QueenDeath Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Why is it that some partners feel or think they should put 100% blame on the break up on the person they are leaving. Not saying that the dumper is the one doing that it could be the person that got dumped. Why? Do they think that they did nothing wrong at all in the relationship? When truthfully mistakes will be made but if it can be worked on why put so much blame on the other? If it takes two people to make a relationship work doesn't it take two people to make it not work? I know, I'm posting a lot. However, it helps and makes me feel not so alone and the ability to get my thoughts out.
d0nnivain Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 It makes them feel better about themselves. When someone does this to you, chalk it up as another bad character trait that means it's a good thing you are apart 1
BlueIris Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Blame is generally pointless. Problem solving is much better. Blamers are usually avoiding problem solving. If someone blames you on exit, be grateful that it’s over.
Tayla Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Had a counselor turn the habit of blame upside down. He said , to blame is to shame. Steer clear of such mentality. It serves no one and produces negative outlooks. Instead narrow down specifically and objectively the concern or habit needing addressed. Most times when adults re-evaluate and openly discuss flaws or snafus, its done to improve or remove roadblocks... not to point fingers and shame the other. When re evaluating, its natural to acknowledge our flaws last, unless we remain diligent in our actions and deeds. So few folks actually forget too quickly their own actions when their eyes and ears are closed off ( receptive). Accepting our imperfections rubs the ego the wrong way... luckily humility and and sensibility comes along to soften the realizations of our part.
Methodical Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Placing blame and pointing fingers is easy, acknowledging and accepting responsibility/fault...not so much. I have found that it's best to address issues as they arise rather than sit around and stew. It may take some hashing out to clear the air, but when I'm at fault I admit my mistakes, and the people I keep company with are mature and do the same. Issues grow roots when they aren't addressed and/or discussed with everyone except the person involved.
aloneinaz Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Why is it that some partners feel or think they should put 100% blame on the break up on the person they are leaving. It comes down to character and class. If an ex bad mouths their last partner, it speaks volumes about them, their deep insecurities and usually, their unhappiness in life. I've learned of exes saying negative things about me after I ended the R/S. It only reinforced that I made the right decision. It's no different than when I interview people for a position. If they are negative Nellies and bad mouth their last job or boss, they are no longer considered for the position. 1
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