New to BPD...Breaking Up

[sha_na_na84]

I'm brand new to the forum, and to Borderline Personality Disorder. I've been dating someone for almost 8 months, and I'm in the process of separating from them.

 

We met on a dating site and has this really intense, crazy chemistry. He basically told me up front that he was looking to get married inside of a year and our first conversations were almost like a job interview. He seemed like he was very carefully screening me to make sure I was 'worthy.' Initially, it seemed like he has his ducks in a row. A good job, a place of his own, his relationships with his children mothers were cordial and stable, large close family. After 1 date, he insisted on being exclusive.

 

Looking back I should have seen red flags right away because we had our first argument before our 2nd date. He asked how I felt about cohabitation before marriage and I said that I'd done it and it was a nightmare and I wanted to be engaged before doing it again. I'm a widow 2.5 years outside of losing my husband to cancer, and I have a 3 yr old daughter. I argued my side, that I wouldn't want to get my child attached to someone or to their kids, only to have it fall apart. It turned into a very heated debate, in which he said that I was stuck in my ways and convinced I was right. It literally lasted over an hour and made things weird for days. I eventually had to call him and somewhat apologize (for what? I'm still not sure) and ask if we were going on our 2nd date. He showed up that night but emotionally withheld and then afterwards didn't kiss me goodnight and said I was being weird.

 

That was just the beginning of all of the conflict. He ended up losing his job because of a misdemeanor on his record that he didn't disclose to an employer (not his fault. Nothing ever is). Then I find out that his son is living in a group home, and has been for 2 years for threatening a young girl that he became obsessed with. His relationship with his 4 yr old daughters mother is volatile and he accuses her of being an alcoholic. He lost the condo he was living in because he claims that the landlord kicked him out in order to be able to sell it. And I stood by him through all of this. For some strange reason, it all seemed legit. He was at the center of all the chaos and I chose to stand beside him.

 

He and I made the decision to move in together after a mere 2 months. We'd made plans to get married the following summer, so against my better judgement I moved him and his 2 kids into the home that I own. I paid the majority of the bills and did all of the housework and most of the child care, but still stroked his very fragile ego that HE was the man and the head out household. Honestly, the relationship was so addictive (all the "I love you's" and "You're the most beautiful girl in the world's." Not to mention plans for the future and feeling like I had his eternal devotion) and the sex is hands down the best I've ever had.

 

In February, I got a breast enhancement and lift. After having my daughter, I was basically disfigured. I hated my chest, and I'd planned and saved for 2 yrs to get it done. He guilted me for not letting him take care of me enough, but when I got the procedure he came over twice and picked fights with me in front of my friends. One was for making a comment about how dirty my car was (I let him drive it while I had surgery) and I playfully said "I'm letting you drive it so who cares." He said I was lording the fact that I let him drive my car over him and gave me and my friends the silent treatment and then stormed out. He constantly asked if I was ok with not letting anyone else see them, and asked if I'd be the kind of girl to show them off. Anything I did to make myself feel good came with some sort of criticism about how I would be hit on by someone else, or someone would try to steal me away.

 

This July I started Aesthetician school and that's when the fall out really started. I previously had stayed home and taken care of our 2 and 4 yr old children, and we had to divide chores and taking care of them. I went in and started doing really well in school and he said he "saw a side of me that he'd never seen, and didn't really like." Again, like a flattering haircut, spray tan, boob job, cooking a good meal and receiving praise from his family, anything that got me attn was a major issue. At the beginning of August I was in a pinup fashion show, and he showed up 10 mins late, picked a fight and walked down the street without me, and then embarrassed and disrespected me in front of my mom. That night I broke up with him and when he refused to apologize or admit wrong, I asked him to move out.

 

The night before he moved out, he came to me and said I'm important to him and he didn't think we'd invested enough in our relationship prior to and he wanted to live separately for a year and work on us. I naively believed this was possible and it was just a hiccup in our relationship. In the 3 weeks since he's moved out, we've gotten in several fights. One was over a comment I made about liking to take care of him (he gave me the silent treatment for 2 full days), and the last one was about saying I "attacked" his family by saying I wished I could have been with him for his birthday.

 

I was talking with a friend and she said that her ex husband displayed all the of the control issues, fragile ego, temper, jealousy, need to be the center of attn, punitive behavior, etc and that he was diagnosed as borderline/narcissist. Everything I've read describes my ex to a 't.'

