Another guy fades away...

[Ash888]

I've been single for more than a year and doesn't seem like I am gonna find someone special.

 

I look after my appearance, get compliments now and then so I don't think I am a bad looking, but I ended up guys fading away.

I am a kind of person who can't just have casual relationship, not meaning I am looking for someone to get married but I want something that last.

I am quite a friendly person, not hard to talk to, open minded, interested in all kind of topic(don't get bored listening to or talk about something new to me), can be quite funny, but nothing is just working for me.

 

Everyone around me seems like getting someone but not me.

I do enjoy my single life, not desperately looking to be in a relationship but when another guy fades away, that makes me wonder what I am doing wrong.

 

Anyone else have similar experience? I just wanted to share it and want some comment about it.

 

Cheers,

 

Ash

[WonderKid]

Maybe it was nothing you did wrong. It could've just been them. I have had similar cases but I actually knew why they faded away or left. What people tell me is; just wait you'll get that special one. I have been told that 10 yrs ago. And since then, two of my friends got married, and few had kids and I am still going to events by myself or with family.

 

I say just take it a day at a time.

[Syirrus]

It doesn't seem like there is a problem. Guys will come and go just like ladies come and go. On a deeper level, I just don't think you have been able to connect with a guy in the way that would create an opportunity for a deeper relationship. In order to bring about that deeper connection you have to have that with yourself first. Do you have a deep connection with yourself? That is, do you know what to look for in a person that would bring about that deeper connection between the both of you?

 

 

Syirrus

[Ash888]

Hi WonderKid,

 

Well I hope it wasn't me and it's them hey. Maybe they weren't after what I was after. Lots of my friends tell me that special someone would pop up one day and click and I hope that happens.

[Ash888]

It doesn't seem like there is a problem. Guys will come and go just like ladies come and go. On a deeper level, I just don't think you have been able to connect with a guy in the way that would create an opportunity for a deeper relationship. In order to bring about that deeper connection you have to have that with yourself first. Do you have a deep connection with yourself? That is, do you know what to look for in a person that would bring about that deeper connection between the both of you?

 

 

Syirrus

 

Hi Syirrus,

 

Yes I know I don't say it is just guys girls do that too.

I don't think I know what to look for a person to connect on a deeper level... Maybe I am too open minded and let people in too soon.

It is okay for them to decide "okay, Ash888 isn't for me as a gf" but they don't even want me as a normal friend after whatever happened? I am happy to keep in touch as friends but not many people think the same way and that's kinda sad too.

[joseb]

Hi Syirrus,

 

Yes I know I don't say it is just guys girls do that too.

I don't think I know what to look for a person to connect on a deeper level... Maybe I am too open minded and let people in too soon.

It is okay for them to decide "okay, Ash888 isn't for me as a gf" but they don't even want me as a normal friend after whatever happened? I am happy to keep in touch as friends but not many people think the same way and that's kinda sad too.

 

Most people dont stay friends with exes, so i wouldnt worry about that too much.

[Gaeta]

Happens to me all the time and I have been looking for 3 years. Actually it happened to me again last week. After a week being silent he told me he realized he was not ready for a relationship.

 

Like you I'm a good catch. I got my life together and keep up with being attractive. When a man has a few dates with me he sees I am serious about finding a relationship and that makes him back off because although he thought that's what he wanted, reality kicks in and he's faced with the fact it's not what he wants deep down.

 

I have no other advice than to tell you to hang in there and keep on looking. Eventually you will find someone that wants the same as you want.

[Gaeta]

Hi Syirrus,

It is okay for them to decide "okay, Ash888 isn't for me as a gf" but they don't even want me as a normal friend after whatever happened? I am happy to keep in touch as friends but not many people think the same way and that's kinda sad too.

 

Don't do that.

 

It serves no purpose to keep in touch with these men. Unconsciously you think if they get to know you as a friend they may want you as a gf. It won't happen. These men will only be extra weight for you to carry around while looking for a boyfriend. If they fade or disappear they are not worthy of your friendship.

[Ash888]

Happens to me all the time and I have been looking for 3 years. Actually it happened to me again last week. After a week being silent he told me he realized he was not ready for a relationship.

 

Like you I'm a good catch. I got my life together and keep up with being attractive. When a man has a few dates with me he sees I am serious about finding a relationship and that makes him back off because although he thought that's what he wanted, reality kicks in and he's faced with the fact it's not what he wants deep down.

