username2x1 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Hello everyone, I'd like to thank everyone in advance for taking the time to read my story. So firstly some basic information; I'm 23, my gf (ex) is 20, and her ex is 20 as well. This was my first everything (relationship, kiss, love, etc) I work in the pharmacy department at Walmart, and her ex works in the garden center department. I've known him for about a year, we were never friends but we were friendly towards one another (we'd say good morning, how's it going, etc). Anyway, since we were never close, I never even knew he had a fiancé. She eventually started working at the Walmart as well as a cashier. When I first met her we hit it off. We instantly became friends and would talk any chance we got at work. She'd always smile at me and I couldn't help but smile right back. Soon thereafter she invited me over to their apartment (she and her fiancé had just leased an apartment with a 3rd person just a couple months prior). It was a small get-together with her, her fiancé, I and another couple. After that we started texting one another a lot. There was then an opening in pharmacy for a cashier and she applied. She got it and was soon we were working together. After this we got even closer to one another. I knew she was engaged and tried to keep my feelings in check but they simply kept growing for her the more time I spent with her and talked to her. Eventually she told me she couldn't text me anymore. She said her fiancé made her promise that she wasn't going to continue texting anymore as he started getting jealous that she was talking to me so much. I was kind of upset but I understood where he was coming from, and she actually seemed to be bummed by the idea as well. We stopped texting for a few days but we eventually resumed texting. Soon she admitted to me that she felt guilty because she had feelings for me but she was already engaged to another person. I admitted to her I felt the same way. Her fiancé and her started arguing, they started having problems because of me. I made it very clear in my head that I was never going to ask her to leave him for me, and I didn't. If she did anything I wanted it to be completely her decision. She started talking of moving back in with her father. She eventually gave him the engagement ring back, moved out of their apartment, and moved back in with her father. The next day she came over to my house and we were basically together already. We kissed that night, and it seemed as if all doubt of her leaving him vanished. Believe me I felt bad for the guy because it felt as if I stole his girl. Over the next few weeks things were going amazing with her and I. Things were going so well and I had honestly never been happier in my entire life. She'd come over to my house, or I'd go over to hers, every single night. We'd spend just about every free minute we had together. Since we worked together, we'd go in and get off at different times. If she got off earlier than I did, she'd actually just wait for me to get off (I lived closer to work than she did). She'd wait for hours just for me to get off work and so we could spend time together. Her ex didn't just roll over and stop though. He was such an a-hole to her. He'd call her a bitch, a whore, a slut, told her to tell her man to enjoy his sloppy seconds, etc. He'd even make her cry when he said some of these things. We'd still see him at work occasionally, we never spoke to him. He would never talk to her when I was with her, but he would talk to her every time that she was alone (she'd tell me). My feeling of guilt for him that I felt quickly turned into hatred because he would say these things to her. She would tell me "F-him" and I'd tell her to just forget about him. She eventually just blocked him on her phone and that's pretty much when the name calling stopped. He started spreading rumors about me, saying I was after some other girl, and that she was my girlfriend. My girlfriend at the time didn't believe it at all. He'd tell her this and then he'd tell her that he was simply looking out for her because he didn't want to see her get hurt. What a sudden change of heart... Soon there was an opening in another Walmart pharmacy for a pharmacy technician. We discussed it and we both thought it was a good idea. So she was going to be transferring in a week. She told me that the next day she was going to go back to the apartment to get the rest of the of her things (this was about 6 weeks after she had moved out). She was going to be off and I was working that day. I said hopefully he's not there so you don't have to see him, she agreed. Anyway, after I got of work she came over to my house just like every other day. Something was obviously wrong though, she always slipped into my shorts and took off her shirt just to be more comfortable. She was fully clothed, barley was looking at me, and barley spoke to me. I asked her what was wrong, she said nothing. I asked her if she saw him there and what they spoke of. She said he was there, and that they simply talked about the bills (the lease, phone bill). I knew there was something else up though. She went home after about an hour (she had never gone home so fast), she said she had laundry to do. The next day things seemed to be okay and she was smiling at my and told me she loved me. The day after that though things became more