 

Sorry for the novel, but I'm really hurting right now and I'm looking for insight on the best way to end things. He will hurt me bad in an argument, and then come back and say everything I need to hear and I get roped right back in. He owes me $4600 that I'm not sure if I'm going to get back, and I get the feeling he's using it to keep the door open on communicating with me. Any and all advice is welcome.

[Oregon_Dude]

:: waits for Downtowner to post ::

[Learningtowalkagain]

:: waits for Downtowner to post ::

 

Ditto

 

 

I'll add my two cents in the mean time. Downtown will tell you the same, none of us know him and we're not qualified to diagnose him as BPD, but he definitely has a personality disorder. I got out of a relationship with a girl who had BPD and it was a roller coaster ride. As bad as she was, she wasn't nearly as bad as the guy you're describing.

 

You said you're a pinup model, so you're probably attractive. So ask yourself this question, why would you tolerate this type of behavior? That's what you should be asking yourself at this moment. This should be your focus moving forward. You need to convince yourself you deserve better.

 

As for the relationship. 2 months is really short time to move in. My ex was the same way, calling me her soulmate after a few weeks. Huge red flag. She also asked me to move in after 2 months (I didn't).

 

You can take him to court for the $4600 but you have to establish it was a loan. A lot of judges don't look at it as a loan while you're in a relatonship. So any communication where he acknowledges he owes you the money back I'd hold onto.

 

Be thankful it's over. It sounds like you dodged a bullet.

[Poppyolive]

You my dear, are in a cycle of abuse. It will continue, it will not change.

 

I'm concerned as to why you let all these red flags fly? Why did you give in and move in together after 2 months?

 

This guy will completely destroy you and it will affect your daughter, if it hasnt done already.

 

You may need to forget about this money he owes. It will be an ugly split. Especially coming from you. So, prepare. Have back up plans to stay with your mom or have a friend stay over. Break up with him face to face, and then block him everywhere.

 

You will be just fine. You deserve much much better.

[sha_na_na84]

I certainly agree that I'm not able to provide him with a diagnosis (nor would it really accomplish anything this point) but it was really eye opening to read up on it and see how many similarities there were when it came to his behavior.

 

I honestly don't know why I tolerated it, or have held on so long. I've been told I'm an attractive girl (I have some leftover insecurity when it comes to my appearance after an eating disorder and verbally abusive father when I was growing up). I own my own home, am college educated, financially stable, I'm a good mother, and I work hard on my relationships and am moving into a lucrative career. There isn't any real root reason of why I'd tolerate someone to treat me this way other than it never all added up for me.

 

I isolated myself from my friends over the past few months because he's volatile and his behavior would embarrass me or it would cause issues with us. Only one close friend has any idea what's been going on with us. He'd do or say something really heinous and then turn around and feel instant remorse and 'make it up to me.' Twice I've left town to get away from him, and it's like a honeymoon after. I always wondered if it was just the chase that appealed to him. I never would go do things without him because he'd accuse me of seeing a guy who would hit on me (under the guise of "needing to protect me"). He chipped away at my self esteem a lot. He finds fault with the tiniest thing and will pick a fight over it, not ever really letting it go. A lot of times I felt like he was just trying to get a rise out of me, and he'd finally retreat and try to talk me down after he finally made me cry. Now that I'm typing this out I'm realizing how f***** up all of this sounds. I guess when you're in it and someone is convincing you YOU'RE the broken one, you believe it.

 

He repeatedly brought up my relationship with my deceased husband and had me convinced that I wasn't able to fully commit to him because I was still messed up over my loss. When I ended things he harped on the fact that I was the one who quit and walked away, and said he never would have, that I was the weaker person and he loves me more. I've felt a lot of guilt over that, and have wondered if this is me being a quitter.

[Learningtowalkagain]

Most people with BPD are women who have abandonment issues from childhood. From what you just wrote he fits the bill.

 

Again, it sucks right now but move on. You're going to look back and breath a huge sigh of relief you didn't marry him or worse yet have children with him.

