Will I look like a fool if I try this? Help!

[Samuel_22]

Hi everyone, I am on day 15 of no contact here, my girl friend of 6 months went back to her ex, and the day she broke up with me she was obviously confused, I was a rebound but I think she was in two minds to choose either of us, the ex played it cool, I acted in a clingy/needy way and he won the battle eventually, but my ex told me she did not know if she was making the right choice, and even told me we might be the right people for one another, that we might even marry each other, but she said she wouldn't promise anything...

 

I speculate in accordance with my analyses on her behavioural changes, that their relationship has just entered its 2nd 2/5 months, I think their honeymoon is about to finish(not such a honeymoon either, sex is ruled out for the girl, she is religious) now I came across this article the other day, and I thought well would it be worth it? [commercial link redacted - well known get ex back resource]

 

The long and short of this is

1:Go no contact for 14 days(I am going to go for the 30 days version since, she has gone back to her ex and not a new boyfriend, so I need problems to resurface)

 

2: send a message and ask how she is doing

 

3: after 3 days send another message like I have to tell you something, and reply after 6-7 hours and say for example the new episode of walking dead is out

 

4: after 1 day again send a message and say a funny story that has happened to you

 

5: win rapport and totally cause this confusion, this is the aim to confuse her again

 

 

*I have learnt my mistakes, and I have a few cards to play on like the house I am buying or the new job I have got, but do you think I will look like a fool, or no do you think it is worth the shot, you may want to know that I wanted to marry this girl... I am 27, she is 22 by the way, thanks for your help, like always I am going to rely on you guys

Edited August 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Clean up post and remove commercial link

[quattrob]

I think all these articles that provide a layout of "strategies" to you with specific days/time you should do certain things are all a load of crap. Why I say this is it leads people like you (which have no idea what to do), except to look and seek for these kinds of articles online and actual be naïve to consider to follow these steps in hopes that it will "win" your ex back.

 

 

You were a rebound and nothing more, the words she said to you about being right for each other and getting married don't mean anything. People say things they don't actually feel or mean all the time. Her actions speaks differently and if what she said was true then she would choose you over her "ex". It had little to do with what you did (being clingy/needy), it's what she wanted and in this case she wanted to be with her ex and not you.

 

 

Rebounds are rebounds, you were used unfortunately and of course in her eyes you were nice/good to her so she's going to say the nicest things of you and make it seem like there's hope and that she's "confused".. it makes her look innocent and she could feel better about herself.

 

 

Please forget this girl and move on. She already made her decision and there's nothing you can do to get her back.

[Samuel_22]

I think all these articles that provide a layout of "strategies" to you with specific days/time you should do certain things are all a load of crap. Why I say this is it leads people like you (which have no idea what to do), except to look and seek for these kinds of articles online and actual be naïve to consider to follow these steps in hopes that it will "win" your ex back.

 

 

You were a rebound and nothing more, the words she said to you about being right for each other and getting married don't mean anything. People say things they don't actually feel or mean all the time. Her actions speaks differently and if what she said was true then she would choose you over her "ex". It had little to do with what you did (being clingy/needy), it's what she wanted and in this case she wanted to be with her ex and not you.

 

 

Rebounds are rebounds, you were used unfortunately and of course in her eyes you were nice/good to her so she's going to say the nicest things of you and make it seem like there's hope and that she's "confused".. it makes her look innocent and she could feel better about herself.

 

 

Please forget this girl and move on. She already made her decision and there's nothing you can do to get her back.

Funny, one of my female friends just said the same thing a couple of minutes ago...So there is no chance? I mean even if she breaks up with her boyfriend again, you still think, I won't be the one, she will use me again and then either goes back to her ex or another person? but why? I feel I was far superior than this girl, in terms of education, appearance, etc... why doesn't she want me? Just because I was a rebound?

[quattrob]

The real question is why would you want someone that used you and left you back? That says more about you than her since we can see clearly for what she is based on her actions. All I can say is even if there's a chance it won't be what you do or what you don't do, it is out of your control. Best to focus on bettering yourself and look for someone else that would appreciate you.

 

 

And learn to be humble, what does feeling superior to someone do? It makes you look stupid. So you feel like you are better than someone else and too good for them so now that she dumped you, you got your ego hurt? Who are you to say you're better looking or are more successful? It's good to feel that you have those things but if you're going to bring that up and feel that your ex doesn't deserve them then she isn't the one for you. It's alittle be pathetic to think like that.

[Samuel_22]

The real question is why would you want someone that used you and left you back? That says more about you than her since we can see clearly for what she is based on her actions. All I can say is even if there's a chance it won't be what you do or what you don't do, it is out of your control. Best to focus on bettering yourself and look for someone else that would appreciate you.

