laelithia Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Hi everyone, I'm just posting because I'm so upset.... My ex ended things with me about a month ago after being back together for 4 or 5 months but we've been on and off for 2 years. I'm just so angry tonight because it's our friend's birthday party and of course I'm not invited. His friend posted a snapchat of my ex having a blast with everyone and I'm just so angry with how unfair this all is. Because my ex decided he was going to be selfish and end things with me rather than working things out, I'm loosing that social group. I treated him so well and tried so hard and yet he's had no disregard for my feelings in any of this. How am I supposed to deal with the fact that I've lost now 50+ friends because he's now decided he does want me and thinks it's easier to be single. It's so unfair to me that he let me get close to these people and now just expects me to deal with the loss. Those friends still invite me to nights out and it kills me because we used to all have fun together. I didn't deserve the way he's treated me or what's happened to my life post break up... I'm just so angry that he took so much from me and now all I have to deal with is loss
Poutrew Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Stop it. Just stop it. Stop being your ex's patsy. Those posts he put up on facebook showing him having the time of his life are probably a fraud. He wants you to see them and feel rotten. He has succeeded - if you stop it, you are taking back your power and gaining control of your life. As far as the friends goes, if they ignore you just because he wants them to, then they were never truly your friends. Good riddance to bad rubbish! On the other hand, there are probably many of those people who may not even know you are a free agent. Try sending them a friend request and just see if they respond - what do you have to loose? you might be surprised at who will accept your friend request. But hey, FB is a fickle beast. It doesn't cost you anything to either send or cancel a friend request, ya' know? The most important thing for you to do right now is to remove the creeps ability to control your life. That is the path of true happiness! 1
kismetkismet Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 wait i'm a little confused.. if they still invite you out, that doesn't mean you lost them? Also 50+ people are usually not 'friends' they're acquaintances, and those unfortunately are usually lost when you go through a breakup - but that's something you should know going into one. If you legitimately formed friendships with some of them then I'm sure that you won't lose them entirely. Deciding you don't want to continue in a relationship isn't necessarily selfish though.. would you want someone to stay with you that didn't really want to be with you? in my opinion that's more selfish.. rather than letting you find someone that really does want to.
Author laelithia Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 Stop it. Just stop it. Stop being your ex's patsy. Those posts he put up on facebook showing him having the time of his life are probably a fraud. He wants you to see them and feel rotten. He has succeeded - if you stop it, you are taking back your power and gaining control of your life. As far as the friends goes, if they ignore you just because he wants them to, then they were never truly your friends. Good riddance to bad rubbish! On the other hand, there are probably many of those people who may not even know you are a free agent. Try sending them a friend request and just see if they respond - what do you have to loose? you might be surprised at who will accept your friend request. But hey, FB is a fickle beast. It doesn't cost you anything to either send or cancel a friend request, ya' know? The most important thing for you to do right now is to remove the creeps ability to control your life. That is the path of true happiness! He didn't post it, his friends did. And what's worse is this ex still talks to me on a regular basis, as if we are friends again. I am friends with all these people on Facebook and they are very warm to me, just it stings when I'm not invited to particular things like our friend's party tonight. I can only assume it's because my ex has a date. It's just so unfair to me that I'm the one having to pay for his selfish behaviour
Author laelithia Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 wait i'm a little confused.. if they still invite you out, that doesn't mean you lost them? Also 50+ people are usually not 'friends' they're acquaintances, and those unfortunately are usually lost when you go through a breakup - but that's something you should know going into one. If you legitimately formed friendships with some of them then I'm sure that you won't lose them entirely. Deciding you don't want to continue in a relationship isn't necessarily selfish though.. would you want someone to stay with you that didn't really want to be with you? in my opinion that's more selfish.. rather than letting you find someone that really does want to. To me it's selfish that he still contacts me, yet discludes me from group events. As well as him starting the relationship up again when he had doubts from the beginning. Some of the friends are definitely closer to me than others but I just miss hanging out with everyone in a group and not having things be awkward
