Liono84 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) Yup, I too, begged and pleaded like a fool!! I did everything possible to try help salvage the breakup when we met face to face at a near-bye bar at night. I didn't cry, however, but I said several times why it didn't have to end this way and gave possible solutions. After about an hour or so, we said our goodbyes, hugged and kissed. An hour or two later, while I was sitting at home, I did something even more stupid!!! I called her. She didn't pick up and like a fool, I wrote her a long winded text message saying how I couldn't just let her walk away like this.... In fairness, I was completely blindsided by the breakup and never saw it coming so I was going through complete shock and denial. My emotions were all over the place and I was at my weakest point. She responded back by saying even though she still had strong feelings from me, this couldn't work due to the distance aspect. (We were in a LDR for about 10 months). I then responded by saying if she ever had second doubts to please reach out to me. (Ughhhh, I want to slap myself every time I think of why I wrote that). Looking back, I cringe at what I did so soooo much!!!!!! I have been in NC since that dreaded day of our breakup and will continue to do so without a problem. Although everything she said did make sense, in the end, looking back I've come to the realization that if someone really loves you, they wouldn't just let you walk away, especially when both of you have made plans for the future together to relocate. So, yes, even though I made myself look much worse by pleading and not letting go, at least it all happened during that day of the breakup and not days, weeks or months later. Edited August 25, 2015 by Liono84 2
Gus Grimly Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Part of Freud and Jung's legacy, is the idea that most mental and emotional pain is caused by resistance and conflict. Begging and pleading in this context qualifies as both. It's a pain generator par excellence. Yes, I see. It's such simple logic that has enormous practicality. I only wish this epiphany didn't come to me so late in the day. Oh well, you live and you learn. If I could do it over I would use these new tools to find alternate ways of coping instead of returning to the very source that caused my grief in the first place. 2
Gus Grimly Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Looking back, I cringe at what I did so soooo much!!!!!! I don't cringe at what I said, because everything I told my Ex came straight from the heart, fully. I meant everything. The only regret I have is that she didn't deserve it. 5
YellowPetal Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Thankfully, I did not beg/plead. We talked for two hours, during which my ex cried uncontrollably. Actually, I tried to console HIM and make HIM feel better. He lied to me, saying he wasn't sure about thee decision and how he loved me, and wanted to be my friend. I actually agreed to be his friend because I felt sorry for him. Soon after, I found out he cheated on me repeatedly in our own bed, and brought her to the house even after we broke up.... while he was telling me he loved me and was unsure about the break-up. Now I wish I threw him out of the house right away instead of letting him stay while looking for another place. I sacrificed my own needs because I thought I owed him respect and consideration. 2
aloneinaz Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I was dumped once, from my last ex. It had been an off/on toxic, dysfunctional relationship for over a year plus. Several fights, mild break ups and then her BPD kicked in one night and she started a fight. I asked "what do you want to do" and she replied "I'm done". I asked if she was sure, because I wasn't coming back, ever. She said she was. I left, told her I get my stuff the next day which I did and VANISHED from her life. Blocked her on everything. Deleted all texts, emails, pictures. Cleansed my place of her while pitching any thing that she gave me. She never heard from me again. I moved on, started dating again when I had my feet under me and met my now 2 year GF a few months after she ended us. Fast forward 5-6 months later and the ex started trying to reach me. I ignored her. Finally, she send a long apology email, missed me, wanted me back, blah, blah.. Yea, not happening. I already bought that ground w/her. 5
FancyFace Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 What I did went beyond begging and pleading. I was literally grovelling and on my knees imploring him to give us another chance. Obviously in hindsight, that was not a good move at all LOL but in the moment I was trying to do anything and everything to save the relationship and stop my heart from breaking. A part of me regrets that I let my own emotions drive me to the brink of insanity where I wasnt making proper decisions but hey, you live and you learn. Going forward, if another breakup comes my way, no matter who the person is or what is going on, I will be able to take the knock to the chin like a champ and know that at the end of the day, I will be just fine. 2
Itspointless Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) Back then I haven't begged, but I tried to talk about possibilities as her change was freaking weird. Never date someone with medical issues and stress: incident stress can make people flee and dissociate. There was nothing left to conscience to plead for. Edited August 25, 2015 by Itspointless 2
Satu Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 What I did went beyond begging and pleading. I was literally grovelling and on my knees imploring him to give us another chance. Obviously in hindsight, that was not a good move at all LOL but in the moment I was trying to do anything and everything to save the relationship and stop my heart from breaking. A part of me regrets that I let my own emotions drive me to the brink of insanity where I wasnt making proper decisions but hey, you live and you learn. Going forward, if another breakup comes my way, no matter who the person is or what is going on, I will be able to take the knock to the chin like a champ and know that at the end of the day, I will be just fine. No matter what we did, we are here now, wiser and with more understanding of ourselves. That's the silver lining. I'm thankful for it. 2
