Should I text again?

August 25, 2015

Been sorta talking to a guy who I'm supposed to meet in a couple weeks. He kinda appears and disappears. Sometimes I don't hear from him for days and then sometimes we talk every night. This past weekend he went somewhere where he wasn't going to have cell service for 3 days. Before he lost service, he texted me saying sorry for not being in touch because he was so busy and asked a few things about my life. So I responded but it went through as a regular text instead of iMessage since he was out of service.

Either way it's been a few days since he's been back and I haven't heard anything from him. Could he have not gotten my texts since he was out of service so long or is he just ignoring me? My guess is he's busy/ignoring me but on the off chance he could have not received my texts since he was outta service..What should I do?

Edited August 25, 2015 by Girlwithquestions

August 25, 2015

well if it is just early days with dating then presumably he will be seeing other women but it is not really a polite thing to admit.

You cannot expect a guy or a lady for that matter to drop everything and dedicate themselves to you so soon, just relax and go with the flow, then after about a month if things go well you would be within your rights to start expecting more attention, if not then you know it is time to next him.

August 25, 2015

well if it is just early days with dating then presumably he will be seeing other women but it is not really a polite thing to admit.

You cannot expect a guy or a lady for that matter to drop everything and dedicate themselves to you so soon, just relax and go with the flow, then after about a month if things go well you would be within your rights to start expecting more attention, if not then you know it is time to next him.

Yeah this is true. I guess if I knew he actually got my text and didn't respond, I would be okay with knowing that he's ignoring me or doesn't prioritize me etc. that's fine. But I guess I'm unsure whether he actually received my texts. I'm afraid of coming off desperate texting him again if he actually did get it and was actually ignoring me. Know what I mean?

August 25, 2015

Yeah this is true. I guess if I knew he actually got my text and didn't respond, I would be okay with knowing that he's ignoring me or doesn't prioritize me etc. that's fine. But I guess I'm unsure whether he actually received my texts. I'm afraid of coming off desperate texting him again if he actually did get it and was actually ignoring me. Know what I mean?

ahhh yes, one of those second guessing loops that give me a headache if i find myself in one! lol

One very important life lesson that i learnt - you have to think about how much of your decision making is influenced by fear, and then think about what you would be doing if you removed fear from the equation and replaced it with confidence and wisdom?

And the beauty of it is, you don't even have to defeat fear, just think about it in 'theoretical terms' what you would do if fear was removed, think about it, understand it... then make a decision if you will do it!

hope this helps?

August 25, 2015

Been sorta talking to a guy who I'm supposed to meet in a couple weeks. He kinda appears and disappears. Sometimes I don't hear from him for days and then sometimes we talk every night. This past weekend he went somewhere where he wasn't going to have cell service for 3 days. Before he lost service, he texted me saying sorry for not being in touch because he was so busy and asked a few things about my life. So I responded but it went through as a regular text instead of iMessage since he was out of service.

Either way it's been a few days since he's been back and I haven't heard anything from him. Could he have not gotten my texts since he was out of service so long or is he just ignoring me? My guess is he's busy/ignoring me but on the off chance he could have not received my texts since he was outta service..What should I do?

If he didn't get your messages and starts wondering about you, he will reach out to you. If he doesn't, so be it. If he's interested enough, he will be in touch regardless.

August 25, 2015

If he didn't get your messages and starts wondering about you, he will reach out to you. If he doesn't, so be it. If he's interested enough, he will be in touch regardless.

Was gonna say the same thing.

IF he did not get them, he will be wondering the same thing you are OP -- gee since my cell service was off, I wonder if she ever texted me back.

Which would then promt *him* to text *you*.

Since he is not doing that, I would assume he has lost interest.

Sorry.

August 25, 2015

Ever hear of the expression "don't put all your eggs in one basket?" Why, cause you'll do exactly what you're doing now. ALL your thoughts and energy will be focused on the only person you're dating. If you have a few different people on the hook for dates to get to know better, you won't do this.

Back to this situation. As a guy, I'd say he's doing exactly what I'm saying. You're simply one of many gals he's dating which is why he's off/on w/his communication. He's also not that into you by his actions. If I'm dating and I really like one of them, I stay in contact at least every couple of days until we see each other again.

In your case, DON'T contact him again. I'm sure he got your texts and lost interest or found someone he wants to focus one.

