jyorks Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I had been talking to girl for a while, a few weeks. I hadn't really been that interested in dating for while, I had other things going on in my life so it got put on the back burner. Anyway started talking to this girl, she seemed nice but can't say I was pursuing it that much. But we kept talking and over the course of a few weeks she became really keen to meet up. I went with it, and gradually started to get more and more interested in her. A couple of days before our date we were both really looking forward to it. Date day came, and we met up, there was instant attraction and it ended up with us having sex. We then laid in bed chatting for hours about all sorts. I really wasn't expecting that to happen, and wasn't expecting to get on so well. I left thinking 'actually I quite liked this girl'. We had mutual interests, we chatted for hours very easily, and we were very comfortable with each other. I was keen not to mess it up, so I sent her message thanking her for the night and that we should do it again. She seemed really keen and said she was happy I text because she was worried I might just ditch her. So we continued talking for a few days and it was all going well. I wasn't coming on too strong, but had upped the interest since the first date, trying to show her I would like to see her again, but I'm not going to get clingy at the same time. She was saying things that were unnecessary if she was just being nice, like 'I'm excited to see you again'. Anyway, she had a busy couple of days, I had to an extremely short notice trip to Europe for a work problem, ie, got told at 3, and was leaving for Europe at 3.30 so we didn't talk much for a couple of days. Anyway I get back and think 'right I will get this second date organised, its been a week since the first, seems like good timing'. So I ask her if shes free, and she says she will check the work rota for the coming week the next day, I said 'cool, let me know because I would really like to take you out, if your up for it?' The next day rolls around, and nothing from her at all. Do I just forget it and move on, give it a couple of days and try again or what? And why is it the moment I start to think, I could quite like this girl, it goes wrong? I have made mistakes in the past at that point, got too intense, played it too cool and and thought I had it perfected this time, but it still seems like the kiss of death that if I like someone that's it ... Gets a little bit disheartening to start to get excited, then for it to fall flat on its face Any advice much appreciated
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 You shouldn't have said "if you're up for it". Other than that balls in her court. You already banged her. So let the chips fall where they may. I'd give it a few more days. If you don't hear from her you can either write her off or send her a friendly or funny [i send witty meme's sometimes that I know would be of interest to her...for instance, the last girl I dated liked dogs, so I sent meme's with dogs, she would melt] message but nothing about meeting up. 1
casey.lives Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Gets a little bit disheartening to start to get excited, then for it to fall flat on its face
kismetkismet Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I wouldn't write it off just yet. It's only been a day! I'd say give it a couple of days and if you don't hear anything message her again, see how she's doing. Something could have come up for her so it's good to just assert your interest clearly. She could be feeling a little insecure that you just slept together and then you left town - obviously that's not your fault, but she may be wondering if it has something to do with her/getting space. 1
cessna Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 As a man you'll be constantly treading on ice with women. The slightest thing is enough for a woman to lose interest. One text too many, a slightly badly worded message or the slightest imperfection on a date seems to be enough for a woman to vanish into oblivion. Do what I did, give up with women and enjoy the other things in life mate. They're really not worth it. 1
lino Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 They lose interest because they meet another guy they perceive to be better. Then once they become a notch on his belt they coming here screaming 'there are no good men left aaaargh!!' 2
HereNorThere Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Most of the time women have these unrealistic fantasies of their ideal mate. Like the previous poster said, one little thing can easily knock them out the fantasy and paint you black. Don't try to make sense of them because they don't make sense. Just accept that they are they way they are. It's like the lottery, you gotta play to win. Honestly, if you shagged her rotten and got out without having to do any heavy lifting, just be grateful. 1
