...but still I wonder. Not a huge deal, but it's something I think about from time to time. Edited August 27, 2015 by katiegrl
yxalitis Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 There are as many odd-balls in "real life" (which online dating is too, by the way..odd turn of phrase there), as in OLD, because...all these people exist in outside OLD (well, apart from catfish). The difference is I don't meet near as many people in the street, at work, in a friend's place, waiting for a bus, shopping etc as I can do with OLD. With an increase in overall numbers you get a commensurate increase in the number of all types. Yes, you have an increased chance of meeting the crazy. You also have an increased chance of finding someone perfect for you. It's just a numbers game, you have to take the good with the bad.
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 What I have always wondered is....even IF you meet in the real world...how do you know whether or not said person has an on-line dating profile as well? You ask. When I first met DH I asked. He said he had a Match profile. I made a "fake profile" solely for the purposes of reading his. It was so obviously fake . .. I think I even said don't message me I made this profile to read somebody else's. I read his profile The only thing I learned that I didn't know was his favorite author. About a month later I asked if he still had a profile up. He told me he deleted it. I checked. It was gone. I deleted my fake profile & never looked back.
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