Deadmeat Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Hi all, Just for some background to this scenario. I met a girl we went on a few dates which went really well. We had mutual attraction but she didn't want to take next step cause she wasn't sure about her living situation. We take things slow in span of 2 months we get close. Near end of 2 months she moves to a different city 2 hours away. I tell her I was crazy about her before she leaves and try to pursue LDR. We decided we would talk about over phone conversation once she's settled. A few days later her father dies in a horrible accident. Since then she hasnt been the same. Text messages stop coking frequently and I would have to initiate 90 percent of the time. 1 and a half months later I attempt to call her just to talk (haven't heard her voice since she left). No answer but I get a text saying that her fathers wake was that weekend and that she needed space. I respect that and stop texting her for a week (we've continued to teonce every 2 days). A week later she sends a text "hey i just wanted to say hi". We chat for a bit and I say goodnight. Nothing since and its been 2 days. I want to move things to the next level but I need to understand how to go about it. Her texting back after a week is definitely a good sign but I hate being text buddies. I want to get hrr on the phone and move things to the next level. Anybody with similar experience or input?
autumnnight Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Assomeone who has recently experienced grief, i can tell you that she probably just....can't right now. She may even want to (probably does since she texted). But right now she is just overwhelmed. One day she is smiling over memories of her dad. The next, she wants to call and tell him something...then remembers...then breaks down. The best thing you can do is gently let her know you're there, that you care, and let her be open as she is ready. If a man tried to push me to date 2 months after my father died, I'd just shut down. 3
Standard-Fare Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Honestly, now is just NOT the right time for you to go hard with pursuing this. She's in a state of raw grief and she doesn't have the mental energy to even consider building a relationship with you, esp. not a long-distance one. Her father's death just changed the rules for everything, and you have to respect that. It sounds like you do accept these realities, to some degree, but I also sense an anxiousness for things to "get back to normal." You'll need to let that go. You can't just press "unpause" and expect things to fall back in place on the track they were on before this major life change. As hard as it is, all you can do right now is step back. Aside from making it very clear to that you're there for her when/if she needs you, don't be in her face at all. Let her initiate the majority of contact, and don't take it personally or overanalyze if she doesn't do that much. As time passes and she gets further along in her grieving process, she may want more from you. Or she may not. At this point all of that is out of your control. 3
d0nnivain Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 . A few days later her father dies in a horrible accident. I want to move things to the next level but I need to understand how to go about it. Her texting back after a week is definitely a good sign but I hate being text buddies. I want to get hrr on the phone and move things to the next level. Anybody with similar experience or input? Not gonna happen. Her WHOLE World just got turned upside down. The thought of a new romance is abhorrent to her. While it's too early to talk about marriage & forever with you, romance is going to make her think about the future & then she will be hit with the stark reality that her daddy won't be there to walk her down the aisle & she will be heartbroken all over again I lost my father almost 3 years ago & am only now coming back to some semblance of balance / normalcy in my life. My EX-BF lost his mom when we were together. He was out of sorts & unable to fully participate in our LTR for about 2 years. You can't do anything at this point. You are some guy she went on a few dates with. The ball & the pace of this relationship are solely in her court. Any attempt by you to pressure her to move at any pace or direction other than her own will not work. Back off. The timing is so wrong for you now. 1
Gaeta Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Hon, way before her dad passed she wasn't into you and demonstrated it in many concrete ways that you simply didn't want to acknowledge. 1
Methodical Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 She has you friend zoned and reached out via text message while feeling overwhelmingly lonely one night. Taking things to the next level is not on her radar. She needs a friend, a confidant, and that's where you fit in her life, atm. Pushing for anything more will seem insensitive and selfish, not attractive qualities. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 She has you friend zoned and reached out via text message while feeling overwhelmingly lonely one night. Taking things to the next level is not on her radar. She needs a friend, a confidant, and that's where you fit in her life, atm. Pushing for anything more will seem insensitive and selfish, not attractive qualities. A huge 2nd to this. Now is not the right time.
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