heather03 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I broke up with my ex several months ago because he wanted to study abroad and I didn't want to do a long-distance relationship again, and he didn't really tell me that he was going in the first place. He still stayed in contact with me when he was over there and asked how I was and all that, while I was trying to move on. When he came back I ended up meeting up with him and it was nice for the first two weeks but we jumped into things a little too fast (I slept over one night, we talked about how we can change the relationship) even though I wasn't sure if I wanted to get back with him, and told him so a lot. The other night we were talking and he basically said that he didn't want to keep putting in effort and fighting if I didn't want a relationship(after only two weeks of us talking again, that we were both really busy now anyways and it just wouldn't work out, so we can be sort of friends and see each other once in a while. I felt like I was being broken up with and got really upset, mostly because I was giving him a second chance by still talking to him and seeing him. We left on bad terms that night, but the next night was his birthday and he was going to a bar and had previously invited me so I ended up going. He came up to me and thanked him for coming (I went with a bunch of friends so I didn't really go for him), and we didn't speak for the whole night, but I still saw him looking over at me a lot but I just talked to my friends and other guys and had a genuine really good time. I still feel like the other night he was breaking up with me and am really upset still, but in the end I know he wasn't right for me. How can I fully move on and not feel like such a fool for talking to him after the break up, and maybe even make him regret it?
Oregon_Dude Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 How can I fully move on and not feel like such a fool for talking to him after the break upWell, you could start by not talking to him. En. Cee. 1
DatingDirection Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 In my experience, x doesn't always = y. Meaning, I use to think, if I did x, then that will equal y. But the truth is, as long as your heart was in the right place, you will not look like a fool. Stop with the games, or game plan in your head, and just go with the flow. Were you sincere, were you real and honest, if so, then you don't like like a fool. Emotions are real, and they're not foolish, we can't hide what we feel. We're all human. I'm not sure that helped. 1
casey.lives Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 did he say those words. two weeks is premature. he did show up.. :/
Author heather03 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 did he say those words. two weeks is premature. he did show up.. :/ What do you mean he did show up? He said he didn't feel like it was what I wanted and thought it wouldn't work, and this happened only after 2 weeks of him being back in the country and us talking again
aloneinaz Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=24288374 Heather, you need to really take some time and review all your posts about this person. As an outsider, I wonder if you like all this drama from this dysfunctional R/S? Isn't it getting exhausting yet? Isn't this far too much work? Don't you see normal, healthy relationships in other peoples lives that don't go through all this? Until you decide to stick to NC and move on away from this guy, all I see is the same ole, same ole.. 1
Author heather03 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/search.php?searchid=24288374 Heather, you need to really take some time and review all your posts about this person. As an outsider, I wonder if you like all this drama from this dysfunctional R/S? Isn't it getting exhausting yet? Isn't this far too much work? Don't you see normal, healthy relationships in other peoples lives that don't go through all this? Until you decide to stick to NC and move on away from this guy, all I see is the same ole, same ole.. Yes, you are absolutely right. I just keep overthinking this situation even when I know its not right and I'm not too sure why, but its exhausting and irritating that I am doing this to myself. I think he did me a favor by deciding we should be friends so I dont have to worry about it anymore. I just find it hard to quiet my thoughts and not overthink it so much
aloneinaz Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Yes, you are absolutely right. I just keep overthinking this situation even when I know its not right and I'm not too sure why, but its exhausting and irritating that I am doing this to myself. I think he did me a favor by deciding we should be friends so I dont have to worry about it anymore. I just find it hard to quiet my thoughts and not overthink it so much That's the key sentence here. You need to let it go, stop worrying about it and accept that he was not a good fit for you. Solid R/S's don't require all the BS that you two have gone thru. They just don't. If you were my sister, I'd tell or DEMAND that you put yourself out there in the dating world. Go on some dates. Laugh, enjoy some good conversations with some new guys. Let yourself get distracted and wrapped up in dating vs. constantly playing all these mental gymnastics over this ex. When I got dumped, I was DONE. I went NC and vanished. It took me a month to get my feet under me again. By 6 weeks, I was on a couple of dating sites. I can't tell you how much that took my mind off this ex. I was enjoying the attention, dates and actually smiling and laughing again. A few months after I started dating again, I met my now 2 year GF. This site is a flaming billboard of what happens to people who choose to stay home and obsess over someone who kicked them out of their lives. They do this for months and months and months. I'm sorry, NO ONE is worth crying over that long.. NO ONE. 1
Gus Grimly Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 When I got dumped, I was DONE. I went NC and vanished. I'm so doing that if I get dumped again. I mean, when you do that, you don't give your Ex any power over you. I couldn't see it before, as I was in the throws of crushing agony, but now having time away from the BU, I wish I could have just been like; "You're breaking up with me? Cool, have a nice day. *click*", or just "click". Then Vanish forever. That's such a powerful statement. It's more powerful than any words could ever say. I see it so clearly now. The moment the dreadful "It's over" leaves the lips of your Ex, that very instant your next move should be to immediately initiate NC. No half measures, just *BOOM* NO CONTACT. Because your Ex is expecting the fallout, they're expecting a reaction, if there is none then they suffer, not you.
