Tuga88 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) Apologies in advance for the length, I tried to leave out as much as possible but felt like this stuff was important to say. But then you always think every little detail is important when you're hooked on someone lol, you be the judge. I put a TLDR at the bottom. Meet girl, 9.5/10, get on amazing. Initially says she doesn’t want anything serious. Continue to hang out a lot and basically start to spend every day together, the small time we are apart we’re always texting each other. I start to change her mind in regards to nothing serious, we go on dates etc. I meet all of her best friends and family, they love me, she’s impressed etc. This is all in the first month and things are going great. I find out broke up with ex 3 weeks before meeting me (says she had been unhappy with him for 2 months prior) but he was her first love. Says she is over him however still speaks to him every now and then. She has a holiday booked for a week and before she leaves she says I’m the best sex she’s ever had and I’m also her best friend and asks us to be exclusive, I agree. While she’s away she’s amazing, constant messages updating me on what she’s doing, pictures, videos, always messages me at night when she gets home, says she misses me lots etc. On the last day there she goes very quiet and hardly sends any messages. Next day when she lands she calls me and says we need to talk. I go over to hers and she says on the last day she spent most of it alone on the beach and she started to think about her life and us and how she’s just rushing into another relationship, she’s worried that we are at different stages in life (she is much younger than me) and needs to figure out how to be happy alone. I accept her decision, she starts to cry a lot, we end up having sex and then I leave. She messages me later asking how I am and says she hasn’t stopped crying since I left. The next day she calls me, her card was declined and she asks if I can transfer her some money which she will give back to me later that day. Long story short I help her, she offers to make me dinner and we end up spending the next 2 days and nights together. Next day I go away on holiday for a week. Before I left she said she didn’t care I could do what I want but as soon as I land she says she doesn’t want me to get with anyone else. During my holiday I did the same as she did with me, messages, updating etc. would speak every night with her/face time. She kept saying she missed me a lot etc. One day I did get really drunk out there and apparently was being very immature and stupid to her on the phone (don’t remember the convo too well but she said I was trying to make her jealous). We moved past it, I apologised and things were all fine after that. When I land I go to pick her up from her night out, she is all over me and we spend the next 4 days and nights together. During this time I find out she is still in contact with her ex and she has told me that he wants her back but she doesn’t. I see that she is also snapchatting him and saying things like it’s been 3 months but their separation is still hard. Seeing this I get pretty pissed and call her out on it. She swears she’s over him but that he’s still her friend and that’s why she speaks to him. I try to end things with her telling her I don’t want to be wasting my time if in a month’s time she’s going to go back to her ex because she realises she still has feelings for him. However she starts to cry and I back out of the breakup. So on the 2nd night we go to stay at her mum’s house and she finds Viagra in my bag with one pill missing. She freaks out and asks what it’s for, I told her it was from my holiday because one of my friends asked me to bring some (which is true). Then I say he used one when he brought some girls back to the house (which I hadn’t told her before because I didn’t want her to freak out)…she goes pretty funny with me and says she’s finding it hard to trust me after this. The next morning I collapse and was unconscious for more than 10 minutes barely breathing. She called the EMTs, put me in the recovery position and basically saved my life. When I woke up I could barely breath and was screaming like crazy, she told me after I looked so scary and she couldn’t stop crying. Went to the hospital and doctor’s said I was fine (unfortunately I shat and wet myself while I was unconscious which is not the most attractive thing for a girl to see :/). The rest of the day is very chilled, she called my mum who came down and we all spent the day/evening together. When we go to sleep, we’re playing rock paper scissors to decide who charges their phone overnight and she goes nuts saying I cheated and if I cheat at this I will cheat at everything else. We end up having a big argument and go to sleep angry. In the morning we have sex but she still seems weird and by the time we get back to hers she brings up the Viagra thing again and says it messed with her trust. We continue to talk over text and we spend the day together 2 days later. The next morning she wants to end things again using similar reasons to before but also says that she sees me as more of a friend sometimes and the attraction isn’t there as much and she was scared to waste my time as I had told her before (I admit that for these 2 months I slacked off a little and let my guard down. For example I used to go gym a lot and basically stopped since I started seeing her and she would often comment on how I was a lot smaller and no longer muscular). I say fine and leave, she tries to make convo with me a few times over text the next day but I’m short with my answers (this is now exactly 2 months after we first got together). Friday she comes over to mine with her mum for dinner as my mum wanted to thank them for what they did. Dinner goes well, everyone leaves but she ends up asking if she can stay at mine “as friends, no sex” so I say OK. However I act really cold with her while she’s here (she mentions this to me) and tell her some dumb **** “you were right, I realised today you couldn’t be my GF, we would never work etc.” I tried to sleep with her that night/morning too but she stopped me. I drop her home in the morning and she only messages me the next day to ask for my bank details to send me some money. I continue giving short replies. Again she messages me the next day saying the transfer isn’t working but she’ll give me the money when I come to get my sunglasses that I told her I left at hers. We then have no contact until a week later where I stupidly got a bit drunk and decided to go to her house at night to speak to her. When I arrive I decide to wait a bit before knocking (having 2nd thoughts since I was drunk) and she arrives in a car with a guy. She sees me and drives a bit further down the road and eventually gets out about 10 mins later. I’m moved away from the house a bit and she just walks in and neither of us says anything. Now this must have looked mad creepy