Should I text again?

August 26, 2015

If you want clear communication, practice what you preach.

August 26, 2015

Sounds to me like he is seeing someone else, and keeping you on the backburner in case it doesn't work out. THAT is why he couldn't respond to texts for three days, he was with her.

Since he couldn't very well tell you that, he gives you this BS excuse that he will be out of cell phone service area...so can't receive texts.

What a load of crap.

Or if he isn't keeping you on backburner, maybe he simply likes the diversion of texting other women ....you're probably not the only one either. I do think he is seeing someone else though.

But sure keep playing his game and see if he follows through with meeting this weekend.

I wouldn't hold my breath.

Edited August 26, 2015 by katiegrl

August 26, 2015

See that's how I always thought too, no one is too busy to respond.

But my friends and family always say that since it's so early and you haven't met yet(we are supposed to meet next weekend), that it's too soon to prioritize you. So he probably could respond if he wanted but since it's so early still, he doesn't. So just take it as it goes for a bit and until you meet and then draw a line.

We usually talk late at night though he knows I'm not a night person. I guess that's just when he has free time. I don't know, it's annoying but I'm thinking I should wait a bit and until we meet before I call it quits.

I haven't responded yet, I guess I will much later tonight or will that seem obvious I'm playing games? Frankly I'm just kinda annoyed. And I want to mirror.

Mirroring is for a later stage of dating/relationship. Right now, you are "nothing" to each other and you should respond according to what you want not according to what you think he is thinking or doing. You are not a late night person, you establish that boundary before you even meet. If he continues to cross that boundary before you meet, then you have a clue already about his ability to respect/accept boundaries.

You displaying your annoyance with this situation now will mean nothing to him except to cause him not to pursue if he is really interested. Right now, you have no real knowledge of anything about him. Let him demonstrate to you his level of interest by declining anything that doesn't meet your early dating needs and observing whether he responds accordingly.

August 26, 2015

Mirroring is for a later stage of dating/relationship. Right now, you are "nothing" to each other and you should respond according to what you want not according to what you think he is thinking or doing. You are not a late night person, you establish that boundary before you even meet. If he continues to cross that boundary before you meet, then you have a clue already about his ability to respect/accept boundaries.

You displaying your annoyance with this situation now will mean nothing to him except to cause him not to pursue if he is really interested. Right now, you have no real knowledge of anything about him. Let him demonstrate to you his level of interest by declining anything that doesn't meet your early dating needs and observing whether he responds accordingly.

>>>>Let him demonstrate to you his level of interest.....

Lol, read her first post again. Read her later (post 11) where she said they've been playing this game for a MONTH. Read another post where he told her he would not have cell service, and then waited days after he got back to respond to her.

Yeah, he's demonstrating his interest alright ...which is not much, if any.

August 26, 2015

I think you should stop texting with this shmuck! Unless he's asking you on a date what's the point of texting for weeks? Tell him that you're interested in dating and if he wants you two to ever meet, to let you know but in the meantime you cannot keep texting you're too busy.

There are men out there who will text and call without ever having the intention of dating you. It happened to me too when I was dating and before I figured out how things work. If a man texts you but never asks you out after one week of exchanges simply stop responding or explain you are only interested in in person relationships. trust me, this guy is not serious or interested in dating you.

I just caught this gem ^^^.

Best post of the thread!!!

Edited August 26, 2015 by katiegrl

August 26, 2015

Yeah no you guys are right. To be honest I believe the cell phone service thing bc that was actually verifiable. I'll see if he still meets up with me next weekend. But for now i have another date this weekend, yay! Until then, I'll respond and do what I want and see how it goes if and when we meet. I'm sure I'm just an option. But his actions after we meet will surely tell. For now, I'll take you alls advice and date other people as well. Thanks so much, you guys are the most honest and real online people I know :lmao:

September 14, 2015

So thought I would update this(kinda have a good idea of what's going on but figured I would hear you alls advice)

We met up a little while back. First day, his friends hadn't come yet, he seemed a bit playful, touchy feely with me. But still didn't seem like he made much of an effort. We didn't get physical though, I told him I don't know him, plus it didn't feel right since we weren't anything. He respected it. We went to dinner with his friend, he was pretty quiet the whole time. I asked him later what it was like meeting me he said I was nice and friendly and normal. Next few days, his friends came in, he ignored me and hung out with his friends. Saw him at the end of the night a few times. Other guys would come up and talk to me and he would leave when that would happen. I probably shouldn't have but I got tired of the nonsense so on the last night, when he left again, I texted him saying he was being a jerk and asked him outright if he was interested. He said he wasn't trying to be a jerk, left to not interrupt and that we did have fun and that he was just busy with his friends and that we should talk more when I fly back. And that he wasn't a good communicator.

