Agreed not dating others, but he isn't ready to "formalize"

[Oregon_Dude]

So, did he take you to the winter formal and pin a corsage yet?

[Qboro90]

I am a little confused. Isn't everyone always saying to judge how a man feels by his actions?

 

 

So given his actions (described ever-so-eloquently by Qboro below and also by the OP herself), it appears he does see him and the OP as a "couple."

 

 

 

 

 

He is also not dating anyone else, nor does he want to.

 

 

So what am I missing? It's only been three months. He's being a little cautious with the "title" thing...but seriously, what difference does it make?

 

 

I mean come on, it's a title. Aren't his actions what matter?

 

 

My first boyfriend did not technically "commit" to me until about a year. After four years he proposed marriage!

 

 

Second boyfriend and I dated for around six months before realizing we wanted something long term. I never bugged him about it... I just enjoyed him and the RL and let it progress at its own pace. HE brought it up.

 

 

These were both long term relationships (I ended both if that has any relevance).

 

 

JMO, but I think many women are so afraid of being jerked around and strung along, that they see doom and gloom around every corner. They're like, well everything is going fabulous, he treats me really well, moving right along, but I initiated "the talk," he's not ready to "formalize" the RL....so I'm outta here! Screw you buddy, you won't be stringing ME along.....

 

 

Formalize schmoralize...his actions indicate you ARE a couple. Again, aren't his ACTIONS what is most important? That IS what LS advocates does it not?

 

 

I also think the OP is doing this hoping he STOPS her from leaving, as that would prove to her his commitment. I could be wrong but something she posted led me to believe that.

 

 

I think it was something like "if he lets me end it and doesn't try to talk me out of it," then I'll know I was right and he won't EVER want anything "serious." Something like that. Sorry it doesn't work that way in most cases.

 

 

All that said, and I have said this before.... if you are absolutely SOOOOO unhappy with how things are now, then feel free to end it. It just sounded to me like you REALLY like this guy....and your behavior in ending it is coming from a place of fear because you don't want to get hurt.

 

 

Understandable, but relationships (life!) are a risk. If you are not willing to take a risk, and always expect a SURE THING (after only three months) from any man you're dating, you're gonna be hard-pressed to find any man who could live up to that expectation IMO, after only three months.

 

 

But wish you luck...and as always keep us posted!

 

 

Very well said, agree with you katiegrl. The OP led me to believe this was a great guy who did everything right except make you "officially his girlfriend". And I disagree that 3 months is long enough to know what you want.

 

That's not what you're asking him to decide. He knows he likes you and wants to continue seeing you. He DOES NOT know if he wants to marry you and give you the impression that's where this will head if you start being an "official couple". Quite frankly I wouldn't expect anyone to commit to that after 3 months so when you say he should kno what he wants by now, it's not fair because your ultimatum is a long term decision that he's not comfortable with after 12 weeks.

 

You're 27, not 37. You can still go on seeing him while you open the door for other men to approach you. Same mindset as leaving a job. You don't quit until you've found another job that you want and will hire you. Why break up with a potential really good guy just to go back to being single and searching. You can search now if you decide to make it an open casual relationship.

 

I don't get the impression based of his replies/statements to you that he wants to casually date or is interested in other women. Just because he didn't say the exact word you were looking for to clarify doesn't mean he's playing you and is eventually going to want to date other women.

 

Guys take longer to realize what they really have. If he's treating you as he would a gf then the more time you spend with him the more he'll see "you know what, I can't lose this girl, let's take it to the next step and move in together". What if he skips the "official" step because in his eyes you've been dating for 3 months exclusively already? You have no idea right now... And asking him to foresee the future of his feelings and emotions is unfair and not something you'd want him to ask you.

 

If you however can break it off with him so easily and not think twice about it then you shouldn't be dating him in the first place. You state that you're looking for a LTR so if you've wasted 3 months with someone you can just break up with like that then I don't think this was meant to be ever.

[Gaeta]

Katie: I think it's a combo of words-actions.

 

If a man tells you 'I don't want a relationship' then please believe him. Your suggesting is for OP to invest more months into this while he spelled it out twice now that he does not want to be gf-bf with her. Months down the road when he ends it with her he'll first remind her that he told her' he did not want to invest himself'.

 

Also he did not ask for time to formalize the relationship. He said he doesn't know when his feelings will change. If he had said to OP 'give me a little more time' I would be more flexible with this man but the answer he gave her is text-book for a man that knows he is not gonna fall for her.

