treehugger101 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Is it true what they say about online dating and it being filled with crazy people? I have heard a lot of different things from people, saying that the internet is filled with crazy people, while others say you will find someone at your workplace to others saying they found someone through family or friends. Which of these ways do you think is the right way to find that special someone?
Oregon_Dude Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Online dating is the absolute worst. My experience as a man is this: there are few attractive, fit women on there. The ones that are have serious issues. I have sent tons of messages with very few responses. And I'm cool and good-looking and all that sh*t. Waste of time for men; ego stroke for women. 1
mrldii Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 How does one "online date"?!? I mean, doesn't it - eventually - have to turn into "in real world/in real life/in real time" dating, "whether we like it or not"?!?
Oregon_Dude Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 How does one "online date"?!? I mean, doesn't it - eventually - have to turn into "in real world/in real life/in real time" dating, "whether we like it or not"?!? Unfortunately not. Many/most women on there have no intention of meeting up IRL. 1
XianErick Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I've tried that route for a while and it hasn't been very fruitful! Think of online dating more as a tool to gauge your ability in talking to women, overall attractiveness, and your ability to keep someone interested. Never has there been a serious bond between someone I had met online and myself. It takes out a great deal of the milestones in face to face interaction: i.e. first impressions, chemistry, and the quintessential body language. I can say that online dating platforms got me over that slump after a break up where it's difficult to approach and talk to women. Had I not been casually contacting girls I have never met it might have taken much longer! A month is still pretty long but I've gone longer regaining my confidence after a break up. Definitely not how meaningful relationships are fostered. 1 in 1,000.
mrldii Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Unfortunately not. Many/most women on there have no intention of meeting up IRL. Oh. Then, it's not "dating" at all...it's "killing time, 'til something real comes along"... ETA: I've always used "online" as simply a tool by which to meet others, that I might not meet in my normal, day-to-day activities. 3
kilgore Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Oh. Then, it's not "dating" at all...it's "killing time, 'til something real comes along"... ETA: I've always used "online" as simply a tool by which to meet others, that I might not meet in my normal, day-to-day activities. Well put, m
joseb Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Oh. Then, it's not "dating" at all...it's "killing time, 'til something real comes along"... Yip, but unfortunately the people doing this are using the same apps as the people that actually want to date. If there was a different app for "online timewasting" then we would be cool ... hmmmmm ... new business idea coming..... Nah, they want their potential 'dates' to be real - they wouldn't do it if they knew the people they talk to are timewasters too!
usernametaken Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Maybe I'm the dissenter, but I've had luck with online dating. I have dated a few guys for several months that I met online - none were sociopaths or otherwise crazy. The relationships didn't work out for the usual reasons relationships don't. The advantage was that we didn't have the usual friends/family/work entanglements that would have kept us together artificially. It's not all bad. 2
mrldii Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Yip, but unfortunately the people doing this are using the same apps as the people that actually want to date. If there was a different app for "online timewasting" then we would be cool ... hmmmmm ... new business idea coming..... Nah, they want their potential 'dates' to be real - they wouldn't do it if they knew the people they talk to are timewasters too! That's why I've always culled them out early...a couple of emails, to establish a *connection*, then a couple of phone calls; if all goes well from there, it's a face-to-face meet-and-greet to see if the connection online translates into the real-world. If not, it's "Next..." Even at my age, "Ain't got no time for that..." 4
Oregon_Dude Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Maybe I'm the dissenter, but I've had luck with online dating. I have dated a few guys for several months that I met online - none were sociopaths or otherwise crazy. The relationships didn't work out for the usual reasons relationships don't. The advantage was that we didn't have the usual friends/family/work entanglements that would have kept us together artificially. It's not all bad.I've had 2 GFs from OLD. I don't know if I'd call it "luck" though, since they both treated me poorly. You're a woman, your experience is way different than men's.
usernametaken Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I've had 2 GFs from OLD. I don't know if I'd call it "luck" though, since they both treated me poorly. You're a woman, your experience is way different than men's. My ex has also had relationships from OLD. Some from Tinder, even, that have lasted a while - 6 months plus. All I'm saying is that it isn't all trolls.
