6 months of NC later ex-gf still angry at me (even though she left)

[machoman]

I'll try to make this as short as possible. My ex and I were together for a year and a half. We both loved each other, but we couldn't reconcile our differences. She left and said some hurtful things in the process. A few days later sent me a lengthy message explaining everything, saying she was sorry and wasnt against working this out in the future, BUT this breakup was because of things I had done in the past. I wasn't the best boyfriend, but there was no cheating, no physical abuse, just regular couple arguments, and there is no way that I was accepting sole responsibility for what happened. I was hurt by the breakup but I wasnt stupid, and given that I had implored her to work it out when we were breaking up, I decided this time, NC was the way to go. Soon after I got another (angry) message, saying how she couldnt believe I didn't have the decency to respond to the last message, that her feelings on reconciling had now changed. Again, I didn't respond. A month later I stabilized my emotions and finally decided to reach out to her with a text, and boy did that royally backfire. She went off in an email dissertation which basically accused me of using NC to get back with her, saying how I was being manipulative. Then there was more blaming, and she admitted that I hurt her by opening my fb profile to public (childish I know but I was hurt and wanted to get back at her). She kept iterating how happy she was, how she wanted to be single, bla bla bla, trying to convince me, but in reality trying to convince herself. Now I had no idea she would even check my fb (she didnt even have one), and after reading about the dumpers grieving process, I was convinced that every dumper felt relief in ending a relationship- clicking their heels in joy (everyones an expert I guess). It was clear that she did her research on NC, and was trying to figure me out. My mistake was making that move. Anyways, to her angry email, I simply told her it wasn't my intention to hurt her, that I wished her the best of luck in life. The following day I got another angry email, again, blaming me for everything, this time I didn't respond. In my mind, two things can come of this, with only ONE end product.

1) I disagree with what she says--leads to more arguing--more anger--her decision is indirectly affirmed that we shouldn't be together

2) I agree with everything and apologize--the beta approach--I affirm her decision that I was a bad fit and now her conscience has what it needs to not feel guilty.

 

Its been radio silence for the past 6 months now. I've moved on and seen the relationship for what it really was. Interestingly, though I start hearing things about her from my mom, who still talks to her sister. Apparently, she has been saying negative things about me, basically playing the same tune from months ago. My mom simply tells her sister that I had never spoken poorly of her, and did not divulge details of that breakup to anyone. A few days later, her sister out of the blue tells my mom that my ex is still single, even though one of her ex's tried to hit her up. She's also been having problems with her roommate. Basically, that high she felt after leaving I think is starting to wear off. For me this is really interesting as again, I figured by now she would have DEFINITELY moved on and leapfrogged me in the grieving cycle. This is the point where I am now, and would really like to hear your input on this situation. Why is there still this residual anger with her? Is she priming her sister with this information knowing it'll get to me?

 

CLIFFS:

She left me

She tried to get in touch, I didnt respond

I tried to offer the olive branch a month later, she responded angrily

Radio silence 6 months

Through the grapevine, I hear she's still bitter and single

[Oregon_Dude]

Who cares what she thinks? She is your ex, who broke up with YOU. Stop wasting the mental energy on this crap. Date, have fun and be merry. Not your problem anymore.

[machoman]

While I know you're right, and I'd give myself the same advice, I'm curious more than ever. I hadn't heard anything for 6 months, and now to realize that I might have some sort of emotional upper hand makes me feel great. I want to know what it all means

[aloneinaz]

While I know you're right, and I'd give myself the same advice, I'm curious more than ever. I hadn't heard anything for 6 months, and now to realize that I might have some sort of emotional upper hand makes me feel great. I want to know what it all means

 

 

It means that you're not over her as you still give a crap. She's apparently not met anyone either so she has only her last ex (you) to focus her attention on. She's clearly not happy w/her life. She's probably lonely and if she's having roommate drama too, she's probably a joy to be around.

 

 

As you said, it's been 6 months. Hopefully you've been out dating looking for someone your more compatible with. It doesn't sound like you are as you're doing all these mental back flips worrying about what this ex (who dumped you) is thinking.

 

 

As Oregon stated, you need to say "who cares". You two were clearly not compatible. Getting back together would only be more of the same. Seriously, focus your time and attention on meeting someone new, who rocks your world.

[machoman]

I've been with girls since her, but I never really considered a relationship with any of them. Hearing about her did bring stuff up from the past, so you're right in that I do still care. I didn't think this would be the case, but at the very least NC has made me realize that we were a bad fit. I suppose that in some weird way, my ego would feel better knowing that its not all the same for her--because it wasn't for me.