 

I predict when she ends it he won't contest.

 

Right now what he's doing with OP is filling the void with a nice and caring woman. She is a balm on his wounds while they are healing.

 

They are a couple? not really. Couples are exclusive - they're not. Couples go to events together, they visit family and friends together - they don't.

[Gaeta]

Very well said, agree with you katiegrl. The OP led me to believe this was a great guy who did everything right except make you "officially his girlfriend". And I disagree that 3 months is long enough to know what you want.

 

It's not a marriage,it's not an engagement, it's not a contract, it's simply being exclusive to concentrate on each other. Making it official means absolutely nothing in the big picture. My last boyfriend asked me for exclusivity on our 3rd date. It only meant we were gonna delete our profiles and willingly only date each other to see if deeper feelings could develop. It did NOT mean I'd take him to my parents for Sunday dinner!! Even though we were exclusive from date 3 I took him to meet my parents after 6 months!!

 

You are making this a much bigger deal than it is. What's the worse that can happen? all he'll be doing is calling her his girlfriend. How much of a big deal is that? It cost nothing, it doesn't mean you have to start involving everyone. It only means you will concentrate on each other.

 

And this man is not willing to give her even this little.

[Gaeta]

All that said, and I have said this before.... if you are absolutely SOOOOO unhappy with how things are now, then feel free to end it. It just sounded to me like you REALLY like this guy....and your behavior in ending it is coming from a place of fear because you don't want to get hurt.

 

It's not a place of fear. I've been there. It's valuing herself and her time. She is 27 and she wants something serious probably to lead to marriage and children. Is she going to give another year to a man who refuses to show some vulnerability and who *doesn't know* when he'll be able to. He sounds like a 'project' to me and women should never waste their time on 'projects'.

 

Relationships are hard enough why would she pick a man that has his heart closed off and admits to have his heart closed off? when there are plenty of men out there looking for a woman like her and are ready to invest themselves.

[fitnessfan365]

This guy was completely honest about where he stood. So I applaud him for that.

 

But he did say "I'm not sure when that will ever change" which tells me that he isn't going to want a relationship with you anytime soon, if ever. So the more time you spend with him, the more invested you'll get. My advice for what it's worth is to end things with him and focus on finding a guy that's actually ready for a relationship.

[ThisisIt606]

It's not a place of fear. I've been there. It's valuing herself and her time. She is 27 and she wants something serious probably to lead to marriage and children. Is she going to give another year to a man who refuses to show some vulnerability and who *doesn't know* when he'll be able to. He sounds like a 'project' to me and women should never waste their time on 'projects'.

 

Relationships are hard enough why would she pick a man that has his heart closed off and admits to have his heart closed off? when there are plenty of men out there looking for a woman like her and are ready to invest themselves.

 

 

Thanks so much Gaeta, you help to remind me to stick to my decision ( I can be easily swayed at times when it comes to this guy bc he is so nice/I really like him!)

 

I plan to lay my cards out tomorrow, say I did give him exclusivity as in not wanting to date others, and I would like a formalized relationship with him, in my eyes nothing would change from our activities except that we would be "official" in the sense that we are definitely not dating or going to date others. I am fully ready to do this with him. He does not seem to be as he said he "likes where we are now" "not ready to formalize and can only tell me how he feels now/doesn't know when that might change". When I read that, that gave me no hope. Especially since I know what I want, and not looking to put myself through a "TBA date" when he *hopefully* gives the highword that he is "ready to formalize" things.

 

Via text it seems like he gave me an "out" in the sense that he said "honestly, tell me if where I am is not OK with you even for now" "I don't want you to feel like I'm waisting your time, and I definitely don't want to hurt you". To me this says, if you aren't OK with where I am, that's fine you can walk and I don't want to hurt you, but I also won't chase after you to get you back bc I'm just not ready.

 

After our texts late afternoon today, he has not texted since. THis is strange as we usually text at night for hours until bed. He obviously knows what I want to talk about tomorrow and I feel if he was worried/anxious that he might lose me he WOULD have texted tonight something to the effect "I'm not ready now, but I hope to be soon, i really like you" something to fill the void and show me that i'm important to him to keep close.

 

I think he has made it pretty clear that after 1 year of a break up, plus dating something before me, he is still not ready. If he's not ready after all that plus the stress he's experiencing from an unstable job situation- i feel this might only distract him from a relationship he's not quite ready for.

