tqb347 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 I'll try to keep my story brief. I'm 25 and have dated a ton of girls in my life. I've been known to be a serial dater, but it's usually because by the 2nd date I know if I want to pursue something with the girl. I'm not gonna waste our time if I don't. With that of course, I've had many heartbreaks. I also have a history of nice guy syndrome. Flash forward. I met a girl online in June and we went on a date and I knew right away she was different. Over the course of June she became increasingly "into" me. She was constantly blowing up my phone, trying to hang out, telling her friends about me, etc. I of course really liked her too. I was going on my family vacation at the end of June. The day night before I left I stayed at her place. She was all over me, telling me how much she liked me and kept saying things like "I can't believe you're single." She talked about wanting to meet my family and friends. She even purposefully gave me a bunch of hickies and said she's marking her territory to keep other girls away from me when i'm on vacation. So she was clearly into me. On my trip. She would text me, but I would begin hearing less of her over the course of the week. I didn't think much of it as she worked two jobs. But since I had free time and she was clearly on my mind, I too kept trying to reach out to her. I tried to make plans for the day after I returned and she basically said maybe. I returned home from my trip and she wouldn't really respond to my texts so that date never happened. I kept messaging her trying to set something up over the next 2 weeks but barely heard from her. I of course knew this was a red flag but I tried being positive. I eventually got these texts from her (I'll just copy and paste our conversation) HER:Hey so I'm not sure now is a good time for me to be seeing anyone. Between working 2 jobs full time and starting school up I really need to focus on my work and you deserve someone who can give you more attention than that Me:It's a great time to But no seriously, if that's the only reason- I'm cool with you being super busy. (Didn't you say you would be working less hours during school year?) If we like each other we can make it work. Wouldn't it be worth it in the long run? HER: Yea but only a few less hours so I physically have time in the day for everything The long run is very long. You deserve better than that Me:If you just feel bad that you're busy and worried things may not work because of that then we could just take things in baby steps and see what happens. I think it's stupid to throw away all possibilities because of being busy. Business comes and goes in life. When there's a will there's a way. However if you just aren't interested anymore then I don't want to bug you. But if that's not the case, I'll be blunt. I think you're worth putting the effort in and trying. Things have been going great between us. We can deal with the crazy schedules together. And we can also dance like its 1769. HER: Look you're great but I just don't think we totally clicked. I don't want to lead you on. Me: I see. Sorry you feel that way. Though I'm curious, did I do or say something particular? HER:No, we just weren't quite compatable. Me:It's cool HER: you're a really nice guy tom, I'm just looking for a little more adventure Me: Then why didn't you just say that hahah I'm totally adventurous 8) HER:I mean it's not just that. It just wasn't quite the spark I wanted ME: I'm just honestly a little confused because you seemed really into it so idk what changed, unless I suck at reading people HER:To be 100% honest? Me: Well all I've ever asked for is honesty and communication HER:I thought you and I had a great time. But then I met someone that I clicked with like I've never clicked with anyone before. It feels like I've known him for a life time. He feels the same way about me and asked me to be his girlfriend a few days ago. Me :Ouch . Best of luck to you and your life HER: I'm sorry. I didn't wanna hurt your feelings Me (later in the day when i cooled down some): It's cool I understand. Sorry about my comment earlier. It was rude and dramatic. I was caught off guard. Maybe we'll be able to see each other again someday HER: No worries. Maybe How can she be so into me, then just do a 180? She must still have feelings right? At first I blamed her and was basically like WTF but i've come to realize that it was could have been more my fault than hers. Because looking back, I showed low confidence, and weakness... worst of all, giving her doubts about us (not to mention turned into the nice guy). I of course didn't do this consciously or on purpose... And i don't think she even realized that either but... That's the deal. That was 2 months ago and I can't really get her off my mind. I've been NC since.. She looks at the snapchats that i post, if that means anything. I got back on the horse quickly and have going on dates with others. To my knowledge she's still seeing that guy. But I can't shake this girl off my mind, after dating countless girls in my past I really felt like I found one that i wanted to pursue something meaningful with and it was mutual.. I just somehow let it slip by. But maybe i'm over analyzing. Okay that's my rant. Do you think there's a way to "get her back" or what should I do? etc. Thanks for all your time.
introverted1 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Don't think there is anything you can (or should) do here except move on. 1
popcornpuff Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Sorry, people can just be really fickle when it comes to OLD. It's not necessarily anything that you did wrong. For all we know, she may have found someone else online and just didn't want to tell you. 1
Vintage79 Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Just let her live her life - she told you that she didn't think that you connected that well - you can't really change that view that she has of you now, in particular if you haven't been in contact. Moreover, remember, that she outright chose someone else over you - you were always second (or worse). Not worth the time or effort - just move on. She told you everything you needed to know, is wanting the best for you, and not wanting to lead you on. She was honest, take it at face value - move on and forget about her. If you happen to cross paths down the road and are both single, fine, but don't wait for, or expect, that to happen. You'll be fine - but for the time being likely have serious baggage that you need to get rid of - work on that so you can find someone else amazing that will prioritize you. 1
autumnnight Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 HER:Hey so I'm not sure now is a good time for me to be seeing anyone. Between working 2 jobs full time and starting school up I really need to focus on my work and you deserve someone who can give you more attention than that For future reference, this is where the conversation should have ended. By the end of the real conversation, I was wondering along with her if you might become a stalker. This is something that many many men on forums do not seem to understand. If a girl says "I don't think we are" or "It's not a good time for me to be dating," that is it. She is not interested. She may or may not want to give you a litany of reasons. She probably won't because someone she HAS given reason has pulled her into an endless conversation like the one in the OP. There is no "get her back" because you never had her. This is how dating is. Sometimes you get the girl/guy; more often you don't. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) Nah, just move on. She's someone else's girlfriend now, and was honest that she met someone she felt a better connection with. Nothing else to do there. I've been in that position too. Many years ago, I had gone on a few dates with a guy I liked well enough and was excited about...but a couple weeks later I met another guy I had a much stronger connection with. I, like her, had to tell the first guy it wasn't going to work. The second guy became my long-term boyfriend and there was nothing the first one could've done, really. It wasn't anything personal at all; I just liked the second guy more and we had a better connection. Edited August 24, 2015 by ExpatInItaly 1
Author tqb347 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Posted August 24, 2015 Thanks for all the feedback. I'm just confused because she was so into me and then it was like a complete 180. And since it was when I was away I never really got closure. 1
Satu Posted August 24, 2015 Posted August 24, 2015 Thanks for all the feedback. I'm just confused because she was so into me and then it was like a complete 180. And since it was when I was away I never really got closure. You can't make somebody think what you want them to think. You can't make somebody feel what you want them to feel. Those are laws as valid as any of Newton's. Closure comes from within. Take care.
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