[aloneinaz]

Sha-

 

 

My last ex was an undiagnosed BPD woman. What you wrote gave me the chills in that you described her in many, many ways. She was great in bed, un-believable sex. She had the fantastic ability to compliment me with such sincerity. "You're so handsome, I'm so lucky you came into my life." She was different in that I didn't start to see her issues until a couple of months in. Her red flags were not as glaring as your exes were at the early stage. When 3-4 months passed, I started seeing all her emotional BS. Mood swings on a dime. Bad, quick temper when stressed. One minute I was "the love of her life" to the next where she'd want to break up. Very unstable emotionally. Would go ballistic if someone challenged her or said something unflattering. She was very insecure about herself despite being attractive. All the classic things/traits you read about in a BPD person.

 

 

My time with her was over a year though there were several short break ups. Most were instigated by her. She'd then come back and say all the right things to get me to try again.

 

 

Don't do what I did. If he's gone from your place, ignore him and go STRICT NC. Get off that rollercoaster ride from hell. It's been 2.5 years now that my BPD ex and I ended. She tried to get me back after 5-6 months of NC and LUCKILY, I'd moved on and she was told HELL NO. I'm lucky in that I met a NORMAL, mentally stable and mentally healthy woman that I've been with now for 2 years. I look back at what I allowed from that crazy woman and am simply amazed.

 

 

Life's far to short for dealing with someone that damaged. They won't change and you CAN'T fix them. They live for chaos and emotional turmoil. You have many good things going for you. Learn from this and find a normal guy to appreciate what you have to offer.

[Downtown]

I was talking with a friend and she said that her ex husband displayed all the of the control issues, fragile ego, temper, jealousy, need to be the center of attn, punitive behavior, etc and that he was diagnosed as borderline/narcissist. Everything I've read describes my ex to a 't.'

ShaNaNa, welcome to the LoveShack forum. I agree with Oregon, Learning, and Arizona that the behaviors you describe -- i.e., event-triggered irrational anger, controlling behavior, irrational jealousy, rapid flips between Jekyll and Hyde, and always being "The Victim" -- are some of the classic warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Moreover, the repeated cycle of push-you-away and pull-you-back is one of the hallmarks of having strong traits of BPD. Importantly, I'm not suggesting your exBF has full-blown BPD but, rather, that she might exhibit moderate to strong traits of it or another PD.

 

I caution that BPD is a "spectrum" disorder, which means every adult on the planet occasionally exhibits all BPD traits to some degree (albeit at a low level if the person is healthy). At issue, then, is not whether your exBF exhibits BPD traits. Of course he does. We all do.

 

Rather, at issue is whether he exhibits those traits at a strong and persistent level (i.e., is on the upper end of the BPD spectrum). Not having met him, I cannot know the answer to that question. I nonetheless believe you can spot any strong BPD warning signs that are present if you take a little time to learn which behaviors are on the list. They are not difficult to spot because there is nothing subtle about behaviors such as very controlling behavior, always being "The Victim," and rapid event-triggered mood flips.

 

I therefore suggest you take a look at my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to join Oregon, Learning, Arizona, and Poppy in discussing them with you.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will NOT enable you to diagnose your exBF's issues. As Learning cautioned, only a professional can do that, i.e., determine whether his BPD traits are so severe and persistent to satisfy 100% of the diagnostic criteria for having full-blown BPD. Yet, like learning warning signs for breast cancer and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid a painful experience -- e.g., avoid taking him back and avoid running into the arms of another man just like the one you left.

 

'm really hurting right now and I'm looking for insight on the best way to end things.

I agree with Arizona that the best approach is to go full NC. Moreover, I suggest you read Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with BPD and Leaving a Partner with BPD at the "Articles" page of BPDfamily. When you are leaving an emotionally unstable BF, it really does not matter whether you say the "right thing" or leave him with a good "last impression." The "reality" for an unstable person is established by whatever intense feelings he is experiencing at THIS VERY MOMENT.

 

Hence, no matter how perfect you manage the breakup, his recollection of you likely will change greatly as he flips back and forth between splitting you white and splitting you black. With unstable people, it is impossible to leave them with a "lasting impression." Trying to do so is as foolish as trying to build a lasting sandcastle beside the ocean. It will be washed aside with the next set of intense feelings flooding his mind.

Edited August 26, 2015 by Downtown

[Poppyolive]

I completely understand. it's difficult when you are on a roller coaster and your partner is steering. It wilts you down, emotionally,mentally and physically drains you. I understand, I went through similar experience with my ex. The pushing and pulling/black and white becomes exhausting. I remember taking sick days and canceling plans with friends because I was so emotionally exhausted from dealing with one of his arguments/ escapades. You almost, become too weak to leave, that or, you begin questioning yourself. Sometimes it's hard to see those red flags, when the love is so strong. Don't be hard on yourself.