August 25, 2015

Sigh yes. I'm sure you guys are all correct. In the beginning, I didn't think he seemed ready to be serious either. But everyone told me to be open and give it a chance, so I did. Even when I date multiple people, I don't know how to remain unattached and not like a guy I like. It hurts when it's not reciprocated :-/

I just don't get why the sudden switch off? Pursue me so hard and talk to me so much for hours, to suddenly lose it in a day? Bleh I hate dating. It would be so nice if feelings progressed mutually and so did the relationship.

Thanks all, sorry I'm kinda bummed now. Thankful for the advice though.

August 25, 2015

Since you haven't even met yet, you should keep communication as minimal as possible. When you meet in person, it starts all over again. So you're essentially doing double the work.

For future reference, start talking to a guy more after you've already had actual dates w-him.

August 25, 2015

Well just wait to see if he texts you as far as what you are doing about him. You should be dating others as well because it's early stages. Don't assume all is lost because you haven't heard from him. AND don't start doing clingy things that will turn him off to you. Just tell yourself. He is probably busy with his life, probably dating others besides me, has other priorities and where am I getting this assumption that he must get right back in touch after he returns? Just keep living your life happily. If and when he gets in touch, evaluate his contact as it fits into your life at that point. He waits 2 weeks, well then maybe you're not that interested or can plainly see you are not a priority to him. Or it bothers you so much that you wouldn't want something with him. Maybe you will have met a new guy so that he doesn't look half as appealing. Maybe his life will have calmed down enough and the pure fact alone that you didn't look like you are desperate, chasing him or needing too much from him has him interested in treating you well and more like a priority.

There is something to learn about the other person and teach them about you in EVERY interaction (which includes periods where you are not interacting!!). Make sense?

August 25, 2015

Well just wait to see if he texts you as far as what you are doing about him. You should be dating others as well because it's early stages. Don't assume all is lost because you haven't heard from him. AND don't start doing clingy things that will turn him off to you. Just tell yourself. He is probably busy with his life, probably dating others besides me, has other priorities and where am I getting this assumption that he must get right back in touch after he returns? Just keep living your life happily. If and when he gets in touch, evaluate his contact as it fits into your life at that point. He waits 2 weeks, well then maybe you're not that interested or can plainly see you are not a priority to him. Or it bothers you so much that you wouldn't want something with him. Maybe you will have met a new guy so that he doesn't look half as appealing. Maybe his life will have calmed down enough and the pure fact alone that you didn't look like you are desperate, chasing him or needing too much from him has him interested in treating you well and more like a priority.

There is something to learn about the other person and teach them about you in EVERY interaction (which includes periods where you are not interacting!!). Make sense?

Yeah, great advice. We have been "talking" a month. I don't feel like I've been too clingy or have even gotten mad at him it said anything about his delays. Maybe I've just been too available. That's probably it. Or maybe he's upset that I kinda was vague about going on another date with a guy, I think he assumed it through my social media. Since my brother told me, I texted him one last time saying wasn't sure he got my message and how are you. It's been a bit, haven't heard back. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But clearly I'm not a priority. I know he's superrrr busy but still. Blah whatever. I just wish I hadn't developed feelings for him.

I think I'm just tired of meeting guys I like that don't like me back or vice versa. I just wanna be in a happy committed mutual relationship =\ sorry I'm whining, a little bummed.

August 25, 2015

Yeah, great advice. We have been "talking" a month. I don't feel like I've been too clingy or have even gotten mad at him it said anything about his delays. Maybe I've just been too available. That's probably it. Or maybe he's upset that I kinda was vague about going on another date with a guy, I think he assumed it through my social media. Since my brother told me, I texted him one last time saying wasn't sure he got my message and how are you. It's been a bit, haven't heard back. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But clearly I'm not a priority. I know he's superrrr busy but still. Blah whatever. I just wish I hadn't developed feelings for him.

I think I'm just tired of meeting guys I like that don't like me back or vice versa. I just wanna be in a happy committed mutual relationship =\ sorry I'm whining, a little bummed.

Wait, you texted him to say you weren't sure he got your message? No, no, no. Think back over the last year, how many times apart from guys you are dating has anyone told you that you did not respond to a message they sent you or vice versa, i.e. the message didn't go thru. Um, never? 99.9% of my messages go thru. If they don't, I get the failed thing on my end right away and can resend. If you haven't heard back from a guy you are dating safe to assume he got the message but is not compelled to reply yet. And leave it at that. Admit it to yourself, you were trying to nudge him. There is no other reason to "make sure he got your message". To make sure he is safe and sound? Not necessary, you are not his gf or mom. It comes off as needy and right there waiting for his next move. Too available.