spiderowl Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) I agree, saying 'up for it' is not a good phrase in this context, it implies you are a guy looking for a bit of fun not a relationship. You two were out of contact for two or more days and yet had slept together. I don't know who let the contact lapse but if you want a relationship with a woman, keep in touch. Guys that only get in touch when they have time for a date or fancy sex or sex chat are not usually relationship material. They are not interested in the girl as a person only in the availability of her body. She was keen initially and it seems you were less enthusiastic so it took a while to meet? If that was the case and you didn't find much time to keep in touch after having sex, she may well have concluded you are not that interested in her. If you are interested in a relationship with a woman, keep in touch regularly without being stalkerish. Gaps of more than 24 hours are usually not acceptable. If a guy did not contact for two days, I would likely drop him. Edited August 25, 2015 by spiderowl 1
kismetkismet Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 alright let's not all be pieces of **** now. She went on one date with the guy, she doesn't owe him anything, that doesn't mean she's going to go off and be a notch on anyone's belt.. "shagging her rotten"... no wonder you're all so bitter about relationships haha, you either have no self confidence or you have childish reactions to rejection - qualities that are not at all attractive to women. The girl has not responded for ONE day. And even if she did meet someone else after one date, that shouldn't be a mark against her character, or against OP's. Sometimes things just shift and change, sometimes people are busy, sometimes exes appear out of nowhere. Don't take it personally, she barely knows you, you barely know her. 2
joseb Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 OP dont add thinks like "if you are up for it" to texts. I actually read that as you half expecting her to say no, but as someone else suggested, it could also be construed as you hinting at sex. Anyway, why not give her a call and ask her out? 2
Lady2163 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I'm a different generation and a different country than you, OP. But what I would like if I had had a really good bedroom romp and connection with a man if for them to call me with something specific. "Would you like to go rent some jet skis on Saturday and spend the day on the lake?" That's something specific that is on my bucket list. I'd also like to learn how to kayak. These are things I mention early in meeting someone. If she gave you any insight into her likes or "bucket list", lead with that and what you can afford! Good luck! 3
Author jyorks Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 Thanks all for the replies! Well I got a snapchat off her today of her driving going across to see her friends at university for a couple of days. She has sent it to me directly, so shes obviously still aware I exist! maybe explains why she didnt reply because she didnt want to say she was busy, although that would be politer than not replying? But she mentioned she was going across at some point so I was aware of it. Anyway, I'm just going to leave her today, let her enjoy seeing her friends. We had a conversation after I got back from Europe, and I sent a photo of this really idyllic spot I found (I live in the Lake District, so not hard). And she said it looked really nice and she wanted to know where it was, and I mentioned I would take her sometime. So tomorrow I'm just going to message her and say 'Hey, when your back, are you free one evening? Would like to take you to that place by the lake I showed you, you would love it, then go get a drink or bite to eat after. Let me know' Its direct, so doesnt leave any chances for half answers. It's a clear idea, me taking charge of the plan, which girls really like(?), she just has to turn up and enjoy herself, and it refers to something she directly said she would like to do. And its a bit different than just going straight for something to eat as well, involves a bit of exploring and showing her something new. I mean, to me at least, that sounds like a great idea for a second date, what do you think? Then if she doesnt respond/skims round it, I've got my answer! Thanks guys 3
GemmaUK Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Yes, that sounds like a good plan - if she is able to get there? How far away do you live from each other?
kismetkismet Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 That sounds like a great plan. No beating around the bush, going out of your way to set up and plan a nice date.. very clear! I would definitely be pretty pleased with that if I were her haha.
Author jyorks Posted August 25, 2015 Author Posted August 25, 2015 Yes, that sounds like a good plan - if she is able to get there? How far away do you live from each other? Well she lives about 10 miles away, and the place I would take her is about 10 miles past her house, so I would pick her up and drop her off. So she literally just has to have free time, I will take care of the rest
HereNorThere Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I'll be the voice of dissent here - Dude, that sounds like a horrible plan. You need to lay back and let her come to you. You need to let her wonder a little a bit. She's already given you the cold shoulder and that means she's testing you. She wants to see if you're a man with options or some lonely loser sitting around waiting for her return. It's up to you, but personally, I think you're obsessing and coming on too strong. Let it go, man. To get a girl, you have to be willing to lose a girl. Trust me, if she's into you, you won't have to make any plans with her. She'll be bugging you to make plans, especially if you guys have already been intimate. You're giving her too much power and it's going to blow up in your face soon. Watch. 1
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