 

I have no other advice than to tell you to hang in there and keep on looking. Eventually you will find someone that wants the same as you want.

 

Hi Gaeta,

 

Thanks, it makes me feel better that isn't just happening for me.

At least he told you how he feels. Mine just happened over the week too but he seems not even opening my message to read it. He seemed very excited when we started talking, he was shy and kinda cute and thought he would be different, but not, same again.

I just don't want to get into anyone if I have to feel like this again.

 

I hope you will find someone nice oneday too!!

[Ash888]

Don't do that.

 

It serves no purpose to keep in touch with these men. Unconsciously you think if they get to know you as a friend they may want you as a gf. It won't happen. These men will only be extra weight for you to carry around while looking for a boyfriend. If they fade or disappear they are not worthy of your friendship.

 

I would say the exact thing if it happens to my friends but I just think this way when it just happens and maybe trying to make me feel better.

I also don't want to be one of the girls who gets mad due to their act I just want them to see me I'm cool with that. But inside I'm not of course.

[Zippy2000]

Sorry to hear men fade. Not all us do and for the men who fade out. Why would you want them. They don't have the courage to tell you face to face then they're not worth your investment.

 

A man who adores and respects you will stay I'm your life.

 

Whatsd forbyiu will never go by you.

[Gaeta]

I would say the exact thing if it happens to my friends but I just think this way when it just happens and maybe trying to make me feel better.

I also don't want to be one of the girls who gets mad due to their act I just want them to see me I'm cool with that. But inside I'm not of course.

 

Why is it important to appear cool to them? They are nobody to you. They're strangers you barely know nothing about. What they think of you has no value.

[ivionthenet]

It is so hard to keep the faith sometimes.

 

I just had a "fader" too...what's with these cowards, why can't they just say it?

 

I feel that it is worth waiting for the One. Many people I know sadly settle for a

convenient relationship and just "do" it, because it's easy, because it solves tonnes of social, financial and emotional issues saying that they "want the

same thing"-this is my favourite, because it blatantly admits, that they are just

fulfilling their desires and plans via each other- and for many it works, because this is their capacity for love.

 

I have a totally different idea of what I want from a relationship and for that I am

prepared to wait decades for him to come along. I hope it will not take so long, but I am pretty hard core when I set my heart and mind upon something.

 

So just chin up let the ones go that want to go and be grateful that it didn't last longer than it did. As Geata said once guys realise that you are not an easy target and actually want something serious they will drop off and go to find an easy target. That is a good thing. Or if they drop off because they are just not that into

you, fine. The sooner the better.

[Strahatmak]

I am a kind of person who can't just have casual relationship, not meaning I am looking for someone to get married but I want something that last.

 

Same here. The fact is, there are many cowards, irresponsible guys, immature guys, or douchebags do not want a serious relationship. So they just fade away if they feel that we don't want casual hang outs or sex.

 

Just like the recent date I have. He didn't want to put effort when I finally starting to like him more. He didn't prioritize me a bit before his ten dozen hobbies and pull the "I'm tired" or "maybe we'll meet" sh!!!t on me all the time. He didn't want to talk to me on phone. He didn't want to hear my struggles when before he's told me he wanted to "get to know me more" - he is a lying son of a you-know-what. All he cares was spending overnight with me, which I refuse. So he started to get lazy, satisfied with the casual hang outs, and pull disappearing games on me. I dropped him. Period.

 

I personally refuse to sleep or have any sex act with a date, or even with an official boyfriend before I know that he is taking me and our future a real deal. Many men will find it punlishing and I don't know why. Is taking women's benefit that rewarding to them?

 

I don't think it's all your problem, OP, because you have relationships before. Sometimes it's like a lottery to meet the man who truly desires you. Maybe you've changed in a way that you don't even know and now less attractive? No offense just random guess. I will suggest you go to your girls and close guy friends to talk about this.

[Versacehottie]

Do you want to share the story of the most recent fader? It might help to figure out some of the things you could do better. I have some guesses. When people are attractive and are initially getting attention, it usually comes back to dating behavior. And with women, it falls into a couple of categories. I don't want to make assumptions with your particular story, but if you want to post the details, happy to help figure it out.

 

I went to a huge event the other day and having been posting here so much and trying to help people who are deserving of a relationship figure things out, I was observing all the couples.

