Carly18 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) I was with my boyfriend for 2 years but then he cheated on me with other girls so when I met this new guy I decided that I didn't want anything serious because I was so upset and always tired of being the poor good girl that people always take advantage. I sleep with this guy on the first date. I really like him, he is very smart, funny and handsome but I know he is not going to take me serious because of my behaviour. But I have feelings for him. And they are stronger every day but I feel so easy. Today he wrote me asking me if I wanted to go out on wednesday, I was so happy and then he said that he was booked an hotel... He is not even hiding that I am just easy sex for him. Some other guys will be more discrete but he just go direct to the point of have sex. I know it is my fault but there is no way he could ever take me seriously? Should walk away before I lost more respect for myself? I am 18 years old and he is 24. I feel like for me is more than sex because we have great conversations and he is extremely sweet with me. Edited August 25, 2015 by Carly18
MrMeh Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Why don't you start taking yourself seriously first and stick up for yourself. Say you don't like that the date is at a hotel. If he doesn't agree, then you simply move on. 4
Jules Dash Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 It is not being "easy" if it was something you wanted as well. In that case, you got something you wanted and he got something he wanted - nothing more, nothing less. Now you have developed feelings for him and you want to backtrack to the night of the first date and say "damn, I gave it up too soon!" Well, you can't take it back so you might as well start getting comfortable with yourself on this one. Be straight up and take charge of this situation. Don't allow him to view you as being easy by not showing shame for what you have done. Was it his conquest or yours?
CarrieT Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I was with my boyfriend for 2 years I am 18 years old and he is 24. That means as a 22 year old, he was a sexual predator by going after you as a 16-year old. He could be arrested for statutory rape.
Author Carly18 Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 That means as a 22 year old, he was a sexual predator by going after you as a 16-year old. He could be arrested for statutory rape. Noo. I mean that I was with my boyfriend for 2 years, then we broke up because he cheated on me and THEN I met this new guy. When I was 18. I am almost 19.
RecentChange Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Well.... Obviously each person and their relationship are different, but just because you had sex right away doesn't mean thing can't be serious down the road - I slept with my boy friend on our first date - and we have been together for 14 years now. I do admit booking a hotel for a second date is a bit bold though. Why is a hotel needed? Too many roommates? Any other "date" plans besides a hotel room? I admit that these conversations can be hard / awkward, but you might want to tell him that while you are super attracted to him, you would also like to spend some time getting to know him better.
joseb Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I do admit booking a hotel for a second date is a bit bold though. Why is a hotel needed? Too many roommates? Any other "date" plans besides a hotel room? . Yeah this what i was going to ask. Where id you sleep togethet last time? Apart from too many roomates, a live in girlfriend or wife also springs to mind when i hear hotel. Hopefully not the case!
Revan32 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I've been in the guys situation many times so I'll give you my thoughts on when a girl sleeps with a guy early on. As a matter of fact I have this exact thing going on now. I met this super cute little 18 year old a few weeks ago. When I first met her I thought she was absolutely gorgeous. Was totally considering her as girlfriend material. Well last week on our second date I slept with her. Still really hadn't formed any emotional connection with her yet. Literally before I could even get my pants back on I heard the usual voice in my head saying "ehh would I really want this girl as a gf? Probably not... I mean I already got one of the big things I wanted from her. And I don't really feel any deep connection with her. Sooo.... Lets just keep this casual and see if I can keep her around for just sex as long as possible" So basically after that i've put in minimal effort into wooing her. I just can't seem to find the motivation to want to go the extra mile like I did when first meeting her. Since I never really had enough time to make an emotional connection before completing the physical one, I just don't care enough anymore. So like what your friend is doing, I pretty much just invite her out on sex dates. Its not all completely hopeless however. One of my dates who put out the first time, stuck around for so long I just naturally started to have real feelings for her. We never officially became a couple, but I did and still do care about her. I'm actually pretty sure she was just a female version of me, and was using me for sex at first too. After about a year of regular sex, we just formed a connection. Though again, it wasn't particularly deep. Hope that offered you some insight on the male mind.