so I text her the next day saying I was driving by and thought I’d speak to her but then wasn’t sure and that’s when she came up with a guy so I didn’t want to interrupt. She tells me the guy is only her friend but it’s none of my business and that what I did was mad creepy and can I promise not to do it again. Also says to let her know when I can come to get my sunglasses and the money and she’ll leave it by the door for me. I tried to act offended since she implied that I was just waiting outside forever and then told her she didn’t need to worry as she’d never hear from me or see me again and told her just to mail me my sunglasses. She says I’m acting immature and it’s my fault things ended badly by treating her like **** on the last night and that she was dumb to even spend the night after what I did (goes on to mention my making her feel like **** by saying stuff I mentioned earlier) and that she will send me my things. We go NC again for 4 days until I break it to wish her good luck for her exam results. She replies almost instantly to every message, I tried to keep the convo light and funny and ended it after 3-4 messages. I told her to let me know how her results went and she said OK but she never did let me know. That was 6 days ago. My thoughts and why I’m in turmoil……I feel like I messed stuff up and even though she’d ended things before she always carried on speaking to me because she said she couldn’t stop (this time she didn’t because she was upset at how I treated her). I know she likes (liked?) me a lot and I always felt like I could get her back even if she was confused by continuing to be a great guy but when I acted like a fool that last night I feel like I changed her opinion and sort of confirmed her “doubts” and possibly pushed her back to her ex. I think she was confused between choosing me or her ex and I made that choice much easier for her. Btw I have no idea if they are back together, there is nothing to tell me they are. I have been bouncing around from girl to girl for a few years never really getting too attached to any but this one has hit me hard and I've struggled with the separation a lot but she has no idea as I've used social media to look like I'm having a great time etc. Also another girl (who I am not interested in at all) put up a photo of us with the hashtag "falling in love" nothing I could do about that unfortunately. My question is do I still try to win this girl back? It’s been almost 3 weeks since we’ve seen each other and contact has been almost nonexistent. I was thinking to message her to get my stuff (she didn’t mail them like she said she would) and use that as a way of meeting her in person and then seeing how she is then before deciding if I should still try to win her back. Is this a good idea or not? I don’t want to try if she has already moved on and that’s why I’m hesitant, she is a 9.5/10 and has loads of guys interested in her so I’m sure she can fill the void I left fairly easily (or she’s gone back to her ex, who knows). tldr - Read my story pls! But basically think I messed up and pushed girl back towards her ex. Do I try to win her back? Been 3 weeks with almost NC. Edited August 25, 2015 by Tuga88
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Too. Much. Drama. Cut the cord and move on. Date someone who is fully ready to be in a relationship. I don't think she was, but she kept you around as a trusty back-up when she wanted attention, money, and so on. Let her go. 1
Author Tuga88 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 Too. Much. Drama. Cut the cord and move on. Date someone who is fully ready to be in a relationship. I don't think she was, but she kept you around as a trusty back-up when she wanted attention, money, and so on. Let her go. Thanks for reading and replying. I dunno though, I never got that impression from her and she did help me with a lot of things too, I just didn't mention them cause the text was big enough already. What bugs me the most is that I contributed a lot to pushing her away so I feel like I should try to fix it and need to know if she's really done :/ If I do decide to move on though do you think I should bother to contact her to get my stuff?
quattrob Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I think you put her on the pedestal that's why you feel like she's 9.5/10 or that she's liked you a lot and etc.. She mentioned to you that she feels like you're just a friend to her and that she didn't feel attracted to you anymore. I think from the beginning she only viewed you as a friend but you kept giving her attention by being nice and good to her.. A lot of girls or rather people in general like to have that attention and made to feel good/special. You were basically giving her these things when she didn't see you as a potential partner. But because of your good/nice gestures and also being comfortable with you, she may have made a choice that she knew she didn't want. Anyways I think she was pretty straight forward to you when she said she didn't feel attracted to you anymore and that she viewed you as a friend. So you should go with that. There's nothing you can really do at this point as she isn't interested in being in a relationship with you. You should get her off the pedestal and focus on yourself. Good luck. 1
mightycpa Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 You are mad creepy, bro. From the drunk trash-talking to the missing Viagra, from the ****-pants to the fighting, from the drunk pity talk to the drunk night visit, from the pity party to your inability to let this thing die. You sound like you ****ed things up from almost the beginning, starting when you didn't take her seriously when she told you she didn't want anything serious with you. If I were you, I'd re-read what you wrote, and jot down all the **** you did wrong, and then maybe figure out a way to eliminate that part of your personality. If that means don't drink, then don't. If that means you need to chill some, then chill. If that means you need more rules about what you do and what you don't do, then make some rules and stick to them. If it means you need to express yourself better to women, then try new ways to do that. I don't know what you need to change, but it's something, and only you can do it. But this one is out of your hands now.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Thanks for reading and replying. I dunno though, I never got that impression from her and she did help me with a lot of things too, I just didn't mention them cause the text was big enough already. What bugs me the most is that I contributed a lot to pushing her away so I feel like I should try to fix it and need to know if she's really done :/ If I do decide to move on though do you think I should bother to contact her to get my stuff? I'm sorry, but I think you were a rebound. And yes, you should get your stuff back. Ask a friend to meet her and retrieve it. 1
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