complicated. I went to work in early so I could spend lunch with her, she was almost in tears. I asked her what had happened, she said that her ex-fiancé told her that he was going to "wipe the floor" with me. This wasn't the first time that he had told her that he was going to physically hurt me. She was crying at this point. I told her not worry, that he wasn't going do anything. She said it wasn't just that, she said that when she went to the apartment he told her that he still loved her, still cared for her, and wanted her back. She said he started kissing her, and she was pushing him off several times. I asked her why she didn't just leave as soon as he tried that instead of pushing him off several times. She said she was hoping he's listen and stop but he wouldn't. I asked her if anything else had happened and she said he started groping her and that's when she left. She told me that she was telling me this because she wanted me to hear it from her and not from him because he had threatened to tell me if she didn't. She said she didn't him to make something else up like that they had slept together too. I immediately asked her if they did and she gave me a quick, firm no. We reported him to management at work for threatening me and she even said she hoped that they fire him. They suspended him for a few days and then came back. Later that day she waited for me to get off work, she was crying a lot in her car. I told her lets talk at home. We got home and she kept crying so much. I was hurt that she lie to me and that she didn't leave the apartment right away which made me believe she wanted him to kiss her. She told she didn't want that and that she was sorry for lying to me. She said she wanted to tell me, and that it was eating at her. She said she afraid how I'd react and that I'd hate her. Her crying so much made me scared that she did something more than kiss...I asked her very sincerely "I need to ask you something and I need you to be perfectly honest with me...did you sleep with him?" She gave me a quick no and asked me why. I told her because that's the biggest kind of betrayal you could do to someone and she agreed. I asked (sort of rhetorically) if she would ever do that to me, and she shook her head no. Things ended on a decent note that night. Over the next couple of days things seemed to have gone to hell. She became more distant with me and for the first time since we had gotten together she didn't come over to my house. I was trying very hard to make things work. The following Saturday she said she was going to meet up with her god-family and just talk. She came over that evening and brought me back my PS4 (which I had let her borrow for a few weeks now). She said that everything was now hitting her, her leaving her fiancé, being with me, etc. She said she wanted to take a break for a few days/ a week just to clear her head. She said she wasn't sure if she wanted to continue a relationship with me. Her God-family had apperantly told her that she needs to spend time on her own and build a "foundation" before she can start a serious relationship with anyone. I didn't see her for a day or two but we would still text. At this point she had already transferred so after she got off work one day she came to visit me at my pharmacy. It seemed as if something triggered inside her when she saw me because soon there-after she said she was really happy that she decided to go see me and then she wanted to come over the next day. She started coming over the next few days and things seemed to be getting better and better. She eventually told me that she wanted to stay with me because she felt more free and happy. The next day we were both spending the day together and things were going pretty well. I asked her if I could use her phone to check the weather because she was using mine to order pizza, she said yes. She kept looking at me suspiciously when I had her phone. I opened up the most recently used apps and the first thing I see is a text received that something among the lines of "I love you and still care for you" there was no name assigned to the number. I had asked her just the previous day if she had seen him or spoken to him and she had told me no. I asked him if this was her ex and she said yes. I started reading through the messages but she immediately took the phone and deleted them. I asked her what was going on and why she lied to me. She told she was just asking him how he was doing and that it was just closure. I told her that asking him how he's doing is not closure, its inviting him for a conversation. I told her that if he's got a glimmer of hope he's gonna cling onto it and he's never going to stop so she needs to cut him off. She seemed to get annoyed or something and she blocked him on her phone, facebook, instagram. I left to go get lunch and when I came back she took me by the hand, kissed me, hugged me, and told me she was sorry. I was trying to let it go but I was hurt once again. She was trying to be extra affectionate (resting her head on my shoulders, kissing me, putting her arms around me). I was still upset. Towards the end of the night I wanted to make love to her and she said she wasn't in the mood. A few hours after that I asked her if she was happy, she said yes why was I asking. I told her she seemed different, she wasn't the same as she was before. I asked her if she loved me, she said