Oregon_Dude Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 All I'm saying is that it isn't all trolls.Fair enough and point taken. MY point is, it is a helluva challenge getting a normal, sane, cute, etc. woman to respond to a guy on there. And to keep her interest and have a healthy relationship.
fitnessfan365 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 From a guy's POV, OLD has a few draw backs. 1) Women have SO many options. It's easy to develop a grass is greener mentality when you're getting emails constantly. So there is a lot more flaky behavior than in real life. 2) The physical deception. I try to find humor in the irony of meeting many OBESE women since I'm a personal trainer. But my profile has always been very clear w-my preferences. Yet, women who claim to be "athletic" or "curvy" post deceptive pics and then stick to the story on the phone. Then in person it's always the same speech. "I'm still the same person and it's really my personality that matters." So it's always fun when the person who deceives tries to make you feel like the a-$-$-hole. However, I've also met many attractive, normal women w-OLD including my current GF. So I definitely don't agree that it is a complete lost cause. My advice for what it's worth is to encourage the guys who ask you out right away because they have actual confidence. Don't get caught up in emailing for weeks and then doing a ton of texting. You'll only develop expectations and be disappointed. Try to treat it as much like real life dating as possible. I mean if you gave a guy your number, would you make him email you for two weeks before making plans? Just keep it simple and be in the moment. 4
Oregon_Dude Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 My advice for what it's worth is to encourage the guys who ask you out right away because they have actual confidence. Don't get caught up in emailing for weeks and then doing a ton of texting.What's funny about this is that I was JUST having a fun convo with a cute girl online; asked her to coffee sometime; and she went silent on me. So, the flakiness persists no matter what you do sometimes. It's just a pain in the *ss, hence my renouncement earlier. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 What's funny about this is that I was JUST having a fun convo with a cute girl online; asked her to coffee sometime; and she went silent on me. So, the flakiness persists no matter what you do sometimes. It's just a pain in the *ss, hence my renouncement earlier. For what it's worth, my advice would be not to ask a woman out online. Instead, exchange a few emails to build a dialogue. Then send this - "It's been fun getting to know you so far. But now let's do our next email over the phone so we can have an actual conversation. What's your number?" Then when she gives it to you, write back with "Here's mine so you'll know who's calling" This is a good idea for a few reasons. 1) You get a better sense of her actual personality. Any girl can seem charming in text, but if the phone call sucks you don't have to waste time on a crappy first date. 2) If the call does go well, she'll feel more initially connected to you and you're no longer some random guy from the internet. So when you ask her out at the end of the call, you're 10x more likely to get an acceptance and definite plans that stick. 1
Superman2024 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I agree it's good to get someone on the phone too since it builds a better connection. It seems harder these days though since people are often afraid to talk on the phone or prefer texting! Ultimately securing a meet is what counts whether it's planned via text or talking on the phone. 1
Siquijor Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Is it true what they say about online dating and it being filled with crazy people? I have heard a lot of different things from people, saying that the internet is filled with crazy people, while others say you will find someone at your workplace to others saying they found someone through family or friends. Which of these ways do you think is the right way to find that special someone? I'd say the latter is best. The trouble with online dating is the competitive factor.
