10yearsgoneaway Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 I am in day 10 - it feels like it's been years. I had not done NC, he was willing to be friends, and I wanted him in my life. I could not go on without him. About 2 weeks ago I stood and looked behind me (metaphorically) and had realized 5 months had passed, and I did go on without him, he was never really there, we talked on the phone and emailed, but, that is not "being there" and at that time accepted that he was not coming back. The break up destroyed me, I have not been wanting to live and think about ending it everyday. But I thought I would give NC a chance and see what that does for me. It's an overwhelming sadness. Day 10. That number seems so small, but feels so much larger.
paddlingduck Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 10yearsgoneaway, I know the last 5 months have been so tough on you. I myself am at the 5 month mark. But you have to look back at day one of those 5 months. I am sure you have progressed somewhat and you don't feel as bad as you did then. The fact that you realised yourself no contact was the best way forward is huge. That is taking control of the situation. Yes you are on day 10 but remember tomorrow is day 11, then day 12 and eventually you will loose count of the days because you will realise your life went on before you were with him and it will go on without him. Yes there will be times you might want to contact him but for yourself don't do it. Don't send yourself back to square one. You might feel sad now but everyday of no contact is a step closer to feeling happy again. All the best x
Chi townD Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 First and foremost, NO GUY IS WORTH ENDING YOUR LIFE OVER!!!! PERIOD!! Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you ever feel like that again, please go straight to the hospital. I would strongly urge you to seek individual counseling right now to help you cope with these feelings of abandonment. NC is the right direction for you to go. But, you also need to make positive changes in your life. You need to start to love yourself again. And you need to know that it's okay to be single. Our lives are our own and we choose who we share it with. And we are in charge of our own happiness. You'll see threads on here from folks that say they enjoy their single status more than when they were in a relationship. Hang in there. 3
Author 10yearsgoneaway Posted August 28, 2015 Author Posted August 28, 2015 Day 12. NC is helping, in a small way, but it is there. I have no family and only distant friends, and he has helped and wanted to remain friends, so I did. But with going NC I told myself no matter how difficult life is right now, I can't call him. Most of my reason for NC is so I can learn to get by without him. I always think though on how he really wanted to be friends and have me in his life. But as I must learn to be without him, he must learn this also. You can't just cut a relationship and still get to have that person. It's not fair to me. Because the house was his, I've had to move. I moved again this past week, which he knew about but I never gave him the address. This past saturday I moved into the new place, while in NC and have not contacted him since. So I've done a complete 180 in my behavior. I went from a crying mess, talking to him and sharing every detail these last 5 months - To full NC and he does not even know where I live. I'm just afraid NC merely suppresses memories and doesn't fully allow one to process things. ignoring something is not dealing with something. although, time does let feelings go stale.
aloneinaz Posted August 28, 2015 Posted August 28, 2015 Good job OP! You'll find that NC and time passing will make those emotions and feelings ease each day. It's the only thing that will make you feel back to normal. Keep reading the posts on here and post as much as you need for support. Sorry you're going thru this rough spot. It does always get better and with hard work, you'll get there.
Gus Grimly Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 You'll find that NC and time passing will make those emotions and feelings ease each day. It's the only thing that will make you feel back to normal. It's true, very true. When I was in your spot I wanted so much to be where I'm at right now. Every day was absolute torture. Now that I've made it I never want to look back. I've washed my hands entirely of bad rubbish and look forward to brighter days. The only thing that stopped me from getting here sooner was breaking NC. I did get the answers I was looking for and it made me realize how disgusting she is. Not saying breaking NC is for everyone, but after that there was no question in my mind my future without my Ex is far superior to the one I would have with her.
Author 10yearsgoneaway Posted August 29, 2015 Author Posted August 29, 2015 I get panic attacks, when I think of what I've lost and I may not have it again. It's getting hard to sleep again. Today is day 13 of NC. I have no family really and only distant friends so, cutting him has made me completely alone now. He had helped me out a lot during these last 5 months, been friendly, pointed out my accomplishments and how far I've come and such a short amount of time and and how amazing that is and that not many can do that. He also spotted me financially for an emergency. Which I repaid him for days later. his words were "you went from 0 to 100 in no time at all and that is really amazing" while that may be true on a material level, I went from 100 to 0 mentally and emotionally. My sense of trust is destroyed, as well as my self image. My sense of home is gone.I'm back to renting after home owning and the near marriage life. It's a slap in face and constant reminder. for reasons I can't understand, he's been struggling too, he spends time alone, trying to better himself. but is cold and removed whenever the topic of the breakup or us comes up. He seemed to get upset and get quiet when the times I said we can't be friends. He did truly want to be. And I foolishly tried to do that. We had been close friends for 2 years before the relationship so I thought 2 things - either that's all we should be and can be, or the same path will repeat that did before. He's always answered the phone when I called, day night weekend. NC or not, I don't feel like I will ever feel normal again. I put my heart and soul into that relationship.
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