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Ladies, if you were looking for a relationship on dating sites like POF, what...?

Aztecgentlman480

By Aztecgentlman480
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Aztecgentlman480 Member

Aztecgentlman480

Posted
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do you expect from the men to type on their first message being sent to you to get to know each other?

 

Right now, I'm on POF and so far, there's this one woman who seems quite interesting and I want to give it my first shot but I honestly don't know what to type. I want to sound mature enough for the woman but I also don't want to sound too dull/boring.

yxalitis Established Member

yxalitis

Posted
Posted

1. READ her profile

2. Respond to her profile

 

 

There is no magic silver bullet message you can type to improve your chances, be yourself, work out her personality, try and write something that addresses that.

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StellaGrace Member

StellaGrace

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Good advice from previous poster. Also keep in brief. Don't write a long explanation about yourself and your likes and your dislikes as if you're trying to upsell yourself - she can see all that in the profile. And try to use wit/humor; women love that (at least this one does.)

  • Like 3
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Aztecgentlman480 Member

Aztecgentlman480

Posted
  • Author
Posted
1. READ her profile

2. Respond to her profile

 

 

There is no magic silver bullet message you can type to improve your chances, be yourself, work out her personality, try and write something that addresses that.

 

I get that but the problem with that is, this one particular woman on POF that I found doesn't quite explain her own personality enough for me to figure out what she likes. The only things she said to describe herself was that she claimed to be one of the the most responsible 20 years olds out there and she expects her future partner to be a gentleman. That's all that I've gathered from her profile.

 

Here's a link to her profile. amberinman Mesa Arizona singles,Mesa Arizona women

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Posted

You don't need to send anything special. You can sound like Shakespeare but if she doesn't like your picture or your specification she won't reply.

 

Just send a hello how is your day? type of message.

  • Like 2
anduina Established Member

anduina

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Don't like online dating but I've put up a profile in the past.

 

It begins with the first message. Friendly but not creepy or generic. No negging. That's when I'll check out your pictures and profile. If something is off-putting in them, then I won't respond. The list is extensive about what might be off-putting.

StellaGrace Member

StellaGrace

Posted
Posted
Just send a hello how is your day? type of message.

 

No offense Gaeta as I know it's all subjective, but I hate this kind of intro email no matter what his pix and profile are like. Feels like the lazy man's way out. Plus I don't even know the guy so what sort of context is there for how my day is going?

 

But OP, you have a point. She doesn't give you much to go on and implies it's all up to you to impress her. You sure you're interested? Haha.

  • Like 2
MixedUpChick Established Member

MixedUpChick

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I doubt there's anything you could say in a first message that would work for every woman. I agree with Gaeta, something simple is just fine for many women. Some will be looking for something specific in a first message, but since you're not a mind reader, just send something nice & see if it gets you anywhere.

 

Good luck!

  • Like 1
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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No offense Gaeta as I know it's all subjective, but I hate this kind of intro email no matter what his pix and profile are like. Feels like the lazy man's way out. Plus I don't even know the guy so what sort of context is there for how my day is going?

 

But OP, you have a point. She doesn't give you much to go on and implies it's all up to you to impress her. You sure you're interested? Haha.

 

I have been online dating for 4 years. I prefer a simple approach. One sentence with a question mark is enough. I hate those long messages where the man is trying to sell himself to me. A man can go through my profile and bring up something about it, it doesn't matter, if I don't like his pictures or something in his profile I will NOT answer.

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catlady11 Established Member

catlady11

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Great question!

 

Let me answer it this way...for ME this is what turns me off when guys message me:

 

"hey sweetie/cutie/beautiful!" I don't trust a guy who uses a term of endearment when I don't even know him. To me it comes off as slimy.

 

No sense of grammar or able to write a coherent sentence. "like ur profile. wanna get coffee sometime?" I know people make typos but I'm talking about where it's obvious they don't even know basic spelling.

 

I also don't like it when guys right away ask for my phone number. When they do ask I politely tell them I don't give it out until I feel more comfortable. If they're ok with it fine, if not better I find out now.

 

Is this girl local? You could say something like "It's nice to see someone local on here. What sort of things do you like to do around town? Have you been to XYZ (name a place in your town)". Say you look forward to hearing from her and seeing what things you have in common.

  • Like 3
pteromom Established Member

pteromom

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She doesn't give you much to work with, does she?

 

I like what catlady said. Give her a specific question to answer.

 

90% of guys say lame things like "what's up" "I like your pic"... don't do that.

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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I liked the friendly greeting, introduction, reference to a common interest, and request for communication. No more than 2-3 sentences, because more than that feels like pressure to respond. Just let her know you're interested without writing a novel. And if you don't hear back, move on.

  • Like 1
anduina Established Member

anduina

Posted
Posted
I get that but the problem with that is, this one particular woman on POF that I found doesn't quite explain her own personality enough for me to figure out what she likes. The only things she said to describe herself was that she claimed to be one of the the most responsible 20 years olds out there and she expects her future partner to be a gentleman. That's all that I've gathered from her profile.