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 The people online are the same people than IRL. What a news eh! I have siblings, co-workers and friends that are married with people they found online. On the other hand my family and friends have set me up on numerous blind-dates that turned out awful, I have been approached in public places by men that turned out to be losers or morons even worse than those I found online. 1
Toodaloo Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 On line dating is a TOOL to meet new people. The same way joining clubs, taking classes, being sociable are all TOOLS to meet new people. I have found that many treat on line dating like some sort of Amazon thing. They order their new book then when its not as they had imagined they shove it in the cupboard to read later... Or in OLD terms flake out then text Hi or send more messages later. You have to be tough, keep your expectations low and make an effort. Both sexes go through problems with meeting people who are not ready to date, are really off the wall, who lie, who are not as they describe themselves, who ignore etc... it just goes on and on and on. In real life you would just shrug your shoulders and walk away but many do not do that with OLD because they build up this little fantasy image in their head... Most of the people you talk to you will not meet. Most of the dates you go on will not get to a second. But with time and effort you can meet some lovely people and you can have some fantastic times. It doesn't matter how you meet the "one" - only that you do meet them... 2
Toodaloo Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I agree it's good to get someone on the phone too since it builds a better connection. It seems harder these days though since people are often afraid to talk on the phone or prefer texting! Ultimately securing a meet is what counts whether it's planned via text or talking on the phone. Why are people so afraid of this??? They say they want a real relationship then balk at reality! They are rhetorical questions and I am moaning - ignore me. 1
bcnguy Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 IDK never done OLD, but I'm sure it can be great. Just don't see the need cos we are all the same ppl irl. Besides I value my privacy and don't trust any internet site -or cloud- when it comes to sensitive data or anything I care in my life....and love, my friend, is of paramount importance in my view. Then, another aspect of it is that I've always been suspicious about the business involved...and things like the Ashley Madison scandal only add to my skepticism. http://finance.yahoo.com/news/ashley-madison-bunch-dudes-talking-233158251.html So I guess I'll stick to reality and keep my intimate relationships private.
angel.eyes Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 You can choose to be a Luddite, but that won't necessarily keep your private life private. One of countless examples: Target. Back to the OP, I agree with those who say making initial contact online is no different than the real world. It's the same people who populate both. Online simply exposes you to people whose paths might otherwise have never crossed yours. Venue matters in both. But most importantly, the individual (who you are as a person, interpersonal skills, etc.) matters in his or her experience. At least in my observation, the people who have it easiest meeting in real life, are the same ones who do very well with OLD. Those who struggle to make a connection in real life are the same ones who encounter difficulties when they try to find someone via OLD. I use the same screening criteria regardless of the manner in which I meet someone. So for me, there is no discernible difference in the guys I meet. OLD is simply one more tool in my back pocket to meet people when I'm looking. About half my friends married someone they met via OLD. It works for many people (both genders), and it's been a challenge for some (both genders). 1
central Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 As a man, I found OLD awesome. I met some fantastic women - pretty, smart, successful, warm, and sexy. Some of them became lifelong friends, and one I married. Sure, there are crazies and very unappealing people there - but IMO no more than I'd encounter in real life. But, I'd be unlikely to encounter the GOOD ones in real life, and it was much easier to find those online. 2
scooby-philly Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 For what it's worth, my advice would be not to ask a woman out online. Instead, exchange a few emails to build a dialogue. Then send this - "It's been fun getting to know you so far. But now let's do our next email over the phone so we can have an actual conversation. What's your number?" Then when she gives it to you, write back with "Here's mine so you'll know who's calling" This is a good idea for a few reasons. 1) You get a better sense of her actual personality. Any girl can seem charming in text, but if the phone call sucks you don't have to waste time on a crappy first date. 2) If the call does go well, she'll feel more initially connected to you and you're no longer some random guy from the internet. So when you ask her out at the end of the call, you're 10x more likely to get an acceptance and definite plans that stick. Fitnessfan365 - i think you hit the nail on the head. OLD does not expose you to more weirdos than are in the general population. Yes, I've met flaky women. I've met women and dated a few through OLD that either didn't have their lives together or didn't end up being all that into me - who I am, what I want, what I bring to the table. What OLD does is lubricate the process to make it easier and faster. 1. Yes - You should not be stuck in conversation online. After 2-3 weeks tops of email numbers should be exchanged. If the phone convos go well over 2-3 weeks tops a date should ensure. You need to learn the real person just as you would picking someone up at a bar or asking a co-worker out. 2. I agree that giving a woman your number back helps make them feel safe. And your way of saying "it's been nice talking" is the exact transition you want to make. 3. To the OP, don't focus on the negatives. Again, it's no worse than trying the bar scene or relying on friends/co-workers. Everyone that doesn't respond, everyone one that stops communicating, each one that balks at meeting, each one you meet and don't like - it's all a process of learning what you want. There's not magic bullet or recipe.
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