katiegrl Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 (edited) Versacehottie makes a good point. I never get into these types of situations/confrontations you describe. Never! And no disrespect, but re the poop incident, unless you work for the City Sanitation Dept, it really is none of your business. And I can only imagine the way you confronted him about it ....for him to go off on you like that. When I described my boyfriend being protective, I was speaking more to if I were in physical danger, he would step in and protect me. If he overheard another man calling me a whore, slut whatever, which has never happened and doubt it ever will, sure he would do/say what your ex did ....but again that has never happened, and one has to wonder what you were doing/saying that would prompt a complete stranger to call you a whore out of the blue. Stuff like that just doesn't happen, not without some sort of provocation. Not in my world anyway. Don't mean to attack you, or sound overly harsh, but I am wondering, cause it all just seems very odd IMO. Edited August 26, 2015 by katiegrl 3
Author Winterina Posted August 26, 2015 Author Posted August 26, 2015 Versacehottie makes a good point. I never get into these types of situations/confrontations you describe. Never! And no disrespect, but re the poop incident, unless you work for the City Sanitation Dept, it really is none of your business. And I can only imagine the way you confronted him about it ....for him to go off on you like that. When I described my boyfriend being protective, I was speaking more to if I were in physical danger, he would step in and protect me. If he overheard another man calling me a whore, slut whatever, which has never happened and doubt it ever will, sure he would do/say what your ex did ....but again that has never happened, and one has to wonder what you were doing/saying that would prompt a complete stranger to call you a whore out of the blue. Stuff like that just doesn't happen, not without some sort of provocation. Not in my world anyway. Don't mean to attack you, or sound overly harsh, but I am wondering, cause it all just seems very odd IMO. Well, I do not know where all the worst of the assumptions are coming from but all of them are baseless and yes, you do sound overly harsh. If something did not happen to you, it does not mean it has not happen to others and no, it was not because someone provoked. The guy in the pub who called me a whore and my bf was called a pimp (we were there for new year's even just minding our own business)... that was completely out of the blue. Completely. Nobody even noticed the guy until he started shouting. As for the dog poop guy - yes, it is my business because he let his dog do a poo where people sit in the park including myself every other day (and nobody wants to sit in the poo or where the poo has been - dogs are not even allowed there) and then he just left it there. Why do you need to imagine the way I confronted him? I asked him to clean up after his pet. Why don't you instead think if he was perhaps just a rude person? Why imagine the worst scenario about ME? Just asking what prompted you. Because you really are just imagining here. A lot. I can imagine how much negativity you bring to your relationship by imagining the worst... (well, no I do not, but I am just making a point which I hope you get). Anybody can just say things but I am the only one who knows what's been happening and I am the only one who knows things. So instead of imagining - ask me. Fair enough?
Keenly Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 It might be a good idea not to try to police the actions of complete strangers. 2
katiegrl Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Well, I do not know where all the worst of the assumptions are coming from but all of them are baseless and yes, you do sound overly harsh. If something did not happen to you, it does not mean it has not happen to others and no, it was not because someone provoked. The guy in the pub who called me a whore and my bf was called a pimp (we were there for new year's even just minding our own business)... that was completely out of the blue. Completely. Nobody even noticed the guy until he started shouting. As for the dog poop guy - yes, it is my business because he let his dog do a poo where people sit in the park including myself every other day (and nobody wants to sit in the poo or where the poo has been - dogs are not even allowed there) and then he just left it there. Why do you need to imagine the way I confronted him? I asked him to clean up after his pet. Why don't you instead think if he was perhaps just a rude person? Why imagine the worst scenario about ME? Just asking what prompted you. Because you really are just imagining here. A lot. I can imagine how much negativity you bring to your relationship by imagining the worst... (well, no I do not, but I am just making a point which I hope you get). Anybody can just say things but I am the only one who knows what's been happening and I am the only one who knows things. So instead of imagining - ask me. Fair enough? Why do I make these assumptions? Because of the way you are posting and responding on *this* thread. Defensively and aggressively. It speaks volumes as to how you behave in the real world too. That's why. But go ahead and continue your defensive posture if it makes you feel better. This is only my opinion based on what you have posted, and HOW you have posted it. Take it or leave it.... 1
katiegrl Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 It might be a good idea not to try to police the actions of complete strangers. Agree. It's not your place to dictate the actions of complete strangers. Like demanding someone clean up dog poop. Just move and sit somewhere else. Notify the grounds patrol if it bugs you so much, and let THEM deal with it. My boyfriend would have called ME out had I done that. Mostly because it's not safe, being that you don't know who you are confronting and he/she could be a complete psycho for all you know. And pull out a gun or something. People have gotten themselves killed for stupid stuff like this. Just sain.