lop98 Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I didn't really beg but it sure felt like it!, in the span of one month I asked for an explanation, then demanded one, then asked nicely, then demanded one again, finally did the typical "announcement" of I Am Leaving... and went for a second one a couple weeks later, reminding him he should reconsider what he was letting go. Even though I am very proud of my strict one year of NC and what happened later, that was by far the most embarrassing part of it all and very hard to forgive myself and to forget looking and feeling like a downgraded moron, especially towards someone that did not deserve a minute of my time let alone the spectacle of me at my most pathetic, ever. I always carried myself with dignity so... that was a one in a lifetime performance (hopefully), only wished I had selected a better audience ... it's all past now anyway, and I learned from the experience, even if you're bleeding, reach out for the paramedics, never for the dumba*s that's dumping you over mommy or commitment issues. You grab all the pain, tuck it in, press eject, and walk out of it like a boss, you will heal...privately, and eventually. 1
Xiomn Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I constantly messaged my ex with lots of 'please' and trying to persuade her to try and fix things on the day of the breakup. She didn't want to try and make it work at all when it was completely workable. Pathetic. I found out why she didn't want to work it out, her reasoning was BS, she lied to me about everything before and during the break up. Pathetic. She broke up with me over text, pathetic. But in the end I was pathetic too for my constant pleading for her to try and make it work between us. I sent constant texts and letters to her over several weeks after the breakup. We met up at one point as "friends" but when we did meet up I ended up proposing to her with a ring and everything. That was the last time I saw her face to face, but I imagine i'll see her again at some point since we go to the same university and the next academic year will be starting in the next few weeks. Do I regret begging/pleading for her to try and make things work/going to the ultimate extent of proposing to her? Maybe, but I'm also very much glad I did in the end because it showed I cared for her and loved her and was willing to fight for her and to make it work between us.. If I had just walked away without putting up a fight I would have NEVER been able to forgive myself. And that's exactly what I told her in my last letter.
Xiomn Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Looking back on the break up that happened on Saturday, begging for another chance because I truly felt as if the whole thing could have been worked on, the whole thing was out of the blue and something that I didn't even see coming. Just looking back, I feel ashamed of myself begging, pleading or just asking for another chance because I never actually begged like that before for anyone. I even tried calling him later during the day and night to no avail. I just can't believe I just did that for the first in my life. Mine was the same mate, out of the blue and I begged and pleaded to try and get her to make things work between us since it was completely workable. I'm glad I tried all the best I could have done to try and fight for her and persuade her to make it work between us because it showed how much I cared for her and loved her and was willing to fight for her instead of walking away like she meant nothing to me. Don't you feel like you would of regretted it had you not tried?
Oregon_Dude Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 I cared for her and loved her and was willing to fight for her and to make it work between us.. If I had just walked away without putting up a fight I would have NEVER been able to forgive myself.Maybe I am a giant a**hole, but I'm never going to "fight" for someone to stay with me. You want out? There's the door. I love you, but if you're not in it anymore, show yourself out. I have value and am not an option. Don't get me wrong, I make it clear that I don't want the r/s to end, but I'm not going to waste my time and emotion telling you why you should stay with me. 4
aloneinaz Posted August 25, 2015 Posted August 25, 2015 Maybe I am a giant a**hole, but I'm never going to "fight" for someone to stay with me. You want out? There's the door. I love you, but if you're not in it anymore, show yourself out. I have value and am not an option. Don't get me wrong, I make it clear that I don't want the r/s to end, but I'm not going to waste my time and emotion telling you why you should stay with me. Amen brother! I remember being so calm when this last ex said to me "I'm done" after a fight she picked. I asked her if she was sure, because I wouldn't ever come back. She said "yup". I got my things the next day and she NNEEVVEERRR heard from me again. When someone basically tells you "I don't want you in my life anymore", you have to give it to them. To this day I'm so proud that despite how much I hurt that first month N/C, that I had the pride and self esteem to say F-that bitch, and moved on. NO ONE on this planet is worth begging for... EVER... ! 3
Atlas2036 Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Yep, I spent a month and a half begging and pleading. I sent her long text explaining how special we were every night, I got her gifts that I thought she would love, I tried everything. Big mistake and I regret it, a month later I'm going NC and just focusing on myself.
drseuss Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 The first time I broke with my ex it was a bit of a shock and I just told her I didnt want to loose her and I would never give up on her , as I left I shed a little tear and it upset her , she called me that night to see if I was ok , 1 week later she was back at my house and we were back together ,guilt perhaps ? Who knows 6 months later we broke again , this was 6 weeks ago ,I knew it was coming and was fully prepared for it , I just stayed cool told her it was ok , that I wanted her to do this so she can sort her self out and decide what she really was in her life ,that my door is open to her but I didn't want to hear from her unless it was to try and make it work , and I left on the note of ,I hope I do hear from you ..... no contact since that day 6 weeks ago ,apart from bumping in to her friend twice and we spoke about stuff which I exspect she told my ex ,kinda wish in didn't say anything .
Author QueenDeath Posted August 29, 2015 Author Posted August 29, 2015 Maybe I am a giant a**hole, but I'm never going to "fight" for someone to stay with me. You want out? There's the door. I love you, but if you're not in it anymore, show yourself out. I have value and am not an option. Don't get me wrong, I make it clear that I don't want the r/s to end, but I'm not going to waste my time and emotion telling you why you should stay with me. Damn, this so much. Even though I'm here like "screw him" I still love him, have these feelings for him, I just knew everything could have been worked on. It takes two tango, two to make it work, one person to dip and jump ship.
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