aloneinaz Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 You stated he broke up with you AGAIN after 4-5 months of an off/on again R/S. Hon, this was NOT a healthy relationship, what so ever. Solid, healthy relationships do not include a break up of any length. You're describing a toxic/dysfunctional R/S. Did you REALLY believe when you got back together that it wouldn't break again? This is why so many of us DON'T believe in reconciliations of any kind. Once someone kicks the other to the curb, that should be the end of it.. PERIOD. This site is littered with thousands of threads of couple breaking up, getting back together and only ending yet again. Are you tired of this emotional bs and drama? If so, you need to do the right things here for you to heal from it and move on to someone new that you can have a normal R/S with. You need to BLOCK him and his closest friends on all social media. You do not need to be stalking him or his friends to see what he's up to. You need to vanish from his life, not engage w/him any further and you'll heal and move on quicker. Losing your significant others friends at a break up is very normal. It's part of the process. When my last ex and I ended, I removed and blocked all her friends and family members from my social media. I knew I wouldn't be hanging out w/them nor speaking with her family again. I transitioned into the ex and as such, I recognized that it was the norm. It was similar to when I divorced my wife. She stayed in the house in a neighborhood w/several couple friends that lived in that area as well. They were all married and when I became single and moved out of the neighborhood, they all vanished on me. They were supporting my ex and honestly, I don't think the guys wanted me around their wifes now that I was single. One of the wife's had gotten drunk and came onto me at a previous neighborhood party when I was still married. I think it's normal. You'll meet someone new and have new friends of his as well.
Author laelithia Posted August 26, 2015 Author Posted August 26, 2015 You stated he broke up with you AGAIN after 4-5 months of an off/on again R/S. Hon, this was NOT a healthy relationship, what so ever. Solid, healthy relationships do not include a break up of any length. You're describing a toxic/dysfunctional R/S. Did you REALLY believe when you got back together that it wouldn't break again? This is why so many of us DON'T believe in reconciliations of any kind. Once someone kicks the other to the curb, that should be the end of it.. PERIOD. This site is littered with thousands of threads of couple breaking up, getting back together and only ending yet again. Are you tired of this emotional bs and drama? If so, you need to do the right things here for you to heal from it and move on to someone new that you can have a normal R/S with. You need to BLOCK him and his closest friends on all social media. You do not need to be stalking him or his friends to see what he's up to. You need to vanish from his life, not engage w/him any further and you'll heal and move on quicker. Losing your significant others friends at a break up is very normal. It's part of the process. When my last ex and I ended, I removed and blocked all her friends and family members from my social media. I knew I wouldn't be hanging out w/them nor speaking with her family again. I transitioned into the ex and as such, I recognized that it was the norm. It was similar to when I divorced my wife. She stayed in the house in a neighborhood w/several couple friends that lived in that area as well. They were all married and when I became single and moved out of the neighborhood, they all vanished on me. They were supporting my ex and honestly, I don't think the guys wanted me around their wifes now that I was single. One of the wife's had gotten drunk and came onto me at a previous neighborhood party when I was still married. I think it's normal. You'll meet someone new and have new friends of his as well. Just to clarify, we dated 2 years ago and I ended it because I thought he wasn't seeing me enough. We didn't speak for a while and then became friends. In March we started dating again and I did think this time was different because he was the one pushing for things and he was committing to me and making time for me this time around. Something happened after a couple months though and I could tell he was drifting away and so I tried harder to make things work, which in hindsight probably pushed him further away. I actually saw his best friend's wife yesterday (she invited me over for wine as she often does) and we had a good long talk about it. She basically said that my ex isn't the marrying type and that he's always had one foot in and one foot out, whether it's in relationships, his job, where he lives, etc. and I know this is true. I still miss him a great deal but I know deep down we were never going to make it in the long run
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