Author Winterina Posted August 26, 2015 Author Posted August 26, 2015 Why do I make these assumptions? Because of the way you are posting and responding on *this* thread. Defensively and aggressively. It speaks volumes as to how you behave in the real world too. That's why. But go ahead and continue your defensive posture if it makes you feel better. This is only my opinion based on what you have posted, and HOW you have posted it. Take it or leave it.... I am merely RESPONDING to people that make false assumptions. Please specify a response from me that you are labelling as aggressive and defensive that is not an actual correction of facts (because of assumptions) or statement of opinion? Am I supposed to say: oh yes, I was probably very aggressive when I asked nicely some ahole guy in the park to pick up after his dog? Or, yes, I must have provoked the man in the pub who called me names out of the blue??? Or, I totally asked that 300 pound woman to shove herself in the bus and lean on me to the point of physical pain? You make assumptions and all your following opinion is based on that. How is that a fair discussion? THAT is why I do not accept your opinion. However, what do your posts say about you? Are you perhaps projecting something here? Who exactly is getting aggressive and defensive here? Read it through and think about yourself first before pointing a finger at someone who did none of things you are assuming and imagining.
Author Winterina Posted August 26, 2015 Author Posted August 26, 2015 Agree. It's not your place to dictate the actions of complete strangers. Like demanding someone clean up dog poop. Just move and sit somewhere else. Notify the grounds patrol if it bugs you so much, and let THEM deal with it. My boyfriend would have called ME out had I done that. Mostly because it's not safe, being that you don't know who you are confronting and he/she could be a complete psycho for all you know. And pull out a gun or something. People have gotten themselves killed for stupid stuff like this. Just sain. That's in the US. This is Europe. Assumptions again.
katiegrl Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Winter, I invite you to read my post 55. THAT is how I and most people who don't have a chip on their shoulder would have reacted. That is what THAT says about me. Back to you, straw man arguments/attacks don't work on me hun, but nice try. I don't expect any of this to sink in, but there's always hope. Good luck! 1
Redhead14 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 What do you ladies expect from a man, what type of protection? I think we all can agree that if someone would attack you physically in the middle of the street, you would expect him to step in and not be a giant vagina. But what about other types of protection? Social protection? Example: from gossiping "friends", or from someone being deliberately provocative. Would you expect him to be polite, nice and friendly to people that are not nice to you? Protection from emotional harm? Probably from himself the most but everything in general. Financial protection? Something else? It is your emotional responsibility to protect yourself from gossip, financial issues, provocation, or any kind of emotional harm even from a partner. Once you embrace that fact, this question will not exist for you. It is the responsibility of a committed partner to support you in managing those things, not be the one to intervene. If you cannot do that for yourself, you are not going to be able to be a good partner yourself. If you cannot do these types of things for yourself, expecting him to do that for you is a lot of work for him. A committed partner will not tolerate someone being abusive to you in your presence though. They will make a statement to bolster your position. If someone says something negative about you and you aren't around, they should negate that with the person and let them know he will not tolerate it himself. Being protected by a committed partner is not about managing things like that for you. Being protected in a relationship is really about having trust, security and emotional support. Having someone to go to when there is a problem for advice, etc. Not having someone to do the things you need to do for yourself. 1
Versacehottie Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 They aren't really assumptions we are making. They are conclusions and opinions we are coming to based on info you are providing. Maybe you aren't explaining it very well. This is a guess: maybe that's why you posed the first post so vaguely. Idk, the dad hypothesis though provided as the extremes of examples shows to me that your logic is flawed. No further details needed since it hypothetical and very simply stated. I think we all want to help you find a solution to help your relationship. If telling you some things we are noticing that could help your situation causes this reaction, it is just case-in-point of the evidence that you are being partly too sensitive and unreasonable with you boyfriend. You can keep doing it your way and cross your fingers and hope it works out. Were we wrong to assume you wanted advice and opinions on your thread? That is the purpose of this site. If you ask for advice, you are going to get a variety of it. Chances are some of it matches with how your bf's thought process is which if you have an open mind and truly want to solve the problem can only be helpful.
Keenly Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 That's in the US. This is Europe. Assumptions again. No one in Europe ever got attacked for being a nosey person or mouthing off to the wrong person? 1
smackie9 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 I usually can hold my own, but I know my old man wouldn't tolerate an attack or anything of that nature (He's mid 40's, 25 years in construction, angry boss guy).....then again neither would I lol. Yes if I was single today I would look for a man with construction background and strong hands. lol
Gaeta Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 I expect a boyfriend to protect me from hurting myself or someone else hurting me. That's for sure. It should come to him instinctively. It doesn't need to be someone insulting me in a pub, it could be by breaking the ice on my front step, making sure my car is well maintained and safe, fixing something in my place before I hurt myself on it etc. Yes in a public place if a pure strangers starts insulting me I expect him to step in but not to insult the stranger back but I expect him to step in to calm things down *buddy watch your mouth, you're drunk calm down and leave the lady alone* type of stepping in. If boyfriend and I are out there together and I decide to make a comment toward a stranger like *pick up your trash* then no, I don't expect my boyfriend to step in to defend me if things turn sour. I got myself in that mess on my own I should get out of it on my own. Unless the person tries to hit me, no I don't expect my boyfriend to jump on board and start defending me. In your case it sounds like your boyfriend is missing a set of balls. I would be worried to be out there with a man like him. If we were to be attacked in an alley would he defend you or leave you there and run away? Most men have this protective instinct. Even strangers have this protective instinct toward female strangers and children. Strangers have caught me so I don't fall, helped me with bags, helped me with a broken car, helped me on iced sidewalks so I don't fall, have offered me the protection of their umbrella under storms. Not long ago I was in a full elevator and this big guy hit me (accidentally) with his elbow, one of the gentleman told him * HEY buddy! watch for the lady *
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