You don't need to say something about his 'delays'. You need to do something. He takes too long to get back to you or is spotty with his contact, you keep moving on with you life, including dates. When he gets in touch, you don't act overly excited to hear from him with his little breadcrumb of time. You show him with your actions that you are going to keep moving and are not always available to him so he better step it up if he wants time with you. You can't worry about it. Or get caught up in the game playing aspect of it. It can be---only because this doesn't come naturally to people like you. It is how you should be conducting your dating life. Where the rest of your life is busy and fulfilled and although you are open to dating it would take a special person to break his way into the top priorities. If you have to fake that until it comes naturally, then so be it.

You think you may not have been clingy but that text was clingy. Too available=clingy vibe also. They already know you are making them a top priority so it's just a matter of time before that turns into clingy, too needy. Just telling you so you can make some changes next time with him or anyone else. Not wanting to kick you when you are down. These are tips so that you can get into a committed relationship with someone you like. Take a day or two to feel sad and re-energize and start making some concrete ideas so you will have a full life. You said something interesting in the post above, which I bolded. So you are getting attention from guys you don't like back. Think to yourself what your contact with them feels like and seems like and what the actions are. See if that contributes to why you are not feeling them. Hmmmm, is it possible that they do some of the very things you do to guys you DO like and want to turn into a relationship? I'm guessing yes.

OK goodluck

August 25, 2015

Wait, you texted him to say you weren't sure he got your message? No, no, no. Think back over the last year, how many times apart from guys you are dating has anyone told you that you did not respond to a message they sent you or vice versa, i.e. the message didn't go thru. Um, never? 99.9% of my messages go thru. If they don't, I get the failed thing on my end right away and can resend. If you haven't heard back from a guy you are dating safe to assume he got the message but is not compelled to reply yet. And leave it at that. Admit it to yourself, you were trying to nudge him. There is no other reason to "make sure he got your message". To make sure he is safe and sound? Not necessary, you are not his gf or mom. It comes off as needy and right there waiting for his next move. Too available.

You don't need to say something about his 'delays'. You need to do something. He takes too long to get back to you or is spotty with his contact, you keep moving on with you life, including dates. When he gets in touch, you don't act overly excited to hear from him with his little breadcrumb of time. You show him with your actions that you are going to keep moving and are not always available to him so he better step it up if he wants time with you. You can't worry about it. Or get caught up in the game playing aspect of it. It can be---only because this doesn't come naturally to people like you. It is how you should be conducting your dating life. Where the rest of your life is busy and fulfilled and although you are open to dating it would take a special person to break his way into the top priorities. If you have to fake that until it comes naturally, then so be it.

You think you may not have been clingy but that text was clingy. Too available=clingy vibe also. They already know you are making them a top priority so it's just a matter of time before that turns into clingy, too needy. Just telling you so you can make some changes next time with him or anyone else. Not wanting to kick you when you are down. These are tips so that you can get into a committed relationship with someone you like. Take a day or two to feel sad and re-energize and start making some concrete ideas so you will have a full life. You said something interesting in the post above, which I bolded. So you are getting attention from guys you don't like back. Think to yourself what your contact with them feels like and seems like and what the actions are. See if that contributes to why you are not feeling them. Hmmmm, is it possible that they do some of the very things you do to guys you DO like and want to turn into a relationship? I'm guessing yes.

OK goodluck

Ehh yeah normally I wouldn't have sent that message. It was just legit he went somewhere where he had no cell service for days, so I kinda wasn't sure if he received it or not. And so I just figured I hate games and I'll try one last time and leave it. But yeah in retrospect it prob does come off needy. I won't be messaging again or replying back anytime soon either.

I know living my life and just being who I am is best. I guess it's just..I kinda started to like him. By no means, does that mean I stopped dating, I guess I just haven't liked the others I have dated. I'll keep dating. Obviously this guy isn't right and isn't stepping up.

I don't know what It is about the guys that like me and I don't like back. Lotsa reasons, they're boring, no spark, I don't enjoy talking to them, they don't make me laugh etc. I just don't enjoy the company mainly. And yeah they are probably way too needy and available too. It's funny that I can realize this but why the hell cant I ever follow through?

I mean let's be serious here though, the small dating mistakes I made of being slightly too needy here, is that that huge of a deal breaker? To be honest, our time spent was fun, I only responded to his messages and calls(except this last time). Yes, maybe I was slightly too available. But if a guy were truly ready to commit or be serious, these "mistakes" shouldn't be enough for him to walk though, right? Sometimes I wonder if these guys aren't truly ready to settle or commit, they just want fun, and maybe they think they want a real relationship, but when it comes down to it, they bail at the smallest things. It shouldn't be like that, right? He's made dating blunders and been annoying too, but since I'm at a point in my life to look at the bigger picture, I gave it a shot. He's not giving it a shot, does that imply that he's just not really ready? Or is it that i made dating blunders that made him walk? Thanks for the input.

