username1356 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I really feel the only way to get my relationship back to what it was in the beginning, he needs to feel that he's in danger of losing me. I know it sounds manipulative but if I explained the entire situation, you would understand. My thing is, I can't leave unless it's 100% over. We live thousands of miles from my family and I really don't have many friends here. My dad can buy the ticket but if he's buying a last minute ticket out, he's not going to let me come back if we work things out. I have a tendency of getting to emotional and obviously showing that I care too much so I think he has gotten complacent and thinks it's okay to not resolve issues if he just apologizes even if he doesn't change what it is. I want to try to pull a 180 on him as a last ditch effort. Either a.) he'll notice and show me he cares or b.) he won't and I'll start feeling detached anyway, giving me all the confirmation I need to go back home with no regrets.
Maleficent Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 If you feel like the only way to fix your relationship is to turn to manipulation, I think your relationship is beyond fixable. It might work at first but what went up will go down again and the relationship will fall appart. Take the ticket out, move on. Save yourself and your partner more heartache.
Author username1356 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 If you feel like the only way to fix your relationship is to turn to manipulation, I think your relationship is beyond fixable. It might work at first but what went up will go down again and the relationship will fall appart. Take the ticket out, move on. Save yourself and your partner more heartache. As much as I normally agree, I really don't think it's as black and white as that. This is a pretty long relationship and this is a relatively new problem. Since we moved here, I sort of got a bit more clingy and we hit a rough patch. Couples take breaks or get distance from each other to fix things/realize how much they love each other or are happier without them and sometimes that's really all they need. I guess a better way to word it would be, how could I get distance I need without moving out because right now that's not an option without it being permanent. 1
Author username1356 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 I agree..this is beyond hope. I'm not sure how you could say this is beyond hope when I haven't even really gone into enough detail. I don't think every couple who needs some kind of break from each other is beyond hope. I guess I should've worded it better. How can I give us space without actually leaving? I think we both need to feel space from each other
Ami1uwant Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I'm not sure how you could say this is beyond hope when I haven't even really gone into enough detail. I don't think every couple who needs some kind of break from each other is beyond hope. I guess I should've worded it better. How can I give us space without actually leaving? I think we both need to feel space from each other Sure people could end a relationship then start it back up. But you don't manipulate or play games in a relationship for selfish reasons. 1
casey.lives Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 i tried this, and came back to condoms everywhere and drive bys from new flames. But he never loved me .. living together was convenient not romantic. i was being used. used used used
Versacehottie Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 As much as I normally agree, I really don't think it's as black and white as that. This is a pretty long relationship and this is a relatively new problem. Since we moved here, I sort of got a bit more clingy and we hit a rough patch. Couples take breaks or get distance from each other to fix things/realize how much they love each other or are happier without them and sometimes that's really all they need. I guess a better way to word it would be, how could I get distance I need without moving out because right now that's not an option without it being permanent. OP, I knew what you meant. It was just a bad choice of wording that hopefully we can move past and start giving you some advice. Well you actually are considering leaving him so it's not manipulation, it's a wake up call without the constant arguing. Actions over words. I think if I'm getting the gist of your somewhat vague as to detailed nature of problem, you are feeling undervalued and have been clingy due to distant, new location and then it's just a vicious circle. First thing first and it don't think it will seem easy. I can't remember if it's you or another poster with a very similar story but you need to create your own life as much as possible. Join a group or two that are hobbies or the gym and make some new friends. He needs to see that you are independent and happy and can create your own happiness. YOU need this. In whichever, city, in whichever state of being you are in. If you become too dependent you end up stuck and unhappy and a burden on your partner. I'm not saying he's right; I don't have enough/any? info but what you need to do takes care of you. You could even get a job, part-time if you don't already have one where it would be easy to make friends or volunteer. You need your own pursuits and passions. That, in itself, should re-ignite you guys (if it's not too far gone) and show him you have options. Good luck
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