 

You sound like a bold, beautiful, caring woman, that gave her all and trusted her partner. You were the perfect person for someone so ill. Something that helped me was reading up on boundaries. Relationship boundries. Which I am hoping will help me notice the future red flag with other potential partners. It will be good for you to read.

 

Take care of your heart and snuggle your kid.

[sha_na_na84]

Thank you everyone for your feedback. Most of this I wouldn't admit to even close friends because they wouldn't believe that someone who is so level headed would get in this deep and not see the signs. My bachelors degree is in Psychology- can you believe it?

 

I've been experiencing pretty severe depression, and I can't go to bed early enough the evening. As was mentioned, I've canceled plans with friends or have gone without him because I didn't want to deal with the 'fallout.'

 

Something that has always bothered me was the amount of jealousy involved. When we've gone on dates, he often commented on how many guys were looking at me and how I probably saw it and felt smug. Once, a woman smiled at me in the parking lot of a restaurant (I'm a smiley person, people usually smile back) and said she was going to try to get me to "switch teams." I always felt a level of jealousy towards my daughter. She is an only child, and I was a stay at home mom for 2.5 years of her life. I never felt like they clicked and it was like he was trying to put her in her place. Sending her to bed early for back talk, or having her watch everyone eat dessert for messing around at the table. She is a very pretty, bright child, and makes friends everywhere we go. His daughter (who is 4) is very willful, argumentative and manipulative and people would praise my daughter on her appearance or behavior and it seems like it would annoy him. He constantly accused me of showing favoritism, but would only really show my daughter affection when others were around to witness it.

 

All of this has been so eye opening. I hate that I want him to come back and admit wrongdoing. And thinking that all the plans for the future and hard work that I put in were all for nothing. I wonder how long it will take to feel better about this, because I feel heartbroken and distracted.

[aloneinaz]

All of this has been so eye opening. I hate that I want him to come back and admit wrongdoing. And thinking that all the plans for the future and hard work that I put in were all for nothing. I wonder how long it will take to feel better about this, because I feel heartbroken and distracted.

 

 

BPD people are known for "love bombing". My ex's MO was to get irrationally mad at me over nothing. She'd work herself up and a few times end it. I'd leave and swear I'd never talk to her again. When she cooled down (sometimes a few days to a couple of weeks), she'd reappear and "love bomb" me. She'd swear that she wouldn't act that way, make up an excuse for the latest poor behavior and the dysfunctional/toxic cycle would repeat.

 

 

When she ended it the final time, I was done. I knew I'd taken way too much of her crap. The only way I was able to escape from her this time was to stay strick NC. I blocked her on everything. I SWORE to myself that I'd never date her again. After a couple of months, I was dating again. It REALLY helped me stick to NC as well.

 

 

As I mentioned, this ex reappeared 5-6 months later. I had a new GF. I ignored her first 3 attempts at reaching me. Her third attempt was a long, love filled, apologetic email where she said she made a huge mistake, missed me, blah, blah, blah.. My GF asked that I respond to that and let her know I was happily in a new R/S and good luck. She kept emailing (that I ignored) for a few months afterward.

 

 

The best part for me was after getting that last email, I ran into her ex husband who I was friendly with. I learned that this ex had just got out of a 2-3 month R/S with someone crazier than her. Not one week later, she was contacting me. Oh, did I point out that after she ended us, she was on a dating site 6 days later?

 

 

BPD folks hate to be alone and fear abandonment big time. This ex jumped from R/S to R/S and never wanted to be alone. This ex emailed me a couple of months ago to just say hi and was ignored. She's had short R/S's with 3-4 guys since me. See a pattern here?

 

 

Again, I know you're hurting. Ride through the pain for you and your daughter. Neither of you need that chaos and drama in your lives. You're breaking a BAD habit and are going to feel some withdrawal from it. If you say NC, you will feel better much faster. After a couple of months, stick your toes back into the dating arena. It's good for you and you'll have a good chance to meet someone normal.

