Sonnet Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I'm 31 and dating someone who is 53 (almost 54). We've been together eight months and I love him very much. We're perfect for one another and we're very happy together. However, the closer we get the more the gap bothers me because of obvious reasons that I'm not keen to put into words. And my dad was 57 when he passed away. Is it better to savour whatever time you may have with someone? Or is it better to go different ways? What does everyone think about this, please?
GorillaTheater Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 What does everyone think about this, please? I'm of two minds on this. First, I'm a firm believer that whatever works for consenting adults is none of my business or anybody else's business. If both of you are happy in the relationship, that's all that matters. But on the other hand, it's not quite that simple, is it? You're from different generations, with different cultural markers. You may want kids, while he's looking towards retirement. Very generally, his sex drive may be decreasing while yours is ramping up. In the long run, he'll be dealing with increasing health issues and may be ready for a nursing home when you're still a vibrant woman in her 50s. Certainly things to be mindful of. For what it's worth, he only has a half dozen months on me.
Author Sonnet Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 Thanks for your thoughts. It is, indeed, a tricky one. I'm obviously in two minds myself. I don't want kids, I never have and I think I can safely say I never will, so that's not an issue and that's one of the reasons we got together, because neither of us wanted children. I also think I'd be more than happy to take care of him in his older age. We're prepared to do anything and everything for the people we love. But all that being said, nothing will be able to assuage the pain of losing him. It's so hard to know what's for the best. . .
Clarence_Boddicker Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Is his health bad? Why do you think that he's gonna croak soon? If he's not in top physical condition, do what you can to get him to take good care of himself.
Lyrical Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Is his health bad? Why do you think that he's gonna croak soon? If he's not in top physical condition, do what you can to get him to take good care of himself. I don't think anything bad will happen to him anytime soon - he's in pretty good health. He does smoke, though, but is attempting to stop with varying degrees of success. He eats a lot better since we got together as he can't cook, so I make sure he eats low sugar and gets lots of veg. I also have a rule that we leave the car whenever possible and walk, so we're fairly active. It's just that with the age gap being so large, I'm constantly asking myself if it's the right thing to do. I'm happy to spend the rest of his life with him, but can I spend the rest of my life with him. . .
deadelvis Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I don't think anything bad will happen to him anytime soon - he's in pretty good health. He does smoke, though, but is attempting to stop with varying degrees of success. He eats a lot better since we got together as he can't cook, so I make sure he eats low sugar and gets lots of veg. I also have a rule that we leave the car whenever possible and walk, so we're fairly active. It's just that with the age gap being so large, I'm constantly asking myself if it's the right thing to do. I'm happy to spend the rest of his life with him, but can I spend the rest of my life with him. . . Wait... are you the OP? I'm confused. For what it's worth I think dating someone that much older is ummm... well, unusual... What exactly attracts you to a man so much older? Do you have a history of dating men who are much older?
gaius Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I don't see a whole lot of people staying together their whole lives anymore. To even make it 20 years as a couple is a rare achievement nowadays. =/ So you might as well just pick whoever you fit with best, even if it's assured you're not going to be together forever. Because odds are good you won't be with the guy your own age you trade him in for either. 1
lollipopspot Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 He does smoke, though, but is attempting to stop with varying degrees of success. He eats a lot better since we got together as he can't cook The smoking and "can't cook" disturb me more than the age.
Noideanow Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 when you think like that maybe you dont love him enough.. i think Life has no guarantees and one of you will die before the other (probably) many people die young every day, and many will grow very old, love keeps peolple young and stronghearted/ if you get children together and he dies before you (hopefully) you can see him live on in the children and grandchildren hopefully and there was a beautiful purpose you can enjoy the rest of your life without him. Personally i would rather have 10 years (or 2 minutes) with someone i love, than have someone i am not in love with for the rest of my life. The question is do you really him? and also are you scared of the thought of ending up alone sometime, and what can you do about it/ how can you live your life so that it might not happen/or find peace with/know that you will be happy with the worst case scenario that you will end up alone. After you have given this some thought i think you will feel free to follow your heart
Noideanow Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 sorry didnt read the thing with not wanting children:cool:
Lady2163 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 The smoking and "can't cook" disturb me more than the age. The "can't cook" comment amused me as well. If you can read, you can cook. I've dated older men with some success. Not all of them lose their sex drive, just sometimes it won't start anymore! I've never had any luck with younger men. Most of them want kids someday.
yxalitis Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 I seem to constantly be dating younger woman. I'm 49, my last gf's have been: 36, 35, 38. What's the right age? The one I connect with, regardless of age. I'm "dating" 4 woman now, two in Melbourne, 38 and 41, two in HK, 29 and 33. The one top of my list for mutual compatibility is the 33 in Hong Kong. I don't really think it makes much of a difference. However, when I asked my children what THEY think, they pretty much decided that mid 30's would be acceptable TO THEM, anything younger would weird them out too much.
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