Author Carly18 Posted August 26, 2015 Author Posted August 26, 2015 I've been in the guys situation many times so I'll give you my thoughts on when a girl sleeps with a guy early on. As a matter of fact I have this exact thing going on now. I met this super cute little 18 year old a few weeks ago. When I first met her I thought she was absolutely gorgeous. Was totally considering her as girlfriend material. Well last week on our second date I slept with her. Still really hadn't formed any emotional connection with her yet. Literally before I could even get my pants back on I heard the usual voice in my head saying "ehh would I really want this girl as a gf? Probably not... I mean I already got one of the big things I wanted from her. And I don't really feel any deep connection with her. Sooo.... Lets just keep this casual and see if I can keep her around for just sex as long as possible" So basically after that i've put in minimal effort into wooing her. I just can't seem to find the motivation to want to go the extra mile like I did when first meeting her. Since I never really had enough time to make an emotional connection before completing the physical one, I just don't care enough anymore. So like what your friend is doing, I pretty much just invite her out on sex dates. Its not all completely hopeless however. One of my dates who put out the first time, stuck around for so long I just naturally started to have real feelings for her. We never officially became a couple, but I did and still do care about her. I'm actually pretty sure she was just a female version of me, and was using me for sex at first too. After about a year of regular sex, we just formed a connection. Though again, it wasn't particularly deep. Hope that offered you some insight on the male mind. Do all girls lose respect after having sex too soon? I guess is ok but not very fair. Why man can do it but girls can not?
losangelena Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Do all girls lose respect after having sex too soon? I guess is ok but not very fair. Why man can do it but girls can not? Oh, god that is like the $64,000 question. NO ONE has a good answer as to why this double standard exists. NO ONE. But listen, about this guy. If you don't want to just be a sex partner to someone, then say no to him. See if he's willing to offer you a relationship. If not, you move on. STOP having sex with him, you're already attached and getting more so by the day. It'll hurt much less now than in a month or six. I'm curious to know why you need a hotel, too. 1
losangelena Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Literally before I could even get my pants back on I heard the usual voice in my head saying "ehh would I really want this girl as a gf? Probably not... I mean I already got one of the big things I wanted from her. And I don't really feel any deep connection with her. Sooo.... Lets just keep this casual and see if I can keep her around for just sex as long as possible" So basically after that i've put in minimal effort into wooing her. I just can't seem to find the motivation to want to go the extra mile like I did when first meeting her. Since I never really had enough time to make an emotional connection before completing the physical one, I just don't care enough anymore. So like what your friend is doing, I pretty much just invite her out on sex dates. Well, I appreciate your honesty and insight to the male mind, but this just makes me cringe. Without getting too far off OP's topic, why sleep with a girl so soon if you know you're going to lose interest? I mean, to me it seems like there's no consideration given to what she might be thinking, or how she interprets having sex. Especially someone as young as 18! No wonder everyone is so confused about dating.
Jame22 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 (edited) Today he wrote me asking me if I wanted to go out on wednesday, I was so happy and then he said that he was booked an hotel... He is not even hiding that I am just easy sex for him. Some other guys will be more discrete but he just go direct to the point of have sex. That's really creepy. Unless you feel 100% safe around him i'd drop him. I think it's absolutely fine for a woman to sleep with a man on the first date. If I really liked a girl It wouldn't stop me from moving towards a relationship with her. Problem is, I'm picky when it comes to girls. I've been on countless first dates and I've only felt a spark with 2 or so. If you want to sleep with me on the first date that's cool but don't expect it to turn into anything unless I really like you. It has nothing to do with respect. Edited August 26, 2015 by Jame22
PinkElephants Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Do all girls lose respect after having sex too soon? I guess is ok but not very fair. Why man can do it but girls can not? Women CAN do it just like men; the problem is that you don't respect yourself. You call yourself a prostitute, you feel easy, you feel like you're having to prove yourself to him so he'll take you seriously. None of that is respecting yourself. If you want to have sex on the first night, own it. Screw his brains out and be unapologetic about it because there's nothing to apologize for. Don't put up with shenanigans on his end either. If taking you directly to a hotel makes you feel badly about yourself then a boundary needs to be drawn. Furthermore, what makes this guy, who doesn't respect you, worth respecting? Why is he someone that you want commitment from? For the record, I've had relationships start from one night stands so it is possible. Give up on that idea happening with this guy, though. It's not going to be more than sex; he's already proven that by telling you you're not even worth a burger before getting naked. 1
PinkElephants Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Well, I appreciate your honesty and insight to the male mind, but this just makes me cringe. Without getting too far off OP's topic, why sleep with a girl so soon if you know you're going to lose interest? I mean, to me it seems like there's no consideration given to what she might be thinking, or how she interprets having sex. Especially someone as young as 18! No wonder everyone is so confused about dating. This quote makes me cringe. It's not the man's responsibility to interpret the woman's views on sex and relationships prior to a one night stand. It's her responsibility to take ownership of her actions. She's old enough to have sex and deal with the emotional consequences. A woman is perfectly capable of clarifying intentions or refusing to have sex if ambiguity exists but don't count on the guy to be a mind reader. 1
losangelena Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 This quote makes me cringe. It's not the man's responsibility to interpret the woman's views on sex and relationships prior to a one night stand. It's her responsibility to take ownership of her actions. She's old enough to have sex and deal with the emotional consequences. A woman is perfectly capable of clarifying intentions or refusing to have sex if ambiguity exists but don't count on the guy to be a mind reader. OK, well different perspective, I guess. That issue aside, I'm wondering (really just wondering) more about the part where he calls the feeling "usual," as in, now that he's slept with her, does he really want her as a girlfriend? A paragraph before he said was "totally considering her as girlfriend material." So sleeping with her on the second date changed that? If so, then I'm wondering why not wait a bit to sleep with her until there is an emotional connection? I mean, if she's so great and gorgeous, why must she be relegated to casual sex partner? Because both of them decided to jump in on date two? What if she still considers him boyfriend material? Please, male insight appreciated.