 

Here's a link to her profile. amberinman Mesa Arizona singles,Mesa Arizona women

She provides a lot of information in her profile. She's proud of how responsible she is at her age so you can ask about this. She requires courtesy and respect in her exchanges so be courteous. She has a dog so if you're a dog enthusiast, you'll know what questions to ask about her dog. She's ambitious, working in travel, something else to focus on. She has a number of very close female friends so she's likely an extravert. There are drinks in a couple of pics, so she might enjoy partying but likely not too wildly since she's only a social drinker. She's a hopeless romantic and when you combine this with her need for courtesy and gentlemanly behaviour, this tells you she wants to be wooed in a romantic way.
joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted
I have been online dating for 4 years. I prefer a simple approach. One sentence with a question mark is enough. I hate those long messages where the man is trying to sell himself to me. A man can go through my profile and bring up something about it, it doesn't matter, if I don't like his pictures or something in his profile I will NOT answer.

 

I was always of the opinion that it didnt matter too much what i said (though i was always a bit more creative than hey, whats up) I figured old is a bit like real life. You dont walk up to someone in a bar and give a 5 minute spiel about yourself. But now im thinking thus isnt true.

 

I finally found a couple of decent profiles on ok stupid. And lo and behold, they had even liked my profile. Yay! So i sent then a very short message, to get the ball rolling. Nothing. Well one of them said in her profike she is shy, so i sent another witty short message with a question. Nothing.

 

Even on tinder where they have to have liked you in order to message them, i know i get way more responses from my coffee fueled creative openers than normal observations of pics type messages.

 

So perhaps some women do expect a shakesperean sonnet in order to woo them as an opener?

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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So perhaps some women do expect a shakesperean sonnet in order to woo them as an opener?

 

Not at all, you were simply not her type.

  • Like 1
joseb Established Member

joseb

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Posted
Not at all, you were simply not her type.

 

Yeah that's entirely possible - I'm not everyones type:)

 

But if I'm not, isn't it odd that she 'liked' my profile - not sure if you use OKStupid but thats not something you typically do - I use it to keep track of the girls i view that i'm very interested in - I have liked 4 in as many years :)

 

On Tinder, OK, I can maybe put that down to accidental/drunken swiping, and peoples changing more transient moods.

joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
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You should not do that. My pof was open when I clicked that link. Now she'll wonder why a 49 yo woman from Canada is looking at her lol

 

LOL! Yeah she will have quite an interesting mix of viewers when she logs in :)

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
Yeah that's entirely possible - I'm not everyones type:)

 

But if I'm not, isn't it odd that she 'liked' my profile - not sure if you use OKStupid but thats not something you typically do - I use it to keep track of the girls i view that i'm very interested in - I have liked 4 in as many years :)

 

On Tinder, OK, I can maybe put that down to accidental/drunken swiping, and peoples changing more transient moods.

 

I have used OKcupid occasionally. I did click 'I like' by accident lol.

Learningtowalkagain Established Member

Learningtowalkagain

Posted
Posted

Do you like dogs?

 

She does.

 

Girls who love dogs love guys who love dogs.

 

Formulate your message around dogs.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted
Do you like dogs?

 

She does.

 

Girls who love dogs love guys who love dogs.

 

Formulate your message around dogs.

 

You guys can't be serious.

 

I have a dog, I have pictures of my dog in my profile. If the man messaging me Is not to my licking, I WILL NOT REPLY even if he is the biggest dog lover out there.

yxalitis Established Member

yxalitis

Posted
Posted
I was always of the opinion that it didnt matter too much what i said (though i was always a bit more creative than hey, whats up) I figured old is a bit like real life. You dont walk up to someone in a bar and give a 5 minute spiel about yourself. But now im thinking thus isnt true.

 

I finally found a couple of decent profiles on ok stupid. And lo and behold, they had even liked my profile. Yay! So i sent then a very short message, to get the ball rolling. Nothing. Well one of them said in her profike she is shy, so i sent another witty short message with a question. Nothing.

 

Even on tinder where they have to have liked you in order to message them, i know i get way more responses from my coffee fueled creative openers than normal observations of pics type messages.

 

So perhaps some women do expect a shakesperean sonnet in order to woo them as an opener?

OKStupid (love it) is a wasteland for me, total and utter waste of time.

The response rate from that site approaches 1%!

I just gave up and closed my account...forget it!

 

 

Oasis works better for me, I'd say 95% of my dates have come from there, and three relationships! (Disasters...but still...!)

 

 

The replies to this thread reveal there IS no answer, some woman want long, well crafted messages, some want a few lines of text.

Some could care less what you wrote, its all down to the profile, or even (Shock horror!) your picture!

  • Like 1
Learningtowalkagain Established Member

Learningtowalkagain

Posted
Posted
You guys can't be serious.

 

I have a dog, I have pictures of my dog in my profile. If the man messaging me Is not to my licking, I WILL NOT REPLY even if he is the biggest dog lover out there.

 

"to your liking"

 

He's looking for an opening/angle. Nobody knows this girl or what type of guy she's into. He's trying to start something by simple things she put on her profile.

yxalitis Established Member

yxalitis

Posted
Posted
You guys can't be serious.

 

I have a dog, I have pictures of my dog in my profile. If the man messaging me Is not to my licking, I WILL NOT REPLY even if he is the biggest dog lover out there.

What if he worked on his licking?

Really tried hard to make it better?

 

 

OK, more seriously...

 

 

Gaeta...how often DO you "like" their profile enough to go out with them?

catlady11 Established Member

catlady11

Posted
Posted

Never heard of Oasis before. Is it a decent site?

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