 

I DO HOPE by all means, he will be like omg no I definitely still want to date you and want to formalize things after our talk tomorrow.

 

I've been with 2 guys in the past who pretty up front told me "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" yet a still dated him and he would later turn it around and say "I was clear about not wanting a relationship". (duh, I just didn't want to listen and was holding out on hope. Trying not to do this to myself again. Granted these guys didn't treat me NEARLY as well as my current which makes this harder)

 

I do believe it's actions + words. His actions are a definite "A". I have to admit i was nervous/exciting asking what we were bc I did think it would be good news, I was surprised that he still wasn't fully over the hurt from his past relationship.

 

I know social media can be a beast and it's horrible to go snooping on... but I did. the ex gf, sister, mom, and him are all still fb friends. He told me he is still friends with her in real life. His mom and sister still like the ex-gf's current photos and ex-gf still likes photos of the guy I'm dating and his sister. They went to countless weddings together (here and abroad) and some fb comments on pics of them were "all you need is the white dress!' "when's the wedding?!" THe shared an apartment and dog together for about 2 years. Obviously a very long and serious relationship.

 

THis is what I feel "up against" when he tells me he's not ready to open himself up again to another potnetially painful situation. Relatives thought they were going to get married which obv. didn't happen.

 

Even though this is facebook, the family all seem very intertwinded with her still, which is probably not helping him to full put pain behind him or whatever and open himself to someone new.

 

It's just a sad, unfortunate situation, but I don't want to wait around for him bc it IS very painful for me. I'm not going to tell him "I want to break up" but I'm just going to express my dissapointment that I things aren't working for me bc we do seem to be on different pages. So far I think he has been very honest with me that he's NOT ready, he has not given me ANY hope that he is ready or he will be any time soon.

[katiegrl]

 

 

***It's not a marriage,it's not an engagement, it's not a contract, it's simply being exclusive to concentrate on each other. ***

 

 

Making it official means absolutely nothing in the big picture. My last boyfriend asked me for exclusivity on our 3rd date. It only meant we were gonna delete our profiles and willingly only date each other to see if deeper feelings could develop. It did NOT mean I'd take him to my parents for Sunday dinner!! Even though we were exclusive from date 3 I took him to meet my parents after 6 months!!

 

You are making this a much bigger deal than it is. What's the worse that can happen? all he'll be doing is calling her his girlfriend. How much of a big deal is that? It cost nothing, it doesn't mean you have to start involving everyone. It only means you will concentrate on each other.

 

And this man is not willing to give her even this little.

 

Quote in asterisk ....isn't that precisely what he's doing? He's not dating anyone else, does not want to date anyone else, he is focusing exclusively on the OP ...is dating her *properly," spends lots of time with her, calls, texts, is consistent, again what am I missing?

 

But because he is not able to guarantee how he will feel next week or next month, next year, she is gonna dump him?

 

You keep saying a man should know how he feels after three months, he KNOWS how he feels and right now, at this moment, he is very into her and wants to continue seeing her.

 

He just can't guarantee how he will feel down the road, well to me that's about as honest as you can get, because frankly, who ever does know how he/she is gonna feel down the road?

 

There are NEVER any guarantees.... even in marriage there are no guarantees.... as feelings can change at any time, and often do ....hence the high divorce rate in this country (USA).

 

I think she's scared plain and simple. She is afraid of getting hurt, so she bails before that happens.

[katiegrl]

This guy was completely honest about where he stood. So I applaud him for that.

 

But he did say "I'm not sure when that will ever change" which tells me that he isn't going to want a relationship with you anytime soon, if ever. So the more time you spend with him, the more invested you'll get. My advice for what it's worth is to end things with him and focus on finding a guy that's actually ready for a relationship.

 

They are in a relationship.....his actions indicate they are in a relationship. And he never told her he did not want a relationship.... because again that's what they have.

 

He is just not ready for the type of "formal" relationship (i.e. commitment) apparently she is ready for, big difference.

 

Which if I had to guess is precisely how he is interpreting what she wants...as most men would.

Edited August 27, 2015 by katiegrl

[mrldii]

Sorry, OP...but I've actually followed your other threads about This Guy, as it's been unfolding.