 

 

And learn to be humble, what does feeling superior to someone do? It makes you look stupid. So you feel like you are better than someone else and too good for them so now that she dumped you, you got your ego hurt? Who are you to say you're better looking or are more successful? It's good to feel that you have those things but if you're going to bring that up and feel that your ex doesn't deserve them then she isn't the one for you. It's alittle be pathetic to think like that.

I never said that she didn't deserve me, hey I loved her, so what the heck do you think I am doing on this website? taking people's time? The only thing I asked was ''why''? I mean why man? just because I was a rebound? I mean if I had seen her another day, at another place, things could have worked but now, I am just a rebound? hell this is insane, I have never done this to anyone at least, so that makes me superior! yeah! why do I want her back? I gotta ask my god damn heart man! why the fck does it want her back? this is madness, I don't find other women attractive anymore, how is that fair? are these tears on my face fair? yeah my ego has been hurt, I have been used like a ****in piece of cloth and now she is so fun with her goddamn ex, laughing me off all the time... BS...you see you only triggered me, yeah man! I am not any better than anyone, but I am better than what she is, had the chance to go on a sweet rebound a couple of days ago, I didn't do that....I wan her back! heck GOD I hate you now

[d0nnivain]

The whole strategy you laid out is game playing BS.

 

You were a rebound, right wrong or indifferent she went back to him. She loves him more than you.

 

Have some self respect. Don't be her back up plan, second choice. She already showed you that she is willing to throw you away. Why would you give her the chance to do that again?

 

Stay NC. Heal. Start a new relationship with a more compatible person who is free to love you back.

[LG13]

Sorry for your pain.

 

 

I think your only real chance is to go N/C and hope she comes back to you at some point.

 

 

If you initiate any contact she will see you as easy and have less respect for you.

 

 

Thats my take on it anyway.

[Samuel_22]

The whole strategy you laid out is game playing BS.

 

You were a rebound, right wrong or indifferent she went back to him. She loves him more than you.

 

Have some self respect. Don't be her back up plan, second choice. She already showed you that she is willing to throw you away. Why would you give her the chance to do that again?

 

Stay NC. Heal. Start a new relationship with a more compatible person who is free to love you back.

Will do... NC forever! but I doubt this is going to heal...I want the Karma to be a bitch this time...for real

[ExpatInItaly]

The long and short of this is

1:Go no contact for 14 days(I am going to go for the 30 days version since, she has gone back to her ex and not a new boyfriend, so I need problems to resurface)

2: send a message and ask how she is doing

3: after 3 days send another message like I have to tell you something, and reply after 6-7 hours and say for example the new episode of walking dead is out

4: after 1 day again send a message and say a funny story that has happened to you

5: win rapport and totally cause this confusion, this is the aim to confuse her again

*I have learnt my mistakes, and I have a few cards to play on like the house I am buying or the new job I have got, but do you think I will look like a fool, or no do you think it is worth the shot, you may want to know that I wanted to marry this girl... I am 27, she is 22 by the way, thanks for your help, like always I am going to rely on you guys

 

Please do not do any of this. It smacks of manipulation and desperation. It also disrespects her choice to leave. Go No Contact and stay that way. If she wants, she'll reach out to you. Trust me on that. These other sites that offer step-by-step guides are malarkey.

 

Of course break-ups hurt. Especially when the person returns to an ex. But there simply is no magic formula to get someone back. It's not fair and it sucks, but that's life, unfortunately.

 

Why would you even want to have to convince her to come back? It's far more dignified and better for you to move on to someone who needs no convincing. The right girl will be happy to stay with you by her own choosing. This girl just wasn't it.

Edited August 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Prune quote

[Tuga88]

Currently going through something pretty similar bro so I feel your pain. Have been reading a lot of those articles....whether they work or not I have no idea. ATM I'm in no contact but still not sure what I'm going to do. Our situations sounds almost identical, shoot me a PM if you want to talk.

[Qboro90]

You're planning this entire strategy for a month down the road about how you're going to start altering your ex gf's mindset via text message and that it will work and make her say "damn what the heck did I do? The guy I'm with is nothing compared to you!"... Cmon man, that's a fantasy. Has she contacted you at all since she left you for him? You're breaking down how long she's been with him and expecting their 2nd honeymoon phase to end soon. Meanwhile she probably hasn't thought about you since and is full fledged happy with her current BF.

 

Reading these "how to get her back" articles is just feeding into your false sense of hope that you want to project into her. The fact that you're older, educated, successful from how you describe yourself and the fact that a 22 year old blew you off for someone else and chose them over you is probably in a strange way making you desire her more now. That's now love. It's just an angry resentful infatuation because you feel you're the better guy for her and you just need to show her that. And because you're so smart and successful if you follow this "plan" she'll come back.

