He just left me to go away for 9 months but issues unresolved

[gotye]

I never wanted to be long distance, but it happened, He visited me at first, many of times, and I visited him, but less than he did me. He was great, and he is great.

 

But there comes a time where I think things have changed. To be honest, I felt the distance first. He tells me during this time where I distanced myself and was alone, he felt suicidal and alone. I don't mean to diminish his feelings, but to be honest during that month he was with friends plenty of times on his summer break, and I was alone. Alone everyday, I wanted him to visit but each time I felt as if I was burdening him so I stopped even bringing up the idea. I could visit him? No I couldn't, I work two jobs, I get really emotional when I don't have my one day a week (which actually rarely happens, because I have to visit family to check in) to myself… but he doesn't have the money to visit. To be honest, that entire month was a mess to me, things happened… I'll discuss it during the next paragraph.

 

So during that month I ended up emotionally and physically cheating. Sound bad? The emotional cheating was with a guy who I am embarrassed of doing it with, he flirted with me, telling me I was special. I was an idiot, he was an *******. I feel so dumb for falling for his stupid words, because they were that, stupid. I ended up telling him to **** off and moved on.

 

The physical cheating was very terrible. I was drinking with a coworker and he shoved his hands down my pants and kissed me. I said I did not want it, he kept trying to convince me my boyfriend was not there for me and I pushed him off. I feel so terrible for opening myself up for that. The coworker backed off when I kept telling him I couldnt cheat on my bf.

 

Here's my problem with my boyfriend, about two months ago we went on a trip with friends, one was his exgirlfriend. The whole time I felt like a third wheel with the two… and I still honestly do when she's around and I do really like her… just… I feel like maybe they belong? He keeps saying no, they are just friends… but when we went on the trip the whole ex thing was not made apparent. I ended up flipping out on him hardcore… this whole ordeal happened well before my cheating with a coworker.

 

So two weeks after the coworker event, he and i went on a trip, I had told him the whole emotional cheating with the guy. I was done, I was an idiot. Well I broke down, cried to him for hours about the coworker and he later reveals he made out with his ex that same week I kissed my coworker… I forgave him… but now when bringing it up, I'm the ******* for not wanting to hang with him (because whenever I did, he was too broke to visit and I had one day a week which I needed to sort my life) for hanging out with the coworker instead… which i feel totally disgusting for… I want to completely forgive him but he keeps hanging out with this ex, it makes me not trust him….

Here's the biggest issue…He left for china for 9 months to teach, it's what he wants to do… I don't want to wait up for him… Once is fine, but before he left he keeps talking about going again… I can't postpone my life. I discussed getting certified and going with him, but that was after him declaring he'd go again. Now he's gone, we argued so much before he left… I truly wish I broke up with him… Even though after we admitted cheating and forgave each other we felt so much closer after… I can't wait a second time. I am fine with doing my own thing for the next year, but if he goes again, he's seriously putting my wants on hold before his own, because right now my wants are to go some place where I can work in the career path I was trained for. I always wanted to move there with a boyfriend and he told me to wait for him.

 

is that ******* of me? despite my complaints earlier, I could pull through the other issues… but this upset with him going… I wanted someone to live with and do things with and now… I have my friends but I wanted a boyfriend..how do I word this to him? I am ok with 9 months apart (sort of) but... he wants to go around asian countries to teach but keeps saying he wants to be with me?? But... I want a boyfriend to be with me to be my partner in crime. Is there a way for us to compromise? If now, how do I break up?

Edited August 27, 2015 by gotye

[La.Primavera]

Taking everything you have said into account, I think you should end this relationship and move on with your life. It sounds like it is what you both need.