Draper Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Thx Tara, I do appreciate all the advise that I get and i read all of the feedback. I'd ignored all her emails, texts etc until yesterday. It had been almost a month. I would have married this woman and I have never felt as strongly as I do towards anyone before. It a cruel trick to find the love of your life and find out you cant have it because she has a mental disorder. Watching someone you love go completely downhill due to a mental illness is a hell of hard thing to do. The worst part is that no matter how great you are you'll never be able to help it by yourself, the road to recovery has to come from within the person who has it. Hope everything works out. 1
jen1447 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Jen, honestly I want the love and dreams we shared. What we had when times were good and loving. I also know that she has a mental illness and what I want and what ill get are two very different things. That is why i have to walk away. You've answered your own question then. You want x, but x is impossible, so you have to take y. Pretty easy as far as logic goes. I do think you need to examine what's really going on here tho. Is she really mentally ill, unlivable, etc.? If it's more than just normal separation anxiety then you should re-evaluate the pros and cons of staying vs. going.
marcusdevilliers Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Thanks alone! I really do know in the long run I am better off without someone like that. I really do. It's the reason why I let go of hope instantaneously and turned into anger. But I have definitely learned a lot! I think I feel it was wasted time b/c the time wasn't equally valued in our heads. I look back at that time I invested and I really was happy. If he wasn't it just diminishes it for me if that makes any sense. I feel duped. I also feel like it was kind of wasted bc if I knew he was having thoughts of ending it, I could have been open to seeing other people during that time. sorry just rambling, but overall I will be ok. I know this. He's a schmuck I know exactly what you mean.. when things were going sour it should have end and you wouldve saved alot more time and hurt less. might even be so much better today and with someone else. same thing with me, i just held on to false hope for months, my ex wasnt even making time for me guess i was just blinded. but everyones a fool until they learn. we will all be fine 1
marcusdevilliers Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Guys I put nc in place a few days after my recent breakup. She was crazy and it was a horrible relationship but I was still hurt very much. We were a few weeks off our wedding date. It's now nearly 5 months since we split and the only contact has been running into her in a bar where she started out ok but a minute later was calling me ugly and freaking out and then stormed off. I was perfectly nice. I think it drove her crazy I wasn't pining after her. Anyway I met someone recently and were having fun and having good sex and taking it really slow. I've been through the wringer a few times at 35 but let me tell you, nc works. After a couple of months you no longer long for them and right now I couldn't care less if she was dead. Harsh but true, and that's how I wanted to feel when she left. Her choice. I'm now much happier, fitter, more attractive than ever all because that mad bitch isn't bringing me down anymore. So stick with it guys, do it for yourself, not some idiot who doesn't want to be with you anymore. Lol i love this so much .. your definitely right man. dont waste your time chasing people who doesnt want to be with you. SCREW THOS BIT**ES WHO DONT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT. 1
Author Otter2569 Posted September 27, 2015 Author Posted September 27, 2015 Jen, She appears to have (as someone on here pointed out to me) BPD (borderline personality disorder). She has almost every symptom. She sees a counselor for but it only does so much. The problem is that I remember the love and the great times, what we had and what we wanted. That is not reality: what I was gettting or would ultimately end up with is chaos and emotional instability. I tell myself that when I get sad or feel weak.
jen1447 Posted September 27, 2015 Posted September 27, 2015 Was she ever actually diagnosed? No on on here's really qualified to pronounce her BPD unless they're a doctor and they evaluated her personally. Reason I ask is IMO it's kinda important to actually know for sure in terms of you making an informed decision about her. If she's not BPD or even if she's just 'crazy' (eg has emotional issues like we all do that are sometimes unpleasant), that's a whole diff ballgame than her having a legit mental illness as far as your obligations to her or the chance of a potentially successful future. You don't sound like you want to let her go frankly, so I think you should look for some solid answers to solid questions in order to help you come to a meaningful decision.
theredpill Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 (edited) I had a funny run in with the ex last week after not seeing her for 2½ months, I'd said in our last conversation 6 weeks ago that I wasn't interested in friendship only romance and if that's not on the table I didn't want to speak to her to which she said fine she'll ignore me. Still care for her a lot and the breakup was all about me not making the effort and her not giving me the support I probably needed at the time, although after neglecting her doe so long I see why she didn't and I hadn't at that point resolved the major factor of stress, fixing it 6 weeks after the breakup was too late, after she'd been on my case to fix it for 6 months. We said "hi" then she asked if we're going to be friends to which I responded politely "afraid not sweetie" the conversation quickly moved to how we should interact and I responded with "let's pretend I'm a friend of Joe's (my mate) that you don't speak to and we're cool tiger". Was a tad weird but nowhere as bad as I thought it'd be together in the same room, had a good laugh with my mate and when I had to leave the pub to take a couple of calls, she asked my friend what was going on which I don't think he could answer. At the end of the night when she was leaving, she said goodbye to my mate and then shouted "GOOD BYE" to me So clearly no sign of reconciliation, lol, but what's with the shouting bit at the end, any ideas ladies an gents? No contact definitely works, like the OP says - if I'd stayed in contact I don't think I could have been so chilled about the situation. Edited September 28, 2015 by theredpill
Author Otter2569 Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 Jen, She was treated for depression years ago. There are signs of emotional instability all over the place. She does not take meds but does see a "counselor" every week or two. I agree that a message board diagnosis may not be legit but its opened my eyes to the possible reason for the mood swings. Iv'e done some research: BPD is a cluster B personality disorder. There are a number of traits and she has almost all of them. Clearly I am not qualified to diagnose this either it makes some sense of mind bending situation.
dangerbang Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 I think every guy on this site has diagnosed their ex to have BPD. The ex probably says the same about us though, two sides and all. I don't think we can just assume they all have BPD in order to justify events that we didn't like.
Author Otter2569 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 OMFG! I officially blocked her tonight after a series of overly dramatic then flaming and accusatory emails. Yeah, shes not crazy: mood swings, an all night fight at least once a week over nothing, hours and hours of crying (at home, at work. it doesn't matter where), self deprivating comments, low self esteem, talk about wanting to die, NO friends, two failed marriages, volatile relations with everyone she knows and a genuine failure to admit shes done anything wrong or to accept any responsibility for her actions. Good F'ing Riddence!!!
Methodical Posted September 29, 2015 Posted September 29, 2015 Otter, Glad you came to your senses and noted once more that there is a consistent pattern of behavior on her part that sadly isn't going to change. She goes from hot to cold at the blink of an eye. NC is hard, especially when you think of the good times, and if they outweighed the negative, it would make it that much more painful. In your situation tho, the negative by far outweighed the rare positive moments. Let her go or you're gonna drive yourself batsh*t crazy. 1
Author Otter2569 Posted September 29, 2015 Author Posted September 29, 2015 The only good news it each time it gets easier and easier to get away from her. I went NC for several weeks and ignored her texts, emails and pictures. The recent birthday email sucked me in and within 3 days its a world of ****. We've been broken up for over a month and shes acting like it was yesterday and like I blindsided her. I reactivated my OLD profile and now shes stalking me on there. It must be a ****ing game to these types of people?
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