aloneinaz Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I'm so doing that if I get dumped again. I mean, when you do that, you don't give your Ex any power over you. I couldn't see it before, as I was in the throws of crushing agony, but now having time away from the BU, I wish I could have just been like; "You're breaking up with me? Cool, have a nice day. *click*", or just "click". Then Vanish forever. That's such a powerful statement. It's more powerful than any words could ever say. I see it so clearly now. The moment the dreadful "It's over" leaves the lips of your Ex, that very instant your next move should be to immediately initiate NC. No half measures, just *BOOM* NO CONTACT. Because your Ex is expecting the fallout, they're expecting a reaction, if there is none then they suffer, not you. The words that were used on me Gus where "I'm done", meaning with me and the R/S. I said are you sure, cause I'm not coming back. She said yup. I went back and got my stuff the next day that was on her porch. I left her things there. Don't get me wrong. While I went NC and vanished, I was still hurt even though I knew she had massive emotional issues. I'm sure now that she has BPD. I was a mess the first couple of weeks. I couldn't sleep, eat or function worth a darn. I just kept reminding myself that she kicked me out of her life. I also saw her on a dating site a week later which only reinforced my decision to never contact her again. I remember fantasizing the first couple of months about her coming back and me getting to tell her to f-off. By the time she did reappear and started trying to reach me, 5-6 months had passed. I was w/my new GF. I have to be honest and say it didn't feel as good as I thought it would when she was pleading for another chance, taking full responsibility for our problems and telling me how much she missed me. You know why? I was over her and felt lucky to escape with my mental health somewhat intact. 1
Gus Grimly Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I also saw her on a dating site a week later which only reinforced my decision to never contact her again. Same. I was already done before I found my Ex's profile, but seeing it just added more fuel to the fire (well that and what was written on her profile, stuff like she walks around her house half naked most of the time). My Ex didn't have BPD or anything, but she was in no way normal. She was bat s*** crazy! Example. We had a bad fight one night, 2 months after getting engaged, it did get out of hand and I left to cool off, in her anger she called the police and had me falsely arrested for Battery assault with a deadly weapon, a Felony (no previous brushes with the law, not even a parking ticket). The next she day told everyone, all her friends, family and my roommate, who was a close friend of hers, he kicked me out of his house with no place to live. I forgave her 2 days later. Dumb huh? To this day, she never apologized for it and is adamant that the police misunderstood her, that she only called them so I wouldn't hurt myself. ??? That on top of many more things this woman did to me and yet I somehow kept finding forgiveness within me. Then like you I got all messed up when she dumped me. Today, I'm so ashamed at myself that I let it go on for so long. That I let her walk all over me. I kept the relationship on life support because I made a pledge to marry her, but obviously I was in complete denial. Like you I feel very, very lucky to escape with not only my mental health intact but my livelihood. I'm on my hands and knees with gratitude. I'm never going to allow someone to hurt me like that again. All my friends and family are shouting hallelujah because they've all rued the day I met her. 1
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