 

At the risk of being brutally honest (and taking a couple of more hits to and against my profile), you are not interested in This Guy, at all. You are interested in Being in a Relationship, Any Relationship, With Any Guy, and you feel you've invested enough time in This Guy for him to put up or shut up.

 

He's not There, yet...and it's unlikely he ever will be. He probably senses that your attraction to him has very little to do with him, and more to do with your desire to be able to change your status to "In a Relationship".

 

 

Find someone equally desperate for a status update; This Guy has done nothing *wrong* and has been honest with you, every step of the way.

[ThisisIt606]

No I definitely like him and am starting to develop real feelings for him. I appreciate what he does for me and I checked in on him frequently during his post surgery bc I honestly care about him.

 

My posts may seem frantic/ overly worried bc I DO care about him and want to do right by him. I definitely don't want a relationship with just anyone, I want one with him for the qualities that he has, how he treats me, and how happy I felt with him before I knew he wasn't ready to formalize.

 

It isn't just a word/label that I can blab around saying " I have a bf". I don't even like saying things like that unless specifically asked. It's knowing where my heart and head are at that I like him, developing feelings, don't want to date anyone but him and want to feel like I can fully give myself to him mentally and emotionally.

 

Having him say he wants the same is what would make me happy bc of him: his qualities not just from the mouth of anyone.

[ThisisIt606]

I know it's late but I've been doing a lot of thinking. I hope things work in your favor with the job. I really like you and enjoy spending time with you. I'm looking forward to seeing you after work and having a good conversation about things

 

^ just texted him that. Really don't want to end it but if he definitely tells me tomorrow he can't commit: doesn't want to and has NO idea when then idk if I can continue. After I'm being so open and honest with him.

[katiegrl]

I know it's late but I've been doing a lot of thinking. I hope things work in your favor with the job. I really like you and enjoy spending time with you. I'm looking forward to seeing you after work and having a good conversation about things

 

^ just texted him that. Really don't want to end it but if he definitely tells me tomorrow he can't commit: doesn't want to and has NO idea when then idk if I can continue. After I'm being so open and honest with him.

 

If he couldn't "formally commit" to you yesterday, or today, not sure why you think he's gonna want to "formally commit" to you tomorrow.

 

Because you're threatening to end the relationship if he doesn't?

 

In my world, that's called manipulation, which rarely, if ever "works" .....so good luck with that.

[Qboro90]

So if you don't care about the title "gf" or being official and your activities won't change even if he asks you to be his gf then the only thing you want from him truly is for him to say that you two are exclusive. That he's not dating or open to seeing anyone else and not going to and neither are you.

 

He's already told you this! His actions show this.... Because one conversation you had he didn't say the right sentence in it you've interpreted an entire scenerio where he's just stringing you along and won't ever be ready. None of the other replies here actually know this guy, so when they tell you "break up with him he'll never change" it's just their bad experiences being transferred over to you. Truth is that the guy your with has done nothing wrong or deceitful towards you up until this point and shows no signs that he's the kind of guy that would in the future.

 

And Just for a minute let's say tomorrow he says "yea you know what you're right, we are exclusive, you deserve that, I know it, I want us to work out because I really like and care about you". Guess what... It can all be bull**** and a lie just to get you to stop threatening him and discussing it...... Just like if a different guy would've asked you out in the first month, he could've cheated on you and lied about talking to other women behind your back. Exclusivity means absolutely nothing. If the person is a genuinely good guy or girl then they will not talk to, hook up, or sleep with anyone else when they're seeing someone like you've been seeing him for 3 months.

 

The same risk that was there yesterday is going to be there tomorrow even if he says "I want you to be my girlfriend". He could still leave or talk to another girl 6 months down the line anyways. Any guy you meet can do that. Asking him to project his future feelings and thoughts of your relationship is impossible.

 

I'm about to be engaged, I love my gf more than anything in the entire world... If she asks me "are you going to be attracted to me when we're both 60 still?"...I can of course say "yes absolutely I love you no matter what, doesn't matter if you become a hunchback or your boobs sag to your ankles babe" but that's 30 years from now... Who the hell knows if I'll feel that way then. I hope I do... I can't bet my life on it and the guy you're with is just being truthful with you. You're punishing him for that. Again, you're not wasting years of your life here. It's been 3 months. No one is saying to stick around for another 3 years if he doesn't show you any progression, but cmon now... Asking him for a commitment of exclusivity is just pointless and at the end of the day will as you've already stated change absolutely nothing.