yes. I asked her if she was in love with me, she hesitated and said she wasn't in love. We had planned that she spend the night over that night, but after this she decided to go home. The next day I text and call her and she ignores all kind of communication. The day after that I leave her alone and don't call or text, and she does the same. The next day I started calling her again and telling her this wasn't fair, that I hadn't done anything wrong and I don't understand why she's ignoring me. Still she doesn't reply all day. The day after that she sends me a text saying that she doesn't want to do this anymore. She said I need to stop talking to her like a 10 year old (I always simply tried to have serious adult conversations with her, I don't think she could handle them tbh), that I blew up her phone more and more telling her the same things (I had left about 2 voicemails and about 3-4 texts over the course of like 2 days), that she was doing this to test herself to she if she would miss me and to see how long she could go without talking to me. Then she just said it's done. I didn't reply right away because I wanted to think of what I was going to say. I told her that It wasn't my intention to talk down to her as if she were 10 and that things would've been different if she had simply told me from the beginning what was going on instead of keeping me completely in the dark with no clue as to why. I told her despite all of this I wish her the best and I hope she can find the happiness she once had with me. She said she wished me the same. It seems that that very same day she got back together with her ex. A couple days after we broke up she posted a picture on instagram of her and him saying "the love of my life :)". She moved back in with him almost immediately. She blocked me on her phone, facebook, instagram, and even deleted me from her PlayStation friends. More than likely her ex asked her to block me on all social media. It seems she's completely removed me from her life. A few days after we broke up I found out that she really did cheat on me and sleep with him that one day she went to the apartment. I always suspected it but I wanted to believe her when she said she didn't. I hadn't been so mad in years. I honestly thought it wasn't possible for me to get as mad as I did that day. My boss had to send me home from work for a few hours because I was about to explode and there was no way I could function properly. I went home and threw away everything she had at my house and anything she had given me. When we were together she told me so many bad things about him. He was controlling, he didn't let her go out on her own. He was insecure, he wouldn't let her dress up or wear a lot of make up when they went out because he thought she was trying to impress other guys. She told me that he was nothing but a boy and that she was with a real man now. She call me her strong man (I have more muscle mass than him). She said she'd always be smarter than him and that he'd always be stuck in retail. She told me he had chicken legs, weird eye brows, that he'd walk like a thug, had no style or taste. He'd play stupid pranks on her so severe that she'd end up crying. She even told me she didn't know why she was even with him, that she wasn't happy with him. She'd gaze into my eyes and ask me if she knew how amazing I was. She'd tell me loved me with all her heart. That she loved how kind, honest, upstanding I was. That I was a real man, she loved the way I treated her with respect. Basically saying that I was perfect. I feel so confused. All her actions go against her words. My feelings for her linger but her actions make me want to despise her. I don't understand how either of them could possibly think that their relationship could work. Especially after I happened. All the things they said to one another they cannot take back. That feeling she told me that she felt with him of being trapped will come back to her. Everyone can see that their relationship is doomed. I was nothing but good to her. I can't imagine that she'll just forget about me. I go to sleep thinking of her, and wake up thinking of her; its been 2 weeks since we broke up. I should hate her for what she did, but I just don't. I deleted her contact info, her messages, all photos of her from social media, and I placed all her photos on a flash drive and deleted them from my phone. I still can't help but feel she's going to leave him in a few weeks and call me or text me that she wants me back after she realizes that she made a mistake. I know that's more than likely not going to happen and even if it did could I really trust her? Please, if you have any insight or input please post. Thank you.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 She is immature. Biologically and emotionally. And she has no idea what she wants. This is normal at her age, but you don't need to be a participant. Essentially, she trapeezed out of one relationship and right into another. That's never a good idea. Then you two spent all your time together, which isn't healthy. It moved way too fast and she wasn't over her ex. Be glad he's taken her out of your hands. She comes with too much drama, and she's not trustworthy. 3
Diezel Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 You can't trust her. She's bad for you and the other guy. Just make sure she doesn't become your problem again.