 

She won't. Girls come back to guys who don't give a crap. They come back when they feel they screwed up and need to chase their goal. You texting her and staying in contact is just making you less respectable and less desireable as a man and will in no way help you get her back. Showing her you've moved on and completely forgotten about her is the only way to get her to maybe second think her choice. Flip the tables. Go out with girls, socialize, let her see it on social media, fake it if you need to. But make her start to think and act that way you are. And even if you do that there's the chance that she doesn't even check your social media and/or care. But to continue doing what you're doing is just a waste of your own time and not facing the inevitable.

[Samuel_22]

Sorry for your pain.

 

 

I think your only real chance is to go N/C and hope she comes back to you at some point.

 

 

If you initiate any contact she will see you as easy and have less respect for you.

 

 

Thats my take on it anyway.

Man, you are right, yeah I will look like a fool, I am going to continue NC, if she ever came back, I wouldn't even make it easy for her, I don't want to be hurt again, I was so stupid to think she was different, I just wish I could forget about it all... I wanna blow my brain out....switch this **** off for good

[Gus Grimly]

Look, I had a fiance that I had helped become confident, dress nicer, exercise, eat healthy, lose weight, put make up on etc. I never placed myself above her or thought I was superior. She did make a lot of extremely questionable decisions which made me wonder about her intellect, but as a good BF I tried to help her make better choices in life. The problem with all that is she became so confident in her new self that when things got rocky between us, she decided that she didn't need me anymore, she could do better. Because obviously there are tons of dudes out there just like me.

 

When I pleaded for another chance she said the same thing; that she couldn't promise anything. When I saw her OLD dating profile the traits she was looking for in her ideal man were ..... Me, but without my flaws which she listed. My Ex left a few threads dangling in the wind that she "might" give us another chance, but only after she explored all her options. Thankfully, through the wisdom and encouragement from the members of this site, I realized this was bad mojo. That I deserved far better than to wait around for someone to 'get it out of their system', or to be a doormat. No, I wouldn't respect myself if I let that happen.

 

You must realize that YOU deserve to be someone's first choice. Don't be someone's second best. The difference between "you might be the right choice" and "there is no other choice but you" is colossal, it's monumental. Life is not always black and white, sometimes you have to find the answers from deep inside. Don't rely on others to bring you happiness, that can only come from within. Pick up the pieces and start rebuilding your life, no one can do that for you.

[d0nnivain]

I just wish I could forget about it all... I wanna blow my brain out....switch this **** off for good

 

Wanting to switch it off & make the heartache stop is understandable. Blowing you brains out is not the answer. Please if you genuinely feel suicidal go to your nearest emergency room, call a hotline 1-800-273-8255 in the US or at least call a friend / family member to come & be with you.

 

She's one girl. She's not worth your whole life.

 

Hang in there.

[Samuel_22]

Wanting to switch it off & make the heartache stop is understandable. Blowing you brains out is not the answer. Please if you genuinely feel suicidal go to your nearest emergency room, call a hotline 1-800-273-82551-800-273-8255 FREE in the US or at least call a friend / family member to come & be with you.

 

She's one girl. She's not worth your whole life.

 

Hang in there.

No man I am not suicidal, I mean I just wish I could do something to forget about it all, obliterate these memories forever, t I am not that stupid to commit suicide for someone who threw me away like a sack of potato...Thank you all gentlemen, for your support! You are all awesome...

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[Samuel_22]

Look, I had a fiance that I had helped become confident, dress nicer, exercise, eat healthy, lose weight, put make up on etc. I never placed myself above her or thought I was superior. She did make a lot of extremely questionable decisions which made me wonder about her intellect, but as a good BF I tried to help her make better choices in life. The problem with all that is she became so confident in her new self that when things got rocky between us, she decided that she didn't need me anymore, she could do better. Because obviously there are tons of dudes out there just like me.

 

When I pleaded for another chance she said the same thing; that she couldn't promise anything. When I saw her OLD dating profile the traits she was looking for in her ideal man were ..... Me, but without my flaws which she listed. My Ex left a few threads dangling in the wind that she "might" give us another chance, but only after she explored all her options. Thankfully, through the wisdom and encouragement from the members of this site, I realized this was bad mojo. That I deserved far better than to wait around for someone to 'get it out of their system', or to be a doormat. No, I wouldn't respect myself if I let that happen.

 

You must realize that YOU deserve to be someone's first choice. Don't be someone's second best. The difference between "you might be the right choice" and "there is no other choice but you" is colossal, it's monumental. Life is not always black and white, sometimes you have to find the answers from deep inside. Don't rely on others to bring you happiness, that can only come from within. Pick up the pieces and start rebuilding your life, no one can do that for you.

Jesus man!!! You are a genius!! I wish you were my older brother, I would never feel down or sad if I had someone like you around! I don't know what to say, but I can't thank you enough, every single time you show up, I feel I am full of energy, YES! The difference is COLOSSAL!! I am not gonna be a doormat, I wanna carve your words in my brain!!! I am gonna keep reading this answer of yours, whenever I feel I wanna do something stupid!!!

