Jacob_Duluoz Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Have the I care conversation and then throw her in the pool and see if she floats. If she floats, you'll know she wants to change and not just drown in ice cream. Solutions: 1
Author deadelvis Posted August 26, 2015 Author Posted August 26, 2015 Add me to the list of people who are saying, trust me, she already knows she has gained weight. You are a bright, funny guy. But you have to know, she is going to age. Look at her mother. Look at her mother when she was 30. These things do happen. She is never going to look the way she did ten years ago - or possibly even five years ago. I make no bones about the fact that I am fat. My weight is insane. Yet, I have a friend who is 30 pounds lighter and just a shade shorter. She and I wear the same size clothes. I have another friend who is 60 pounds lighter and a whole lot shorter and we wear the same size shirt. The moral of all that is don't get hung up on weight on women, it could be muscle. But that doesn't give you a solution. You say you live this woman and I'm guessing you want to spend the rest of your life with her. You can tell her she's unappealing or getting close to unappealing, but you don't get to walk away from that and think she will just fix it. I gather she is in pain? Tell her you want to try a water aerobics or yoga class and don't want to be the only man in the class without her. Or just tell her you want to do this together. There may be some sacrifice on your part, if you work full time, you may have to get up early of stay awake later (I don't know what shift you work). Yeah. I agree completely. Except the part about being bright and funny. I'm already looking into yoga, swimming and pilates. Actually her mom is super hot for her age... like disturbingly hot. That was a big selling point (joking) when I signed up for the long haul... you know what they say about checking out your girlfriends mom before getting serious.
Versacehottie Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Yeah it's also scary because she has such severe health problems and I'm certain that a clean diet and a rigorous workout routine would vastly improve her health. But this kind of binge eating is not going to help her to recover from her health issues. And it does really seem like binge eating. She will eat only pizza for like 3 days and then not eat anything for a few days, recently it's the ice-cream, but in a few days she'll stop with the ice-cream and not eat for 48 hours, then she'll be off to something else. I do feel there are some addiction/self control issues. She drank a lot in the past when she was thin, single and promiscuous. Now she's stopped drinking and obsessively working out, but she's taken up smoking with a vengeance and her diet has become very bad. It does seem like she's replacing one vice with another. I wish she would start drinking again and get back into the obsessive working out. Then at least I would have a hot, horny and drunk girlfriend instead of a lazy, sexless and fat one. Oh god, I was just about to push the like button on your post and then you said the last sentence. C'mon man You can be a funny and witty guy on some of your posts and then...you have some very other messed up stuff going on in that head of yours. ok, well I think you have hit it on the head with what is going on. That's a bigger problem than just working out and eating healthy. Her impulse stuff is going to keep popping up in one place or another. Better this than the promiscuous stuff right? Which hurt you both. If she has binge eating disorder or bulimia that is connected with the promiscuous stuff and drugs it's actually physiological in part and won't be cured overnight or probably in a matter of months either. I hate to say it but I have a childhood friend whose story is a lot like your gf's (minus the hooker stuff, but plus all sorts of rehabs and suicide attempts) and it did not end well at all. I forgot what the actual diagnosis is called but it has biological brain chemistry causes so if they don't stay on their meds everything goes awry. And they don't like to stay on their meds because they like to do risky things and don't want to get "fat". To them even 5 pounds over skinny feels fat to them because they are usually preoccupied with their looks as well (whatever that disorder is called where they are never satisfied with their looks). Her half sister also had elements of the same diseases because it IS biologically influenced. The reason I keep saying this and have shared a personal story is that it is a years long curing process and just losing the weight likely won't solve it. Sorry and hope it is not this severe. It does sound like she has binge eating disorder/possibly with bulimia or exercise-bulimia when you described her current eating habits. 2
Tobin Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 . Then at least I would have a hot, horny and drunk girlfriend instead of a lazy, sexless and fat one. You know you're going to dump her. Especially in another 6 months/20 lbs. With all that farting she sounds like she just doesn't care anymore. Maybe breaking up with her would be doing her a favor, it would be like a reality check, she's way too comfortable in the relationship.
Author deadelvis Posted August 26, 2015 Author Posted August 26, 2015 I honestly don't know if I could ever dump her, unless she did something terrible, like 4 pints of ice-cream.