The next day we texted and I said something similar and asked him if he sees this going anywhere and that I would like to, but I understood if he didn't etc. he thanked me for being forward and said sorry for his behavior and that he wishes things were simpler for him. He said lets talk soon and he said that there is a lot I don't know a lot about him and that when I do I might not even like him. And that him being distant from me didn't mean anything other than he's been stressed and busy.

I told him I'm pretty understanding so let's see and if we don't fit then it's okay, no problem but yeah let's talk, so call me whenever. That was a week ago and I haven't heard anything from him.

I'm not holding on to him obviously and I'm dating and meeting others. I consider this over and it doesn't mean anything. But for my own curiousity though...will I ever hear from him again? And if he had every intention of ignoring me, why say all that, especially on text when he could have easily broken it off? Is he just figuring stuff out in his life post divorce(hence the hot/cold) or? Do people go through weird phases post divorce? Again, in my mind this is over, I'm just curious.

September 14, 2015

Oh and as always, thanks! Forgot to mention

September 14, 2015

So thought I would update this(kinda have a good idea of what's going on but figured I would hear you alls advice)

We met up a little while back. First day, his friends hadn't come yet, he seemed a bit playful, touchy feely with me. But still didn't seem like he made much of an effort. We didn't get physical though, I told him I don't know him, plus it didn't feel right since we weren't anything. He respected it. We went to dinner with his friend, he was pretty quiet the whole time. I asked him later what it was like meeting me he said I was nice and friendly and normal. Next few days, his friends came in, he ignored me and hung out with his friends. Saw him at the end of the night a few times. Other guys would come up and talk to me and he would leave when that would happen. I probably shouldn't have but I got tired of the nonsense so on the last night, when he left again, I texted him saying he was being a jerk and asked him outright if he was interested. He said he wasn't trying to be a jerk, left to not interrupt and that we did have fun and that he was just busy with his friends and that we should talk more when I fly back. And that he wasn't a good communicator.

The next day we texted and I said something similar and asked him if he sees this going anywhere and that I would like to, but I understood if he didn't etc. he thanked me for being forward and said sorry for his behavior and that he wishes things were simpler for him. He said lets talk soon and he said that there is a lot I don't know a lot about him and that when I do I might not even like him. And that him being distant from me didn't mean anything other than he's been stressed and busy.

I told him I'm pretty understanding so let's see and if we don't fit then it's okay, no problem but yeah let's talk, so call me whenever. That was a week ago and I haven't heard anything from him.

I'm not holding on to him obviously and I'm dating and meeting others. I consider this over and it doesn't mean anything. But for my own curiousity though...will I ever hear from him again? And if he had every intention of ignoring me, why say all that, especially on text when he could have easily broken it off? Is he just figuring stuff out in his life post divorce(hence the hot/cold) or? Do people go through weird phases post divorce? Again, in my mind this is over, I'm just curious.

I'm not holding on to him obviously

own curiousity though...will I ever hear from him again?

These two statements are contradictory in terms of your thought process. Either you're not "holding on to him" or you are hoping he will call you again. You're on the fence.

Given his past contact history pattern, I'd bet you will hear from him again. It's been a week already though, how does that make you feel? Not good, right. Don't stay in this pattern. Stop thinking about him altogether. If he contacts you again, ignore him. Things aren't going to change with him any time soon.

September 14, 2015

I'm not holding on to him obviously

own curiousity though...will I ever hear from him again?

These two statements are contradictory in terms of your thought process. Either you're not "holding on to him" or you are hoping he will call you again. You're on the fence.

Given his past contact history pattern, I'd bet you will hear from him again. It's been a week already though, how does that make you feel? Not good, right. Don't stay in this pattern. Stop thinking about him altogether. If he contacts you again, ignore him. Things aren't going to change with him any time soon.

I guess I wish I would hear from him, but I think I know I won't. And if I do hear, it will just be the same nonsense. I think I just like knowing why or what people's opinions of why and what happened. I don't think it does any good for me, im sure. But for some reasons it just helps knowing why and putting the pieces together in my mind if that makes sense?

September 14, 2015

I guess I wish I would hear from him, but I think I know I won't. And if I do hear, it will just be the same nonsense. I think I just like knowing why or what people's opinions of why and what happened. I don't think it does any good for me, im sure. But for some reasons it just helps knowing why and putting the pieces together in my mind if that makes sense?