 

Looks: I know sometimes when people have relationship difficulties they think I need to be better looking, other girls are more attractive and that's why they have it easier. This was a very mainstream event, thousands of people. That argument (which I've observed before) doesn't hold up. A lot of times the guys were better looking and much better in shape than the girls.

 

Seeing this big cross section of people, it was obvious to see that all sorts of people have no problem getting a relationship, so when someone is having a problem, it usually comes back to dating behavior and belief system at least in part. Sometimes you just are meeting some not so great guys and/or not putting yourself out there enough.

[cookiemonster26]

I've been single for more than a year and doesn't seem like I am gonna find someone special.

 

I look after my appearance, get compliments now and then so I don't think I am a bad looking, but I ended up guys fading away.

I am a kind of person who can't just have casual relationship, not meaning I am looking for someone to get married but I want something that last.

I am quite a friendly person, not hard to talk to, open minded, interested in all kind of topic(don't get bored listening to or talk about something new to me), can be quite funny, but nothing is just working for me.

 

Everyone around me seems like getting someone but not me.

I do enjoy my single life, not desperately looking to be in a relationship but when another guy fades away, that makes me wonder what I am doing wrong.

 

Anyone else have similar experience? I just wanted to share it and want some comment about it.

 

Cheers,

 

Ash

 

 

I don't think there is anything wring with you, it sometimes takes meeting a lot of jerks before finding the right one. I would recommend that if you start dating someone, and it feels like pulling teeth and you get ant sense they aren't into commitment, leave right away.Don't let this discourage you and burn you out from dating. Take a break. Work on yourself. Apparently when your doing your own thing and care the least about finding someone is when you actually find the best people

[TheBathWater]

I've been single for more than a year and doesn't seem like I am gonna find someone special.

 

I look after my appearance, get compliments now and then so I don't think I am a bad looking, but I ended up guys fading away.

I am a kind of person who can't just have casual relationship, not meaning I am looking for someone to get married but I want something that last.

I am quite a friendly person, not hard to talk to, open minded, interested in all kind of topic(don't get bored listening to or talk about something new to me), can be quite funny, but nothing is just working for me.

 

Everyone around me seems like getting someone but not me.

I do enjoy my single life, not desperately looking to be in a relationship but when another guy fades away, that makes me wonder what I am doing wrong.

 

Anyone else have similar experience? I just wanted to share it and want some comment about it.

 

Cheers,

 

Ash

 

You sound exactly like me. You're not alone.

[Ash888]

Sorry to hear men fade. Not all us do and for the men who fade out. Why would you want them. They don't have the courage to tell you face to face then they're not worth your investment.

 

A man who adores and respects you will stay I'm your life.

 

Whatsd forbyiu will never go by you.

 

Hi Zippy2000

Why would I want them? I don't know. I know it doesn't worth my investment but I guess by letting it go so easy making me feel like a fool that "I picked the wrong one again".

I'm not holding on to it tho. It just hard to go through the feeling of rejection.

[Ash888]

Why is it important to appear cool to them? They are nobody to you. They're strangers you barely know nothing about. What they think of you has no value.

 

You're right, they are nobody to me. I wish I can just know when to cut it off and I can actually cut it off.

[Ash888]

It is so hard to keep the faith sometimes.

 

I just had a "fader" too...what's with these cowards, why can't they just say it?

 

I feel that it is worth waiting for the One. Many people I know sadly settle for a

convenient relationship and just "do" it, because it's easy, because it solves tonnes of social, financial and emotional issues saying that they "want the

same thing"-this is my favourite, because it blatantly admits, that they are just

fulfilling their desires and plans via each other- and for many it works, because this is their capacity for love.

 

I have a totally different idea of what I want from a relationship and for that I am

prepared to wait decades for him to come along. I hope it will not take so long, but I am pretty hard core when I set my heart and mind upon something.

 

So just chin up let the ones go that want to go and be grateful that it didn't last longer than it did. As Geata said once guys realise that you are not an easy target and actually want something serious they will drop off and go to find an easy target. That is a good thing. Or if they drop off because they are just not that into

you, fine. The sooner the better.

 

Hi ivionthenet

 

I always try to think being in their shoes. When someone not replying back to me I try to think of times when I don't reply back to someone. But with me, I don't ignore someone who I spend sometime together having fun! So I never understand how and why they do. They prob just not into me that much. And something short term.