Edited August 25, 2015 by Girlwithquestions

August 25, 2015

I mean let's be serious here though, the small dating mistakes I made of being slightly too needy here, is that that huge of a deal breaker? To be honest, our time spent was fun, I only responded to his messages and calls(except this last time). Yes, maybe I was slightly too available.

But if a guy were truly ready to commit or be serious, these "mistakes" shouldn't be enough for him to walk though, right? Sometimes I wonder if these guys aren't truly ready to settle or commit, they just want fun, and maybe they think they want a real relationship, but when it comes down to it, they bail at the smallest things. It shouldn't be like that, right? He's made dating blunders and been annoying too, but since I'm at a point in my life to look at the bigger picture, I gave it a shot. He's not giving it a shot, does that imply that he's just not really ready? Or is it that i made dating blunders that made him walk? Thanks for the input.

I agree with you. When a man is REALLY into a woman, there isn't a whole heck of a lot she could do wrong to turn him off, unless she started stalking him or something, and even then, I know guys, when REALLY into a chick, may think she's a bit psycho, but it doesn't turn them off.... not right away anyway.

So you're right. I don't think the "mistakes" you made were anything so monumental that he would go from beng REALLY into you, to NOT being into you.

So I suppose the only conclusion we can make here is that he just wasn't that into you in the first place....

But nevertheless, the advice given by Versachehottie is excellent in general... for future dating experiences.

By the way....I HOPE he calls. Keep us posted.

August 25, 2015

Stop being so invested.....you have yet to meet and go on a date. I'm surprised he has been communicating to you this much already and you are expecting more? Yikes. Don't treat it like a relationship because it's not. Go find things to do with your time rather than fret over a lack of a stranger's text messages.

August 25, 2015

Stop being so invested.....you have yet to meet and go on a date. I'm surprised he has been communicating to you this much already and you are expecting more? Yikes. Don't treat it like a relationship because it's not. Go find things to do with your time rather than fret over a lack of a stranger's text messages.

OMG, I forgot they have not even met yet!

Which makes my previous post rather moot... as there is no being "really into you" before you've ever even met.

My guess is he met another chick on his "trip," if he even went on the trip. Could have been just an excuse to date another chick he likes better, who knows.

I am sorry though, it sucks, but smackie is right on... don't invest so much in a guy UNTIL you have actually met him and have established a MUTUAL attraction...and actually start dating.

Edited August 25, 2015 by katiegrl

August 25, 2015

A couple more thoughts here from a guys perspective-

I've lost interest in females I was dating that I initially really liked. Why? Because they got clingy fast and SMOOTHERED me with too many texts of "thinking of you", or other too soon, mushy statements. They basically thought I was the BF after only a few dates. Yikes.. You have to play it cool at the beginning stages and NOT be too available as everyone is mentioning. It's a fine line between too much contact and a girl who does the opposite and is clearly playing games or hard to get.

The other thing I'd NEVER do is spend much time communicating with someone that I hadn't met yet or only had a date or two with. I see lots of folks talking about how much time they spend talking to someone. Sometimes weeks before they've even met them? WTH? When I'm dating, I chat while getting to know them via phone or text but ask them out for a date if the call goes well. Then, I don't talk to them again until I meet in person.

Also, not to gang up on you but.. there wasn't any reason to text him that final time to insure he got your texts. He did and is either not interested in seeing you or is a major game player that you don't want to deal with.

August 25, 2015

Urgh you guys are all correct. I just didn't want regrets and I guess I didn't want to wonder anymore. Crystal clear response now with his ignore. And yeah I need to stop wondering about a guy I have yet to meet. Thanks all for the harsh truth and advice.

I never sent him clingy texts or even said thinking of you. We mainly just joked around and I only responded to his texts or calls. Maybe I shouldn't have responded to all of them. In a way, I feel like maybe he isn't ready. Bad split/divorce recently. He kinda told me one night "he's in a rebellious phase and that he never got to explore since he was in a monogamous relationship so long but he also said he's not at an age to explore" idk. Whatever..it was probably something I did or said.

I wonder if he wasn't ever interested. He's the one that chased me, pursued me and tracked me down to talk to me. Guess my neediness shows. Guh whatever. Live and learn I suppose.