 

Will it ease your emotions if he says you're exclusive? Is that a binding contract prohibiting him from cheating or acting innapropriate? Not whatsoever

 

You have with you now a genuinely good guy who does everything you'd want in a BF and you're gonna end it because......? He's not willing to say a word that's got no power behind it anyway? If you want him to lie to you just tell him, the same result will happen.

 

 

And one more thing. The anxiousness and snooping about his ex is excessive. He's definitively told you he wants nothing to do with her and has no feelings for her. Judging by his explanation of why his last 4yr RS should've ended sooner that tells me that he knows she was a nut job and he shouldn't have wasted 4 years with her. So concerning yourself with her friendship with his mom or family is way to much and unnecessary. Again, he's never done anything to give you the impression he still likes or has feelings for her or will ever see her again.

[Gaeta]

She just want exclusivity for goodness sake not a marriage, why this talk of 'commitment'.

 

He is exclusive? No he's not. He didn't say 'babe I only want to date you' he said 'I am not seeing anyone else right now' which is NOT giving someone exclusivity, it's not a garantee that he won't be seeing someone new tomorrow, not a garantee if someone else comes along he'll tell her 'I'm in a relationship'. It only means right now I am not seeing someone else but tomorrow I could.

 

He doesn't date anyone else by default, it's a coincidence, not because he made the conscious decision of only dating her.

[katiegrl]

She just want exclusivity for goodness sake not a marriage, why this talk of 'commitment'.

 

He is exclusive? No he's not. He didn't say 'babe I only want to date you' he said 'I am not seeing anyone else right now' which is NOT giving someone exclusivity, it's not a garantee that he won't be seeing someone new tomorrow, not a garantee if someone else comes along he'll tell her 'I'm in a relationship'. It only means right now I am not seeing someone else but tomorrow I could.

 

 

 

**He doesn't date anyone else by default, it's a coincidence, not because he made the conscious decision of only dating her***.

 

Quote in asterisk.....what? Where did you get that? A coincidence? With respect, it sounds like you might be projecting YOUR negative experiences on to this situation, because he never said that or implied as such, not from I read anyway.

 

To the contrary, from everything she has posted, he has very much made a conscious decision to date only her....his words were he has no desire or interest in dating anyone else .....so again not sure where you're getting that he hasn't..

 

The OP is the one who used the term *commitment.* She acknowledges they are exclusive, she just wants him to promise that he *always* will be, which like Qboro said is impossible to predict, and even if he did promise it, that could change at any time anyway. There are never any guarantees about that.

 

And I agree with Qboro, the posters who are encouraging her to end it are either projecting their own negative experiences on to this situation or they are interpreting the situation negatively due to their own negative experiences.... or both. IMO.

Edited August 27, 2015 by katiegrl

[elaine567]

Being bf/gf does not involve any "commitment" bar "We like each other and want to see more of each other and no, I do not want to sleep with anyone else."

 

I just do not see what the big deal about that is, and if he is not even willing to step onto that first rung of the dating ladder, then for someone who wants to progress a relationship past casual sex, then he is definitely NOT her man.

 

He is proposing regular casual sex, with some dinners and some time together thrown in for good measure.

I guess he enjoys this "pretend" relationship because pretend it surely is. He has no intention of making this anything more than it is. She can wait around and a year later he will still be playing the field.

 

He is throwing out the old player line, "Of course I like you baby, but as I already told you, just do not expect any relationship from me, as I will have to follow any tail that comes my way, sorry."

 

She is not proposing I will have your kids and I want to die in your arms here, she just wants a bf/gf relationship, if that is really too much to ask of him, then she is wasting her time with this guy.

[katiegrl]

Being bf/gf does not involve any "commitment" bar "We like each other and want to see more of each other and no, I do not want to sleep with anyone else."

 

I just do not see what the big deal about that is, and if he is not even willing to step onto that first rung of the dating ladder, then for someone who wants to progress a relationship past casual sex, then he is definitely NOT her man.

 

He is proposing regular casual sex, with some dinners and some time together thrown in for good measure.

I guess he enjoys this "pretend" relationship because pretend it surely is. He has no intention of making this anything more than it is. She can wait around and a year later he will still be playing the field.

 

He is throwing out the old player line, "Of course I like you baby, but as I already told you, just do not expect any relationship from me, as I will have to follow any tail that comes my way, sorry."