[thespacey1]

Dido to much of what you described OP. My ex was the EXACT same, eg accusatory,. fault finding, never accepting responsibility for his own anger, wanted us to move in together after 2 months ( what's with BPDs and the 2 month mark???) and he proposed after 3 months of knowing me maybe because he knew I didn't wanna shack either, similar to you OP.

 

You may feel this guilt that you're describing, for a while. I believe it's because men (people) like your ex, are extremely good at playing on our weaknesses and making us feel like everything is our fault. Trying to keep us off balance I guess and feeling insecure. Your ex has tried to do that to you and he's gotten inside your head, viciously... But you'll be ok soon enough.

 

Good thing is that you seem to be aware of all this... You sound pretty strong and like you were just fine before you met him, independent and SANE and all ;-). Now he has you feeling like you've almost lost your mind. Don't fret, you're not crazy, he is. He's probably thinking of ways to make you never stop thinking about him... Crazy...

 

After several months I'm just started to really forget about my ex-fiance and he just called me a few days ago,in the morning might I add. I feel like he wants to "catch me" doing "something"...

 

You'll be fine after you make the decision to let him go. And without drama. He wants dreams, don't give it to him.

[ExpatInItaly]

I certainly agree that I'm not able to provide him with a diagnosis (nor would it really accomplish anything this point) but it was really eye opening to read up on it and see how many similarities there were when it came to his behavior.

 

I honestly don't know why I tolerated it, or have held on so long. I've been told I'm an attractive girl (I have some leftover insecurity when it comes to my appearance after an eating disorder and verbally abusive father when I was growing up). I own my own home, am college educated, financially stable, I'm a good mother, and I work hard on my relationships and am moving into a lucrative career. There isn't any real root reason of why I'd tolerate someone to treat me this way other than it never all added up for me.

 

I isolated myself from my friends over the past few months because he's volatile and his behavior would embarrass me or it would cause issues with us. Only one close friend has any idea what's been going on with us. He'd do or say something really heinous and then turn around and feel instant remorse and 'make it up to me.' Twice I've left town to get away from him, and it's like a honeymoon after. I always wondered if it was just the chase that appealed to him. I never would go do things without him because he'd accuse me of seeing a guy who would hit on me (under the guise of "needing to protect me"). He chipped away at my self esteem a lot. He finds fault with the tiniest thing and will pick a fight over it, not ever really letting it go. A lot of times I felt like he was just trying to get a rise out of me, and he'd finally retreat and try to talk me down after he finally made me cry. Now that I'm typing this out I'm realizing how f***** up all of this sounds. I guess when you're in it and someone is convincing you YOU'RE the broken one, you believe it.

 

He repeatedly brought up my relationship with my deceased husband and had me convinced that I wasn't able to fully commit to him because I was still messed up over my loss. When I ended things he harped on the fact that I was the one who quit and walked away, and said he never would have, that I was the weaker person and he loves me more. I've felt a lot of guilt over that, and have wondered if this is me being a quitter.

 

Oh, honey. I feel your pain in so many ways. My ex has BPD too. He shares many of the same behaviours as your now-ex. I feel almost like I could have written your post myself.

 

I too questioned my own sanity. Tried to keep him away from family and friends because I never knew when that switch would flip and launch him into a tirade, humiliating me and making him look like a crazy person in front of our loved ones.

 

I also have an ex who passed away, many years ago now. My BPD ex was utterly fixated on that and used it in arguments many times. It got to the point where I regretted ever mentioning my deceased ex, because his memory was being so horribly disrespected. (I only ever mentioned it because we talked early on about our exes, and naturally this came into the discussion) Please accept my condolences for your loss. I know how this can double the pain.

 

Add to this that I had just relocated to a foreign country (from Canada to my adopted home of Italy!) and my BPD ex was one of the first friends I made in my new home. The sense of isolation, shame and loneliness in this relationship almost broke me because I had no family or friends close by. Thank goodness I found (somewhere!) the strength to finally walk away. I am so much happier and at peace now. I wish the same for you and your little one. You and especially your daughter deserve stability and calm and love. You won't find that with this man.

 

Please do a board search for the user Downtown, who has a lot of insightful information about BPD. And please feel free to PM me. I know very well how you're feeling and would be more than happy to lend an ear. Please, please take care of yourself and stay broken up. It does get better for you, with time and healing.