Edited August 25, 2015 by Girlwithquestions

August 26, 2015

Update:

So he texted back 12 hours later saying sorry he did get my texts when he got back. Said he's busy at work and asked how I am. I had already fallen asleep so I didn't respond since it was late, so 45 minutes later, he texts again making fun of me for falling asleep since I didnt respond. I mean, really? How's he gonna get on me for not responding soon enough? I'm assuming he's joking but still lol.

Anyways, thoughts on if/when I should respond or say? Since I'm so terrible at dating correctly, thought I'd ask you guys

August 26, 2015

I think you should stop texting with this shmuck! Unless he's asking you on a date what's the point of texting for weeks? Tell him that you're interested in dating and if he wants you two to ever meet, to let you know but in the meantime you cannot keep texting you're too busy.

There are men out there who will text and call without ever having the intention of dating you. It happened to me too when I was dating and before I figured out how things work. If a man texts you but never asks you out after one week of exchanges simply stop responding or explain you are only interested in in person relationships. trust me, this guy is not serious or interested in dating you.

August 26, 2015

Update:

So he texted back 12 hours later saying sorry he did get my texts when he got back. Said he's busy at work and asked how I am. I had already fallen asleep so I didn't respond since it was late, so 45 minutes later, he texts again making fun of me for falling asleep since I didnt respond. I mean, really? How's he gonna get on me for not responding soon enough? I'm assuming he's joking but still lol.

Anyways, thoughts on if/when I should respond or say? Since I'm so terrible at dating correctly, thought I'd ask you guys

Even if you had been awake, if it were me, I wouldn't have responded then. If I did respond, I would have waited til the morning. And, I would be a little slow to respond from this point on anyway unless he actually makes a date with you and doing it in a call instead of a text.

When you respond, you say something like, "I was sleeping. I don't respond to texts or calls after Xtime unless there is something important going on anyway. Have a great day".

August 26, 2015

He doesn't respond or can't respond to your messages as he's either in the navy and works on a submarine or is in jail.

August 26, 2015

Update:

So he texted back 12 hours later saying sorry he did get my texts when he got back. Said he's busy at work and asked how I am. I had already fallen asleep so I didn't respond since it was late, so 45 minutes later, he texts again making fun of me for falling asleep since I didnt respond. I mean, really? How's he gonna get on me for not responding soon enough? I'm assuming he's joking but still lol.

Anyways, thoughts on if/when I should respond or say? Since I'm so terrible at dating correctly, thought I'd ask you guys

Well if you still want to talk to him, respond to him at an hour that's convenient for you. Like noonish or later.

I'd be careful giving him any direct ultimatums because most people don't respond well to them.

What is your life like? Do you have a lot of free time or are you busy as well? I had a similar issue with a girl I was talking to over the summer. I'm in school, so I had an insane amount of free time on my hands. She, on the other hand, had a job and errands to run for her family everyday. But bc I wasn't busy at all, I assumed her lack of consistent texting was just being a jerk.

Now that I'm back in classes and my schedule is busy, I can understand why she might not have been texting all the time.

You don't really know each other yet so he's probably not attached enough to consistently text you. Or he may have some things going on in his life that you don't know about. This could change once you meet though. Don't assume the worst just yet.

Just talk to him like a normal conversation. Ask him out yourself if you want. But trust me, if he's just texting you bc he's bored and has no intentions of moving forward, you're going to get bored too and you'll know when to let it go and stop texting him.

August 26, 2015

See that's how I always thought too, no one is too busy to respond.

But my friends and family always say that since it's so early and you haven't met yet(we are supposed to meet next weekend), that it's too soon to prioritize you. So he probably could respond if he wanted but since it's so early still, he doesn't. So just take it as it goes for a bit and until you meet and then draw a line.

We usually talk late at night though he knows I'm not a night person. I guess that's just when he has free time. I don't know, it's annoying but I'm thinking I should wait a bit and until we meet before I call it quits.

I haven't responded yet, I guess I will much later tonight or will that seem obvious I'm playing games? Frankly I'm just kinda annoyed. And I want to mirror.

August 26, 2015

What are you two - pen pals?

You've been wasting your time for a month with some jerkoff who hasn't even tried to arrange to meet with you in person for a lousy cup of coffee?

Something smells rotten in Denmark.

I don't think his marriage is 'over' like he claims it is. That would explain his radio silence the last couple of days. I don't believe his bullsh*t story about not having a signal. I think he was away with the wife and couldn't play his texting games with you. And I also believe that's why he's been wasting your time for a month now and doesn't want to meet you in person for a date - because he doesn't have a viable excuse to get away from the wife for a night.

I'd so ditch this loser.

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