 

I don't want to settle for whoever neither. I kinda did last time and when we broke up it ended quite in a bad way. It was my ex husband.

 

I wish I have some hard core mind like you do! As I said I don't just wanna settle for whoever it appears, I'm happy to wait til it happens but this feeling of being single and alone blows up sometimes and that makes me impatient.

 

I let people in too soon I guess and it ended up hurt me so easily.

And yes that's a good thing it didn't last that long. But some part of me thinking "did it go somewhere if it lasted bit longer? Feeling will grow somewhere in him?" And again it's a silly thinking I watch too much movie and that.

 

I do feel bit better now that not just happens to me. Thanks.

[Brooke42]

I'm in your same boat. Currently living with what you're exactly going through.

I was dating a guy and everything was absolutely wonderful. Then out of NOWHERE he told me he just wants to be friends and now it's been 4 days when we've spoken.

I'm still very upset over it but I've attempted to change my way of thinking. Every person that doesn't work out, it happens for a reason. All these little heartbreaks are going to make sense once you meet the person you're supposed to be with.

[ivionthenet]

I'm in your same boat. Currently living with what you're exactly going through.

I was dating a guy and everything was absolutely wonderful. Then out of NOWHERE he told me he just wants to be friends and now it's been 4 days when we've spoken.

I'm still very upset over it but I've attempted to change my way of thinking. Every person that doesn't work out, it happens for a reason. All these little heartbreaks are going to make sense once you meet the person you're supposed to be with.

 

 

....that is what I am hoping too, that one day I will be thankful for all the guys that didn't work out... the thing is, that I don't have a boyfriend, but I already feel that way. I think back of the guys I had a crush on over the last few years (not many) I realise looking back that I probably dodged some bullets. And when I was younger I stayed with these kind of guys for months, one by one they took up my life and I grew dependent on them. And my ex of 8 years...sure we had some great times, but sure as hell I wouldn't want to go there again.

 

I feel better without a man if the man isn't right for me. And the better I feel about my life the higher my expectations are. That can't be a bad thing.

 

Keep the faith girls:-)

[Ash888]

Same here. The fact is, there are many cowards, irresponsible guys, immature guys, or douchebags do not want a serious relationship. So they just fade away if they feel that we don't want casual hang outs or sex.

 

Just like the recent date I have. He didn't want to put effort when I finally starting to like him more. He didn't prioritize me a bit before his ten dozen hobbies and pull the "I'm tired" or "maybe we'll meet" sh!!!t on me all the time. He didn't want to talk to me on phone. He didn't want to hear my struggles when before he's told me he wanted to "get to know me more" - he is a lying son of a you-know-what. All he cares was spending overnight with me, which I refuse. So he started to get lazy, satisfied with the casual hang outs, and pull disappearing games on me. I dropped him. Period.

 

I personally refuse to sleep or have any sex act with a date, or even with an official boyfriend before I know that he is taking me and our future a real deal. Many men will find it punlishing and I don't know why. Is taking women's benefit that rewarding to them?

 

I don't think it's all your problem, OP, because you have relationships before. Sometimes it's like a lottery to meet the man who truly desires you. Maybe you've changed in a way that you don't even know and now less attractive? No offense just random guess. I will suggest you go to your girls and close guy friends to talk about this.

 

That's what I'm trying to do here too,not having sex without knowing if he's serious enough. I get attached very easily once I have sex with someone. And get hurt when they decide to disappear.

I had only one bc before and that was my ex husband. I married to my first bf which I was with him for 5yrs.

 

The lottery thing is about right, it is harder than winning a lottery.

[Ash888]

I'm in your same boat. Currently living with what you're exactly going through.

I was dating a guy and everything was absolutely wonderful. Then out of NOWHERE he told me he just wants to be friends and now it's been 4 days when we've spoken.

I'm still very upset over it but I've attempted to change my way of thinking. Every person that doesn't work out, it happens for a reason. All these little heartbreaks are going to make sense once you meet the person you're supposed to be with.

 

I feel you. I was very upset yesterday but reading through everyone's comment it helps me sort my feeling. Now and then I still feel that feeling aching but thank goodness I didn't spend that long time with him.

Hopping you, me and everyone will meet the one oneday and all the heartbreaks will become a good memory.