LivingAbroad Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 My background. I'm a MM working and living in the middle east. My W of 22 yrs and 2 kids live in the States. My marriage is good. We have dealt with infidelity a few time on both sides in our past. The only real issue is the very long distance. I met a friend over here 6 months ago. She is single, was briefly married a long time ago. We became sexually involved very quickly. About a week after we met. About a 6 weeks ago, she said that she was starting to have feelings for me. We agreed to see less of each other, no sleeping over and no talking about real life. We get together to escape/distract from the real world and all of its problems. Thing seem to be better now. We each focus on own life and careers. Things are much more casual. We get together every other week or so usual after meeting up with mutual friends then run off some place quite. Today, her father passed away. I have no ideal what to do. I want to help. I don't know either to keep my distance or run to her and give her a shoulder to cry on. I don't even how to offer help since we only talk when we want sex. The nurturing side of me wants to be a good friend and help her get pass the pain. My self serving side says to maintain our arrangement and keep it all about the sex. I know that I don't want to stir up emotions that maybe subsiding.
Gloria25 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 The "F" in FWB stands for "friends"... For you not to pick up the phone and offer condolences would be rude to say the least and far from "friendly"... When you pick up the phone, offer your condolences and let her know that despite your "arrangement" you are available as a "friend" and for her to just feel free to let you know how you can support her in this time of sadness. "I" believe that is clear communication to her that you're not overstepping boundaries, if she interprets it otherwise then that's her problem. 2
Author LivingAbroad Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 I pretty much knew that. Guess I just needed to hear it. Making sure I'm not rationalize a bad decision. I'm pretty good at that. If the conversion leads to the bedroom, I don't want it to seem like I'm taking advantage of her grief. I do have some morals left.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I don't see how you can talk about morals if you are already "cheating". 2
Author LivingAbroad Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 Morals isn't an all or nothing deal. The world isn't black and white. I only include those details to help people understand the limits of my relationship with the OW. I'm looking for advise on how best to help my friend. I don't need judgments or approval. 2
Gloria25 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Morals isn't an all or nothing deal. The world isn't black and white. I only include those details to help people understand the limits of my relationship with the OW. I'm looking for advise on how best to help my friend. I don't need judgments or approval. Thank you!!! I may have had FWBs and/or been involved with involved people but that doesn't mean that I walk around with a pitchfork and horns. Quite frankly, that's what amazes and confuses people about me. I pray, do good things, and all that - yet they are amazed if they see me flip the bird So, anyone ready to stone me to death? Cuz scum like me has no right to walk the earth and/or breathe the same air as others, right? BTW, I gotta go...gonna be late for my scheduled midnight burning in Town Square!!!
xpaperxcutx Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 Thank you!!! I may have had FWBs and/or been involved with involved people but that doesn't mean that I walk around with a pitchfork and horns. Quite frankly, that's what amazes and confuses people about me. I pray, do good things, and all that - yet they are amazed if they see me flip the bird So, anyone ready to stone me to death? Cuz scum like me has no right to walk the earth and/or breathe the same air as others, right? BTW, I gotta go...gonna be late for my scheduled midnight burning in Town Square!!! I don't understand the concept of cheating. If I have to cheat it means that the person I was with was never right for me. As for the OP, if you really want to be a friend, then be a friend. But these kind of condolences are often fake because your relationship was fake to begin with.
Gloria25 Posted August 27, 2015 Posted August 27, 2015 I don't understand the concept of cheating. If I have to cheat it means that the person I was with was never right for me. As for the OP, if you really want to be a friend, then be a friend. But these kind of condolences are often fake because your relationship was fake to begin with. I do not condone cheating, and I'm sorry for any pain you or anyone have experienced from cheaters. That's why when I'm involved with an "involved" person, I, kinda like Dexter, have my "rules/code" that I go by - which are meant not to hurt the BS/BP and/or the kids involved (well, I've turned down guys w/kids in the past) and/or break up a home/family. Yes, like Dexter, it may be awkward and weird for people to think 'How can a serial killer think he's ok if he kills criminals?' So, you may think, 'Oh, cheaters have no morals and if he is a cheater, he is offering insincere condolences' and I must disagree with your assertion. Yes, people who do certain things does affect other things about them (ie strippers who will do anything for a quick buck have no morals), but at the same time - believe it or not, some people do amoral things yet that is not 100% who they are...and I speak from personal experience cuz that is "me".
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