Lady2163 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Yeah. I agree completely. Except the part about being bright and funny. I'm already looking into yoga, swimming and pilates. Actually her mom is super hot for her age... like disturbingly hot. That was a big selling point (joking) when I signed up for the long haul... you know what they say about checking out your girlfriends mom before getting serious. Okay, well you're as dumb as a box of rocks and a coma patient has a better sense of humor....does that make you feel better? I can tell you that even when I was in the prime of my youth and kicking Saddam Husseins butt out of Kuwait, the lowest I ever weighed was 137 (I'm 5'6) pounds. And that was when I was in getting an IV for dehydration... So, even if you get her in a low impact workout setting, when she hits that first weight plateau if could do her in, but just keep encouraging her. I thought about telling you to cook more servings of healthy food and make sure she has breakfast and lunch food ready, but I really hesitate to reinforce the helpless female persona.
h0000 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 in the past six months I bet she's gained 15-20 lbs and she's pretty small so it really shows... I thought she was a model? So she's not a real model. Then I doubt she really is that hot as you described. Pretty much all I hear you say is "she's hot hot hot". So aside form her looks, do you like her for anything else? 2
maysj18 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Not sure if anyone has addressed this or not, but based on how you speak I feel I need to say it: If she was a 'model" I'm assuming she's tallish and 145 lbs is a very normal weight for a girl of model height. She was probably underweight or at the border of being underweight when you thought she looked good. Now, if she truly is becoming CLINICALLY overweight then yeah, that's an issue, but the keyword here is "clinically". Just because she's not 110 lbs anymore doesn't mean she's "fat"- she could actually be where she needs to be for her height, build, etc. Models also have a tendency to have unhealthy eating habits, so she may be struggling with the opposite side of that same problem now. Once food is an enemy, it always will be. Now, I'm not saying this is the case. You just sound like you may be superficial based on comments about her mother and things, so you may have a skewed view of what "fat" really is.
Author deadelvis Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 Yeah I guess I should be clear about her modeling. She wasn't a fashion model, she was a nude model. She's about 5'6". But her body was absolutely rocking back then, and that wasn't very long ago. I think she did her last photo shoot about two years ago. She's posed for a lot of tattoo magazines and a certain website Id rather not mentioned by name
fitnessfan365 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 (edited) as a former model I bet money your GF plans to take care of herself, and is more concerned from her weight gain than you are) Actually I'd say the exact opposite of this. If she is downing three pints of ice cream in one sitting and eating like crap in general, she's basically saying she doesn't give a $hit. I mean it's one thing if she genuinely has physical disabilities and can't be that active. But if she was self conscious and did care about trying to be healthy, she'd at least be eating the right way. So I'd take her seriously bad eating habits as a major warning sign that it's only going to get worse. Edited August 27, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Oregon_Dude Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 My ex was getting bigger by the time we broke up, too. And yes, it made it harder to have sex, in that it didn't make it harder. (CWIDT?) Not much you can do. She either self-motivates and cuts out the crap, or she doesn't, in which case you're officially dating a big girl. Don't feel bad, this would be a deal-breaker for me too, as it would many men who initially started dating a fit woman.
doeblin Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 3 pints of ice cream in a sitting?! Definitely a mental health issue. Getting fat is just the symptom. Treat the cause. Maybe some psychotherapy? Or at the very least a good, professional self-help book?
carhill Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Well, there is the deliciously indelicate style of the sadly departed Stephen Stucker:
usernametaken Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I see how her binge eating could be an issue. Honestly, that's pretty disgusting. But 5'6" and 145 isn't a fatass. I'm 5'8" and probably close to 130 - and I wear a 0-2. That doesn't make her more than a 4-6 at best. You may need to adjust your standards of beauty for the real world. I'm as image conscious as they come, but you seem a tad unrealistic.
Oregon_Dude Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 OP didn't start dating her when she was at her current weight. She's gained weight, a significant amount for her body type, and he's less attracted to her. He didn't sign up for this, and she'd being somewhat irresponsible with her food choices. He has every right to feel less attracted to her. People have their preferences; this is one of his. Totally reasonable.
kilgore Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I must ask, are you, too, overweight? Why would anyone ever want to tell their partner that she is getting fat? Wtf
Versacehottie Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I see how her binge eating could be an issue. Honestly, that's pretty disgusting. But 5'6" and 145 isn't a fatass. I'm 5'8" and probably close to 130 - and I wear a 0-2. That doesn't make her more than a 4-6 at best. You may need to adjust your standards of beauty for the real world. I'm as image conscious as they come, but you seem a tad unrealistic. yeah 5'6" and 145 probably means she wears a 6-8. If she has a nice shape, it can still be very attractive to most guys. I'm going to guess if she weighed 110 before, she is really small-boned and maybe narrow hips in which case the 145 would look not so great. She probably needs to lose around 15 pounds and be around 130--that's realistic. OP, is probably pushing it to want his 110 girlfriend back. Maybe she was staying that thin with drug help.