It serves no purpose to try to figure out why. It is what it is and it's not going to change. The only person who can tell you why he didn't keep in good touch and lost interest is -- HIM. And do you really want to hear why? Do you want him to say, well, I met someone I liked better or you're too X for me or . . .

It's not as though you were in a relationship with him. He's just another guy you were texting with.

September 14, 2015

I guess I wish I would hear from him, but I think I know I won't. And if I do hear, it will just be the same nonsense. I think I just like knowing why or what people's opinions of why and what happened. I don't think it does any good for me, im sure. But for some reasons it just helps knowing why and putting the pieces together in my mind if that makes sense?

Never ever get involved with people recently out of marriages or relationships. That will spare you a lot of heartaches. That's your why. He's not ready to meet someone, he's in <playing the field> mode and will be for months if not years. Do yourself a big service and block him so you never hear from him again.

September 14, 2015

Just so I am clear... you have met him (in person) once .... his friends were there.... he ignored you (more or less) wanting instead to spend time with his friends....and you are now wondering if he's into you and will call you again?

Do I have this right?

Edited September 14, 2015 by katiegrl

September 14, 2015

Ahh you guys break it down so well. I wish people were clearer. It would spare so much anguish if people could just say "sorry this isn't working for me." But the "lets talk soon" blah blah nonsense is misleading. Actions over words always, but sometimes when you like someone, I guess your mind plays tricks on you.

And I guess if I were to be entirely honest, I would want to know exactly why he lost interest or didn't contact me. No matter how harsh, I always prefer the truth. But that's just me, and that's just the way my brain works. But you're right, it is what it is.

September 14, 2015

Ahh you guys break it down so well. I wish people were clearer. It would spare so much anguish if people could just say "sorry this isn't working for me." But the "lets talk soon" blah blah nonsense is misleading. Actions over words always, but sometimes when you like someone, I guess your mind plays tricks on you.

And I guess if I were to be entirely honest, I would want to know exactly why he lost interest or didn't contact me. No matter how harsh, I always prefer the truth. But that's just me, and that's just the way my brain works. But you're right, it is what it is.

But, knowing the why he lost interest won't change the fact he lost interest right? And seriously, there is no reasons why they lose interest, they just do because they're emotionally unavailable.

So if this guy told you he lost interest because he found someone better would that really make you feel better? I don't think so.

September 14, 2015

Yeah I guess you're right. I'm not sure though to tell you the truth, bc in a way,I'd like to know at least so I can know what's going on. This is like the 3rd or 4th guy in a row who has approached me but "lost interest" somewhere along the way and pulled this slow fade. Maybe it comes down to compatibility but I would like to know if I have some off putting behavior or something. I feel like I'm a relatively normal person. By no means am I complaining but it's frustrating bc I will get approached but I feel like I can't keep a guy around. It makes it hard to find a lasting relationship.

And it's like when I met him, I knew he was divorced. He made sure I knew early on but we never talked about what happened or how long ago it was. I just figured he would tell me when he felt comfortable and I didn't want to push. So how do you avoid this bc I was unaware and still am unaware how recent his divorce is. If I knew it was very recent, I probably wouldn't have gotten involved.

September 14, 2015

And I guess if I were to be entirely honest, I would want to know exactly why he lost interest or didn't contact me. No matter how harsh, I always prefer the truth.

The truth, he didn't really want to **** you. Sorry if that sounds too harsh.

September 14, 2015

The truth, he didn't really want to **** you. Sorry if that sounds too harsh.

Untrue and unnecessary.

September 14, 2015

Untrue and unnecessary.

Likely true. You can take all the other feel good replies you've gotten and speculate all you want. I gave you the real reason. Do with it what you want. I did say it to be hurtful, just honest.

September 14, 2015

Likely true. You can take all the other feel good replies you've gotten and speculate all you want. I gave you the real reason. Do with it what you want. I did say it to be hurtful, just honest.

I say it's untrue bc when I met him, he did want to get physical. I said no.

Yeah perhaps long term he didn't want to stay physical but in that moment and that day he did.

September 14, 2015

My reply wasn't ment to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. I was just sharing how us guys typically think. Like it or not, that's how 95% of us think, the rest are either transgender or gay. For all I know you're probably a wonderful person and this guy missed out on finding that out.

September 14, 2015

My reply wasn't ment to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. I was just sharing how us guys typically think. Like it or not, that's how 95% of us think, the rest are either transgender or gay. For all I know you're probably a wonderful person and this guy missed out on finding that out.

No no I believe you. Everyone's responses are spot on. Like everyone's been saying, whatever the reason(I'm never gonna know), he isn't interested and not doing what it takes. So time to move on eh.

Appreciate all the advice and speculation.

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