[aloneinaz]

Sam,

 

 

I don't buy into you being "used" or you were a "rebound". I think that's BS. I can't really see ANYONE saying to themselves "yea, I'm just going to jump into another relationship to heal from my last one". Yes, there's some real POS people out there, but the vast majority of people who get in a relationship are not looking to "rebound"..

 

 

Here's the facts. If she really, really liked you and was deeply in love with you, she would of NEVER gone back to her previous ex. I had a chance to return to an ex 5-6 months after she dumped me. Guess what, I was with my new GF who I loved more and told the ex "oh hell no"!

 

 

It's not an automatic thing for people to run back to their last ex. Not at all. Many SMART people realize that once they are kicked to the curb, they'd never go back to them again. Reconciliations don't work any length of time. I've tried it and it always FAILED miserably just like the thousands of posters who report the same here.

 

 

You need to move on, plan and simple. She kicked you to the curb because she didn't like or love you as much as she did her ex. It happens. In my mind, if they dump you and go back to an ex or simply dump you because they don't feel it, what's the difference? You're still dumped.

 

 

Everyone is recovering at some stage from their last ex when they start dating again. The absolute LAST thing I EVER worried about was potentially being someone's rebound.

[Samuel_22]

Sam,

 

 

I don't buy into you being "used" or you were a "rebound". I think that's BS. I can't really see ANYONE saying to themselves "yea, I'm just going to jump into another relationship to heal from my last one". Yes, there's some real POS people out there, but the vast majority of people who get in a relationship are not looking to "rebound"..

 

 

Here's the facts. If she really, really liked you and was deeply in love with you, she would of NEVER gone back to her previous ex. I had a chance to return to an ex 5-6 months after she dumped me. Guess what, I was with my new GF who I loved more and told the ex "oh hell no"!

 

 

It's not an automatic thing for people to run back to their last ex. Not at all. Many SMART people realize that once they are kicked to the curb, they'd never go back to them again. Reconciliations don't work any length of time. I've tried it and it always FAILED miserably just like the thousands of posters who report the same here.

 

 

You need to move on, plan and simple. She kicked you to the curb because she didn't like or love you as much as she did her ex. It happens. In my mind, if they dump you and go back to an ex or simply dump you because they don't feel it, what's the difference? You're still dumped.

 

 

Everyone is recovering at some stage from their last ex when they start dating again. The absolute LAST thing I EVER worried about was potentially being someone's rebound.

One last question! do you think I should send one last message and say I don't want her back anymore? I left the doors open the day she broke up with me? do you think I should tell her I have changed my mind entirely?

[d0nnivain]

One last question! do you think I should send one last message and say I don't want her back anymore? I left the doors open the day she broke up with me? do you think I should tell her I have changed my mind entirely?

 

No.

 

Just ignore her.

 

Saying those things will make her think the exact opposite & is more likely to lead her to conclude the you are a clingy wreck as opposed to a confident guy.

[d0nnivain]

.Thank you all gentlemen,

 

FYI -- I'm a woman.

[Samuel_22]

No.

 

Just ignore her.

 

Saying those things will make her think the exact opposite & is more likely to lead her to conclude the you are a clingy wreck as opposed to a confident guy.

Thanks...yes! I don't need to prove anything anymore... Thank you all

[Samuel_22]

FYI -- I'm a woman.

GOD!!! I am so sorry....

Thank you all Ladies and Gentlemen....

WOWWWW you made me laugh after such a long time! I love this website!!!

[ExpatInItaly]

FYI -- I'm a woman.

 

Same here!

[Gus Grimly]

It's not an automatic thing for people to run back to their last ex. Not at all. Many SMART people realize that once they are kicked to the curb, they'd never go back to them again. Reconciliations don't work any length of time. I've tried it and it always FAILED miserably just like the thousands of posters who report the same here.

Not everyone will have such wisdom and insight without the practical experience of going through it. As many of us had to learn the hard way, I too wish I had the self-worth and pride to just stand up and walk away, never to be heard from again. That's a pretty bad-ass way of ending it instead of the pathetic begging, pleading or clinginess that comes with further contact.

[aloneinaz]

One last question! do you think I should send one last message and say I don't want her back anymore? I left the doors open the day she broke up with me? do you think I should tell her I have changed my mind entirely?

 

As the others have said, NNNOOO!!

 

 

Listen, when you vanish from her life (you've blocked her on social media, yes?) you'll immediately feel much better about yourself. You're pride and self esteem will improve. You owe her NOTHING, not a response "if" she contacts you down the road to see if you're still wrapped around her finger.

 

 

Take charge here. NC and out of sight, out of mind will heal you the fastest.