Revan32 Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 Do all girls lose respect after having sex too soon? I guess is ok but not very fair. Why man can do it but girls can not? Not every girl. With one girl we had such a strong connection that I still really liked her the next day. Things didn't work out for other reasons sadly. I still think of her as the one that got away. Its the girls who I don't really feel much for yet anyway that I lose interest in afterwards. I kinda feel like if we didn't have much of a bond and she still slept with me, then there was nothing special about it. Without getting too far off OP's topic, why sleep with a girl so soon if you know you're going to lose interest? I mean, to me it seems like there's no consideration given to what she might be thinking, or how she interprets having sex. Especially someone as young as 18! All I can say is male hormones. When a girl is ready and willing to have sex with you, its kinda all you can think about. I'm not thinking "Hmm maybe I should not have this amazing sex, she may tell me an awesome story about her childhood dog that'll make me fall in love instead!" And I do consider what she's thinking. And as far as I know she's thinking the same thing as me. "damn this person is making me horny right now! Let's totally do it!" I've never had a girl stop in the middle of getting busy to ask for a serious commitment on my part. So you can't really blame the guy for doing what the girl wants. Even if she may decide to regret it later. That issue aside, I'm wondering (really just wondering) more about the part where he calls the feeling "usual," as in, now that he's slept with her, does he really want her as a girlfriend? A paragraph before he said was "totally considering her as girlfriend material." So sleeping with her on the second date changed that? If so, then I'm wondering why not wait a bit to sleep with her until there is an emotional connection? I mean, if she's so great and gorgeous, why must she be relegated to casual sex partner? Because both of them decided to jump in on date two? What if she still considers him boyfriend material? Yeah since moving out of LA i've actually been working on waiting a bit longer. I'm doing better at it too. This girl was the first girl i've slept with so far since the move. Probably should have waited longer but she seemed to really want it, so who am I to say no? I'm going to heavily generalize here, but before a guy has slept with a girl, she can do no wrong. Guys will put up with an extraordinary amount of crap if they think they are about to get laid. But about 5 seconds after the big bang though, all of a sudden our reasoning pops back into our heads. Things like "did she say she really doesn't like dogs???" and "she didn't thank me for dinner, oh and what did she about snorting coke last week!!!" start flowing around our heads. Thats when it comes down to if we liked her positive sides enough to counter the negatives that all of a sudden stand out. If we had been putting in enough effort to see her for weeks or months before hand, then of course we'll want to stick around. But if its after just a date or two, then we really don't know enough good things about you to stick around.
harcourt Posted August 26, 2015 Posted August 26, 2015 OK, well different perspective, I guess. That issue aside, I'm wondering (really just wondering) more about the part where he calls the feeling "usual," as in, now that he's slept with her, does he really want her as a girlfriend? A paragraph before he said was "totally considering her as girlfriend material." So sleeping with her on the second date changed that? If so, then I'm wondering why not wait a bit to sleep with her until there is an emotional connection? I mean, if she's so great and gorgeous, why must she be relegated to casual sex partner? Because both of them decided to jump in on date two? What if she still considers him boyfriend material? Please, male insight appreciated. Losangelena, this provided the best explanation I've ever heard:
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