kilgore Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 yeah 5'6" and 145 probably means she wears a 6-8. If she has a nice shape, it can still be very attractive to most guys. I'm going to guess if she weighed 110 before, she is really small-boned and maybe narrow hips in which case the 145 would look not so great. She probably needs to lose around 15 pounds and be around 130--that's realistic. OP, is probably pushing it to want his 110 girlfriend back. Maybe she was staying that thin with drug help. But what makes him so special that he needs to impose weight goals?
mrldii Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 *Sorry*, OP...but you're engaging the Active Fade with your girlfriend. In the short time I've been here, you "love her but" she's not being honest with you, then you "love her but" she's not being completely honest with you, then she texts too intimately with other guys, then she farts in bed, and now she's "getting too fat", even though less than two weeks ago, she was "the perfect woman, in every way except _____________ (fill in this semi-week's real or imagined flaw)". No matter how much you profess to love her, you don't like her much - if at all - and are trying to find a *good* reason to dump her and not be The Bad Guy. Just rip the bandage off, already...and stop making her the Evil Whore she's not, but you need her to be, to feel better about yourself, when breaking up with her, so you won't be The Bad Guy. Short of that, share your password with her, so she can see how you truly feel about her, and she'll do your dirty work for you. 6
Versacehottie Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 But what makes him so special that he needs to impose weight goals? oh i don't think he has any right to. And I think they have a really dysfunctional relationship where weight is so far down the list of any problem they have. Just trying to give him the more reasonable weight number for her height. So he's not thinking she needs to be 110 again. But there are so many bigger problems than this. If we were talking about weight alone, I'd probably have some different things to say, like that irish guy who was on here talking about his gf's weight gain a few weeks ago. That's was just a straight forward concern about weight. This is a convoluted mess of a relationship. That's what a healthy and fit looking weight would likely be for her height. Does he have right to impose it, require it or even push her toward it? Not really at all. He has two choices he can support her if she decides she wants to lose weight. If he is not attracted to her anymore because of her weight gain, he needs to make his own choice about continuing with the relationship. I would hope a normal person who is in real love based on the person not some other crap would still be attracted as this is not a huge amount of weight gain. You would think that he would be in love with who she is as a person and it would outweigh her weight. I do think when people really get out of shape their partners lose attraction and it's possible that the relationship might break up. I don't really have the answers on the morality of that. It would be nice if people were liked solely for their hearts but attraction is part of why people are couples. He is being too extreme if it's 15 pounds. That's all my point is. 3
Lady2163 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I see how her binge eating could be an issue. Honestly, that's pretty disgusting. But 5'6" and 145 isn't a fatass. I'm 5'8" and probably close to 130 - and I wear a 0-2. That doesn't make her more than a 4-6 at best. You may need to adjust your standards of beauty for the real world. I'm as image conscious as they come, but you seem a tad unrealistic. Been there, but with a lot of muscle and 25-30 years ago. 5'6. 145 pounds is a size 8-10 pants or medium shirt and sweatpants.
William Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 (edited) Folks, let's get back to how to communicate to a partner that they are getting fat and away from characterizations and judgments of fatness and dissections of the thread starters other threads on his relationship. Those are off-topic here. Also, since I noted another moderator giving a member a nudge for use of the word 'bitch' to describe the thread starter's girlfriend, I'll direct members to my posting on such matters in the thread where we first started enforcing our gender bashing policies: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/544524-dating-woman-who-has-slept-around-6.html#post6511406 These directives serve as bookmarks and harsher sanctions for violating our language guidelines occur after the bookmarks because, well, there's no ambiguity about members being disclosed regarding the policy. It should be common sense but we respect that this is the internet so consider this to be official notice on such matters. Thanks! Edited August 27, 2015 by William
Methodical Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Folks, let's get back to how to communicate to a partner that they are getting fat and away from characterizations and judgments of fatness and dissections of the thread starters other threads on his relationship. Those are off-topic here. Thanks! Serious question. I understand what you are saying about things veering off-topic, but is it wrong to point out the accumulation of information that the OP has shared with us concerning his gf if it might tie into why she has developed a potential weight issue? I'm not referring to one's definition of fat versus another's, or how measurements of x, y, and z, do or do not fit the textbook definition of overweight. I'm asking if using the accumulation of information about the OP's gf is considered against the rules even though some of those supporting facts come from some of his other threads but are relevant to this situation? Thank you. 4
Tobin Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I honestly don't know if I could ever dump her, unless she did something terrible, like 4 pints of ice-cream. Thats gonna happen, if it hasn't already.
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