realmly Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 It honestly amazes me sometimes how much guys put up with. It seems that it's always these really messed up (no offense) girls who can keep guys hooked. You really need to kick her to the curb at this point. She's already played with you, and went back to her ex-fiancé. You sound like a great guy, and I'm sure there's plenty of girls who would love to be with you. Look at it this way, if you EVER did get back with her, you'd never trust her, and things wouldn't work out in the end either way. Save yourself from further heartache. 1
Author username2x1 Posted August 26, 2015 Author Posted August 26, 2015 Yeah I can see that she isn't trust-worthy. I do think we moved too fast and she wasn't over her ex. It just hurts because I told her that I hadn't been intimate with anyone because I wanted to wait for the right person, and I genuinely thought that person was her. She'd say she felt so special and felt closer to me because I hadn't been with anyone else... All my friends and family tell me that I was honestly too good for her and that she didn't deserve me. I never lied to her, never wronged her, never hurt her. She was lying to me from the beginning and I was too blind to see it. Everyone has told me that she is a fool for leaving me for him and that she's going to regret it soon. I just really hope that I'm strong enough to say no when/if she tries to come back. I can see she is immature and doesn't know what she wants. Her fiancé is actually even more immature than she is. Once she grows up a little bit I believe she will realize that she made a mistake. Thank you all for taking the time read my story and giving me your opinion
Tobin Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 When you first met her she was engaged to another guy, yet she allowed herself to get involved with you in a very inappropriate way, and you did the same. This one was doomed from the start due to the ethics of the two people involved, one of whom was willing to stray outside the relationship with her fiancee and you, who did not respect the boundaries. You don't get involved with a person who is in a relationship with someone else. Period. Hard lesson learned but it was inevitable.
Chi townD Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Okay, brut honesty here. What the hell did you expect? You stole someone's fiancé. You entered into a relationship with a girl that was promised to someone else. And you started to get mad because he started to call her names?!? Dude, you and her just ripped his heart out. He had to see you and her together all the time! I'm surprised I didn't hear about a shooting at a Walmart on the news somewhere! And then she goes to his place and they screw their brains out and she comes back and lies to you. Dude, I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT THEY SLEPT TOGETHER! How did you find out the truth? Okay, you've learned a valuable lesson here. 1. She is only 20 years old. She is barely out of her teen years and she can't even get into a bar. That should be an indication that she is NOT mature. 2. Don't mess around with girls that are promised to someone else! You are only asking for trouble. In this case, you asked for trouble and trouble is what you got. Chalk this up to lessons learn and move onto someone that is VERY single and is closer to your age. 3
frigginlost Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Okay, brut honesty here. What the hell did you expect? You stole someone's fiancé. You entered into a relationship with a girl that was promised to someone else. And you started to get mad because he started to call her names?!? Dude, you and her just ripped his heart out. He had to see you and her together all the time! I'm surprised I didn't hear about a shooting at a Walmart on the news somewhere! And then she goes to his place and they screw their brains out and she comes back and lies to you. Dude, I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT THEY SLEPT TOGETHER! How did you find out the truth? Okay, you've learned a valuable lesson here. 1. She is only 20 years old. She is barely out of her teen years and she can't even get into a bar. That should be an indication that she is NOT mature. 2. Don't mess around with girls that are promised to someone else! You are only asking for trouble. In this case, you asked for trouble and trouble is what you got. Chalk this up to lessons learn and move onto someone that is VERY single and is closer to your age. ^^^ That x1000
Author username2x1 Posted August 26, 2015 Author Posted August 26, 2015 I realize now that getting with her when she was engaged to someone else was a huge mistake. I mean I realized that it was completely wrong before but at the time I wasn't thinking of the consequences. All I felt at the time was love for her. Believe me I felt guilty to what was happening to him. In fact I think I felt worse about her leaving him than she did; at least in the beginning. I do see now that we went way too fast and that it was basically set up for our relationship to fail. I was warned, by several people but I ignored them. I was only thinking of her and that I wanted to be with her. I was following my emotions and not thinking logically. I've learned my lesson. I'm never getting involved with anyone who has a significant other, and I'm never going to let things go so fast. 3
Author username2x1 Posted August 27, 2015 Author Posted August 27, 2015 I appreciate everyone's honest opinion, it really means a lot to me. If anyone else has anything else to say, please feel free. 1
Recommended Posts