[sha_na_na84]

I really can't thank you all enough for sharing your experience. After this long of having someone criticize me so harshly and feeling the need to be perfect, it's nice to hear that it isn't necessarily me. You forget that most people don't draw this hard line and expect perfection. I have told him multiple times that I feel like there is this script in his head that I don't have access to, and if I don't follow it then I'm somehow a bad partner. And all conflict was brought back to some wrong that I'd done and didn't feel that I should have to swallow my pride and apologize for, but I would a lot of times in order to keep the peace.

 

One big question I have for those of you who've dealt with this is "How was/is your relationship with the persons family?" Over the course of our relationship, I had gotten very close with his parents and they were aware of a lot of the issues that we were having and they'd caution him "You don't want to lose this one, be nice to her." 2 of his sisters (he has 5 total siblings) told me they didn't want to get close to me because they "know how their brother is" and they were afraid he'd screw it up. After our breakup (I'm talking within hours) we had to go to a family birthday party and I didn't go with him. His family members all deleted me on Facebook before the end of the night, and his mom (who I used to speak with every day) and dad (who would call me every so often to chat, or stop by our house to visit even when he wasn't here) stopped talking to me. I haven't heard from a single one of them since it happened a month ago.

 

When I asked him what their issue was with me, he told me that his family "truly thought I was the girl he was going to marry, and I had made a commitment to them as well as our kids when I agreed to live together and get to know them." They also thought it was unfair that I withdrew my daughter from the daycare (that his mom runs, and I'd have to see not only him but his family every day when I picked her up) and moved her elsewhere.

 

I'm pretty upset over the fact that I'd gotten close with several of them, and they turned their back to me in an instant. Is it something with family members of those with BPD/personality disorders to back them this way? I feel like the tables got to turned on me so quickly, especially when I was so good to him and his kids. To this day, I'm friends with the family members of ex bf's and it's never been an issue with them, OR the ex. I'd love to hear your experiences.

[aloneinaz]

I really can't thank you all enough for sharing your experience. After this long of having someone criticize me so harshly and feeling the need to be perfect, it's nice to hear that it isn't necessarily me. You forget that most people don't draw this hard line and expect perfection. I have told him multiple times that I feel like there is this script in his head that I don't have access to, and if I don't follow it then I'm somehow a bad partner. And all conflict was brought back to some wrong that I'd done and didn't feel that I should have to swallow my pride and apologize for, but I would a lot of times in order to keep the peace.

 

One big question I have for those of you who've dealt with this is "How was/is your relationship with the persons family?" Over the course of our relationship, I had gotten very close with his parents and they were aware of a lot of the issues that we were having and they'd caution him "You don't want to lose this one, be nice to her." 2 of his sisters (he has 5 total siblings) told me they didn't want to get close to me because they "know how their brother is" and they were afraid he'd screw it up. After our breakup (I'm talking within hours) we had to go to a family birthday party and I didn't go with him. His family members all deleted me on Facebook before the end of the night, and his mom (who I used to speak with every day) and dad (who would call me every so often to chat, or stop by our house to visit even when he wasn't here) stopped talking to me. I haven't heard from a single one of them since it happened a month ago.

 

When I asked him what their issue was with me, he told me that his family "truly thought I was the girl he was going to marry, and I had made a commitment to them as well as our kids when I agreed to live together and get to know them." They also thought it was unfair that I withdrew my daughter from the daycare (that his mom runs, and I'd have to see not only him but his family every day when I picked her up) and moved her elsewhere.

 

I'm pretty upset over the fact that I'd gotten close with several of them, and they turned their back to me in an instant. Is it something with family members of those with BPD/personality disorders to back them this way? I feel like the tables got to turned on me so quickly, especially when I was so good to him and his kids. To this day, I'm friends with the family members of ex bf's and it's never been an issue with them, OR the ex. I'd love to hear your experiences.

 

 

Sadly, this is so normal with a BPD person. When it ended, I'm sure he lied through his teeth to his family about you. ALL the problems were your fault. You didn't love him, blah, blah, blah.. My ex BPD did this as well. The are simply not healthy mentally. Again, you can't take it personally.

 

 

When my ex BPD and I split, I removed and blocked her family members two days later. She didn't have many friends to block because BPD folks have such turbulent relationships with everyone in their lives to include there own family members. My ex would zero tolerance people in a second. If a friend pissed her off, she'd never talk to them again.

 

 

That's one of the hardest parts of relationships. You get close to their families and when it ends, so do those relationships as well.