 

She is not proposing I will have your kids and I want to die in your arms here, she just wants a bf/gf relationship, if that is really too much to ask of him, then she is wasting her time with this guy.

 

Not sure what thread you're referring to, cause it's not this one.

 

Either that or your interpretation of the situation is way off....as it's certainly not based on the FACTS presented by the OP in THIS thread.

Edited August 27, 2015 by katiegrl

[elaine567]

The OP is the one who used the term *commitment.* She acknowledges they are exclusive, she just wants him to promise that he *always* will be

That is NOT true, she merely wants him to call her his gf and he unwilling to do that.

As that is all pretty basic stuff, then she is wasting her time here.

 

I agree he is being honest, but unless he is willing to move it up a teeny tiny notch then she is essentially having casual sex with a guy who doesn't want a gf.

[Maleficent]

That is NOT true, she merely wants him to call her his gf and he unwilling to do that.

As that is all pretty basic stuff, then she is wasting her time here.

 

I agree he is being honest, but unless he is willing to move it up a teeny tiny notch then she is essentially having casual sex with a guy who doesn't want a gf.

 

There you. Right now he's just a caring FWB.

[ThisisIt606]

He didn't give me exclusivity. He said he's currently not seeing anyone else. He did NOT say he's not interested in dating anyone else like I told him about me. Regarding the sex, I told him I don't like to have sex with guys that are having Alex with other girls.

 

To which he replied, it's a fair standard to have and he's not a fan of multi dating. Which could read as exclusive but never came out and said " I don't want to date anyone else but you" which is something important to lay out.

 

 

I'm gong to clear this exclusivity up tonight, lay out my cards where I am, what bf/gf means to me ( no different actions to take but agree not dating others and don't want to date others/ won't) see if he has any inkling of when he might be ready for a relationship and if he's ready one day to let me know bc I think this is worth revisiting. But I can't stay in limbo while I'm giving him my time and emotional energy, just getting more attached as he sits in the fence.

[Gaeta]

 

To the contrary, from everything she has posted, he has very much made a conscious decision to date only her....his words were he has no desire or interest in dating anyone else .....so again not sure where you're getting that he hasn't..

 

Show me where you read that?

[Gaeta]

 

You have with you now a genuinely good guy who does everything you'd want in a BF and you're gonna end it because......? He's not willing to say a word that's got no power behind it anyway? If you want him to lie to you just tell him, the same result will happen..

 

How much time is a girl suppose to hang around a man till he feels comfortable to tell her he's exclusive with her?

 

And how can you say all this is based on ONE sentence he said with poor words? He repeated in many words at different occasion 'he does not want a relationship'.

 

You are suggesting she ignores every time he told her 'he does not want a relationship', every time he said 'he is afraid of getting hurt', also said 'he was in a 4 year relationship and is not willing to go back to that type of relationship', also said 'he understand she wants a re-ship but he's not there and doesn't know when he'll be there'. Also said 'I don't want to hurt you' which is a given for 'I am not invested in you'.

 

You're telling her to ignore all this and invest another what 6 months? Why? Because he's nice with her?

[katiegrl]

He didn't give me exclusivity. He said he's currently not seeing anyone else. He did NOT say he's not interested in dating anyone else like I told him about me. Regarding the sex, I told him I don't like to have sex with guys that are having Alex with other girls.

 

To which he replied, it's a fair standard to have and he's not a fan of multi dating. Which could read as exclusive but never came out and said " I don't want to date anyone else but you" which is something important to lay out.

 

 

I'm gong to clear this exclusivity up tonight, lay out my cards where I am, what bf/gf means to me ( no different actions to take but agree not dating others and don't want to date others/ won't) see if he has any inkling of when he might be ready for a relationship and if he's ready one day to let me know bc I think this is worth revisiting. But I can't stay in limbo while I'm giving him my time and emotional energy, just getting more attached as he sits in the fence.

 

Okay that's fair.

 

Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

[katiegrl]

Show me where you read that?

 

I was paraphrasing, he didn't use those exact words.

 

But it was when he said he wasn't interested in multi-dating, which the OP admitted *could* be interpreted as him saying he's exclusive, but it was ambiguous, and she needs a clearer response from him..

 

Which I do agree is fair.

 

Personally, I would be okay with all this, and play it out, but I don't want to project either, so I agree the OP should do whatever is right for her, and if she needs a more definitive answer from him ....that's OKAY.

 

I hope it all works out!!